Flying High, Reaching Farther

Reality is a mess, nothing matters unless we make it, here's some fucking Harry Potter/Game of Thrones/Politics

[butchdogs-md]

you need to understand that i have two sets of headcanons. there's the set of realistic headcanons based on my genuine reading of the show, and then there's me playing pretend with my dolls.

[bluegrasshole]

haha so cute the centaurs have a video of ilya and shane — let me stop you there. shane would never. he would never! he has an airtight agreement with the marketing and comms team that anything posted of him is strictly professional. he knows every comment on social media will be about him and ilya already, and he will NOT be encouraging it. he is a hockey player. my shane would rather die than discuss his married life on instagram on the official centaurs account. or any platform. are the other centaurs doing this?? the other hockey teams??? no. he is an athlete not a reality star.

[hotvampireadjacent]

Um

[dogpuppy]

[dogpuppy]

[animentality]

[werewolf-transgenderism]

this is fucking killing me bro. computah, show me more hot hockey firefighters whaling on cops

[liberalsarecool]

Getting #BlackRock to change/exit the real estate market in NYC is a massive win for New Yorkers and #ZohranMamdani.

[quakerjoe]

[thewindmillisoutoforder]

one day a rookie is gonna flirt with yuna hollander not knowing who she is. her response will be "oh i'm flattered but you are young enough to be my son who, by the way, will KICK YOUR ASS in this next game." and during the game he will get slammed into the boards at approximately the speed of sound.

[whitenoisefanfiction]

Concept:

Yuna Hollander is actually a member of the Japanese Imperial Family. For context, the Japanese Royal line is strictly male only so no women can inherit the throne and any females of the family who marry normal people, have to give up their titles. (Princess Mako famously did this in real life)

So what if Yuna was a Japanese princess?

She went to McGill as a foreign exchange student to study in a place where she could have a few years as a normal person before starting royal duties but fell for the handsome hockey player David while there. Since she is a woman, she isn't going to inherit and although she only has sisters, one of them can have a son to carry the bloodline so she decided to give up her place in the family to marry David and become a commoner.

She is perfectly happy with this outcome and makes a life for herself in Canada. She and David have Shane and although they did occasionally visit some members of her family when Shane was small so Shane could meet his granddad (who happens to be the Emperor), because she gave up her claim, Shane is also technically excluded from the throne and the visits were so low key that people outside Japan forgot she even existed.

Besides, they stopped visiting after a while because Shane's hockey career was taking off.

Unfortunately, the Japanese Imperial Family is facing a succession crisis due to the lack of males in the family line, and inside Japan, Shane is starting to look like a good candidate for the next Crown Prince.

Shane, and the wider Western World, have no idea about any of this. Ilya eventually learns and almost loses his mind.

(Anyone feel free to add to this)

[sabotage-on-mercury]

Ilya wants to do one of these "celebraties I don't think my husband can name" videos where he shows different singers to Shane because he thinks it's just too adorable how Shane has no clue about the music industry at all, only for the video to go like this:

- Oh that's Gaga. You know Lady Gaga? Of course, Ilya! She was in A star is born. Really good actress. She is more of a singer actually... Oh yeah that makes sense, I guess. You guess?! Please tell me you know Poker Face, lyubimyy. I know for a fact you have been to a club, you must have heard Poker Face before. I don't know, maybe. [Ilya starts singing Poker Face]. You're lucky you play better hockey than you sing, baby. Oi!!

- Oh I know how him! That's Armando! That's Pitbull. I'm pretty sure that's a human? Are you fucking with me Shanya. Of course baby. I know that he is a rapper but it feels so weird to call him Pitbull, when we met in Miami he said he was Armando. You met in Miami?? Yeah well, was a few years ago, he invited our team to this house- Pitbull invited the Montreal boring fucking Metros to his fucking house???

- Kesha! Do you know her songs? Absolutely none, no. How the fuck- Why am I even suprised you know her too. Oh we met at Roses birthday party in LA. She is so funny, I think you would like her! Maybe I should introduce you. What the fuck- You know what, I call her. Shane!

