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@bibitching
⍟ the name is jessie!
⍟ bi | nb | white | tme
⍟ look at my byf for a look at my general takes!
⍟ basic dni criteria, TERFS CAN FUCK OFF
⍟ this is not a discourse blog but sometimes discoursy topics will appear
⍟ please like if you read this!
"I'm bi, which means I like every woman on Earth and one single man!"
Skill issue. I'm a massive butch dyke who loves women, AND I love fat fuzzy bear men in a very faggy way. Fat sweaty butch/bear sex is incredible.
If you really, genuinely, absolutely do not like men or want to date them, fine, that is perfectly allowed, but as a nonbinary bisexual, I do get very tired of the "bisexuals don't ACTUALLY like men" thing. It's just another aspect of gender essentialism and blaming random individual men for systemic patriarchy instead of working toward true liberation and gender equality.
I like women. I like nonbinary people. I like men. Because I'm bi. Telling me that my interest in men should be lesser or secondary to my interest in women is biphobia. I don't care if you're also bi, it's shitty to do.
as pride month approaches, i urge most of this site to remember:
tme/tma are not exclusionary, they're for describing trans folk directly targeted by bigotry against transfemininity and those who aren't. like black/non black in discussions of antiblackness
these terms also don't imply your sex whatsoever, tme =/= afab
intersecting oppression means certain folks in trans spaces will be more vulnerable than others ( transfems and also tpoc, disabled trans folk, etc ) interpreting that as "competing" for oppression/erasing yours is deeply ignorant and harmful.
transfems calling out their oppression are not the ones infighting.
transfems calling it out from other trans people are not the ones infighting.
being trans doesn't make you incapable of transmisogyny
if you truly want trans solidarity, support, recognize and listen to transfems, and their experiences. it's our duty if we want to call ourselves a safe community.
love seeing revisionism in the wild “free the nipple never meant you can walk around topless every where that’s still sexual harassment it just meant for like breastfeeding and stuff”no it literally means you should be able to walk around topless anywhere because get this. breasts aren’t fucking sexual organs.
I remember when I was about 12, I watched a show on TLC that followed people as they got somewhat uncommon medical procedures.
There was one episode with a trans woman getting different gender-affirming operations, including breast implants. It showed the procedure, and (what I found so fascinating that it's stuck with me for decades), as soon as the doctor put the implant in, a censor blur popped up on the nipple.
And you just know there was a meeting between the TLC lawyers and the editors and producers of the show to discuss what the difference was between a "man nipple" (can be shown) and a "woman nipple" (no no must obscure, 'tis naughty). And they decided that as soon as the implant goes in and the nipple has more mass behind it, that's the moment when it becomes a woman's nipple and must be hidden to comply with TV rules.
But it's the same nipple. On the same person. I know what it looks like; I just saw it. But TV and obscenity rules are rules, and the rules say woman nipple = sexual and therefore explicit, but man nipple = neutral, just fine.
"Free the Nipple" was calling out arbitrary bullshit like that, because someone just existing with their body parts should not be considered obscene, and the double standard that men can be topless but women can't is so blatantly ridiculous. All nipples are just nipples. If you get turned on or bothered by them, that's on you.
whipping girl so easily and effortlessly disproves the existence of "transandrophobia" or any kind of "special just for transmascs" transphobia through its literal first chapter in the span of like 3 sentences and it drives me fucking crazy nuts bananas to see that because literally if any of you stupid motherfuckers read NOT EVEN 30 PAGES OF A SINGLE BOOK you would understand why the entire concept start to finish is stupid and ignorant at best and actively antagonistically transmisogynistic at worst.
this is literally chapter 1 like its so simply and easily disproven if you spend literally 3 seconds thinking about it
[ID: While trans people on the female-to-male (FTM) spectrum face discrimination for breaking gender norms (i.e., oppositional sexism), their expressions of maleness or masculinity themselves are not targeted for ridicule--to do so would require one to question masculinity itself. /end ID.]
