Because Jess Said So

Opinions are free...and my own...   and there's plenty of 'em.

[becausejesssaidso]

It never fails...

Imagine me walking into a room filled with 100 people. Of those 100 people, 99 of them are incredible human beings. The 1 remaining person, out of those 100 people, is an asshole. So, while there's a 99% chance that I'll end up next to an amazing person, it never fails that I manage to "win" with my 1% odds and get stuck next to the only asshole...every...single...time.

Last year, around this time, I went to a concert at The Hamilton. We were seeing Tristan Prettyman. "Who?," you might ask. Well, that's my point, she's not a super mainstream singer, so if you're there to see her, you likely went because you know her music. So, we sat down at a table (it's a dinner theater type setup) and these women sat next to us...and they talked...the entire opening act.

A few months ago, I went to see Divergent at a movie theater full of teenagers. I purposely sat next to two moms and their kids thinking that I'd have better luck not wanting to punch the people sitting next to me in the face. Who were the rudest people in the movie theater? The moms. They talked loudly throughout the movie, until finally, my friend leaned over and told them to shut up.

It always seems to be "adults these days" and not the kids...which brings me to tonight's story...

Tonight, I saw a show at the Kennedy Center in the Eisenhower Theater. The theater seats 1,161 people. So, who do I end up sitting next to in the 1,100+ person venue? The assholes.

The assholes in this particular scenario were a man and a woman, both dressed in jeans...

a total tip off from the moment they sat down- no one who wears jeans to the Kennedy Center should be granted access to their show. (I am offended- this is the Kennedy Center, show some respect.)...

...probably in their early 30s, which struck me as odd since most of the audience was in their middle to later years of life...but hey, I was there, so benefit of the doubt.  

Bad choice.

Things started off fine. The director thanked the old lady who literally donated money to make the entire show happen (a concert version of Children of Eden).

I need a moment to sidebar about this: She funded the whole thing. Apparently, she loves the show, so she just decided to do a concert version of it with lots of well known Broadway actors / actresses. You know, because that's what old, rich, white ladies do- toss millions of dollars at the Kennedy Center for a 1 night concert performance of a show they love for themselves and 1,060 of their closest friends. Oh, and Stephen Schwartz was in attendance- OBVI. Ok, rant on that topic over...back to the point of this story...

The woman sat directly next to me and proceeded to text through the majority of the first act. Despite my constant death stares and huffing, she kept doing it. Why can't people take a hint? I'm a great passive aggressive hinter when it comes to strangers, but I have zero balls to lean over and tell them to cut it out. I didn't think it could get much worse, till she decided to use the flashlight feature on her phone to check where they were in the program. The flashlight feature. She used a flashlight...in the middle of a show...at the Kennedy Center.

I can't.

Act I ends, intermission happens, and we all return to our seats. The good news is that texting lady has switched seats with the man she was with. So, now, I'm stuck next to the guy. I think I'm happier with this choice, until we sit down...and...let's just say he was really encroaching on my personal space. Thankfully, no one was to my left or I would've been a sardine. Whatever though, I can get over it, at least there's no texting...

...yeah, no. That was wishful thinking. Well, to be fair, minus his inability to stay within his own bubble, the guy started out on a better note than his lady friend. About 2/3 of the way into the second act though, the lady friend said something to my new space invading friend. He fumbled around (and into my personal space a bit more), ultimately pulling out keys and a wallet. He reached into the wallet and removed some cash. She then proceeeded to get up and leave. She left. In the middle of the show. For good. People, this is real life.

She seemed to leave in a huff (I had thought I overheard her talking about the length of the show at intermission). This seemed to concern my new pal in the seat next to me. SO, what did he do next? He started texting her. Clearly, we gotta come full circle here.

And that my friends, was my trip to the theater. People are assholes...not everyone...but those who are seem to gravitate towards me.  For now, I'll just have to hope next time that I end up sitting next to someone who falls within the 99% of non-asshole people.

[whitepaperquotes]

(x)

[becausejesssaidso]

Amen.

[becausejesssaidso]

I have an emergency...a friend just texted me this screenshot and I think I'm dying from gagging.  I considered calling an ambulance, but I figured this was a more appropriate use of my time.

[becausejesssaidso]

It's all about me...and that's ok.

I'm taking another break from snarky to bring you something to ponder. I promise though, the snarkiness still lives within me, and I have no doubt that she'll be back again soon.  With that...

Life is short, it doesn't make sense for you to be doing anything or being around anyone who doesn't make you happy.