- Oh that's Kayleigh right? Kayleigh. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her. That's Chappell Roan. Dykstra is playing her non-stop in the lockerroom. Oh, really? Pink Pony Club? Good Luck, Babe? Casual? Sounds familiar yes. [Ilya starts singing Casual] [Shane blushes] I think... I think I remember now yeah. Didn't know that was Kayleigh. How do you know all these people but have no clue what they do? Oh funny story, she is a good friend of Rose actually-

- Oh, that's Sam! Sam Smith. I've been to a concert. Met backstage. Really cool person. Shanya, you're surprising me? You go to concerts? Well uhm. When... when I was with Rose she got us tickets and - Yeah okey.

- Montero! Or Lil Nas X. Shall I guess: Another friend of Rose? Maybe, I should ask her. Actually we did this campaign together and- I hate you.

- Oh thats the actress from the movie. The movie with all the actresses. Oceans Eight. That's Rihanna. Yeah! Rihanna. I really liked her there, she should do more movies. Shane, she is actually a singer. Oh, that's cool. You're killing me. What? Should I know her? Shane. Lyubimyy. We literally had our first dance to her song.

- That's Benito! Nice guy. You know Bad Bunny? Who is a bad bunny? That is Bad Bunny. Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio. Okay yeah? He is literally the biggest singer in the world. Is he now? Yes! Oh, wow he didn't mention. Wait, you met Bad Bunny? Yeah, well we were at some galas together, but to be fair he said- Galas? Like how many? Dunno, like four, five times and- Ilya is your nose bleeding?

[whereisthatfrogomine]

I also think it would be really funny if Shane knew Armando as a real estate connection. Armando reached out to him (because they're both celebrities in real estate, obviously). Shane doesn't typically do networking, but this time he looks into this guy's properties and just thinks, "Oh! This guy actually seems to be really successful at this. I should definitely accept his invite and learn from him and maybe meet some other people with good advice. It would be silly not to." Armando at some point drops the most casual "You do hockey, right? How is that?" that Shane has ever heard from someone who seems to know who he his. Armando never brings up performing because everybody obviously knows who he is (obviously), and Shane never thinks to ask if he does anything else. Armando sends him a text inviting him to dinner or to parties he happens to be throwing when he sees Shane has a game in town, and Shane always accepts. It would be rude not to, and he likes Armando. Shane gets so accustomed to seeing Armando when he's in Miami that the first time he plays there without getting an invite, he texts him to let him know he's in town and ask him if he wants to get dinner. Sorry man, I'm on tour right now. Next time, brother. What does that mean? On tour? Like, on a tour of Europe? Or is this some slang he doesn't know? Doesn't matter, he's busy either way. No problem man, next time. 👍🏽 At least things are still good with his good buddy Armando. Maybe now he'll facetime Ilya tonight, instead.

[clovernebula]

prev how dare you hide this in the tags

[lavenderprose]

I love how some fics are called shit like "They Only Shoot The Birds Who Cannot Sing" and it's like the most insane porn you've ever read and then some fics are called Spit On Me and it's 18,000 words of the most achingly id-scratching prose you've ever read and they're both. They're both so fucking good. thank God for fanfiction.

[lavenderprose]

My most closely guarded and precious to me headcanon about Heated Rivalry in-universe Hollanov RPF is that the VAST majority of the fics are top!Shane. They characterize him as a strong and silent type who eventually melts into a sweet, nervous service top when Ilya's brating and chirping and spreading legs finally convince Shane to let his guard down. Real Shane and Ilya are, of course, not remotely aware of this because I cannot TELL you how niche RPF as a community is and how completely off the radar the cloisters of stan Twitter would be to a couple of professional hockey players from the mid-2010s. However the fandom war caused by the conflicting characterizations of Shane in Hollanov fic versus Shayden fic does result in a middle school teacher in Saskatoon getting doxxed.

