Bill's Bipolar Blog

My name is Bill, I am Bipolar, but I am not medicated. I mainly made this blog to help those like me who needed help coping when they first got of medication, and this is my personal resource to anyone who needs coping advice. This blog, while directed for those trying to cope with Bipolar, is not specifically for them. Really it's my journey through this emotional disorder and how I try to get by, just hoping some people like it. If you want a background to my trip before, after and during my medication, feel free to reference the first post on this blog. Feel free to ask me a question and I'll do my best to get back to you.

[bbipolarb-blog]

Do not do it.

Its been a while since I made a post here, but I'm not regretting it.

Sometimes we get into an era of depression, and with that everything sucks. You just want to break something, but it's not worth it, or harm someone, but don't want to deal with what comes next.

Well I'm there right now.

I really want to start tallying my arm, even though I think it will hurt, even though I know it will scar, even though I've told so many people not to.

I really want to end my life, even though I think it will hurt, even though I know it will scar everyone around me, even though I've told so many people not to.

I know pain is temporary, that scars will heal, that not everyone takes my advice.

But today, I'll take that advice, only because I know it'll pass, and I still have a promise to keep. and I'm not ever going to let them win without taking a few hits first.

So if you are feeling as I am now, do not do it, the pain is temporary, these scars will heal. and you can take this advice.

[bbipolarb-blog]

Why not paint a little?

While painting is an example, drawing, doodling, smudging, anything really, just art. Go for it. Art is a great way to express yourself, and while visual arts are what people think, art can be speaking, writing, rapping, dancing, so much beyond that, it's hard to put it all down in a list. I've whittled before, and it's a great way to pass the time. I whittled a little heart, it was nice. Just do what makes you happy and keeps you busy, and brings your creative side out.

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Movies, great entertainment, but a danger as well?

So I know it's past Halloween, and some people love watching horror movies, but from research and experience Horror movies don't mix well with bipolar. The stress and actions from watching Horror or Action movies can really effect how you feel. Being scared can stress you, or make you paranoid, and Action with all of the  stress and cursing can put you in a negative mood.

Watch and enjoy!

[bbipolarb-blog]

A little music never hurt

Music, it's everybody's escape. People look at me when I listen to songs about feeling unwanted, loneliness, general sadness or anger, and sometimes suicide, but I enjoy it. This music rings to me more than the pumped up, estatic tunes, which are great some times, but not my flavor. I feel like I can relate more to the depressing, and makes me not feel so alone in my thoughts. That is just the effect it has on me, others of you it might make worse, so listen to what makes you feel better! Also, playing a bit never hurt, and it's an enjoyable hobby!

[bbipolarb-blog]

Don't get to worked up over the little things

I know from playing games that people get a little worked up, emotionally invested, and get angry and cocky and happy and sad over something insignificant. Don't get me wrong, I can do the same, but you can't be  walking in expecting to win, nor expecting to lose, but expecting an experience and a memory.

How do we detach ourselves?

That's a good question, and it's sadly hard to explain. I know that I'm pretty decent at chess, but I forget rules, and I get beat often, but I enjoy playing with who I am, and that is my focus. I don't get worked up on losing my queen or taking a rook, I just play the game and have fun. A good way to keep the mood up is to joke around and give the other player compliments, which are usually returned. Keeping a kind attitude is a great way to win, whether you win or lose.

This doesn't just apply for games, but it's the easiest way to explain and portray it. Hope it helped! Have a wonderful day.

[bbipolarb-blog]

Don't feel sad, be... well, sad.

Meant with best intentions. Like what medicine does to an extent, it's unhealthy to bottle everything up. We get all caught up in life and it seems that there is never really a good time to be sad and cry, or to be angry, mostly because those are negative emotions, and no one wants those around, you and I both. So what do we do? We bottle it. Whether we know it or not we do, and there comes a time where we just explode for seemingly no reason when it's overwhelming to us. If I can give a tip for today it's that we need to find somebody to just pour our emotions out on to. 

