Was driving with my grandmother and in broken English she says āno eyesā¦ no noseā¦ no face. Donāt trust.ā To which I looked around wildly in search of this omen of ill portend.
how many times do we think buck says some variation of "i'm sorry, i'm not in the mood" (with genuine remorse) before tommy realises he means sex, and not whatever little cuddle, hug, nudge, kiss tommy lays on himā¦.. because buck is used to intimacy leading to sex. tommy figuring buck just isn't a tactile person, and buck who doesn't expect intimacy without strings and would rather apologise, than risk giving a subpar performance
tommy having a long day and asking "can we just hug on the couch or something?" and the look buck gives him breaks tommy's heart a little. "just hug? that's it?" and tommy's about to like. call it off since clearly buck isn't into it but he just wants to be held so bad!! he's a tactile guy!! and buck can't relax in tommy's arms, until they reposition so buck is essentially entirely draped over tommy and tommy starts scratching his fingers through buck's hair.
buck wakes up an unknown amount of time later and just watches tommy sleep until tommy teasingly calls him a creep for watching him sleep. buck is weird and jumpy the whole rest of the night until he's at the door ready to go home (tommy was hoping he'd sleep over genuinely just to sleep but clearly something's off here) and buck hesitates on his way out and asks, "why didn't we have sex?"
"because i said i didnt want to?"
"no, you asked to cuddle which like, obviously, means sex."
and boy wouldn't that be a conversation to have because buck clearly didn't want to but still said yes? are there any other times he did that? with tommy?
oh evan buckley your relationship with your body fascinates me. i want to put him under a microscope.
so i was poking around in the 911 HiAUtus tag (@911-hiautus) and found this prompt from @bluroux. i think it's been filled before but: two cakes??
How different would things be if Maddie was the one to leave home, work different jobs along the way, then land in LA, and Buck was the one who was initially trapped in some sort of abusive or manipulative marriage or relationship?
1.8k cake under the cut, warnings for canon-typical abuse as well as buck being groomed by his older spouse (oc) as a teenager.
---
1) Maddie leaves home when she's 21 and Evan is 14. She's shocked he and their parents don't reach out to her more often; she's shocked they don't reach out to her at all, until one day when her mom calls her, frantic.
"It's Evan."
Maddie's stomach drops. "What happened?"
"You have to come home. You have to come home immediately."
"Mom! Is he sick orā"
"He'sāMaddie, he's moving to Pittsburgh."
She almost hangs up right then and there. "He's 18, Mom, he can move to Antarctica if he wants, you can't stop him."
"Maddie. He's moving withāwith his science teacher."
"ā¦ with Ms. Leech? She's like a hundred years old."
"With Mr. Williams," her mom corrects.
"ā¦ Okay, also gross, but he's still 18. He can do whatever he wants."
"Maddie, please, you have to talk some sense into him, you have to stop him from throwing his life away! You're the only one he'll listen to!" A long pause. "He wouldn't have done this if you were still here."
"Bye, Mom," Maddie says, and blocks her number.
She doesn't text Evan. Evan doesn't text her.
2) Maddie has a big circle of friends in LA. There's Josh, yes her supervisor, but he's not like other supervisors he's a cool supervisor, who took pity on her when she first got to LA. She had been sheltered as hell, then broke away completely to travel the country, work odd jobs, even follow this cute girl named Kameron to Peru after befriending her in Seattle.
"So you just went to Peru." Maddie's talking to Karen, someone she's met at this big LAFD non-denominational winter holiday party. Karen is beautiful but there's a ring on her finger and a gorgeous woman in a circle of firefighters nearby who is keeping an eye on her, not that Maddie can blame her.
"Okay, I know what it sounds like, but Coyote Ugly came out when I was in high school and when I left home, one of my first jobs was as a bartenderā"
Karen bursts out laughing and turns around, waving the woman over. "Hen! This is Maddie, she lived my dream of running away from home to be in Coyote Ugly."
"Hi Maddie. What the hell?"
"If I never hear that song again," Maddie sighs.
"Come meet everyone," Karen says, wrapping a hand around Maddie's elbow. "Hen's with the 118. They're going to want to meet one of the dispatchers who sends them on the wildest calls."
"Okay, it's not that exciting, I'm a girl who worked at a bar," Maddie says.
"You're a "straight" girl who followed a woman from Seattle to Peru to bartend with her," Karen says. "If you're not queer, you're insane. Maybe you're both! So you'll fit right in."
Everything's going so great. Karen was right and she does fit in, and everyone is a lot of fun, and maybe the bartending story was boring but she's got other ones from her time on the road to match them (no rebar through the skull, thoughāthat's all Howie, whose eyes linger on her as much as hers do on him). Suddenly, though, eyes flick to something behind her, and someone touches her shoulder.
"Maddie?" Evan's here: in LA, at the LAFD holiday party, not in Pittsburgh, like last she'd heard. He's all grown up, with two black eyes and a split lip, and bruises peeking out from under his shirt. "Maddie, I need help."
3) Evan's in the hospital for a full day, getting scans to make sure he had no internal injuries after he "fell" down the stairs. After Mr. Williamsā
("Gerry," Evan says, grimacing like even saying his name hurts him, while Maddie thinks: Fucking Gerry?? A guy named GERRY beat up my brother??? My baby brother who he MARRIED the minute he finished high school and turned 18??? GERRY?!)
āhad taken out his holiday rage on Evan and left for work the next morning, Evan patched himself up and got himself to LA as quickly as possible. Maddie doesn't want to imagine what he looked like when he left, days ago, if he still looks like this now.
She's only just met the 118, but they come by the hospital to meet Maddie's not-so-little brother and check in on both of them. At one point, Howie brings by someone she hasn't met yet.
"I'm Tommy," the guy says as he leans down to shake their hands. "Howie mentioned you've got a car to get rid of? In as many untraceable parts as possible?"