[parcai]

fixed it.

[wannabetonthat]

"Shane wouldn't be comfortable around very queer people" "Shane doesn't find kinship with the gays"

I respect your opinion but you cannot tell me that man wouldn't be immediately comfortable in a group of jocky lesbians who probably also eat his fucking quinoa

[neds-bastard]

NEW HEADCANON DROPPED

Shane respects effeminate gay men, hell he’s friends with a gaggle of them, but he is literally one with the lesbians. I bet this man is in a Facebook group with a bunch of middle aged lesbians who get together for hiking and they love him. On many occasions he’ll be at a lesbian bar and someone will side eye him and one of them will be like “He’s an honorary member” and he’d even get a shirt that says “Honorary Lesbian” and you know he wears that EVERYWHERE

[wannabetonthat]

YOU GET IT.

He will go hiking with his gals. He will try Stephanie's recipe for vegan low-carb sugar free brownies. He will discuss the benefits of the new Subaru vs the steady one that came out 5 years ago. He will happily compliment their Patagonia coats.

If there is a bar where this man is sitting down and having more than one beer it is a lesbian sport bar where they are all sipping the most boring tasting craft beer while snacking on unsalted pistachos and sunflower seeds, and watching whatever game is on.

This man would thrive there. He will be invited to marathon training with a group of them. He will be invited to their favorite yoga studios. He will trade with them gym recommendations.

This man will use Birkenstocks and socks and fit right in.

[raincitygirl76]

It’s ironic that Shane has always felt vaguely unwelcome in jocky male hetero spaces. Even though he’s a masc jock down to his white cotton socks.

But give Shane a gaggle of jocky lesbians to hang out with, and he’ll have tons of fun. Ilya will be at drag brunch with Harris, wearing nail polish and the vintage Jean-Paul Gaultier from the club scene. Finally able to be flamboyant in public on occasion the way we see him start to get flamboyant (but only around Shane or Svetlana) towards the end of Season 1.

Meanwhile, Shane is at his own brunch across town. At a vegan restaurant with his lesbian jock friends. He’s having a great conversation about performance diets and DIY home improvement and athletic performance. After their respective fun brunches Shane and Ilya come home and fuck nasty about what a good time they each had.

Also, Leah Campbell and Max Riley are canonically coaches at the Irina Foundation camps in The Long Game. Leah is a current Team Canada women’s hockey player and her husband is a former one. He had to stop playing women’s hockey after his transition. So Shane already knows at least one queer female jock, in Leah. And she’s a hockey jock, to boot.

It’s also far more likely that Shane is the one who knew Leah (and maybe Max) already than Ilya. Since Shane plays Team Canada men’s hockey and Ilya doesn’t. And only just immigrated to Canada. So Shane would’ve had plenty of opportunities over the years to meet Leah and for them to develop mutual respect and even like each other as people. Max roo, before he got kicked off Team Canada for transitioning.

So Shane already knew a lesbian (or technically queer) jock in Leah. And seems to know Max too. He was sufficiently impressed by their talent that he recruited them to coach for the Foundation camps. Which means he likes them. He wouldn’t invite someone to coach if he didn’t like and respect them.

So Shane already has an “in” with local jocky lesbians through Leah Campbell. And I’m sure after he and Ilya get outed, Leah and Max hook him up with local lesbian hockey players who play for the Ottawa Charge in the PWHL. And through them, he meets other jocky lesbians who aren’t specifically hockey jocks. But they’re still jocks. And Shane has finally found his people.

Oh, and Shane and Ilya totally take a minority investment stake in the Ottawa Charge of the new PWHL after they’re outed. That’s a headcanon, not canon. But I feel in my bones that it’s true.

[hr-rep]

Shane getting criticized for not using pride tape and he’s caught on a mic later that week saying I didn’t realize it wasn’t the sucking dick that made me gay but the rainbow . Which is how he comes out.

[hr-rep]

@persimmony-snicket EXACTLYYYY