my peanus weanus of course :)

zabe | he/him | 28 | icon by potionbarrel | 18+ only | NSFW

[benneyfreeman]

hi i'm zabe. um... i love gordon freeman hlvrai if you couldn't tell. frenrey forever (or until i squeeze every last drop of dopamine out of this ship). feel free to send an ask or even DM if you wanna talk to me, i dont bite. just don't be creepy or an asshole and we're good, ok? i especially love to talk about frenrey and also rp so hit me up if you got any interest in that.

18+ only as my blog description says!! don't follow me or message me if you're under 18 please. this isn't just a porn blog but there may be written or drawn porn sometimes. i also do not curate my content and there may be sexual themes or other topics that are not appropriate for minors.

[benneyfreeman]

im so not interested in hl.2.vrai... there's no benrey..... so im pretending it's not real, i sent gordon and benrey to the domestic fluff dimension and they will never leave

[benneyfreeman]

waves it's the ao3 guy obsessed with benreys digestion im too shy to come off anon but Greetings

hiya!! i wouldn't put you on blast i promise. im only answering this publicly bc you can't answer anons privately 💔

but hey if you're really worried about staying anonymous, you could make a character on carrion.chat and message me there? like i said in my fic notes, i'm gordon freeman (hlvrai) on there! if you're at all familiar with f list, it's basically f list but if it was awesome and run by a trans woman

otherwise tho, my DMs are open so if you can gather up the courage, you can message me here anytime ^^ i hope i don't come off as intimidating, im really just a random disabled kinky dude living in my mom's basement! but i get why you'd be nervous too

(this goes for anyone btw! i wanna make cool friends i can talk about or write kink stuff with)

[tangentrina]

...I've grown embarrassingly fond of the Kaiju duo

[benneyfreeman]

yk what im gonna go ahead and plug my frenrey fic here bc i ain't using this blog for much else n i started working on it again recently! uploaded chapter 6 like last week

pls mind the tags and warnings, it IS a kinkfic and will focus a lot on that but also on relationship development, healing from trauma, stuff like that

https://archiveofourown.org/works/57513535/

[gillyeowalters]

Something that upsets me about the transandrophobia tag is the insistence that transandrophobia exists but other types of hatred toward men (androphobia, misandry, etc.) don't. What else am I supposed to call it when I was castrated at two days old because of my surgeons hatred for men and a pseudo-science going around at that time that claimed that boys are the worse/"less rewarding" children to raise.

This woman got the chance to finally hurt a man and literally emasculate him (another issue I have is people currently trying to redeem the term transemasculation. Which is on the same level as trans people using cafab/camab to me) and took it. And I was not the only one. It is actually likely that one child died due to her "treatment".

And no, she didn't hate me because I was intersex and I specifically know that because she had to write an apology letter to my mother (not for castrating her son, btw, but for not informing her correctly on her "child's condition") and she literally said that she wanted to "gift my mother a girl" because boys are "too loud and generally ungrateful" (translated quote). My father literally needed to hold my mother down because she otherwise would have driven out 40 km to boil that woman's teeth.

And even now I constantly have trans people who want to convince me to drop my cis identity because I guess me being a cis man and a victim is too uncomfortable for them.

What am I supposed to call it then?

[luckiestboy]

I think that people try to overcorrect for gamergate and the MRA movements by going "men (depending on the person they include or ignore/actively erase varsex men) are not oppressed ever" Something the very basics of cisfeminism would disagree with. Black feminism would disagree especially considering all the work.

The issue is that it's literally false. Marginalized men, cis and trans, many also intersex (like op, or me)- exist. Racialized men and disabled men and poor men all exist and often their manhood is used against them. Aspects I just mentioned overlap. Marginalized men are oppressed.

Patriarchy hurts all, yes some can benefit from it- but how many actually do and how much are we progressing by denying other marginalized people means to talk based entirely on their gender, said gender coincidentally being one which has very specific sub-groups (keyword, sub-groups, not the whole gender demographic.) that disproportionately benefit from the patriarchy.

The MRA movement attempted to name actual issues, succeeding in some ways (suicide rates of men being one), failing because they mis-identified the cause of said issues.

We discredit everything those groups say- even if they've named actual issues- and we also discredit terms to quickly encompass them, this over-correction has led to tangible harm. Both through mocking and discrediting new terms marginalized men have come up with to talk about issues we face- and through mocking or denying the very violence we've undergone, entirely because we don't want to act like our manhood doesn't affect the treatment society puts us through or means that it's somehow "deserved" or "didn't happen".

Lastly, op; I'm so fucking sorry about the treatment you've endured, firstly from the very doctor who mutilated you, secondly from other trans people telling you to drop a part of yourself entirely because they're unable to admit that someone who's cis was abused. I wish you (and others with the same experience as yours) nothing but prosperity and peace in the future.