A few weeks ago, I turned 30.  I've spent a lot of time thinking how much I've grown and changed.  The older I get, the harder I try to focus on what makes me happy and the easier it becomes to not worry as much about what others think about my decisions.  I'll never not care at all, but I've slowly started to shift my focus from what others think to what matters to me.  Thinking back, the biggest part of this evolution has probably occurred in the past 5 years.  My best friend recently told me that she has noticed a significant shift in the past few years, she feels like I've really grown a lot as a person.  It meant a lot to me to hear her say that because I've felt it, but I wasn't sure anyone else had noticed.  While I don't care what everyone thinks, I do care about a very few select people's opinions, hers being one of them.

Thought Catalog published an article today called "19 Things That Everyone Deserves", and while I couldn't have put it better myself, a lot of these things are things I've already been consciously (and in some cases subconsciously) working on over the past few years.  A few stuck out in my mind as particularly important:

2. Cleansing yourself of the people who make you feel badly about yourself, and not feeling as though you owe anyone your time if they are only going to waste it or make you feel like you have wasted it yourself.

I have my share of amazing friends, but I've also had my share of not so great friends.  I've known people whose mission was to tear me down, and for a while, I let them get the best of me.  As my high school religion teacher regularly reminded me, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".  I've stopped giving the negative people in my life power over me.  They still get to me from time to time, but after my initial frustration and overreaction, it's been easier to breathe and let it go.  The freedom it brings and the weight lifted off my shoulders is virtually impossible to put into words.

3. Saying “no” to a social outing when you just don’t feel up to seeing people, or you are feeling sick, or you are having a hard time of late.

I never used to be able to say "no" to social gatherings. I would feel a sense of obligation to say "yes" unless I had a valid excuse.  Now my excuse is "I just don't want to" and I'm ok with it, and you know what, surprisingly most other people are ok with it too.  It's ok that I don't want to drive 40 minutes in traffic downtown on a Saturday night to sit in a bar and talk to the same people I would've talked to we had just gone to someone's house.  It's ok if you don't want to either...all that I ask is that you just say it instead of making up an excuse.  Excuses are weak and I don't appreciate them.

4. Receiving care and understanding when we are going through a difficult moment of mental health, or are dealing with a loss or disappointment that prevents us from being happy about other things in our lives, even if we “should be.”

Definitely on the list of things I'm working on. I don't know that I'll ever master it though, I'm definitely not someone who likes to ask for help, even though I'm often one who offers it.

7. Being treated with as much respect as you give someone else. If said respect is not being reciprocated, you cannot allow yourself to think that it means you aren’t worthy of it. You are absolutely worthy of getting what you give, and you will find someone who provides it.

Sometimes I allow others to get away with things they shouldn't be allowed to get away with, but in my mind, I do it for my own sanity. 

10. Treating your own problems the way you see fit to — whether that entails medication, time alone, or a change of scenery — and taking all of the time you need to figure out something difficult in your life.

I go to the beach...a lot.  I've had friends tell me that it's selfish of me to skip several weekends in the summer to head out to the beach alone.  What they sometimes fail to understand is that I need to get away from the insanity of day-to-day life and just be alone with my own thoughts.  I have never, and will never, apologize for it.

18. Having the option to have a family or to not have one, and to not be scorned for that choice one way or the other, even if you are a woman and you have a path that you are “supposed” to follow.

I could write an entire entry on this, and perhaps, one day, I will.  

[becausejesssaidso]

The Boston Marathon: A True Story of My Personal Heroes

I've read a lot of beautiful things tonight.  My social media newsfeeds are clogged with thoughts and prayers.  There are countless articles and posts about the resilience of the human spirit and about the way our country comes together in the face of tragedy.  Pieces that bring us hope and remind us that no matter how tough life gets, it can always be tougher.  

As I read about the marathon runners who kept running past the finish line to the local hospital to donate blood, I felt a renewed faith in humanity.  In times of tragedy, people never cease to amaze me.

Among the many items in my newsfeed this evening, I saw this clip from The West Wing: 

Watching it gave me chills.  It's as if this speech was penned for today's events in particular.  Aaron Sorkin wrote it best when he said:

"The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels, and every time we think we think we've measured our capacity to meet a challenge, we look up, and we're reminded that that capacity may well be limitless. This is a time for American heroes."

