𝔀𝓸𝓸𝓭𝓵𝓪𝓷𝓭.

run, run, don't trail behind, keep moving, the beasts won't stop 'til we're dead.

[bennielector]

I’ve moved here because this blog is a mess and I’ll (hopefully) get back into rp’ing soon and be adding a few secondary muses eventually, even if it will probably still be just Ben for a while! 💖

[bennielector]

hopelesswxnderers‌:

Her arms swung around with her body as she spoke to Bennie. “Well you must be. You’re pale and ginger, don’t you get colder than normal people?” Cleo questioned, drunkly. She didn’t want to go home, but she didn’t know what she did want to do so she let Bennie drag her along. It was the first time Cleo had ever acted like a toddler, but she was so out of it she had no idea what she was doing. “I know where I want to be. I want… I want… to be with somebody who loves me.” She’d never imagined herself to be an angry-drunk but there was so much happening that even Cleo was struggling to contain her anger.

Bennie kept her arms stuck to her sides. She dismissed Cleo’s comment, an effort to point out she wasn’t that pale seemed futile. Bennie blanched at Cleo’s statement that came moments later, almost fumbling over her own feet. She didn’t expect the other woman’s anger, her head felt like it was pounding. You are. You are. You are. Bennie thought to herself, hundreds of words that would only ever exist in her mind. Silence. “I — ” Stupid, useless, coward. She could never just say it. How she felt. “I’ll take you anywhere... your parents’ house, anything...” Wrong. There was obviously little use trying to negotiate with Cleo when she was like this but even Bennie knew there was only one thing that could help. The truth. She just didn't know how.

[alicenthightower]

Fleabag S01E01

[karleefornia]

Visit Original Link

10/100 Songs That Will Change Your Life 

To Build A Home by The Cinematic Orchestra  

Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust This is a place where I don’t feel alone This is a place where I feel at home

[bluemavor]

[bennielector]

hopelesswxnderers‌:

Cleo: No. I should be with the people who love me. Cleo: I should be with my family

Bennie: Whatever you need, Lo.  Bennie: I’m sorry.

[lifeinpoetry]

like the sky I’ve been too quiet everyone’s forgotten I’m here

Kaveh Akbar, from “Calling a Wolf a Wolf (Inpatient),” Calling a Wolf a Wolf 

[chelseaperetti]

[bennielector]

hopelesswxnderers‌:

“Well it’s no big deal to me. Lies, it is but- I’m more worried about the others right now. Kit will throw himself into gambling which is dangerous as fuck and Cleo will bottle it up which is similarly dangerous as fuck especially so soon after losing James. The parents - they already nearly lost Cleo, now I’m probably going to die before they do which is also pretty shit.” Ariel ran her hand through her hair. “Sorry, I babble on when I’m nervous and this is the first time I’ve ever said it out loud.” Ariel looked Bennie in the eye and nodded. “Thanks Ben,” she said with great sincerity. “I hope we can be friends. Every friendship needs someone who talks too much and someone…like you.”

“It’s okay,” Bennie nodded gently as Ariel spoke. She didn’t mind, the least she felt she could do was be someone to vent to. “You can say what you need to.” She smiled slightly, only a little uneasy. In the time Ariel had been sat opposite her, Bennie had thought about the traits that seemed to run in the Harris family, shared by both Cleo and her sister but the thoughts often left her distracted and worrying about her flatmate and close friend. Bennie didn’t know how to help, only that she couldn’t let Cleo down when she needed her. “Yeah, I’d, uh... like that. I can listen, you know, if you ever need to rant...”

[bennielector]

hopelesswxnderers‌:

Cleo: Maybe the drunk-me wanted to hear something more. How naive she must have been.

Cleo: I should move out for a while.

Bennie: You don’t have to do that, if you need space I’ll go.

Bennie: [Unsent] Please don’t go.

[reblogging8tracks]

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Medicine // Daughter

[jamesfrancos]

[hopelesswxnderers]

Cleo: So my big, fat, drunk mouth accidentally told you I love you.

Cleo: Remind me never to drink again.

[bennielector]

Bennie: It's okay.

Bennie: Are you okay?

[bennielector]

hopelesswxnderers‌:

CLEO DRUNKENLY TILTED HER HEAD and laughed up at Bennie, for no particular reason. Actually, she could hardly stop laughing. “Man, I’m so lucky you found me else I would probably be in a ditch somewhere. Which does sound comfy but probably not too safe.” Her fairly-posh accent didn’t really match being drunk. It was the ‘not safe’ part that made Cleo refrain from drinking, but for the first time she didn’t seem to care if she got hurt. “But how are we going to get home without the vodka?” she laughed, feeling her feet trying to stumble her over onto the ground. The small brunette grabbed hold of Bennie’s arm to steady herself. “Cold? Uh…no. I don’t really feel anything to be honest, it’s great. Are you cold?”

