Cake is the Only Thing That Matters

[alanaisalive]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[iguanamouth]

oh shit

[throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight]

[alanaisalive]

As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.

[docd666]

Y'all know what to do Tumblr.

[1988-fiend]

@onbearfeet

[onbearfeet]

COME ON, BEARS!!!!

[quixoticanarchy]

damn people rly hate type 2 diabetics don't they

[quixoticanarchy]

i (type 1 diabetic) was explaining autoimmune diseases to someone and she was like ohh right so yours is the good kind of diabetes where you didn't do it to yourself. to which i objected that's not how type 2 works either. and she said well that's the fat old people disease. and i was like you can't say that, a) not how it works and b) extremely rude. and her defense was her grandparents have type 2 and "did it to themselves" and since they're fat old people she reserves the right to hate on them. i understand hating shitty grandparents but YOU are the shitty one here to hate on them for their medical conditions and weight rather than literally anything else. hello?!

anyway type 2 diabetics i'm sorry about the world. everyone* be kind to type 2s or else

*note to type 1 diabetics especially we need to be better at solidarity and not cling to being the "good ones" at type 2s' expense. what the fuck is a good kind of diabetes anyway

[quixoticanarchy]

also worth saying diabetes is a complex reaction to a not-yet-fully-understood set of factors and environmental pressures and genetics and it's reductive and fatphobic to say fat=diabetes BUT EVEN SO no matter if someone did incontrovertibly "give themself diabetes" that's not a free pass for dehumanization. shut upppp

[ak-nm]

[kitschchris]

a tiny cup ramen shop, deep in the heart of the forest 🍜🍁

[doodleswithangie]

Merry Moonar Yulenear!

[Image Description: Fanart of the Bad Kids from Dimension 20's "Fantasy High: Junior Year" episode 11, exchanging gifts for Yulenear. Alt text provided and copied below the cut. End ID.]

Copied Alt Text

Image one: Adaine pats a pouting Fabian on the shoulder as he plays his pipes of the sewers to summon rats.

Image two: Fabian gives Adaine an ear worm that immediately burrows into her ear and dizzies her.

Image three: High above the ground, Kristen hangs off of her immovable rod as Fig cheers her on from below.

Image four: Riz hugs Kristen and admires his Riddler-styled bracers of defense.

Image five: Gorgug examines his potion of fire giant strength and asks, "Is this legal?" Riz replies, "No!"

Image six: Gorgug sheepishly watches as Fig uses her orangutan mask of beasts to ask the rats to show hole. Fabian shields his eyes.

End Copied Alt Text

[catchymemes]

[mxsentienthouseplant]

Let! Him! Vote!

[hamletthedane]

Things I have learned by joining the local Methodist Church’s coffee & knitting circle (where I am the only person under 60 years old):

How to double knit very, very quickly

Mrs. Jonson on the third pew won’t mind her own business, bless her heart. And she buys her pies pre-made for all the church functions.

Ways that women cheated the system in 1950s Texas to get into college and start careers. Including a memorable “He told me I wouldn’t last a week, but then 6 years later, I had to let him go because his production was way down.” *drinks sip of coffee*

We Might Be Conservative But Gosh Darn That Trump Bless His Heart He Doesn’t Know Anything About God Or Texas

And On That Note, God And Texas Are The Only Good Things Left In The World. Erin Write That Down.

How to rescue a dropped stitch and make it look like it never happened

Public schools and inclusive, desegregated education will single-handedly save the world

Sharing recipes is a sacred bonding and community-building tradition that rivals the greatest political negotiations and land deals in history

“It’s better that you prefer girls honey, the Boyfriend Curse doesn’t apply to your girlfriend and a lovin’ god’ll keep on a-lovin. You better make that girl a sweater.’” 

(Boyfriend Curse = knit a sweater for a boy and he’ll leave you when you finish it)

Mrs. Barbara’s husband cheated in ‘76, resulting in a divorce. She thought it was the end of the world because her youth had already passed, but now she’s an engineer and married to a kind, good man who she met when she went back to college in ‘79.

“The only things you can trust in are God, your good sense, and the wisdom of those older women you grew up admiring. The rest is crap.”

[bbgr8official]

I love this

[theradioghost]

reasons im a wizard

high intelligence, low wisdom

no charisma

no strength

can only perform a limited number of useful actions in a day b4 becoming entirely useless

[left-reminders]

[writing-prompt-s]

Years ago, you promised your firstborn to a witch. Since then, despite your best efforts, you can’t seem to get laid. The witch is starting to get pretty pissed.

[korpuscat]

Y’all get together to discuss your options and she starts coaching you on how to get men because she doesn’t want to waste more magic on you without promise of payment. The more time you guys spend together the more you realize you have a bit of a crush on her. Soon you’re sabotaging your dates on purpose to see her again. 

Long story short you fall in love and get married and do the sperm donor thing AND YOUR FIRSTBORN IS HERS BY DEFAULT and you live happily ever after. The end.

[only-1-a]

Baby cries in the middle of the night

Witch: Ughhhhh. It’s your turn.

You: You bought it. You handle it.

[gwydionmisha]

That is what I call a fairy tale ending.

[reverseracism]

Truth.

[reverseracism]

I saw so many tweets celebrating that no one got arrested during The Women’s Marches and don’t get me wrong, I’m happy no one got physically attacked by the police and I’m ecstatic that no one is sitting in a jail cell…

but there is definitely a reason that crowds of over 2million unhappy people didn’t attract police violence.

[lunoki]

This is relevant to Standing Rock and other Native water protecting movements. During the inauguration the Standing Rock water protectors were again violently assaulted by police. The point is not to shame people who haven’t been assaulted by police, but to acknowledge and be aware that not all protests are treated equally, and its racial motivation is indisputable.

[godisafuckingbeachboy]

smh if you can’t read this fuck w me when yr chakras are aligned

[pkgm]

This sign deserves to be on the front cover of Time magazine. 😳

[morefunthanb4]

[let-it-go-brother]

I can’t stop replaying it

[waitwhatdidtheysay]

[captions]

[Adult beatboxes skillfully at the child]

[Child blows raspberry in response]

[ekjohnston]

This is one of the most delightful things I have seen recently.

[comparingmeerkats]

my mum was telling me that when i was little there was a grasshopper on the car but i didn’t know what grasshoppers were called so i pointed at it and said “look at that handsome man”

[comparingmeerkats]

pt 2: i saw a salamander (which i was terrified of for some reason) and i had a nightmare so i woke my mum up in the middle of the night saying “the salad man is coming” 

[catmeleon-deactivated20160611]

Not to shit on Ben Wyatt, but Padme was queen of Naboo at 14 years old, and she didn’t blow the planet’s budget on a winter sports complex. 

[kareenvorbarra]

#honestly ben wyatt has probably had this exact thought in dark moments (via @seagodofmagic) 

[purplebuddhaproject]

Which do you want: the pain of staying where you are, or the pain of growth?

(via kushandwizdom)