Tonight, I dedicate this post to all my personal heroes, but in particular, to Nina and Allison.  Both of them ran the Boston Marathon today- Nina for the third time and Allison for the first.  Thankfully, both of them are safe.  Though I have no doubt it will be difficult, I hope they think back on today and remember it as a great life accomplishment because if they focus on the terrible tragedy of it all, the people who tried to ruin their happiness and successes really do achieve what they set out to do. Congrats on making it to the finish line, ladies.  Love you both.

Thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their family and friends, as well as all those affected by this tragedy.

[becausejesssaidso]

The next big thing because we're kind of a big deal..

What? Don't you take work breaks to participate in popular internet memes? If this isn't normal, I definitely don't want to be normal.

[becausejesssaidso]

My Morning Routine Says A Lot About Me (Probably Mostly That I Am Crazy)

Every weekday is basically the same for me:

Alarm goes off at 6:47am (yes, my alarm always goes off at a time ending in a 7...I'm a freak...more on that in a second...)

Hit "Snooze" button and hope to God there's a magical "stay home today button" that I can also hit

Alarm goes off at 6:57am (yup, again with the 7s)

Shower

Turn on tv and watch whatever tv show I'm re-watching on DVD (currently re-watching Gilmore Girls- seriously awesome)

Apply makeup (you're welcome, universe)

Blow dry hair

Straighten hair (my hair is naturally curly- a blessing and a curse)

Get dressed in basically the same outfit I've worn all week (ugh, hurry up, summer- I'm sick of wearing pants)

Get in car

Drive to metro

Park in lot (or usually the garage because I'm running 15 minutes behind schedule)

Tell the Express guy to "have a good day" as I grab a copy of the paper

Head through the metro "gates" and swipe my SmartTrip

Walk down escalator (since it's usually broken)

Stand and wait for train

Ok, I'm going to stop here.  At this point, I've described what happens every single weekday morning.  The only thing that really changes in this routine is the time in which I do these things (a lot of which is dependent on the weather and how motivated I am to get up out of bed).

I'm sure you don't particularly care about the details of my morning routine, but I share them to stress the fact it is just that: a routine.  I could basically go through my entire morning with my eyes closed and half asleep (thank god because I am not a morning person).

I assume most people go about their day in a similar way- they have their mornings timed out and a routine in place that works for them. Am I right?

If that's the case, what I do not and cannot understand is why people do not know the exact spot on the metro platform to stand so that the doors open directly in front of them?  

I get that when you go to a metro stop that isn't part of your usual routine, it's a guessing game. However, the people on the metro during rush hour are typically the same people who ride the metro day after day from the same stop as part of their morning routines. So, why don't they know where to stand?  Do they like waiting till the last second to crowd around the door and shove their way on to the train? It just seems so much simpler to me to know where to stand to get on the train first. 

I ask why people don't stand where the doors open to have a better understanding of whether I'm the crazy person for knowing the exact spot or if they're the crazy ones for not paying more attention?  Am I OCD or observant?  Are the other people disinterested or lazy?  It just seems like such a simple detail, and yet I rarely see anyone else who shares my "power" to stand at the right spot.  Either way, I'm fine with it because it means I'll be getting on the train first and getting first dibs on the single seat so that I don't have to sit next to strangers who invade my personal space...but more on that another time.

[meanmadmen]

[becausejesssaidso]

Mean Girls + Mad Men = Mean Mad Men...which ultimately equals awesome.

[becausejesssaidso]

Working with Awesome People is Essential

I am lucky enough to be surrounded day in and day out by truly amazing people- friends, family, co-workers (some of which are even "weekend friends"). I know a lot of people say it, but if you know me well enough, you know that I don't love everyone...hell, I don't even like a ton of people. 

On Monday, I turned 30. The big 3-0. I had quite a few celebrations and sweet, thoughtful gifts leading up to and on my actual birthday. I spent the weekend having brunch with my sister and some of my closest friends, plus dinner with my family and best friend.  When I got home from work, I was greeted by beautiful flowers and a card from a friend and delicious cupcakes from my roommate. I know everyone's schedules are crazy, and I really appreciate it when friends and family take the time out of their busy schedules to celebrate.

This post isn't really about my birthday though, it plays more of a secondary role for the main point of my story (which I'll get to momentarily...please hold...). Not only did my co-workers not forget when it would've been so easy for them to (it was on a Monday AND we were hit with a freakish late-March snowstorm that morning), they planned a celebration that is unlikely to be topped...ever. . "What did they do?," you may be asking yourself (though you definitely aren't if you are facebook friends with me). They didn't clue me in on the plan, I was left to figure it out myself, but it was an EPIC and incredibly thoughtful plan. You can follow the sequence of events below- complete with pictures if you're interested. Apparently, there was a brainstorm, sign up spreadsheet, and quite the effort to coordinate all the details (shout out to the party planning committee).

