Welcome To My Twisted Mind

only n00bs follow this blag

[brian4rmthe6]

[moistvonlipwig]

here is what i like about the performances of each of the five main actors on riverdale. i like that kj is trying very visibly hard to act and can't quite do it because that is so archie of him. i like that camila delivers all of her lines completely earnestly and without a trace of ironic self-awareness. i like that cole either can't act or is doing an elaborate bit and it's impossible to tell either way which is so juggy of him. i like that lili plays betty like a real person and not a tv character which gets increasingly funny the more outlandish betty's life gets. and i like that madelaine delivers all of her lines as if she is being possessed by the riverdale writers to enact their strange divine vision

[eroscestlavie]

when you’re a gay lion and you accidentally tried to introduce your lesbian lioness friend to one of her own exes at a gay bar and she goes into the bathroom and bitches you out for not being able to tell her endlessly rotating cast of girlfriends apart which isn’t really fair because first of all they all keep dyeing their hair different colors and second of all she keeps getting back together with different ones at different times and meanwhile you’ve been “single” for like 8 months but are spending a lot of time with one specific guy who works at your old co-op and were going to excitedly tell her about it tonight but now you’ve ruined the whole subject of dating by trying to introduce her to her own ex at a gay bar (which is a watering hole. because you’re lions.) 

[dumnslut]

[citrinegay]

one of my favorite plot beats in Riverdale is in s6 when Cheryl gets possessed by Abigail, her ancestor from the 1800s. And nobody notices bc Cheryl already acts like the main character in an old gothic novel. Abigail says shit like “oh my beloved Toni, what for ails your weeping heart” and Toni just answers without a beat because that’s exactly how Cheryl would ask that. She tries to poison Betty Jughead and Archie and they’re just like “Huh! Guess she’s in a mood again. Whatever. We should maybe look into that later.” It’s like she’s been preparing herself her whole life to be the perfect stealth vessel for her tragic murderess lesbian witch ancestor. Character of all time.

[houseofthepigeon]

Thank you pride month for reminding me that they canonized Gay Kevin™️ (in this case Gay Cousin Kevin™️) in the Pretty Little Liars reboot on HBO

[billymayslesbian]

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

[torchichate]

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh

[cheaphalloweencostume]

this is real

[dankmemeuniversity]

[pukicho]

Sometimes my dad likes to put little pills in my food. And in those pills is more of the food.

[pukicho]

[crazysodomite]

If you're younger than 50 years there are termite queens who are older than you

[rifki16]

happy pride to them

[cutecipher]

as a feminist i support recreational abortion

[cutecipher]

i have mixed feelings about competitive

[cutecipher]

*maddest ive ever been, eye twitching* thats baseless. its something else actually.

[dailycatsblog]

[contemptible-scoundrel]

you have been banned from participating in r/candy for the following post: vegetables are underrated as fuck if you believe this to be a mistake, please contact the moderation team.

[epicsause-official]

since its june i wanted to admit that about 3 years ago i made what is probably my biggest contribution to the internet

[aurpiment]

I’m a little bit annoyed at popular humor that characterizes menstruation as the uterus throwing a fit because it wants a baby. no it doesn’t. here’s my alternative anthropomorphic script. it’s no less embarrassing but at least I’m right:

henchperson: uh, boss? You know how a couple weeks ago, me and the girls put up that barrier against invaders, extra thick, just like you asked?

boss: yes…

henchperson: weeeel, the good news is no invaders this month.

boss: and the bad news? spit it out, already

henchperson: weeeeeel, we made it out of wet tissue again, boss. so we’re going to have to peel it off and put up a new one before it gets all nasty, you see…

boss: why is everything wet tissue with you people? get that thing out of my sight!

[sawed-on-shotgun]

hello my name is Stray Hair snd my big dream is to play the itsy bitsy spider on broadway. doyou mind if i practice on the side of your head.