"Didn't you say you were a pilot?" Maddie asks.
"Guy's gotta have hobbies."
She looks to Evan, who's staring at Tommy, curious and terrified. "Yeah, uh. It's my ex'sāmy ex-husband's car." Maddie's eyes look down: yep, there's that tan line, no ring. "I justāI don't want him to find me."
"I won't say no sweat because, well." Tommy motions to Evan's hospital bed. "But I'll take care of it. I know a guy."
Howie looks at her and Evan. "Everyone needs a catchphrase."
"That's not my only one," Tommy protests. "I've also got: Hey, I'm Tommy, I'm a firefighter-pilot. What's your name?"
"Little long for a catchphrase," Evan manages.
Tommy raises an eyebrow. "I'll think of a better one for next time."
Maddie hands over the keys and Tommy leaves. A beat, and then Maddie asks: "Next time?"
"Tommyā¦" Howie sighs. "Is a long story. Let's save it for next time."
Maddie's incredulity turns to interest. "Next time?" Howie winks at her and asks them how he and the 118 can help them out.
4) Not only is Evan hiding out from Gerry, now they're both hiding out from their parents. Or so she thinks.
"No, uh. Mom and Dadāwe kinda stopped talking after I left for Pittsburgh," Evan tells her.
"Well that's ironic," Maddie says. "They wanted so badly to keep their kids close that they drove them both away. Now they've got nothing and no one."
Evan nods. Maddie holds out her glass of wine for Evan to toast. "Their fucking loss." Evan clinks his glass, but doesn't seem convinced. He does seem hopeful, though.
5) Maddie's friends adopt Evan. He's a lot younger than them, a lot more sheltered, too, having gone from their controlling family home to his controlling and abusive husband's home.
Howie and Maddie have started to see each other after way too long dancing around their chemistry and attraction.
"Well, you know, we're going to go out on dates and I don't want to like, abandon youā" Maddie covers her mouth when she hears herself. Evan stares at her, totally blank. "Evanā"
"You'll have fun," Evan says, "I know you will. You always do."
That leads to a massive, explosive fight that has them air out everything, all their trauma and grievances, gets Daniel out there on their own terms, has them sobbing in each other's arms, and has Evan deciding he has to move out.
"And I'm signing up for the fire academy," Evan says at breakfast one morning.
"Wow. You've gotta tell everyone how effective their propaganda has been."
Evan smiles a little. "Yeah. But alsoāthis is weird, butāmy body hasn't felt like mine for a long time, and IāI want to do something with it that'sāsomething that I want to do, that's mine. 'Cause now you've told meā¦ it wasn't really supposed to be mine to begin with, was it?"
Maddie gets it. They hug and Evan moves out and they're on better terms, trying to meet each other as friends, not siblings. The family they were given turned out pretty shitty; now they're finding the way to become the family they've chosen.
Also, Howie feels less weird staying over when there's no risk of running into Maddie's baby brother in the morning.
"Knock it off. He's not a baby anymore," Maddie says. She would know.
6) Evan is thriving at the fire academy, though the three(?) other Evans try to nickname him Buck and he puts his foot down, declares himself Alpha Evan, lol. He and Maddie still hang out regularly, but more often than not Howie's there, too.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" Howie asks one night. "So, you know Tommy's at the academy right now."
Evan shifts in his seat, picks at his food suddenly. "Yeah."
"He says you're beingā¦ kind of distant. You guys know each other, so he figuredā"
Evan says, all at once, "He's really hot and so nice and so helpful and I know he'd do anything for me, or anyone, but he's one of my instructors and I just got out of an abusive marriage to my 10th grade bio teacher so maybe Tommy's really nice but he can't be nice to me right now, okay?"
Maddie winces. Howie does, too.
"I get that," Howie says. "It's temporary, though, while he's on medical leave from Harbor."
Evan raises his eyes from his dinner plate. "Temporary?"
"Yeah. He's only got about two, three weeks to go before he's recertified to come back."
"ā¦I guess I can say hi to him," Evan says slowly.
"You weren't even saying hi?"
"Maddie, I panicked! He's so hot! It's not fair!"
"It doesn't have to mean anything, it's just saying hi," Howie says, the picture of innocence.
When Tommy wraps up the unit he was teaching at the academy and goes back to Harborāwell. It starts with saying hi, and they go really, really, slow, but. It starts.
7) Instead of a Doug-style kidnapping and attempted murder, one totally ordinary day someone serves Evan with divorce papers. Social media reveals that Mr. Williams has been publicly out and about with another extremely young thing, so that's probably why he needs the divorce from Evan. He signs the papers and sends them off to be filed. Tommy's going to fly them somewhere to celebrate.
By the time that happens, Evan had finished at the academy and ended up at the 133. "It'd just be weird, you know," Evan tells Maddie. "Working somewhere with your boyfriend, or working at the same house, different shift, with my boyfriend. Maybe I want some space."
"That's a really good point. It's good to have firm boundaries and a solid commitment to work/life balance, especially for first responders who are particularly at risk of burning out without a commitment to living outside of the job," Maddie says loudly to anyone who might be listening, anyone at all.
At the ceremony for the end of his probationary year, Maddie's there and pins his badge for him.
ADDENDUM: there's a lot of unanswered questions of how to knit Buck back in to the 118's fabric. The big one is Bobby, and I actually think it's Hen and Tommy who help him with his S1 relapse. I think that could be the inciting incident for Tommy to finally transfer to Harbor and bring on a new probie, Eddie Diaz, a fellow vet who could use a friend or two to keep him sane. Bobby and Evan eventually click in a mentor kind of way, but not a clingy dad way. The truth is that they're all not that incestuously close and they find other ways to be a melodramatic primetime drama. The shark will always find its way to the freeway.
This is based on a real conversation I had with some random kiddo while I was jogging in my neighborhood.