The main point of writing this post though is something I've written about before- the importance of having co-workers who not only support you professionally, but care about you personally. Days like yesterday remind me of how much I value it. I've been fortunate enough to work in not just one, but three different jobs where regardless of what's going on, the people I work with make getting up every day worth it. You spend so much of your life at work, if you aren't doing what you love, with people you love, you're not doing yourself justice.

I cannot possibly thank everyone enough for making my 30th birthday something so incredibly special. There were texts, emails, tweets, facebook posts, flowers, and cupcakes aplenty.  All in all, it was an exceptional birthday. From the very bottom of my heart, I love you dearly, and I thank you so very much.

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SEQUENCE OF EVENTS & PICTURES

If you're facebook friends with me, it was clear that the day was incredible, but most people don't even know the 1/2 of it because unless you were in on it, it didn't really make much sense.  Here's the series of events as they unfolded...and the dots that connect it all together:

9:00am- Walk in the door. Tricia tells me I'm early and to go away.

9:10am- Tricia tells me that I can return. The wall across from my desk is decorated for my birthday. Tricia tells me we need to take a picture and holds up a sign that says "9:00":

9:15am- Nicole comes in and hands me a really sweet birthday cupcake. She's not part of the overall theme, she's just being sweet and thoughtful. It throws me off a bit though (good, non-intentional decoy!). Thank you, Nicole!

9:30am- Trevor walks over to wish me a happy bday, hands me a Redskins sign. Trevor tells me we need to take a picture and holds up a sign that says "9:30":

9:45am- I realize everyone around me is wearing sweet birthday hats...while working normally at their desks, walking through the halls, and/or attending meetings.

10:00am- Rebecca walks over, hands me decorative folders. Rebecca holds up a sign that says "10:00" and we take a picture:

...are you starting to see a theme here? I'm now noticing that I'm being handed things and getting birthday wishes every half hour. 

10:30am- Ali wheels over 12 Diet Cokes with personalized notes on them. She wishes me a happy birthday and holds up a sign that says "10:30" and we take a picture:

10:35am- I go into a meeting and everyone is wearing party hats...in the meeting. I wish I had a picture of it...it was hilarious.

11:00am- I'm in a meeting and initially, I miss Toby (though I later make him come back and take the pic below with me). He leaves me a sign that says "11:00" and 3 beach balls.

...ok, it took me several hours, but I finally catch on. Originally, I kept thinking that I was getting items every half hour, but all of the sudden, I had a revelation- I was being given gifts related to things I love, every 30 minutes for my 30th birthday (yes, I realize that every half hour is the same as 30 minutes, but I didn't connect it until this moment).

11:30am- Alex with the "Keep Calm" signs:

12:00pm- Kim with colored pens and markers because I doodle in all kinds of colors during my meetings:

12:30pm- Stephanie with a "You're a STAR" poster and star stickers:

1:00pm- Nas takes me to lunch at Jack's:

1:25pm- I went to welcome Mary on her first day at work (I worked with her at my last job), and her first day, she had a present for me- fun office supplies:

1:30pm- Sam drops by a hard drive full of Ryan Gosling's cinematic masterpieces:

2:00pm- Tricia comes by with the thing I find scariest in life...framed...to sit on my desk. Awkward pregnancy pictures. It's inspired by my Pinterest board. Tricia also shoved one of Toby's beach balls under her shirt.:

2:30pm- Holly is out of the office, but no worries, she's planned ahead. She's representing my love of all things tv (especially trashy tv), and she posts this awesome pic of Gary from Teen Mom to my facebook timeline:

3:00pm- This one is going to take a little explaining. So, i'm just gonna say it, old people make me cry. I get really emotional thinking about them- their dependency on others, those who are alone without family to help them, the fact that they're coming to the end of their lives. Therefore, Shefali obviously had to print off 30 old people and make a giant banner of them:

  ...come on, how funny is that?!! I actually laughed so hard that I cried.

3:30pm- I'm in a meeting, but Julie decorates my desk with Justin Timberlake and Justin Bieber photos. She went to CVS and had them printed as photographs. I love me some boy bands and pop music:

4:00pm- Alex came up from downstairs to deliver a Jennifer Lawrence poster. J-Law is amazing:

4:30pm- Veronica dropped off a Christmas decoration and 30 pieces of chocolate coins. She managed to put my 2 favorite "seasons" together- Christmas and my birthday:

5:00pm- Serena brought me the most perfect journal of all time:

I ended the day by grabbing dinner and drinks with Annie, Tat, and Mary, and to keep the tradition going, we had to take a pic:

(The waiter asked us if we were on a bar crawl? No, sir, we already told you that we're 30...and it's Monday night.)

