TEXTING MEME ⟶ WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE TWEETS ( 2012 / part two )
always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.
[ text ] –– there is plenty of cause for alarm, many reasons to panic.
[ text ] –– don’t let the teeth thieves strike.
[ text ] –– geography is a lie, maps are propaganda. oceans and continents are just tools to divide us.
[ text ] –– would you rather grow five fingers from your forehead or have no fingers at all?
[ text ] –– the illuminati issued a public apology today. they declined to say for what.
[ text ] –– ask your doctor if you’re even real.
[ text ] –– can’t sleep? don’t know how? don’t believe in sleep? never heard of it? doesn’t matter, not anymore. not ever again.
[ text ] –– help control the pet population by having your dog or cat digitized and transcoded as an ai twitterbot.
[ text ] –– it’s a good thing we’re unconscious when we sleep.
[ text ] –– follow your heart. you’ll need it.
[ text ] –– look, don’t blame the moon. blame those that put it there.
[ text ] –– let the stars remind you how small you are.
[ text ] –– the average person befriends 8 insects a year.
[ text ] –– paint a picture. it’ll take longer.
[ text ] –– haha wtf is water?? all wet and clear but also blue lol crazy stuff man.
[ text ] –– your existence is not impossible, but it’s also not very likely.
[ text ] –– fight crime with pistols and/or telekinesis and/or fire.
[ text ] –– you’ve been gone for so long you think this is your real life.
[ text ] –– the ghosts aren’t going away until you give them what they want.
[ text ] –– when a person dies and no one will miss them, the mourning is assigned to a random human. this is why you sometimes just feel sad.
[ text ] –– please calm down. to be clear, there’s absolutely no reason why you should calm down, but please do it anyway.
[ text ] –– if you’re afraid of flying, consider this: you’re currently flying on a big melty rock with no exits and its safety record isn’t great.
[ text ] –– it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and let the spiders escape.
[ text ] –– the future is what you make it, just know your supplies are limited.
[ text ] –– cooking tip: blood.
[ text ] –– did you fall from heaven? ‘cause you’re still buzzing, you smell like rust and potatoes, and radiation levels are spiking.
[ text ] –– medical breakthrough allows surgeons to remove organs without blades, anesthesia, patient consent, or reason.
[ text ] –– confused? not sure what life means? irrational undirected hate can help.
[ text ] –– insomnia? try a glass of warm milk, deep breaths, and leaving your life to join the religiously-unaffiliated zealots out behind the big lots.
[ text ] –– ouija boards are twitter for ghosts.
[ text ] –– they created mathematics to keep us from knowing what the numbers really mean.
[ text ] –– pain is just pain entering the body.
[ text ] –– stop letting physics and immutable laws of nature hold you back. you can do whatever you set your mind to.
[ text ] –– wolves were invented when artists learned how to draw them.
[ text ] –– tip: lower your expectations.
[ text ] –– happy kill your doppelgänger day!
[ text ] –– ‘go big or go home’ so I chose the former and never left.
[ text ] –– structurally speaking, laughing and crying are nearly identical, which makes it difficult to know which one to do in certain moments.
[ text ] –– all the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players, being watched by a silent, faceless audience, and we can’t leave the stage.
[ text ] –– some things are real, some are unreal, some are overly real.
[ text ] –– I scream, you scream, we all scream. we just keep screaming. no reason to stop screaming.
[ text ] –– tonight you will be visited by three ghosts. they’re all from the civil war era and want to know how iPads work. I gave them your name.
[ text ] –– shoutout to all the spiders hiding in dresser drawers.
[ text ] –– be the change purse full of blood and teeth that you want to see in the world.
[ text ] –– before you go gloating that the world didn’t end, just ask yourself: are you sure?
[ text ] –– ask your doctor if living decomposition is right for you.
[ text ] –– am I even me or am I just the sum of the microbes that live in me?
[ text ] –– ask your doctor if unlocking the memory of your death is right for you.
[ text ] –– it’s a dog eat dog world. it’s a cat eat map world. it’s a tarantula eat doritos world. it’s a goose eat staples world.
[ text ] –– no farm no howl.
[ text ] –– soon it will be 2013, after that 2014. after that the eternal wallowing, and then 2053.
[ text ] –– ask your doctor if the moon is causing all this.
[ text ] –– hail satan, rain demon.
[ text ] –– there’s no proof you exist, only evidence.
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