+
When Sal's girls were littleābefore they entered middle school and immediately turned into gremlins who are way too cool to hang out with Uncle Tommy because he doesn't know who Harper Zilmer is and therefore should hang by the neck until deadāTommy used to take them to the park across the street from their kindergarten. It's the last remaining wooden park in the greater Los Angeles area and has some of the most comfortable benches a human ass has ever sat upon.
Lately he's been trying to fit more cardio into his routine, because Lucy made a comment about him working out so much that his turnouts were starting to look like a wetsuit, and he's taken to running through that particular neighborhood. After he cools down from a run, he gets to catch his breath on one of those comfy-ass benches.
On the second day of his 72-off, he does almost seven miles in under an hourāa personal bestāand then rewards himself by heading over to the wooden park so he can drop onto a bench, close his eyes, and lose himself in The Cactus Album. He's halfway through Steppin' to the A.M. when his skin starts prickling. He's being watched.
He cracks one eye open to find a little boy in a Bluey shirt standing practically on top of Tommy's sneakers, staring with wide, oddly familiar blue eyes.
Tommy opens the other eye, then takes out one of his ear buds.
"Uh, can I help you?"
With a grin that pings as oddly familiar, the boy lifts his hand to proudly show off the massive splint that has consumed his thumb. "I broke it!"
Tommy blinks. "How'd you do that?"
The kid's grin widens until it's practically splitting his face in two. If he were vibrating any harder, Tommy's phone would surely be blaring an earthquake warning.
"I slammed it in a door! Like this: BAM!" To illustrate, the kid lifts his other hand, which is holding some kind of toy, and bashes his palm against it. Then he comically whines and shakes out his hand, hopping from foot to foot. His shoes light up.
"Okay," Tommy says peaceably. "Follow-up question: why'd you do that?"
With a shrug, the boy scratches his nose with the hand holding the toy. "I screamed really loud and-and-and there was blood."
"I bet." Judging by the size of the splint, there was probably a decent amount of wailing too. Arianna, Sal's youngest, once tripped over her own scooter and scraped her knee, and she screeched loud enough to wake the dead. The scrape hadn't even broken the skin. She's definitely got the makings of a theater kid. "Uh, where are your parents?"
"In Heaven with Cap." The boy says it absently, like it's nothing. Probably because all of his attention is on one of those small, white butterflies that seem to be everywhere. It wings by them and goes to inspect some nearby dandelions.
"That sucks. I'm sorry," Tommy murmurs, then scrunches his nose in confusion. "Wait, what's the cap?"
The kid holds up the toy in his hand suddenly. "This is a helicopter! It's mine."
He emphasizes every syllable, even where there shouldn't be any. Hel-i-cop-ter. Muh-ine.
"Your helicopter isn't just any helicopter," Tommy says, taking out his other ear bud and digging out their case from the flipbelt he got in last year's Harbor yankee swap, tucking them in. He sits up a little straighter, then gestures for the kid to hand it over, which the boy does. "That's a Kaman SH-2F Seasprite."
And a pretty accurately designed one, too. Tommy'd ask the kid where he got it, but the answer's probably Santa.
"Whazzat mean?" The kid leans forward, peering at his toy with wide, interested eyes. Seeing it anew.
"These guys were pretty fast." Tommy cuts the Seasprite through the air between them, then swoops it around the kid's head. The boy bursts into giggles and tries to track what is an admittedly insane flightpath. If Tommy were actually flying like this, ATC would think he was having a stroke. "If I remember correctly, they were used for SAR and ASW."
"Whazzat?"
Tommy stifles a laugh. "SAR is search and rescue, and ASW is uh, anti-submarine warfare. So, like, looking for lost people and.... yeah, there's no way to sugarcoat this: blowing up subs."
The kid bounces on his feet. His shoes look like a Berlin electronica festival. "What's a subs?"
"Submarine," Tommy corrects gently. He remembers being that age, learning the lingo, having his world expand a little bit more. Except he learned it all from his Uncle Terry, who fought in Vietnam, had ridiculous PTSD, and ate twelve packs of cigarettes a day. Tommy's hopefully a step or two above that. "It's like aāa submarine is a boat that moves underwater. See this?"
He tilts the helicopter and taps his thumb against one of the Mk 46's hanging off the side. The kid nods, shifting from foot to foot. Blue, red, yellow, purple, green.
"This is a torpedo. I don't think the Seasprites had missiles, but they definitely had these. Now, a torpedo is different from a missile because..."
About 45 minutes later, Tommy's in the middle of the world's worst child-friendly explanation of infrared thermographyāpausing every so often so the kid can scream "DOWN SCOPE!" at a decibel only dogs can hear and run around while pretending he's looking through a periscope on a submarineāwhich he told Tommy wasn't a submarine, but actually some big turtle Pokemon that had guns attached to its backāwhen a familiar pair of eye-wateringly orange Nikes enters his field of vision.Ā
He looks up and, yep, there it is: the phantasm that haunts his thoughts whenever he allows himself to be alone with them.
It's been a year since Bobby's funeral, and Tommy's spent that time hoping Evan pissed off another dead cowboy and had been turned into a hideous swamp creature, but the universe seems to have gone in the opposite direction. He's a thousand times more gorgeous than Tommy remembers him being.
"Uh, hey," Tommy says intelligently.
He's definitely making this unexpected reunion more awkward by staring, but sue him. You don't shame someone for admiring a Rembrandt.Ā
Evan stares back, eyes wide. "W-Were you just teaching a four-year old about modern warfare?"
After doing a quick mental rewind of the last hour and then glancing at the kid in questionāwho does appear to be that youngāTommy grimaces. "Uh, that... seems to be the case, yeah."
If it were anyone else, they'd probably start screaming at him, maybe throw hands, before calling the cops, because for all intents and purposes, Tommy is a complete and utter stranger who could've been using that toy helicopter to lure this kid into a rickety old van.
