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I do not have the time nor mental ability to write it at the moment so here have the WangXian modern!AU living rent free in my head right now.

For context - an ill-advised doomscrolling session on YouTube Shorts led me to discover flyboarding, and more specifically to a chap called AFei - if you're not familiar with flyboarding, please check it out, this'll make a lot more sense.

Now picture this, we're in a modern, no powers world.

Lotus Pier is a popular resort run by the successful Jiang family.

A recent popular attraction is the Flyboarding Twin Prides, who, for a nominal fee, will taking you flying across the lake wrapped in their muscular arms, pressed against their very naked, leanly muscular chests, water droplets glistening against their warm suntanned skin.

The chiselled Jiang Cheng can get girls dropping to their knees with a single raised eyebrow.

The cheeky Wei Wuxian can have them swooning with a single smile (he's no longer allowed to wink at them too after numerous instances of poor girls fainting into the lakes).

They're cocky, high value attractions. And they're damn good at what they do.

Now imagine the Lans walking into this.

They're there for a business meeting or something, making their way along the walkways over the lotus ponds, when they come across the lake where Wei Wuxian is showing off.

Lan Wangji looks up, drawn by the carefree, joyous laughter to see Wei Wuxian effortlessly backflip in mid-air, the resulting spray of water droplets catching the light just right for a rainbow to appear over the captivating man.

Lan Wangji's heart is lost before he even realises it could go missing.

Cue *however long the Lans stay* and Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian getting closer, capitvated by each other.

Wei Wuxian eventually gets Lan Wangji to go flying with him. The water turns Lan Wangji's white button up shirt transparent, and Wei Wuxian is so flustered he almost flies himself into a pier (Jiang Cheng will bring this moment up at least three times a month for the rest of their lives).

They get together, yadda yadda yadda, and live happily ever after.

#the untamed #mxtx #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #jiang cheng #I regret the doomscrolling since it meant I went to work on about 2 and a half hours sleep #which I am too old to be dealing with #but I do not regret the resultant AU my brain is currently happily squishing like its favourite sensory toy

There is a decidedly fine line between 'that's cute' and 'are you ok, sweetie?'

5 year old boy managed to overcome his shyness to talk to me about his friends and the different classes they'll be going to next year. He was saying 'my friend, Such and Such, is going to this class, and my friend, Whatshisface, is going to that class'.

Then he went 'my boyfriend, Thingamabob, is...'

And he paused, and you could see the little cogs turning and the 5 year old equivalent of 'oh shit, wrong word' pass through him, which was genuinely cute to witness, before he stuttered and tried to backtrack with 'no, I mean, um...'

His nan helpfully offered up 'best friend?'

He shook his head, 'No. Bros, we're bros.'

Then the shyness came back.

I did manage to coax him back with the whole 'even if you don't get to see them in class, at least you can still have fun a playtime'.

But it's just, he's five.

I remember signing him up to the library when he was two, and we had to coax him out from under the chairs so his other nan could get him home.

Who do I need to throw an inclusivity book at for making this sweet little kid backtrack so violently from the term 'boyfriend' and settle on 'bros' of all words?

#chatting to the void #I don't think it's the immediate family #his parents seem really nice #his mum at least has even learnt a bit of sign language for when spoken words don't work for him #keep coming to the library kid #we'll give you a space that's safe accepting and whimsical

ashyybees-art

If you put Zhao Yunlan and Luo Fei in the same room for a case, just how unhinged would things get??? 😂

#well one thing is for certain - neither will be sitting on chairs correctly #zhao yunlan #luo fei #guardian #detective l

So turns out a printed speech is abso-fucking-lutely pointless if you're a hand talker.

Who knew!

#chatting to the void #if there is nowhere to put it that printed paper is just going to be flapping about #I'm so bloody lucky I knew the presentation enough to bullshit it

Just because something is gathering dust while I enjoy a different fandom, doesn't mean I can't dust it off when the occasion calls for it.

You wanna poke the slumbering Interest?

Experience has taught me that you are about to have Regrets.

Now then, the dwarves, or dwarrow, come in family groups. You've got Thorin...

#chatting to the void #the hobbit #do not ask questions you do not want the answers to #always fun to bring the look of fear and overwhelm to a man's eyes with the most basic of information

New in ABO but make it *insert non-wolf creature here*....Leopard Slugs!

(I get this is a weird one, but bear with me)

So, Leopard Slugs apparently signal their willingness to mate by producing a different scent/pheromones in their slime, then they climb high, swirl around each other, drop down suspended on a rope of slime, then entwine their male appendages, fanning them out while they mate.

Like this -

Now, from an Untamed/Cultivation view, what if having a golden core is what triggers secondary genders? Perhaps it's a biological way of ensuring offspring that can cultivate cores?

Anywho, what if instead of slime trails, it's the qi or sword glares that produce the scents/pheromones?

What if they do something similar to the Leopard Slugs? Not as a way to mate, but as a mating dance? A way to test compatibility of their energy?

They could fly up on their swords, then flip upside down before twirling around each other as they lower themselves, tethered to their swords by threads of their spiritual energy that's twisting together. At a certain point their descent will stop and spiritual energy will pool below their heads before swirling together.

The more even the mix of colours, the more compatible, the more equal and balanced the pair are.

The swirl could be like an upside down vortex, or it could form something like a appropriately symbolic flower or something.