Read Whipping Girl (available at transreads.org). If possible, buy a physical copy or find one at a library. The 3rd edition has been out since March 5th. You can order a copy with a 20% discount through Julia Serano's blog
it’s kind of shitty that i can joke all day about being a bi man who dates women and how my gender nonconformity creates funny situations with that but god forbid a bi girl joke about looking gay while being into men or even acknowledge she’s into men or she’s denied her experiences with homophobia and connection within the lgbt community.
popular bi man on tumblr: “lol women love my #f slur swag” 20k notes
popular bi woman on tumblr: makes a pegging joke without prefacing that she likes women more. 2 callout posts. 20 blocks. 4 reports. site wide discourse. 12 injured.
if you can't hear "trans men are privileged over trans women" without also hearing "trans men face NO oppression and should SHUT UP" then that's kinda on you
addendum: if you can't hear "some trans people have privilage over other trans people" wothout hearing "some trans people are the GOOD AND PURE kind and some trans people are the EVIL AND DANGEROUS kind" then that's on you. also please dont talk to me until youve reevaluated yourself.
addendum 2: if you can hear trans women describe the way they feel unsafe in queer spaces and the way that transmascs do have power over them and can benefit from their oppression, and decide that this is just some pissing contest about Who Suffered Worse, youre an ass.
i'm biased but if you're somebody who loves and is attracted to fat people & you have nice sentiments towards double chins and fat arms and rolls and other fat features that don't get much airplay you should be vocal and insistent about them bc it's something many of us will never ever hear addressed positively & it feels really nice to know that these features can be not just tolerated/overlooked but actually actively adored
i've seen an uptick of the statement "you cannot meaningfully misgender a cis person" and while i do agree to a certain extent (like in the case of a transphobic politician) like with every definitive statement there is actually some nuance. i am certianly not the first person to point this is out but have we forgotten the historic feminization of asian men and hypermasculanization of black women? i thought at the very least by the last olympics we all would have a prominent example of that and how there are certainly contexts in which misgendering a cis person is harmful, actuallly
Bisexuality & discrimination by Lani Kaahumanu / 1985
there is now research proving not only that pansexuals are biphobic but that pansexual biphobia has a negative impact on bisexuals’ mental health
The study checked how bisexual, pansexual and queer women define bisexuality.
Pansexuals and queer women said that bisexuality is binary and means attraction to cis men and women and they also “felt that claiming a bisexual identity indicated an outdated, offensive belief that there are only two genders”.
whereas actual bisexuals defined bisexuality as broad and inclusive of all genders.
It’s also interesting that all the people claiming bisexuality was transphobic were cis whereas the trans people interviewed didn’t have a problem with the bisexual label.
In addition, bisexuals expressed that they found the debates around whether bisexuality is inclusive very upsetting and it made them consider hiding their bisexuality or changing their label.
“While experiencing one’s chosen identity as personal and meaningful was not unique to the bisexual women in our sample, bisexual women often described an added layer of psychological distress upon learning that others define bisexuality in ways that reinforce a traditional gender binary, which contradicts their own definitions and lived experiences of bisexuality.“
i am losing my mind at the people trying to “debunk” this with scientific sounding arguments such as “the sample size is too small to mean anything” - literally the most anti-science thing you can say
1. it displays that you have no understanding of basic research concepts such as the difference between quantitative and qualitative research, what they’re used for and what kind of sample sizes are viable for them
2. trying to dunk on peer reviewed research with a snappy one liner because the findings make you feel bad or clash with your pre-existing beliefs
As a former PhD level social scientist, I need you all to know that a good sample size for a social science study is 30-50 people. In my extensive experience, it’s really only valid to consider the implications of sample size when the study is <20 people (and as OP noted, this doesn’t apply to qualitative research!!! At all!!!!! No numbers, pals!) There is not infrastructure, funding, or other resources to create the kind of massive sample studies you see in medicine. That doesn’t mean you can’t do good research with <10,000 people. Also, if your stats are good enough to make it through peer review, your sample size has likely been taken into consideration properly. If you don’t know much about scientific papers, you can learn, or you can sit down when people talk about peer-reviewed research.