But Evan just stares at him for a few moments, then ducks his head and laughs.
"Did it have to be, like, bombing enemy warships?" Evan puts his hands on his hips. "Couldn't you have talked to him about, I don't know, that movie with the dinosaurs on a cross-country trip?"
"You want me to traumatize this kid with The Land Before Time?" Tommy lifts a hand to clutch his invisible pearls. "It's 10:30 in the morning, Evan. Way too early for sad tree stars."
"Corrupting the youth in your off-time, huh?" Evan asks, smiling.
Tommy can't help but tease back, "Just like my father always said I would."
A look of mortified horror washes over Evan's face. "Oh god, Tommy, that's not what Iā"
"I'm just messing with you, Evan," he says, although he's really not.
Good ol' Jim Kinard believes in precisely two things: 1) Knob Creek bourbon is mankind's greatest invention, and 2) gay people were created by Russia to destroy the fabric of Western society and usher in a new world order. He said the second thing usually while chin-deep in the first, which was often.
Evan still looks like he's wishing for the ground to open up and suck him into hell, which Tommy can't let stand, and he opens his mouth to redirect the conversation to something that doesn't make him want to rip his skin off, but the kid beats him to it.
"SERGEANT TOMMY! FIRE THE MISSILES! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"
Both he and Evan turn. Somehow in the last two minutes, the kid's managed to cover himself in grass clippings and is holding what looks like a years-old empty bottle of Pepto Bismol.
"Oh jeez, Theo," Evan says with a fond sigh. "Remember what we do with trash that we find on the ground?"
The kidāTheo, apparentlyāshakes his head wildly, but he does at least drop the Pepto. "No no no no no! Sergeant Tommy! Fire!"
Evan turns pleading eyes on Tommy, silently beseeching him for help.
Which Tommy can absolutely provide. "Kid, c'mon, I told you: you fire torpedoes from a submarine, not missiles. And you say "shoot" for torpedoes. Saying "fire" might make someone think there's an actual fire on board."
The pleading melts to reveal daggers, all aimed at Tommy's head.
"SHOOT! SHOOT! SHOOT!" Theo howls, bouncing.
"Aye, aye." Tommy salutes, then swings his arm down in an excellent karate chop. "BOOM!"
Shrieking with laughter, Theo runs in the direction of the imaginary torpedo, and Evan watches him like a hawk.
"I'm gonna kill you for this," Evan says serenely.
Tommy follows Theo's path thanks only to his shoes. He's running so fast that he's basically leaving trails of light behind him, like one of the bikes in Akira. When he looks back at Evan, his heart starts pounding. "I was, uh, thinking about hitting up the sandwich shop around the corner. Their breakfast paninis are supposed to be incredibleāperfect for a last meal. Maybe you and the kid might want to join me? My treat."
At that, Evan's head whips around and the hopeful lilt to his smile makes some hard thing inside Tommy crumble to sand.
"Y-Yeah?"
Tommy smiles. "Yeah. And maybe you can explain how you managed to hide the fact that you have a kid from me for six months."
"T-That's notāI didn'tāit's a very long story," is what Evan settles on, shoulders dropping. His smile, however, doesn't disappear. "He's not my son, but I'm hisāit's complicated."
"It always is," Tommy says, then gets to his feet. "Which is terrifying on a level I don't have words to describe, but my secret therapist says I could use some complicated in my life. We'd been kicking around ideas for exposure therapy; I'm pretty sure this qualifies, so."
The grin that splits Evan's lips is so bright that it could rival the California mid-morning sun. Tommy wants to reach out and press his thumb to it to see if it's just as warm. But not yet. Exposure therapy only works if you deliberately ramp it up over time, according to Dr. Chatterjee. And Tommy has to believe him, because otherwise he's paying this guy an exorbitant amount under the table to be lied to.
He'd happily drain his 401k dry if it meant Evan might keep looking at him like this.
"BUCK! BUCK! LOOK WHAT I FOUND!"
Spell broken, they turn in unison to see Theo about ten feet away, holding up what appears to be a baby doll with a pickle jar for a head. Inside, something dark and crimson sloshes around.
"This park has everything," Tommy marvels, before he and Evan take off after him at a run.
They end up getting tacos for lunch at Guisados because the pickle jar contains a human kidney and the cops don't let them go until well after Wichcraft stops selling breakfast for the day.
Which is fine, because he gets to eat a truly life-changing bistek roja while Evan tucks a sneaker against Tommy's and makes eyes at him across the table, and Theo makes a mess of his quesadilla trying to copy the way Tommy eats.
It's not quite how he expected to end today's run, because Guisados' seats aren't nearly as comfy as the park bench, but Tommy's been shelling out the big bucks all these months to learn how to roll with the punches. Seems like it's finally paying off.
Buck's face heats up with embarrassment. That's not what he'd meant to say, not how he meant to greet his ex-boyfriend after not seeing him for over a year. Buck has never been smooth around Tommy. The very sight of him twists Buck's tongue and makes him stumble over his own feet like a teenager, even now. Even after everything.
Tommy raises an eyebrow, amused. Buck doesn't give him a chance to charge up whatever sarcastic comment he sees forming behind his eyes.
"Sorry, I mean, hey. Uh, hey, your- you have a lot more grey in, uh, in your beard."
It's true, to be fair. Buck can't keep his eyes off the way the silver hairs sparkle in the midmorning sunlight. He can't keep his eyes off of Tommy's face, his shoulders, his neck. There are little shaving nicks by hinge of his jaw that must be from days ago, judging by the length of his stubble. Tommy usually lets it grow while he's off-duty and shaves just before a shift. He said a clean shave was part of the uniform, always rubbed his knuckles over Buck's ever-present stubble in joking admonition. Buck wants him to do it again now, to get those strong hands on him and never let go. Except-
"And you have a toddler."