11:45pm- I got a Starbucks gift from Claudio via Facebook gifts with the note "11:45pm" to add to the fun. Very thoughtful.

9:00am on Tuesday- Nicole got trapped at home because of the snow, but she still fulfilled her 9am from the day before by adding balloons to the mix! (pic to follow)

At the end of the day, my desk looked like this:

PS- If I forgot anyone or anything, I sincerely apologize...there was lots of love and all of it was greatly appreciated.

[becausejesssaidso]

March Madness: The Busted Bracket

My March Madness bracket has more red markup on it than my high school  English reports. I'm 26 for 40. I have a D in March Madness brackets. I've never gotten a D in my life. I feel like such a failure. (Not really, it's kinda funny.)

[becausejesssaidso]

My Saturday Morning Trip to IKEA and the Kids Who Ruined It

Kids.  I don't have them.  I don't know if I want them- maybe one day.  What I do know, is that there are way too many unqualified parents who are parents, and I am not interested in increasing the surplus population of those people.  Maybe unqualified is harsh.  Maybe I should say they "have no idea what they're doing, but they're trying."? That's probably also inaccurate. Either way, I don't typically write about parenting because parents tend to get all, "You don't have kids, so you can't possibly understand" on me. I call shenanigans on this logic for a lot of reasons, a few of which we'll explore in this post...

Yesterday morning, against all my better judgment, I went to IKEA. On a Saturday. I know, it's my own fault. Well, partially my own fault. You see, apparently my condo association has a rule against colored blinds, and a little over a week ago, I got a "violation notice" for my cherry wood blinds. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, with all that's going on in the world, my condo association is concerned with my non-white blinds. I had no idea it was a rule (because who really reads the 400 page condo rules book?).  As a result, I had to go out and buy $165 worth of new, white blinds to replace the $165 worth of cherry wood colored blinds that are less than a year old. "Fury" would be the word the describe my feelings on the situation.

Ok, side rant over...back to parents and my trip to IKEA...

So, yesterday I set out on my IKEA trip as close to the opening of the store as possible. The goal was to get there early enough to avoid the massive crowds and allow time for peacefully wandering the store (I can't seem to ever go to IKEA without walking through the entire store, even when I'm only there for one or two items- it's just so great).  Despite my early arrival, there were still plenty of people who had the same idea, many of which has children, and oddly enough, most of the children were in the 3-8 year old range.

In general, I feel like there are some standard places and/or times in which I would prefer children not be allowed, Among those, I'd include:

Mall during the holiday season- seriously, it's crowded and stressful enough without you pushing a stroller with your screaming kid inside adding to chaos

Metro during rush hour- It's early in the morning or I'm heading home after a long day, all I want is peace and quiet.. 

Hair salon on a week night- I purposely go on a week night at 7pm though to avoid kids.  Typically, this works, but lats time I went, it was a failed mission. (Getting my haircut is one of my favorite things to do in the world, and I find it to be a relaxing experience...unless some jerk brings their kids in at this strange time...shouldn't they be doing homework or something?)

Disney World- Ok, fine. I know, this one is ridiculous- it was built for kids. You win.

Back to IKEA...

As I was taking my leisurely stroll, there were kids running around me...EVERYWHERE. As soon as I'd dodge one family with no regard to the people around them, I'd come across another one. Parents letting their kids run in and out of aisles (around breakable, I might add). Kids picking things up, kids moving things around, kids talking about the acceptable decibel level. It was too much.

Then, I came upon 2 kids "playing" on top of this raised platform where a display of curtains was hung. The boys were probably 5 or 6 years old. Their mother stood right next to them, watching them tug on the curtains, jump up and down, and generally act inappropriate in a public place. Thankfully (sarcasm) she was on top of it. She kept saying in this calm, monotone voice, "Sean, get down from there. Sean, stop playing up there. Sean, please get down. Sean, I asked you to please get down. " She just kept repeating herself over and over. Sean was not giving it a second thought- he was in it to win it...and he won. Her requests were completely denied, despite her "asking" Sean to cut it out for several minutes. 