Edit: I’m sorry I’m just REALLY mad about this, the cited study had 25 participants who did interviews. Do you have any IDEA how much labor goes into transcribing and coding that much interview data to analyze? No, you don’t. You don’t even know what coding is if you are sniping about 25 participants. 25 is a lot of people for an interview-based study, JFCCCcccc
a handful of additional points
1. people saying you cant generalize this to mean all pansexuals are biphobic because the small sample size and qualitative nature of this study means it doesnt represent larger trends: sure, maybe. but what it does prove is that it exists. there are pansexual people whose understanding of bisexuality are biphobic and differ from the definitions of bisexuals AND that this difference causes tension and distress to those who do identify as bisexual. it may not be representative of every pan or bi person, but it does prove the existence and lived experiences of relevant people. (as an example, i would not discredit a qualitative study that interviewed 20~ single mothers about their experiences with the available social structures on their city and their effectiveness in supporting single mothers, simply because the sample size is small. their opinions are still reflective of real life issues that real life people experience, and that is worth acknowledging and considering.) so if you’re saying this isn’t generalizable, you’re right! but it wasn’t meant to be and doesnt have to be. if you’re saying it is useless and social sciences are bad as a result, i need you to consider that even the most niche group of people need their struggles considered and validated in the social sciences. small as the sample size is, if its a problem that exists, it deserves to be documented and discussed and if possible fixed. if there are 10 separate single mothers saying social services suck and theyre living in poverty, we need to acknowledge that this is a real issue. the same goes for these bisexual people saying that they experience tensions as a result of biphobic understandings of bisexuality by pan people.
2. people saying “but i’ve never met a biphobic pan person” or “X person in my life is pansexual and i love them, vice versa”: good for you! thats genuinely great and i don’t want anyone to experience biphobia either, so im glad to hear it. at the same time, this isn’t (necessarily/always) a critique of pansexuals as individuals. this is a critique of the label that functions exactly the same as ‘bisexual’ but constantly aims to distance itself from bisexuality. in doing so, the meaning of bisexuality keeps getting muddied because people who are, essentially, bisexual keep trying to define themselves differently. this is how biphobic and tranpshobic definitions of bisexuality come about. and so i have to ask: if bi and pan are the same, why do some people prefer to identify as pansexuality? to say “it just feels right” ignores the element of social influences that people often subconsciously act upon (in the same way some women will say they get plastic surgery to feel confident, but if you asked them why they get the specific procedures that they do, or why they felt unconfident before, you find that the root cause is the social influence of the existing beauty standards that make them dislike how they looked while also making them want to look a certain way).
we do not exist in a vacuum - our choices are often influenced by the views of society, even when we think they aren’t. it makes sense to want to distance oneself from bisexuality when the label is so vilified. but distancing yourself doesnt allow you to challenge the stigma attached to bisexuality, instead allowing it to perpetuating while the people who do allow themselves to identify as bisexual are further villainized. to concretize this idea, consider the stereotype of bi people being exclusive of trans/nonbinary people. if i were to be someone attracted to all genders, i may feel like bisexuality doesnt fit me as well as pansexuality does. and i may feel this way subconsciously, without even realizing that it’s because i don’t identify with the stereotype associated with bisexuality. and so i decide to identify as pan, and when people ask why, i just say “it feels right”. and so i never question whether or not the stereotype is true, and i never challenge it because i don’t have to, now that I’ve decided to identify as the newer label that i feel is “better”, all without ever questioning why it is i feel that way. and if i, subconsciously, judge bisexual people as being transphobic in the future, well then so be it, i guess. and so when someone asks me whats so different between pan and bi, i come up with something that furthers the misunserstandimg of bisexuality, like “i care about hearts, not parts”, or “i dont just like 2 genders”, which erases the lived experience of decades of people who have called themselve bisexual all while miseducating others on what bisexuality means and furthering the stigma.
so i have to ask, if you identify as pan because it “just feels right”, what is it about bisexuality that you feel is so “wrong”? and i am begging you to ask yourself if the reason bisexuality feels wrong is because you have some unchecked stigma, misunserstanding, or bias against bisexuality as an identity. because if you didnt, i dont think you would consider it so bad when people equate bi and pan, or call you one instead of the other.