For the first time since he spotted Tommy at the next stall over, Buck remembers where he is: at the farmer's market in his new neighborhood, with Theo.
"Ah, yeah, that's uh- that's an interesting story, actually-"
"Buck!" Theo calls from his stroller. "Can I eat the bug?"
Buck has a slight moment of panic, redirecting his attention. He'd given Theo a container of ripe cherry tomatoes to snack on while he shopped. Sure enough, a big fly has landed on the tomato grasped in Theo's little fist.
"That's a no, bud. Thank you for asking me first. Good remembering. No, we don't eat bugs."
"Want to," Theo argues.
He's so much like Buck was as a kid that Buck still wants to cry sometimes.
"Hey, I get that, for sure. But sometimes bugs can make you sick, so we say no."
Theo pouts, still looking at the fly. "Okay," he agrees sadly.
The fly takes off before Buck has to decide whether to shoo it away. Immediately, Theo shoves the tomato into his mouth. Buck cringes. He can't win them all. He'd learned that with Chris, then with Jee-Yun, and he's learning it all over again with Theo.
"He's a cute kid," Tommy says, watching this all unfold with a genuine smile. "Are you babysitting?"
"No, I'm fostering, actually. He needed someone and I just- I couldn't walk away from him."
Tommy nods, crossing his arms over his chest. "Hey, that's great. You're good with kids. I always figured you wanted them. Hell, if I didn't know better, I'd think he was your kid. He looks so much like you."
Tommy says it lightly, jokingly, but Buck freezes. Tommy does too. His mouth falls open as he sucks in a surprised breath.
"Evan-"
"No," Buck says firmly. "This, uh, this is not the place for that. Too many ears. And it's a long story."
Buck looks between Theo and Tommy, hoping that Tommy will get the message. Too many earsātwo too many small ears. Theo doesn't seem like he's paying attention, too wrapped up squishing tomato seeds between his fingers, but still. Buck isn't ready to tell him, and he definitely doesn't want Theo to find out from overhearing a conversation like this. They're years away from a real discussion. Buck is determined to do it right.
Tommy nods again. He looks down at Theo intently, like he's studying him. Tommy's look of surprise is slowly replaced by determination. He rocks back on his heels and tightens his arms around himself.
"I'd listen," Tommy says. It looks like it physically pains him to say it, to stay still long enough to say something so vulnerable. "If you wanted to tell me that long, interesting story, I'd listen."
Buck blinks. Tommy's beard is almost fully grey. The skin around his jaw is a little looser than it was that morning in the kitchen, that night under Buck's teeth. Tommy is noticeably older than he was a year ago. And he isn't running.
"Yeah?" Buck asks.
"Yeah."
"Even though it's been over a year? And my life has gotten, uh, more complicated?"
Tommy shrugs. He looks down and presses his lips together in a tight smile, like he's trying to clamp down a surge of happiness.
"Evan, I don't think there's a moment I've known you when your life wasn't complicated."
Buck laughs and it causes Tommy's smile to come out in full force, crinkling his eyes in that way that took Buck's breath away the first time he saw it.
"That's fair," Buck says.
"I think that's generous, actually," Tommy teases. "You know, you're the only person I've ever met who made me even come close to believing in curses."
Buck's cheeks hurt from smiling. He can't believe his luck. He can't believe Tommy still wants him. Maybe there's a reason he'd never quite been able to get over Tommy. Right now, standing in front of him again, Buck feels like no time has passed at all. The opportunity to pick back upāeven if it's not quite where they left offāis within his grasp. All he has to do is reach out and take it.
"Yeah, okay. Any chance you're free on Saturday?"
"Saturday's great."
"Great." Buck grins. "I'll text you my new address. Theo goes down at eight. Well, I try to put him to bed at seven, but, you know."
"Toddlers," Tommy nods seriously.
"Toddlers," Buck agrees with a sigh. He can't stop smiling.
A moment passes where they just look at each other, take each other in. Buck would stand here in silence with Tommy for another year if that's what it took, but he knows that Theo will start to get cranky soon if they don't keep moving. Buck's life isn't about himself anymore.
"Well, listen," Buck says. "I should get him back home. I'll text you about Saturday."
"Can't wait."
Buck can't either. His life isn't about himself anymore, but he can still steal back moments here and there. He takes a step towards Tommy, and when Tommy doesn't move away, he takes another. He keeps his eyes locked on Tommy's until he's close enough to wrap his arms around him. Tommy's strong arms hold Buck close. Warm, safe, happy, Buck melts into it. Tommy clings like a desperate man.
"I've really missed you," Buck says into Tommy's shoulder. His heart aches as he hears the words come out of his mouth. He hasn't said it out loud in a long time, but he never stopped feeling it.
Tommy squeezes him tighter. "Me too. I've missed you so much, I'm so sorry."
"I'm sorry too." Tears sting at the corners of Buck's eyes. He pulls back and gets a hand on Theo's stroller again. "Saturday."
"Saturday." Tommy nods. His eyes are watery too.
He gives a little wave as Buck walks away reluctantly, pushing Theo's stroller. Buck waves back. Theo tells Buck that he's a dinosaur, and he roars while eating the tomatoes. Buck loves it. He loves Theo, he loves that he gets to be part of his life. He needs to tell Tommy that on Saturday. He's not sure how much time he has to date right now. Theo is his number one priority, especially while he's still only fostering. He can't do anything to jeopardize the adoption he hopes is in his future.
He thinks that Tommy will understand. Maybe it'll even make their relationship stronger. They'll have to go slower, spend more time talking instead of fucking. They'll have to lay out their longterm goals and hopes for the future. If Tommy wants to be part of Buck's life, he'll have to be part of Theo's, too. And if he wants that, he'll have to be sure he's sticking around this time. Buck won't let Theo lose another parental figure so young.