I'm sure you've all seen it before, I certainly have seen it...many, many times, and honestly, I just don't get it. I know the parents reading this are thinking, "You don't have kids, you don't understand." You're right, I don't have kids, but I don't think not having kids disqualifies me from an opinion. I was a kid once. I had parents who raised me to not be hooligans in IKEA, and you can bet your bottom dollar if my mother or father had told me to get down just once, I would've hopped off. Why? They wouldn't have casually told me to do it, they would've been horrified and almost dragged me off of it...that's if I was ever even doing in the first place. (Those of you who happen to know my mother can only imagine the embarrassment and punishment that would've occurred if I wasn't listening.)

Look, I get it. Kids are kids. They're not gonna be perfect, they're gonna be kids. I'm not judging the kids. I'm judging the parents who do not have control of situations, those who sit idly and passively by while allowing their kids to act ridiculous and disrupt the lives of others. If you can't control your kids, I'd appreciate it if you avoided family trips to IKEA, and instead, one of you stayed home with the kids, while the other went shopping. Just a thought.

[becausejesssaidso]

You're In a Movie Theater- NOT Your Living Room

This weekend, for the love of James Franco (and Michelle Williams and Mila Kunis), I thought it was necessary for me to go see Oz the Great and Powerful.  I had high hopes, despite the fact that I think the movie title may be gramatically incorrect (shouldn't it be Oz: the Great and Powerful OR Oz, the Great an Powerful? I might be wrong here, but I'm feeling good about my assumption).

My high hopes were only further amplified by the amazingly adorable Mila Kunis media tour interview with BBC Radio's Chris Stark.  How could you possibly watch this interview and not fall instantly in love with her?  This interview sealed the deal- I was gonna see this movie...and I did.

Originally, I was thinking I'd write a review of the movie, but I think I can quickly sum up the way I felt about it by telling you that I immediately came home, and put this on:

Watching Oz the Great and Powerful made me feel dirty- I felt like I owed Judy Garland and apology.

Instead of diving deeper into Oz the Great and Powerful, I'd like to spend my time talking about what happened during the movie.  This is the second movie I've seen recently which had all kinds of special people, doing special things, that made me want to stand up in the front of the theater and give a special lecture as the credits rolled at the end.

Since unlike these people, I wasn't raised in a barn, I figured I'd take to the interwebs to talk about the most annoying things you can possibly to do during a movie.  In no particular order (because they are ALL rude and should be avoided):

The Play-By-Player: This kind of person talks throughout the movie about what's happening on the screen. The Play-By-Player says things like, "She just ran across the field really fast." or "He's kissing her!". We know, we're all here, and we're all watching it with you.

The Commentator: As an opinionated person, I get the need to throw out a comment every now and then, but constant commentary is distracting. I don't care what you think, I want to watch the movie so I can make my own snarky judgments.  Your stupid (and typically wrong) opinions are clouding my judgment. Save them till the end of the movie and talk about them later.

The Reactor:  Balls of fire fly through the air and The Reactor yells, "Oh my!".  Two people kiss and The Reactor says, "Awwwww!".  Something terrible happens and The Reactor whines, "Nooooo!".  I wonder what The Reactor would have to say if I punched them in the face?

The Texter: Yes, I can see your phone light. Yes, it is distracting me while I am trying to watch the movie. Yes, I can still hear your phone buzz even when it's on vibrate.  No, you are absolutely not important enough to need to reply to text messages during the 2 hour window you are in this movie. I do not care who you are, there's literally no way you are that important because if you were, you'd be able to get a copy of the movie delivered to your house and avoid the theater altogether.  Turn. it. off.

The Snuggler- It's nice that you care about your significant other. I'm not super into PDA, but you know when I'm the least into it? When you're so close to each other that you put your heads together and block my view. Get a room.

The Laugher- Everything cannot possibly be that funny (I know it isn't, I'm sitting right here and watching the same thing)...and WHY are you SO loud?!  

At the end of the day, you are not in your living room.  You are in public. We have all paid the outrageous $11.50 to sit here and share a public space to experience this movie on a big screen, in uncomfortable chairs, with total strangers.  So, do me a favor- next time you go see a movie, don't be that person...or any combination of these people. If you're with one of these people, lean over and tell them to cut it out...for my sake and the good of humanity.

[becausejesssaidso]

I listened to the new Justin Timberlake album so that you don't have to...

..but you should still listen to it anyway.

I found out late last night that Justin TImberlake's 20/20 Experience was available to stream through iTunes...a week early...for FREE. This is one of the best early birthday presents a girl could ask for (which is obviously what JT had in mind when he decided to go this route).  What I actually couldn't get over though is that I did not know about the free streaming until a solid 12 hours after it had been released.  No one told me. NO ONE. For the first time in history, the internet truly failed me...as did all of my friends- that's right, all of you.