I just think the visual effect could be stunning...also kinda funny with the long loose hair and floaty robes, but what if they're spinning quickly enough that those things aren't just dangling down, but swirling around them the same as the energy vortex below them?

(just look at that image of fucking slugs and imagine your favourite cultivator pair in their place, their spiritual energy entwined instead of slug cock and tell me that wouldn't be a visually appealing image)

#abo #but make it...#leopard slug #non traditional alpha/beta/omega dynamics #the untamed #I may have been watching David Attenborough documentaries recently #feel like I might need to try and write some little oneshot snippets for these ideas #I'm meant to be sleeping right now but the image of this just won't leave #I wish I could actually draw so I could draw this

Heard a cover of 'I Stand Alone' from Quest for Camelot that's got me thinking about a blind Wei Wuxian who manages to become a god of justice and the dead. A kind of non-Yunmeng Jiang Wei Wuxian who gets adopted by the Burial Mounds instead. And Lan Wangji gets chased in there by the Wen or something.

But while thinking this I also thought 'it'd be fun to watch that film again'.

And, I'm sorry, but what the hell do you mean that it came out in 1998?!

How is it nearly 30 years old?!?!?!?!?!

Time is horrifying.

#quest for camelot #the untamed #wei wuxian #lan wangji #this is getting everything tagged in case I forget what this plot bunny was #because I need to go sit in a darkened corner and contemplate the horrors #really don't like it when I get reminded of my own crushing mortality

While swearing at an ancestor who changed her name by Deed Poll, I've come to the realisation that trans folk are likely going to annoy the ever loving shit out of future family historians.

They're going to be the smug little ancestors that sit there in the tree, while the family historians point at them and go 'I don't care how far you run (they can't run, they've been dead at least several decades), I will hunt you down (trawl through a truly ungodly amount of records), and drag you back kicking and screaming (again, dead for several decades, so the screaming will be on the family historian's part and will be of the triumpant and elated kind as they lovingly add the information to their carefully organised files)'.

By living the best life they can, by just being themselves, trans folk are unwittingly creating enrichment research projects for future family historians.

It is a wonderful thing, but trans folk, I hope you are aware that your ghost will be lovingly sworn at.

I can envision it now.

A family historian, hunched over fragile paper documents, or squinting at a too bright computer screen. "Found you, you little fucker," they'll say, grinning as they greedily gather the snippets of your life they've already found - your birth, your name change, that little article about you in a newspaper, perhaps some fading photographs - and cap it off with your death certificate, proving you lived a full life where the only thing that could stop you was old age.

#transgender #ancestry #you're going to cause so much frustration #/so much/#but when they find you #you are going to be the source of such pure unbridled joy

blignick

#cats #ok so hear me out #what if Shen Wei figured out technology where he could do this in his classes #what if Da Qing followed him to said classes #fun for the students #mild exasperation for Shen Wei #guardian #shen wei #da qing

Just been stared at and given what felt like a very pointed sigh by the chihuahua because I had the audacity to ask him to catch the mouse that just ran across the floor (and over his paw).

Silly me, of course, requested this when it is clearly bedtime, and the chihuahua will be doing nothing that doesn't involve being tucked into bed.

He has one job right now, and that is sleeping.

To expect more is apparently so ridiculous as to border the absurd.

So he shall abandon his human to deal with the mouse in the bedroom that's already jumpscared her once, and has the potential to do so again.

#dogs #chihuahua #such is the life of one who chooses a pathetic pampered lapdog as their creature #chatting to the void

dark-nymph3t

#dogs #puppy #this is the face that knows you won't tell it off for getting into the craft supplies you told it not to touch #to the queue with you

hacash

It's still so funny to me that hobbit society has technology like pony-traps and handkerchiefs and post offices but the realms of Men and Elves, at least, are very much still in their version of the High Middle Ages. I would kill for a scene where Aragorn starts doing the whole Galavant thing - we shall meet when the night air grows as chill as the depths of Moria and the setting sun colours the sky that particular shade of blue as to recall to us the sinking of Numenor into the very Sea Itself - and Pippin just goes 'have none of you guys ever learned to use a freaking clock'.

hacash

Frodo offers to buy Gandalf a watch so he can actually be on time for once and nearly gets bodied into Bywater Pool.

hacash

Sam is nearly reduced to tears upon trying to learn Gondorian recipes because all the cooks in Minas Tirith are using that old medieval technique of recite five Paternosters and the fish will be perfectly fried. Please. They're called egg-timers. Every hobbit has one. He'll buy them one himself if they'll just let him cook like a normal person.

hacash

WAIT FUCK HANG ON

‘In the house of Elrond, and it is ten o’clock in the morning,’ said a voice. ‘It is the morning of October the twenty-fourth, if you want to know.’ I seriously doubt Elrond has a big old cuckoo clock hanging around Rivendell and messing up the aesthetics so wizards evidently do keep timepieces about their person. Does Gandalf have a Rolex?

sea-salted-wolverine

Gandalf knows exactly what time it is and is late on purpose.

#hobbits #the hobbit #lord of the rings #to the queue with you

station18908

Re-reading your own fic is wild.

Okay, that's a really good sentence. Typo. Typo. Huh, did I write this? It's actually not bad. Typo. Hm, I would cut out that part now, but it kind of works. TYPO. Oh, this part is really good. That is the wrong word, wtf? I'm enjoying this more than I thought I would. ANOTHER TYPO? FFS.