But Buck is getting ahead of himself. Right now, he needs to get his kid and his groceries home safe. He needs to make lunch and let Theo run around in the backyard to tire himself out enough for a nap. He needs to do laundry (how do kids generate so much laundry?) and get ahead of the dishes before his next shift.
He'll see Tommy on Saturday. He bursts out in a grin just thinking about it. He'll see Tommy on Saturday.
did anyone say angst? another 118 word drabble, from a prompt on this list
"Was I just a placeholder?"
Tommy darts his eyes up, searching Evan's face. Sallow, drawn, lined in ways it hadn't been just a few weeks ago in that crowded bar, in Eddie's bedroom, in Eddie's sun-warm kitchen. Tommy looks away, back over the post-funeral crowd filling the ground floor of the firehouse. "What do you mean?"
"I think you always had one foot out the door if you thought I was gonna leave you for Eddie. Sounds like you were the one always ready to leave."
Tommy sighs. "Evanā¦" There's no answer Tommy can give. Not any good ones, at least.
Evan nods decisively and raps his knuckles against the railing before backing away. "See you around, Tommy."
"I didn't meant to wake you. Go back to sleep." For bucktommy please š§”
Not this turning into the prequel to my prompt from Beans lol
Thank you for the ask ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Buck's alarm goes off too early, he feels, buzzing and blaring at 3:45 AM. He takes a moment to breathe deeply and rub his palms across his eyes, things coming slowly to him in the dark.
There's a sliver of light coming from the crack in the door of the bathroom, the sound of Tommy showering drifting toward him. Tommy must drop something, because just as Buck was slumping into himself again and his eyes were closing, a thump and quiet curse rings out.
The side of Buck's mouth quirks up, and he shakes off his exhaustion to swing himself out of the bed. He stops at Tommy's dresser to grab the pair of sweats and hoodie Tommy had left on top before bed, slipping them over his t-shirt and boxers. Hearing Tommy continue to shower and hum to himself, Buck allows himself a moment to lean his head against the bathroom doorframe and smile softly.
He pads down to the kitchen, going straight for the coffee maker to turn it on before opening the refrigerator and grabbing eggs, peppers, and cheese out.
Buck loses himself in the east motions of omelet making--mixing, chopping, pouring, flipping. He detours back to the fridge to grab creamer when the coffee finishes, and is sliding his own omelet onto a plate when Tommy's strong arms wrap around his waist.
"Hey," Tommy's quiet but steady voice says, "I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep."
Buck grins, his eyes slipping closed as he leans his weight back on Tommy and lays his own hands across Tommy's.
"Mmm, and let you eat my omelet? In your dreams, Kinard."
Tommy huffs a laugh, squeezing Buck once before letting him go to shuffle over to the cabinet and grab a coffee mug for himself.
"You caught me. I just can't resist your omelets," Tommy says, wry smile in place, "no coffee for you though. I may be in for a long day but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go back to sleep after I'm gone. You just came off a rough shift, sweetheart."
Buck puts his hands up in surrender, accepting it when Tommy hands him a glass to fill from the tap.
When Buck turns around from the sink, Tommy's gotten silverware out and brought their food to the table, and normally Buck would be fine sitting across from him, but the long stretch of three weeks apart yawns ahead of them and buck grabs his normal chair to swing it around to sit practically on top of Tommy instead.
Tommy, unfazed, simply half stands to grab Buck's plate and silverware, dragging them across the table to his right.
Buck settles in, smiling to himself as he and Tommy dig into their food. The silence of the house is heavy like a warm blanket, broken only by the odd sound from outside--birds twittering, a car rumbling past.
Time passes syrupy slow, for which Buck is thankful as he prepares himself for the sparse phone calls and texts to come for almost a month; a half empty bed when he's gotten so used to a full one in the last 17 months.
Perhaps when they were first together, the prospect of being apart for so long would have been simply disappointing to Buck--his shiny and new relationship being put on hold. Now though he feels only pride for the work his boyfriend does, mixed with the discordant twang of wanting to be near him and know that he's safe.
This is the second deployment to CalFire Tommy was a part of since they got back together, and Buck knows with bone deep certainty that Tommy will return to him; that they're stronger than a bit of distance.
(Buck also knows, with maybe less certainty, when Tommy gets back that he'll say yes to the ring Buck is picking up soon)
"Hey, do we still have some of that Strawberry Rhubarb jelly from Bonnie?" Tommy says, squinting at his phone. Buck smirks softly, thinking also about the eye appointment Buck snuck onto Tommy's calendar that's coming up next month.
"Yeah, should be. If not, there's the raspberry preserves she slipped into our bag."
Tommy chuckles and sets his phone face down, scooping up the last few bits of his omelet.
"God I love that we have a fruit spread dealer at the Farmers Market."
Buck snorts hard, chewing his own last bite as Tommy lays an easy arm across his shoulders. He looks up at Tommy who is grinning at him, and Buck gets lost for a moment just looking at his handsome man.
"Did you want toast and jam then?" Buck asks softly, reaching up to trace his fingertips across Tommy's cheekbone and down his Jaw. Tommy turns to bite gently at his fingers and Buck smiles.
"No, Lucy and Lopez do. Lucy says it's payment for driving us to the airfield."
"Mmmm. I guess I can sacrifice the last loaf of the sourdough I made this weekend for that. There's not much of the jam left anyway, do you just want to take both?"
Tommy pretends to think about it, nodding seriously and laughing himself when Buck rolls his eyes.
"Take my amazing boyfriend's homemade sourdough with me to remind every at CalFire how much better I am than them? Yes."
A laugh bursts from Buck as he gets up from the table, Tommy playing it up as he slumps down when his arm falls from Buck's shoulders.
"Yeah yeah, okay. Let me get that packed with your other stuff while you get your go bag and everything down here."
Tommy stands himself and darts over to Buck for a smacking kiss on the cheek before heading out of the kitchen to do just that.