Now that you better understand yesterday's emotional rollercoaster of joy and betrayal, we can proceed with talking about Justin's new album (yes, Mr. Timberlake and I are on a first name basis...in my head).

Here are my thoughts on each song...play by play...as I listen to them for the 2nd time- I had to give it a once through to get a feel for it (obviously).

Pusher Love Girl- The intro sounds old Hollywood-esque. I see Fred Astaire in a tux and Ginger Rogers in a long sequin dress sashay (which btw just took me a solid minute to figure out how to spell) across the stage.  Then it breaks into a Motown-y feel. I don't know that we need it to be 8 minutes though. Grade: B+

Suit & Tie- When I first heard this song, I more than hated it...I loathed it. Though it's rare, sometimes I change my mind after the first impression has occurred- this is one of those times. Aside from that terrible intro (thank god radio stations edit that out), this song is sex on a stick. Grade: A

Don't Hold the Wall- I think this is gonna be a grows on me song. When I hear it, all I can do is picture drunk kids in their early 20's performing dramatic, interpretative dance moves to this song. Can't you picture someone half falling over, and putting their hand against the wall while shaking their other finger and lipsync'ing "don't hold the wall" to their equally drunk friends?  Grade: B

Strawberry Bubblegum- This is where shit gets real...and by real, I mean real bad. Why does this song exist? Is it because JT hit a level of invincible that he thinks he can put out a song called "Strawberry Bubblegum" and we wouldn't question him? Seriously, you know if anyone else sang this song, they would get laughed out of the music industry, but since it's JT, no one will tell him the truth. Well, JT, I'm here to bring you back down to earth. NO. This song is a NO. If you could go back in time, you should take me with you so I can talk you out of the choice to record and include this song on your album. You cannot say things like "So tell me why, we're making love like professionals on the first time" and "hey, hey, hey smackin that strawberry bubblegum" in the same song.  I refuse to accept the existence of this song. We're going to pretend it didn't happen. Grade: Y (that's right, I'm giving you a "Y"- which I'd imagine to be a zillion times worse than an "F"...and you originally got a "Z", but I'm terribly sad to say that honor had to be shifted to another song that's worse...people, it is bad...just you wait...)

Tunnel Vision- I don't even need to look it up, Timbaland definitely produced this song (though I did end up looking it up to confirm for my audience- I wouldn't want you not to trust me- and I was in fact correct). It has Timbaland written all over it, which isn't a bad thing. It does sound a little too much like something I've heard before, and if it hadn't come after "Strawberry Bubblegum", it may not have performed well, but anything would make me feel better about life after that disaster. Grade: C

Spaceship Coupe- Wait. Didn't this song already happen when Justin was in NSYNC? That was "Space Cowboy"? Oh, ok, I was concerned here for a second that he was getting too old to remember these things.  Moving on...I know you've been waiting for the moment when you heard a song worse than "Strawberry Bubblegum". Well, kids, I'm sure you guessed from the title that the moment has finally arrived. Nothing really makes the experience as amazing as if you just read some of the lyrics for yourself:  I don't want to be the one to alienate, yeah You see, I'm trying to find an alien in you We can't take an airplane Where we're going is way too high Going where the dark sky turns into night I got the windows special tinted for the starts that get too bright And I saved you a seat, so let's ride Hop into my spaceship coupe There's only room for two (me and you) And with the top down We'll cruise around Land and make love on the moon Would you like that? YES, yes I would absolutely love to make love to you on the moon, but ONLY because you are Justin Timberlake. I did hesitate for a split second though as a result of this song. I do have a question though- why do you need tinted windows in space- aren't you the only ones up there? There's no need for that. Also, we could all do without the weird female squeels/screams towards the end.  This is the dumbest song that I have ever heard, and I'm confident saying that no one in the future will beat it for the title. Ever. Grade: Z

That Girl- Sounds like it belongs on the same album as "Pusher Love Girl." Approved. Grade: B

Let the Groove Get In- I think Justin may have had a Freaky Friday-esque moment with Gloria Estefan because that is who should be singing this song...not JT. There's something to be said for sticking to what you're good at- putting your smooth voice over a Latin beat is not your sweet spot, bud. Ultimately, it sounds like a white guy trying to add Latin flavor to his R&B/Pop album, and it leaves me feeling a little awkward. Thankfully, this is competing with "Strawberry Bubblegum" and "Spaceship Coupe"- remember those songs? Me neither- I've successfully blocked them out of my memory. Grade: D