“No, I’m not cold.” Bennie replied quietly, draping her coat around Cleo’s shoulders regardless. She shifted slightly to help support Cleo and prevent her from falling but as soon as the other woman seemed stable, Bennie had moved her hands away like they had been burnt. She blinked in the dim light, her head feeling heavy as if she had been drinking herself. “We just need to get home, okay?” She asked gently. She was well experience with dealing with drunk people but she had never been around Cleo like this before and it was making Bennie feel both concerned and guilty, she knew what had happened between them could have been contributing to all that Cleo seemed to be feeling and she wanted to fix that, even if she wasn’t really sure how to. 

[bennielector]

hopelesswxnderers‌:

EVER SINCE THEY’D MET CLEO had tried to look to Bennie for answers a lot. Even answers to questions she should have figured out herself. “We’re so lucky to have you. Have I ever told you that?” Cleo giggled, placing a short kiss on the redhead’s lips. She knew Bennie knew how much Cleo loved her, but it didn’t hurt to remind her every once in a while, especially mid-panic when Cleo was difficult to be around. “I think you might be going a bit far there,” she giggled again, squeezing Bennie’s hand a little harder. It wasn’t long before the three had reached the school gates and hugged their goodbyes. It was their daughter’s first year of school so it was difficult to say goodbye for the day. “What do we do now?” Cleo questioned, looking towards her wife. It was rare they got a day just to themselves.

Bennie smiled as Cleo kissed her. She was the lucky one, she knew that. The life she had now was one she had never imagined herself having. Not once growing up did she believe for a second that she would one day have a family and a house, or even be truly happy. Cleo had changed that, changed everything and Bennie knew it was by some luck that the two of them ever even met at all. She certainly felt that watching their daughter go to school, feeling a mix of great pride but also trepidation. Like Cleo, Bennie was determined to protect their daughter from the evils of the world they both knew all too well but she had great faith and admiration for both her wife and their young daughter. “Well, I think that’s very much up to you, birthday girl.” She grinned, their daughter safely in school and looking forward to the day ahead.

[sapphicemojis]

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Maps // Yeah Yeah Yeahs 

[livs-muses]

“Everything you’re feeling is okay.”

Elsawiped at her moistened eyes with a trembling hand, nodding slowly and bitingdown on her lip. She’d been speaking to a rape victim at the police station,and the story described had been so similar to Elsa’s own experience that ithad shaken her fiercely. She hadn’t intended to spill so much to Bennie, aperson whom she barely knew, but she’d happened to be nearby when Elsa had leftwork for the evening and finally allowed herself to give way to her emotions. “Ineed to be strong,” she finally sobbed. “I can’t let personal issues get in theway of my job, tha’ would jus’ be so unprofessional. Bu’ I jus’ don’t know wha’to do. I don’t know how I can hold myself together. I don’t know if I can.”

@bennielector

[bennielector]

livs-muses‌:

Elsa nodded thoughtfully. Maybe it was different for everyone. Maybe everyone healed at different speeds, to varying degrees. She wasn’t sure what ‘easier’ really meant, in this instance, but she assumed it meant that maybe the nightmares, flashbacks and fears would become less intense. Maybe one day she’d be able to stand a man’s touch without feeling physically repelled. Perhaps that was ‘easier’ to her. “I hope ya right,” she said softly, with a slight chuckle. Elsa was grateful that Bennie was still here, and seemed to really care. “Well… I mean, my closest friends know, bu’ I don’t talk about it tha’ often. I can’t, really. I don’t see how anythin’ could help. It happened, tha’ll never be erased. I know some people go to therapy, an’ it probably does them the world o’ good, bu’ I’m not so sure. Have you ever been to therapy? Sorry, I know tha’s a personal questio nan’ ya don’t have to answer it… I jus’ really don’t know if it’d be worth the trauma.”

“No, I haven’t…” Bennie started. It had been suggested, of course, especially when she was younger, but being forced to sit in a room with a stranger while they asked about her childhood was only ever going to be greeted by a wall of silence from the girl. She understood Elsa that much. Bennie had never believed that any good would come of talking about it, that was like dwelling or reliving to her but then she had never been one to talk or share anything and there she got the feeling she and Elsa differed. “It might help, you know... process. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger than a friend.” Bennie didn’t know if that held true for everyone but she knew, at least, even if she was to be a more sharing person, that there were somethings that would always be too difficult to explain to those that she cared about.