Buck gets to work hauling Tommy's ancient Igloo cooler out from the lower cabinets, taking care to fill the bottom with a soft ice pack, the jar of jam, a bag of beef jerky, and a few compostable knives left over from the last time they threw a party and didn't want to spend the next day washing dishes. On top of those he layers the loaf of sourdough, electrolyte drink packets, some of the fruit leather he and Jee made a few days before, and three bars of dark chocolate Buck bought as a surprise for the trip.
He gets it all into the cooler and remembers to grab the big water bottle Tommy keeps on hand for the these trips, filled the night before and chilling in the refrigerator.
Buck grabs it all and takes it into the living room, ready to say goodbye.
Tommy meets him by the front door, go bag in hand and boots on his feet.
"Got everything?" Buck asks, handing over the cooler and water.
"Got everything." Tommy confirms, setting everything down at his feet. He reaches his arms out toward Buck, and Buck lets himself fall into them.
Buck allows himself to be held, suspended in a moment of warmth and quiet, just breathing in Tommy. The smallest part of him doesn't want to let go, doesn't want to send Tommy off somewhere he won't be, but they both feel Tommy's phone vibrate and know that their time is almost up.
"Okay." Tommy says, bending down to grab everything, chuckling softly when Buck slaps his hands away from the cooler in order to grab it himself.
"I'll walk you out, handsome." Buck says, opening the door and immediately seeing Lucy's car idling against the curb. Lopez grins at them and waves from the backseat.
Buck and Tommy walk down the drive way, weak light from the sun just starting to paint the bottom of the sky. When the reach the car Lucy pops the trunk from inside, and Tommy heads to the back to stow away his go-bag.
Lucy rolls down the passenger window when Buck approaches, and when he leans into it she's grinning with far too much energy for 4 AM.
"Buckley tell me that's some sourdough and jam." She calls, and Buck grins.
"Only the best for the best contingent on the front line." He says, and she smacks the steering wheel in triumph.
"Now that's what I'm talking about! Just for that I'll make sure Kinard doesn't fight any of the CalFire dickbags."
"This is why you're my favorite, Lucy." Buck tells her, and Tommy hip checks him away from the door.
"What am I?" He says with a pout, and Buck can see Lucy rolling her eyes through the window.
"Get in the car, loverboy. We're wheels up in an hour." She calls, and Buck can hear Lopez snort in the back.
"Hey," Buck says, just as Tommy's hand is reaching for the handle. Tommy looks up at him and waits. "Come back to me, okay?"
Tommy's face softens, and he reaches out for another hug.
"Always. Love you, Ev." Tommy answers, and Buck squeezes him hard and whispers his own I love you back. When they let go, Tommy comes in for a slow kiss, and Buck relishes it.
Tommy gets in the car without another word, and Buck hands him the cooler through the window.
"Kick ass out there, 217." He says to all three, and they offer nods and grins and affirmative noises.
"Good luck here, 122." Tommy says back, the change still fresh and exciting in his eyes.
Buck watches them drive away until he starts to feel how tired he is again and goes back into the house.
He decides to leave the dishes for later and falls right back into bed after slipping the hoodie and sweats off. He's about to drift off to sleep when his phone buzzes twice in quick succession: a text and an image.
It's Tommy, Lopez, Lucy, and the person who must be another pilot, stood outside of the two helicopters they're taking up, all with a thick piece of sourdough topped witch rich red jam.
Shane saying no in response to Ilyaās sorryā¦immediately comforting him and the way Ilya rocks back and forthā¦like whenās the last time someone HELD HIMā¦.that he felt safe to show emotion in front of someone and trusts shane to see and take care of him
all i want for 2026 is that gigantic rancid AI bubble to finally burst in such a catastrophic way that the consequences will be so good and i'll never have to see another AI generated image ever again
Heās usually out like a light within a few minutes after going to bed, but his ribs hurt like hell, despite the painkillers he took over an hour ago. Tommy feels like his bruises have bruises, and if thereās a sleeping position his aching back doesnāt hate, he hasnāt found it yet.
Next to him, Evan is shivering. Evan rarely gets cold, and right now heās underneath the blanket next to Tommy, where he usually turns into a furnace during the night. And yet, thereās a noticeable tremble Tommy canāt ignore.
Tommy opens his eyes, although thereās nothing to see but the faint glow of his alarm clock. āEvan? Are you okay?ā He keeps his voice low, in case Evan is asleep and simply a little cold.
But Evan goes rigid, like heās trying to stop the tremors coursing through his body. āNo?āĀ
The word sounds like a question, and Tommy tries to pull him a little closer despite the pain that stretches from his collarbone down to his hip.Ā
Evan presses his face against Tommyās shoulder, and another full body shiver runs through him. āNo, Iām not okay, Tommy. You crashed.ā
āBarely,ā Tommy mutters before he can think better of it.Ā
He witnessed a real helicopter crash during his time in the army, saw the large machine trundle while the pilot tried to keep it in the air, until it finally dropped out of the sky. His own crash was just an unpleasantly hard landing by comparison.
āI am so mad at you,ā Evan tells him, enunciating the words like heās trying to carve them into Tommyās skin. āYou crashed, and you keep pretending it was nothing. For half an hour, nobody could even tell me if youāre alive. Do you have any idea how terrifying that was?ā
Tommy hopes heāll never have to fear for Evanās life like that, but he also canāt help but point out the obvious: āEvan, Iām right here. I didnāt even break anything.ā
āIs that supposed to make it okay?ā Evan hisses angrily. āAm I supposed to sleep better because you got lucky?ā He trembles again, just once and very briefly.Ā
Tommy wants to turn on the lights so they can look at each other while they have this conversation, but for some reason he feels like letting go of Evan is the worst thing he can do right now. He knows that Evanās anger is nothing but fear and love, bubbling over like somebody dropped a pack of Mentos in a bottle of coke, but Tommy has no idea how to stop the process.