Ps. If my addition is unwelcome, by all means let me know, I am more than okay deleting this for your comfort.

[gillyeowalters]

This is a really good and important addition. A lot of people really underestimate, what damage the whole gamergate bullshit has done to political discourse in general.

Besides the obvious damage towards women and minorities, it has also made it impossible to talk about issues men and masculine individuals face without being assumed to be arguing in bad faith. Because actual MRAs would not argue in good faith.

What people also ignore however, is that back then and even before that, a lot of marginalized men were already arguing (in good faith) the same points, and these same men were being laughed at by MRAs when they could not use them as argument bait. And after gamergate they were now laughed at by other people as well, because a) some people genuinely believed them to be MRAs too and b) because for radfems it was a convinient excuse to hurt the men that were easiest to hurt. Radfems will always target marginalized men first, because they are easy targets and they often get support by the non-queer white men they claim to despise most.

Now, radfems have always existed. The surgeon who hurt me and many other children did not know about gamergate and probably knew as much about video games as she did about properly conducting surgery; she was in her 40s. She had made up her mind long before that. She wanted to hurt men and took it out on some of the most defenseless humans.

But gamergate and MRAs have made it impossible for marginalized men to talk about their issues. They nurished people like her, because MRAs rarely had to worry about the consequences and could happily stir the pot.

I cannot blame people much for being distrustful about rethoric or terms that appear similar to MRA talking points. What I will blame people for, is making assumptions based on generalization.

Nothing hurts more than having one's experiences denied by a community that wants be open and welcoming, because at that point you have nowhere to go.

[benneyfreeman]

hi ive been reading a lot of your stuff on ao3 and i just want you to know your stuff scratches a very extremely specific itch in my head and you have elite tier writing and it makes me ecstatic

oh thank you !! sorry it took me a few days to notice this. im glad you like my writing so much! very nice of you to let me know ^^

[snapscube]

How to make fren online???

be open and involved in what you’re passionate about. be curious about other people and what they’re up to in a way that is not foundationally self serving. actively step out of your comfort zone and say yes to more things. do the stuff that you’re afraid of failing at. start any project. play an MMO and socialize. and many more ways not listed.

[snapscube]

i actually can’t stress enough how particularly important “say yes to more things” is for this. speaking personally the amount of new friends i made in 2025 alone by virtue of just being invited to something and saying yes even if my subconscious was thinking of ways to get out of it has been genuinely life changing.

[bl0w-m3]

[vacuously-true]

Wait wait wait.

I thought we made fun of MRAs because they are misguided and misogynistic for believing that feminism is against their interests and they need a movement apart from it. I thought we made fun of them for not understanding that feminism is in favor of men's liberation from the oppressive patriarchal binary as much as women's.

But some of you are actually making fun of MRAs because you think men have no problems to complain about, and feminism ISN'T for men, because they don't need anything, and the patriarchy isn't the enemy, men are?

Oooh I don't think we've been laughing at the same thing. You have lost the plot.

[vacuously-true]

I thought we made fun of people who said "not all men" in response to women discussing sexism because while they are correct that not all men [insert bad behavior here], saying so in certain conversations is just a defensive knee jerk reaction that distracts from the point.

But some of you are actually making fun of any men who ask to be taken seriously and have their needs met and issues heard, even though they aren't talking over women? Some of you are making fun of marginalized men for talking about the experiences at their unique intersections of identities and asking for justice because you actually DO think "all men [insert bad behavior here]?"

Oooooh you are failing feminism 101. You do not understand what the patriarchy even is. You do not understand where its power comes from, who benefits from it, and who is harmed by it. You have not progressed beyond "cooties" level discourse. I am not laughing with you.

[vacuously-true]

This is why you sound like a clown if you call transmasculine people talking about their issues "TMRAs." If you hear men discussing the ways they are harmed by the existing system and the only thing you can think of is obnoxious MRAs, you're telling on yourself. You're broadcasting the fact that you haven't spent enough time engaging with broad feminist viewpoints to know that men's liberation ideas (NOT the same as MRA) are a part of feminism and have been for a long time.

This is why you sound like a clown if you say "trans men who want feminism to be for them are misgendering themselves" and "trans men benefit from the patriarchy because all men benefit from the patriarchy" and "trans men experience no unique injustices because misandry isn't a systemic axis of oppression" and "trans men have male privilege so they can't be oppressed."

Because even if you take "trans" out of these statements, they're still incorrect. Feminism is for people of all genders. Men can be harmed by the patriarchy. The ways in which men are harmed by the patriarchy are different from the ways others are harmed by the patriarchy. Having certain "privileges" in certain contexts doesn't negate the harm of a rigid social structure that punishes nonconformity.