[id: bisexual flag captioned “people from this country are so cool omg”. end id]
i know pansexuality is not just going to dissapear just because its inherently transphobic and biphobic, but when celebrities can say shit like “I always hated the word “bisexual, because that’s even putting me in a box.” in regards of being pansexual. and still no one can see how pansexuality directly harms bi people.
how many times tv shows and movies about lgbt issues have shied from saying bisexual by saying “no labels”, and how they’ve found a new way to avoid saying bisexual. how this feeling of “bisexuality is too restricting” has become so mainstream, how so many people are convinced pansexuality is freer, more fluid than bisexuality. how dating a trans person automatically makes u “not fit” into bisexuality.
its just so sad
Bi- as in both, as in two, as in separate.
very quick very messy write up on some feelings
I actually don’t think posts about how bi women need to shut up about their relationships in lgbt spaces can ever be lighthearted or acceptable and I think any attempt to paint them as such fundamentally misunderstands the purpose of the lgbt community at its core (:
communities are based on different people with different experiences coming together based both on their similarities and differences. whether or not you can relate to the specific discussions by bisexual women on their relationships is actually irrelevant to whether or not they are “proper” in lgbt settings.
but also the core of the lgbt community is rooted in mutual survival and support. it was a shield against systemic and personal violence on the basis of lgbt identities.
bisexual women experience almost double the rate of assault and abuse in intimate relationships compared to heterosexual women, more than lesbians as well. recent studies have shown 3/4ths (75%) of bisexual women reported intimate partner violence. the statistics are even higher for bisexual women who experience multiple forms of marginalization, such as disabled bisexual women, trans bisexual women, and bisexual women of color.
feminists have, for years, attempted to get domestic violence against women listed as a form of hate crime (with unfortunately little success) but the same logic can, and should be, applied to violence against bisexuals in relationships that occurs due to their sexuality. this is not simply another form of misogyny, tho the intersection of biphobia and misogyny plays a key role, as bisexual men also experience higher rates of abuse and assault.
violence against bisexual women in their intimate relationships is a form of hate crime and bigoted violence that the lgbt community was designed to address and protect against. the idea that bisexual women should refrain from bringing their relationships into discussion in lgbt circles is directly against the very fucking purpose of the community in the first place.
like it’s not a fucking joke. the idea that bisexual women are the ones who are “acting entitled” by discussing their own lives and relationships and experiences because they are not the same as your own is so fucking backwards i can’t even fathom the mental gymnastics used to get there.
Published in coloration with Transfighters/Traction Project, A Self-Defense Study Guide for Trans Women and Gender Non-Conforming / Nonbinar
The threead continues:
All people have a tendency to be unconsciously biased toward seeing trans women as untrustworthy, unsafe, lacking vulnerability, the problem to be solved rather than a person to be taken care of. And this is not less true in trans and queer and feminist communities. It’s just more unconscious, and more propped up with social justice, feminism, queer lib, leftist, and anti-oppression beliefs. This book is talking about this in context to a physical public situation of harassment, but this is true of social conflicts too, including on social media, in friend groups, in all kinds of situations. The unconscious bias also gets taken advantage of by people who know what they’re doing and hide behind that bias to make their mistreatment of transfems seem reasonable—again, often supported with social justice and anti-oppression rhetoric. TERFs aren’t the only people who do this! It felt so incredible to see this spelled out in print, plain as day, an actual book calling out a real thing I’ve experience more times than I can count, that all transfems I know go through, and that I still feel crazy for seeing because there’s so much gaslighting about it. You know how when you KNOW something is real, but you feel defensive about that knowledge, like you have to be ready to hold onto it, and then you see something confirming that knowledge for you in no uncertain terms and it feels like “wow maybe I wasn’t crazy all this time!” That’s how I felt seeing this.
The book linked is free to read and download. See the link above.
is there a label that ACTUALLY means 'attraction regardless of gender' and doesn't have transphobic origins?
yes it’s called “bisexual”