āIt wasnāt nothing.ā Tommy whispers the words into Evanās hair, hoping that honesty will help. āI got so scared when I realized I didnāt have enough time for a safe landing. And the whole way down, I kept thinking: āPlease.ā I just wanted to make it home so I could have this.ā
Evan makes a sound somewhere between a sigh and a hiccup, but he doesnāt shiver again.
āI made it down in one piece,ā Tommy continues. āIām here. Iām okay. Helicopters donāt crash all the time, the same way floors donāt collapse under firefighters every day. Thereās always a risk, but I also know what Iām doing. Youāve got to trust in that, Evan.ā
Evan is quiet for a long moment before he finally says: āI do. Trusting you isnāt the problem. But I couldāve lost you today. Iām so glad youāre okay. But Iām also angry that it happened, and Iām mad at you for being soā¦so cool about it. I donāt know what to do with that. Am I just supposed to be okay because it wasnāt worse?ā
āI donāt know.ā Tommy doesnāt feel particularly cool right now, and heās definitely not looking forward to the nightmares heāll probably have. But for him the truly scary part was over once he was out of that helicopter, while Evan seems to be stuck inside that moment of fear. āYou donāt have to be okay. But Iām still here? And maybe the rest will be easier to process tomorrow.ā
āYeah, okay.ā Evan puts one arm around him, tightly, like heās afraid Tommy might disappear in the middle of the night if he doesnāt hold on to him. āIām still mad at you.ā
āI know, Evan.ā Tommy ribs still hurt, but he doesnāt ask Evan to let go. Not yet. Not when he just realized that Evanās āIām madā sounds a whole lot like āI love youā to him. āI know.ā
"Ugh. I hate some of these CalFire guys. Absolute douchebags."
"Mhmm," Buck replies, wondering how the hell Tommy is still going after the three shifts he just had up on the front lines of this year's wildfire. "You're way better at everything then they are."
"ExACTLY, thank you, Evan! I swear they've got some twenty-one year old that can't tell a fire line from a pile of dead leaves! His drop time was way off, and the other CalFire dudes just want to act like it's not that big a deal, 'he'll learn'!"
"What, after the fire spreads to three states?"
"Yes! Yes, babe, you get it. Why aren't you here?"
Buck laughs, phone slipping slightly from where Buck had it jammed in-between his shoulder and ear, trying to get his kitchen floor mopped before heading to bed himself.
"Well," Buck drawls, grinning, "I did just get a small little promotion and started a new house a few weeks ago, so it may be a little bit of a bad idea to follow you out of the city for three weeks."
"Oh, you're right, how could I forget? I was just telling Richards--our IC for the pilots--that this wildfire is clearly homophobic if it's stopping me from continually celebrating Leutenient Evan Buckley of the LAFD 122."
Buck barks out a laugh, feeling warmth spread down to his toes.
"And she tried to say that I was homophobic for making her listen to that when she was missing her wife so much! Can you believe that, Evan?"
"Unbelievable, babe." Buck says, bending at the waist to push the mop under the table.
"Yes. So then I countered and said, 'okay but my husband saved a baby from falling out of a window the other day! What did your wife do?"
Buck's breath catches, and the phone slips from his shoulder to the floor. Tommy's exhaustion and indignation means he doesn't notice, so he's still ranting when Buck scrambles to get the phone back to his ear. He drops the mop in exchange, standing up straight and waiting for Tommy to take a breath.
"...and okay yeah your wife is a pediatric surgeon. Sure that's cool and 'extremely valuable to society' but my--"
"Your what?" Buck asks, feeling breathless.
"My IC!" Tommy repeats, and before he can fully fill his lungs to continue his rant, Buck comes in.
"No, who were you telling her about? Your what?"
Tommy's words seem to catch up with him, and a stark silence fills the space.
"...This is a butt dial. Please ignore." Tommy says quickly.
"I called you!" Buck says, laughter bubbling up. He can practically see Tommy's inflamed cheeks and shifty eyes.
"No, no, sorry. Total butt dial. My name isn't even Tommy I just found this phone. Goodbye strange man."
Buck bursts out laughing as the call ends, and immediately flips his phone down to both hands to shoot off a text.
Nothing to do but wait, he keeps mopping, finishing the kitchen and putting everything away in the closet. He sits on the couch to wait.
About 15 minutes have passed when his phone lights up with a call, not Tommy this time.
"--ow, ow OW! LUCY! Stop fuckin-get OFF ME!" Buck can here the sounds of a struggle on the other end of the call, cot springs creaking inbetween bitten off curses.
There's more scuffling sounds before Tommy's winded breathing fills the line.
"--Donato you are damaging government property right now."
"Shut the hell up, Kinard." Lucy's voice floats past, and Buck gears up to bulldoze the conversation.
"Tommy Kinard, listen up. You've got a week left of this deployment. When you come back, you're gonna take a shower, sleep for 18 hours, eat the lasagna I'm gonna make; and when all of that is over and we're sitting here on this couch, I'm gonna give you the ring I bought 6-months ago. I just picked it up today."
There's only silence on the line for a moment, and suddenly Buck is met with a wall of hoots and whistles. He realizes then that Lucy had him on speaker.
"Hell yeah!" Lucy cries, and Buck can only imagine how hard Tommy is trying to hold onto his tough guy demeanor in the middle of a wildfire barracks with his coworker sitting on him.
"...yeah, okay." Tommy says, quiet and close to the phone.
"Shows over, firefighters. You gonna get my man back to me?" Buck says, feeling bold, and there's another round of loud cheering before another scramble the get the phone. The call hangs up, but Buck doesn't mind this time. He's getting up to lock the doors and head to bed when he gets a photo from Lucy--Tommy red faced but smiling, surrounded by Lucy and everyone at the basecamp, cheering.
2087
stormborns
yousharknotpass
jbbartram-illu
annaxmalina
pixelskylines
areudirty