These people can't be dumped with the job, but almost tested for it. Do you know them? How long have you known them? Do you trust them? Do they make time for you and really listen? If all of the answers seem good for you then they're good for you. My girlfriend is one of three people I don't automatically snuff my emotions out around, and even though I don't understand them just yet, she helps me through it and is patient. She makes me feel stronger and more comfortable with being angry or sad, always finding ways to make me feel better. It's funny, I'm teary-eyed right now and it doesn't make sense, but I'm fine with it, and I hope that you are, or can be okay with it.

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Pick up a hobby

As boring as the word sounds- hobby- it's probably one of the best pieces of advice. Making a blog of how you feel, even if no one reads it at the moment, write in a journal or poetry, draw, color, sing, dance, fence, wrestle, pass a ball or kick it with your feet, make music, decorate, the list goes on and on, just find something that's true to your help and pick it up. Not everything is perfect from the start but we must invest our time.

All things worthwhile are worth a while.

[bbipolarb-blog]

Expectations: Sink or Swim

We have a problem with expectations: they either raise us to do better or leave us in disappointment. this may be very similar to my realistic goals, so bear with me.

Expectations can be great. They personally motivate me to do great things, but it's more so an expectation of how I should go about things. I expect that if I sing very silly in the work place it will be bad, because auto-tune isn't a built in feature to my body, but it will be funny. I expect the possibility my buds might join in. I expect that I would laugh. Most importantly I expect it to fail.

That contradicts a bit, I know, but again, it'll make sense. This is wear disappointment kicks in; there is the chance that something you expect, like silly singing on the job might blow up in your face, no one joins in, or people may get upset. I don't expect them to flip out, but they may not appreciate it, therefore I stop, but it's a chance. I don't win every competition, my words don't always come out right, and there are chances of that, so why should I expect to always win, always speak perfectly, or always expect silly singing?

It's an odd example, but it kind of works... right?

Expect greatness, embrace failure; we must know how to fall before we can truly rise.

[bbipolarb-blog]

Just a little walk.

Taking the time out of your day to go for a walk can go a long way. Any amount of exercising throughout your day can greatly improve how you feel. When you exercise, it releases chemicals in your brain which gives a happy feeling, kind of a reward system your brain does when you do something good for survival, even though going for a walk won't increase your chances of survival in a first wold culture it will still give you the reward and you'll feel better. Doesn't have to be much, but that little something will make a good day great.

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Sleep tight tonight

We all can get a bit cranky when we're tired, but being Bipolar makes it a ton worse it seems. We need to be sure we're not tired all the time, because if we are, we're going to have a bad time.

Being over-tired can really put a strain on your emotions. Mostly making you depressed or irritable, be sure to take naps if you need to and get good night rest, it is a simple thing like most things on this blog, but trust me, this goes so far it's like it's a dream.

[bbipolarb-blog]

Don't push yourself

I need to take my own advice right now, it's 10:30 on a Sunday night as I write so my post can be sent by noon tomorrow. I just had a great day, went apple picking with the one close to my heart, held a ladder while someone painted for a while, baked, talked and had conversations with plenty of emotions, not all good, but good to release. I still need to finish up some last-minute work which I shouldn't have pushed off, and I'm exhausted.

I'm pushing myself a bit, and it's causing stress. I know I shouldn't, it is as it will be, and I got to get it done now. what could I have done?

Well, done a bit of work here and there and committed to it, make plans for what I need to do, rest enough, simple things.

Even though I'm in a bunch of my school's clubs I am sure not to overload myself. I help out where I can, and am generally helping out each one, but I still am sure I can fill my commitments I already made: my school work, my sleep, all of that. At least, I try.

So this time, don't be like me and think it through.

[bbipolarb-blog]

Forgiveness is key

Ever feel sorry for yourself? Ever think you were never going to be forgiven? We all have. The difference is some people learned to forgive.

Now don't take this in any fashion besides advice, but people are really mean. I can be such a horrible person to myself for my mistakes. It's funny how silly they are too, but we need to remember, we're only human, we're not going to get everything right the first time and we're no where near perfect, and that's no reason to stop trying.

"I forgot to get gas on the way here. What if I run out in the middle of the road, I'm such an idiot! What am I going to do?"

My toned-down example of me the other day on my way to school. I was pulling in and was freaking out about how I was almost out of gas. Just furious at myself like I had really done it this time, but I just calmed down, and told myself:

"I'll get to it, it'll be fine, there's a gas station up the road anyway"

Of course, that was after a few minutes of wanting to break the car that was going to break down anyway.