Men can oppose the patriarchy because they want justice for others AND for themselves. There's nothing wrong with that. Giving them shit for talking about that is NOT helping take down the patriarchy.

[vacuously-true]

The patriarchy is not a war of men against women where men are given all the advantages. That's not what feminism is up against.

The patriarchy is a system where ALL people have rigid roles imposed upon them. All else being equal, certain advantages are more likely to be given to men (or masculine people, or people AMAB, or people with male sex characteristics, depending on CONTEXT). But all else is RARELY equal and even when it is, the range of experiences is vast, and the system is rigged against almost everyone.

Because the goal most individuals have, and the right all individuals deserve, is to be themselves, and to do so by choice. And no matter who you are, the patriarchy stands in opposition to this goal. It tells you who you're allowed to be, who you're not allowed to be, what you're allowed to do, and what others are allowed to do to you. This is an injustice for people of all genders.

We're ALL trapped. This system can only be dismantled if we understand the WHOLE thing. Which means we need to listen to everyone when they talk about the harms the system is causing them, from where THEY'RE stuck in it.

How are you going to escape the torture mansion if you don't understand vast swathes of it because you've mistaken your brother for the enemy and closed your ears to him? He's shouting from the torture chamber next to yours, trying to tell you the layout of the room he sees so you can plan your escape together, and you're refusing to listen because he's been given more food and water than you? How do you not see that this attitude is only to the benefit of the torture mansion, not its victims?

[anxeious]

[segamascott]

[jamjarblues]

i truly think that this recent trend of “if you relate to a post about a different identity than your own you are ~derailing~ and taking over the conversation” is incredibly harmful.

i recently experienced some pretty severe transphobic abuse in my workplace (children’s home) that included having food thrown at me, being called slurs, being told i was a pervert because i am trans. one of the managers talked with me afterwards and shared that he had had a similar experience as an Asian man. this wasn’t him derailing my experience, or talking over me, or making things about himself. he was communicating “hey, i know how it feels and how much it sucks. you’re not alone.”

THAT is what solidarity IS. i don’t know what it’s like to be Asian, he doesnt know what it’s like to be trans, but we both had a similar experience and we were able to turn a horrible experience into an opportunity for bonding and comfort.

stop looking at people’s attempts as solidarity as an attack. and hey, you never know - you could find an opportunity to grow closer to other people.

[elsiebrayisgay]

oh i might get canceled for saying this, but i feel like many in the disabled community, and the c-punk tags in particular, could really stand to read this closely. i see a LOT of #disability and especially #physical disability posts complaining about people "derailing" in the reblogs by talking about neurodiversity and mental illness. a few points here:

you are not being "silenced" or "talked over"—you can still talk as much as you want in your own reblogs or make a new post about whatever you want.

if we apply some critical thinking, the hard, impassible line between "body" and "mind" can actually be pretty hard to draw so cleanly. where do physical symptoms of mental and neurological conditions come from? where do mental symptoms of physiological conditions come from?

these people are, as OP points out, your friends. they are showing you that your experience is echoed and mirrored across human existance. we do not need to be exactly the same as every other member of our communities—in fact, i think our communities would be weaker for it. just because someone is not exactly the same as you does not mean their experience is not alike or valuable to consider.

i consider myself a member of the mad community and the disabled community. what i know from being in the center of that venn diagram is that we need each other. saying "the social model tells us that people wearing glasses are not disabled" is a lot less useful to everyone than "what can the average glasses-wearer and the average cane-user learn from each other?" for example.

we NEED each other. all of us. we will not win without each other. quit bullying your allies away for a sense of superiority or special belonging in categories that barely separate us.

[strawberry-crocodile]

nooo little furry girl dont post that picture of a raccoon/oppossum/fox/serval/etc in a house

[strawberry-crocodile]

existing online while caring abt animal welfare and knowing that a wild animal in a house is not having its needs met and a proper facility for taking care of big cats isnt gonna let people cuddle with them means that every now and then people online post the rough equivalent of a dog being kicked and you always have to choose between swallowing that upset and being the Unfun Asshole who goes "hey why is that raccoon wearing a pink collar"

[quietwingsinthesky]

it has been extremely fucking weird and uncomfortable to watch certain corners of this website start replacing calling people transfem or transmasc with “tma” or “tme” in casual contexts. i do not think we should be treating identity as interchangeable with what bigotry you think someone would face, whether or not you agree with the tma/tme model being useful.

[hunita812]

Right like imagine how bleak it would be if this expands. Not lesbian, lesbophobia affected. Not bisexual, biphobia affected. Not queer, queerphobia affected. Why should we focus on the hate and not the pride

[segamascott]

[risingsunresistance]

I FOUND THE REST OF IT