Mirrors- Hands down my favorite song on this album. I've listened to this on repeat all day today. It has this sweet 80s vibe in the beginning and it's straight up JT at his finest...and it almost has a hint of NSYNC in it. In fact, I'm pretending that JC, Joey, Lance and Chris are doing the background vocals on this- it totally sounds like them in the chorus (just let me continue to live in my delusional world). *Applause* Grade: A+

Blue Ocean Floor- I like this song...except for the scuba diving sound effects...I am not a fan of those. Not my fav, not my least fav (have I mentioned "Strawberry Bubblegum" and "Spaceship Coupe"?). I'll take it. Grade: C

There are allegedly 2 additional tracks exclusive to Target, so I suppose we'll just have to wait and see how those play out when the 20/20 Experience is officially released on March 19.

As a side note, for all of us here at Because Jess Said So (which is only 1 of us), it's a pleasure to be back, sharing my snarky opinions with you. I look forward to picking this habit back up again, and with situations like Justin Timberlake releasing songs like "Strawberry Bubblegum" and "Spaceship Coupe", I have no doubt there will be plenty for me to comment on moving forward.

[becausejesssaidso]

Ocean City, MD...Not for the Faint of Heart

Ocean City, MD...a place that I hold near and dear to my heart...but also a place where I completely separate the physical place and the people who populate it (those who live here full time or those who just vacation here).

My mom has come to OCMD for family vacation every single summer since she was 12 years old- she's never missed a year.  As a result, I've also spent a good part of my summers here since I was born.  

When I was younger, I didn't really notice it, but as I've gotten older, it's become apparent that there is definitely a "type" of person who typically vacations here.  To be honest, when people ask me which beach I'm heading to for the weekend, I usually wince before I say it.  While it's an important part of my life, my OCMD experience is far different from the majority of people who only come for a short trip.  My OCMD routine is sleep, beach, eat...repeat.  I don't go to the boardwalk.  I don't go out.  I have never been (and will never go) to Seacrets.  I basically avoid interacting with other people while I'm here, and luckily the location of our place makes it really easy to almost forget where you are half of the time.  

Tonight is a perfect example of why I try to avoid the OCMD vacationers at all costs.  Obviously, these things could happen anywhere (and I'd still judge these people regardless of where they were), but it just so happens that they occurred all in one night, in OCMD.  I went out for crabs with my family a few blocks from our place, and we managed to experience the following:

A guy walking down the street with his 2 small children who leaned into the restaurant tiki torches to light the cigarette in his mouth (while almost setting his hat on fire).

A grown man taking a mallet to the top of a crab to break it open. Dude, as a Marylander (born and raised), I am offended at your inability to eat a crab correctly. In fact, you should be banned from eating them and all crabs removed from your table. 

A girl who ordered food to go but asked the hostess if she could get on the list for a table to eat their food.

A truck full of guys driving down the road with passengers hanging out the back waving a Confederate flag.

A guy who asked if he could have "all you can eat seafood" instead of "all you can eat crabs"...

A girl wearing a short sleeved shirt with the leftover material from Dorothy's ruby red slippers. (I could go on for paragraphs on the fashion of OCMD.  There should be a "People of Walmart" type site dedicated to it.)

All of this in just 2 short hours.  Some may say it's people in general that are stupid, not just people who go to OCMD.  While I'd have to agree with them, OCMD seems to have become their hub.  Also, next time, I think I'll stick to ordering delivery for dinner.

[becausejesssaidso]

The Wonder Years on Netflix...Fantastic...buuuuuut...

Why is the theme song being sung by some impostor?  The actual episodes are pure bliss and awesome-ness, but this theme song situation is not working for me.  I'm assuming there's a copyright problem, but I'm gonna need them to figure this out asap.  It just sets each episode off on the wrong foot for me.  

[becausejesssaidso]

That Awkward Moment When...

you're re-watching a movie when you're older and just now realizing you did not get an entire subplot when watching it as a child.  I was reminded of this kind of moment when re-watching Dirty Dancing this evening.  Obviously, I know now, and have for quite some time, when Penny is "in trouble" it's code for "getting an abortion", but I can vividly remember my little kid self thinking, "What's wrong with her?".  Well played, Dirty Dancing, well played.

[whenindc-blog]

WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THEY DON'T LIKE BRUNCH

[becausejesssaidso]

I didn't realize brunch wasn't a thing in most places until recently...my reaction to that fact was similar to the one shown here.