The point is, forgive, and don't be so hard on yourself, or anyone else.

[bbipolarb-blog]

Keep an open mind

We all like to have our secure thoughts, but we're not always right. We get aggravated with the thoughts of how we may be wrong, or how somethings aren't possibly right, but we just have to accept other people's opinions.

Religion, politics, all things that throw people off and can cause problems. People will have different views, and maybe we shouldn't get all worked up to say they're wrong, or defend how we're right, and just try to talk about it rather than point fingers. We all are entitled to our own views, so lets embrace it

[bbipolarb-blog]

Thrive for a happy life.

Who knew! A great way to cope with Bipolar is to be happy? When I read an article about this I thought to myself a specific picture, which had some captions "You Don't Say?" on it, I believe a character from Malcolm in the Middle, but don't hold me to it.

A lot of us aren't truly happy. It's okay to be sad, angry, depressed, and whatever else you'll feel, but remember that alone won't mean your unhappy with your life, even if it seems it in the moment.

I wake every day at 5, take a nice shower, cook a tasty breakfast, and go to school, listening to the radio on the way. I am happy doing that, I had delicious pancakes, feeling good and clean, and listening to music that inspires me. It's simple, but it helps me make a day a good one, even when school makes me angry, I am happy because I started well.

I write poetry, I sing, I play music, I try to give my life goals, to let bad times come and pass, and try to be happy and content every day. It's not easy, but it's the best way to live.

[bbipolarb-blog]

Have realistic goals

We all have goals, but why do we get let down when they don't meet expectations?

Well the problem may be that they aren't realistic goals. If I want to drive around town to visit friends, that's realistic, if I want to drive around and visit friends at 4 a.m., not so much.

Even though that is a bit extreme, more so odd, that is applied to anything. If you want to have your friend skip a class to hang out during school, they may not agree, and they may, but neglecting the possibility of any possibility than what we want is what lets us down. Being disappointed is part of the reason I personally get sad or depressed, so maybe it's the same for you guys, and this will help. 

[bbipolarb-blog]

Hatred is contagious, so is joy.

We all know those people who only seem to exist to make us miserable, and it makes our entire day the same, but did you know we can do the same with compliment.

Just that boy who smiled at you, or that girl with a friendly wave can be enough. If we start positive, it's easier to make a kind environment to thrive in, because it is such a beautiful virus to be kind, and everyone should catch a bit of it. There is nothing greater than a day that wasn't perfect, even pretty poor, but your attitude and mood had made it great.

Personal story; I was showing some freshmen how to fix a faucet quickly and basically, trying to get interest into some potential classmates, and forgot to turn the water off. I opened it up and water went flying, just like a cartoon. When I closed it, I was soaked, the floor was  just as much, and I could have been easily embarrassed, but I looked back, smiled, and waved. My mood and attitude turned an embarrassment into a funny story.

Random acts of kindness, it's a great way to make a day, and the reward of giving is just as great as giving, so go out and give a little bit of joy.

[bbipolarb-blog]

Medication; Why to try and why to shy.

Me and my friend had a few messages about medication, and she helped open my eyes a bit wider to see beyond my bias view on it. I originally made this blog for people who wanted to cope without medicine, but it is a great way to help cope, I hope you enjoy.

Medication, while I am against going full blown to use it to cope, is actually a great thing, and there are so many medicines to help you improve.

What is medicine, you know, besides the fact it makes you feel a bit better? Well it can help you anywhere from cleansing depression to that little extra to keep you where you want to be.

A lot of people have had much luck with medication, and with good health insurance is relatively cheap. It's helped people learn to cope with the worse of their symptoms, though having side effects, it can be made up for.

With my experiences, I haven't had so much luck as others.

Sometimes medication that not just dimmed down my Bipolar but all emotions, which is not what I was told it would do, I was hoping that it would tone it down, not make me numb. There are times where you may have to go try prescription after prescription to get nowhere fast.

There are some medications that have so many side effects, and some that downright outweigh the positive effects of the medicine,

I hope this simple post can help you in your decision on taking a prescription, but be sure to do your homework and consult your doctor!