wtf the fuck

noah | 26 | they/he about me

[birdsknight]

making myself a pinned post finally

i'm noah, i rb things and write things that you can find on my writing blog here (mostly older stuff) and on my ao3 here

i really like my ocs, you can find an ever in-progress list of them/tags for them right here and i'm always open to talking about them. a lot of their tags are just funny shit that makes me think of them but if you ever want to know anything specific about any of them, hit me up

i've been on this site a longass time and am a grown adult. i don't have the energy for most discourse, and i'll just block most shit i don't like or want to see, and i don't feel the need to clarify on what those things are anymore either

be cool stay cool or whatever

[josilverdragon]

"The horrors persist but so do libraries, books, iced coffee, sunsets, trees, the word 'fuck', the moon and the sea."

[vyvilha]

need some female director to lock in and make a movie where a grotesquely ugly and disgusting and monstrous woman slasher killer butchers handsome men in humiliating and sexualized ways. and it CAN'T be because they are rapists or abusers or otherwise misogynistic okay, she has to do it because she's a fucked up pervert

[pronouncingitwang]

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

[yokowan]

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

[le-jardin-inculte]

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

[shithowdy]

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

[whitachi]

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

[araceil]

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

[justgivemeabookplease]

Shrek 2, while a cinematic masterpiece, is also an interesting look at queerness and comp het.

Fiona is married so it's time to reunite with her parents. But instead of marrying a prince, she's married to an ogre. Not just that, but she's also an ogre. (Yes everyone knew she would sometimes be an ogre but that was when she was a child, she didn't know she would be an ogre for the rest of her life, and besides once she met the right prince she would stop being an ogre. She was supposed to stop being an ogre.)

But okay they're both ogres. We can still ask about when they'll have children because even if they're ogres they can still have kids, right? That's what married princes and princesses do so naturally that's what everyone does. Even if ogres might not be great parents (I've heard that ogres eat their young, is that something you people do?) it's still something that should be discussed.

And okay you can stay in Fiona's childhood bedroom filled with all the reminders that hey, everyone thought she was just a princess and princesses marry princes. Her toys left out from the last time she played with them. The prince slays the ogre. The princess offers a token of gratitude for slaying the ogre. Fiona wrote Mrs. Fiona Charming a million times in her diary because what else was she supposed to grow up to be?

And Harold you have to fix this, your country can't be ruled by ogres. You were unfit to rule when you were a frog but I changed you, I made you better, I made you a prince. You know how this works. Think of your daughter's safety.

Shrek goes to the Fairy Godmother and oh honey, ogres don't live happily ever after. It's just not done. It hasn't happened in all of fairy tale history. You have to change the both of you to be happy. You have to present as a prince and a princess. It will be better. You'll fit in better that way. You'll be accepted that way.

[fitzchivalry]

[ahotknife]

the thing is that childhood doesn't just end when you turn 18 or when you turn 21. it's going to end dozens of times over. your childhood pet will die. actors you loved in movies you watched as a kid will die. your grandparents will die, and then your parents will die. it's going to end dozens and dozens of times and all you can do is let it. all you can do is stand in the middle of the grocery store and stare at freezers full of microwave pizza because you've suddenly been seized by the memory of what it felt like to have a pizza party on the last day of school before summer break. which is another ending in and of itself

[clearestbluest]

<3

[shining-bewear]

[greelin]

you can never escape a weird little freak that loves you

[greelin]

this was meant to be romantic but now i’m realizing it reads more like. a threat

[mmleepmlorp]

[grubarchived]

both of me

[innerchildabortionclinic]

favorite genre of joke. starting a collection

[dawn4ngel]

[bbcwhereareyou]

[punchholesinthesky]

[orthoscheme]

supermarkets should have benches

[orthoscheme]

everywhere should have benches

[offshoreoilrig]

You need to touch saltwater

[stuckinapril]

my 30s are going to be so sexy

[psychotic-gerard]

sorry i will never understand cis grief. your daughter is living her best life and going around with friends and feeling like a human being. your son doesn’t feel like he needs to crawl out of his skin anymore and can actually smile. your children are happy and no longer see their existence as the worst thing in the world. why are you grieving this lmao. grow up.

[thewarmvoid]

thank the gods, thank the heavens, thank the stars for trans men and transmasculinities ♥︎✧♥︎✦☆♥︎★

[brainrotdotorg]

Pussy corrosive. Pussy explosive. I look at that pussy, it’s what I need a dose of. Pussy eroding. Pussy abrasive. I look at that pussy, it’s what I need a taste of. Pussy be stinging. Pussy be hurting. Pussy be sizzling when it’s supposed to be squirting. Pussy disintegrating. Pussy dissolving. Pussy turning heads, that shit is revolving.

[brainrotdotorg]

Pussy potent. Pussy persuasive. Pussy not local, that shit is invasive. Pussy feeble, pussy pathetic. This pussy ain't meta, this shit's diegetic. Pussy ambush, pussy boobytrap. Pussy equipped with a glock and a strap. Pussy not rude, this pussy's the meanest. This pussy's a pussy but it's also a penis

[brainrotdotorg]

Pussy flexible, pussy twistable, pussy compelling, that shit's irresistible. Pussy bewildering. Pussy perplexing. Pussy be cursing and pussy be hexing. Eye of newt and turkey gizzard, drink a potion from the pussy wizard. This pussy tells the truth, this pussy tells lies. Can you see through my pussy disguise?

[brainrotdotorg]

Pussy sopping. Pussy sweating. Pussy complicit, it’s aiding and abetting. Pussy disco. Pussy rave. Put that pussy on the radio waves. Pussy be zesty. Pussy be spiced. Serve up that pussy in a bowl with some rice. Pussy helter. Pussy skelter. I get more pussy than an animal shelter

[sparrow-va]

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