Not 20 And Very Depressed

My cat pictures died in 2016 and I’m only on tumblr when I’m thinking about killing myself. Whee. Virtual archive of my interests found here. Enter if you care lol.

[frogribbit]

have to go to work tomorrow. grrrrr bark bark

[tgi-spideys]

In Miles Universe

Its Decembruary

[skarchomp]

[haarute]

Sorry to disappoint but

This however, means that Miles just deadass wrote “Decembruary” on his test.

[heymomlookimadeablog-deactivate]

My guy was trying way too hard to look dumb

[glumshoe]

Raccoons are the worst. You expect them to go through your stuff and steal your food while you’re camping, but they don’t stop there - half the time, they’ll be curious enough to come over and touch you. They prod your sleeping body with their horrible little people hands, run their claws through your hair, hold your fingers with their own. I’ve never been aggressively menaced by one, but they’ve slapped my ass through hammock fabric on multiple occasions and stroked my face or hands on others. I’ve played tug-of-war with large raccoons through my window when they grabbed the string to the yarn-and-cup telephone I’d set up with my neighbor.

[padlocked-quintus]

I AM SO GLAD THAT I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HATES THEIR PEOPLE HANDS.

My first year at camp, our tent was infiltrated by at least six raccoons. They made scratching, shuffling noises as they crawled in from all sides. Somehow they were strong enough to shove our trunks across the ground, and started undoing zippers with horror-film slowness. How they didn’t wake anyone else up, I will never know. The shuffling noises suddenly stopped. They chittered to each other, and the sound was much closer than I had expected. Then I felt hands. Tiny fucking human hands touching my arms, not quite digging in with claws, and I whimpered and tried not to scream. This went on all night long.

I fucking hate raccoons.

[hashtagloveloses]

AQUAFRESH WASN’T BANNED FOR ENDGAME SPOILERS HE WAS ONE OF THE ORIGINAL WOODY’S ROUNDUP PEOPLE AND STILL HAD URLs HE TOOK FROM NAZIS AND TUMBLR STAFF WAS ACTUALLY DOING THEIR JOB SO HE TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM

[tyranova]

[charmantecats]

She wants a hug

[jenlizrose]

HUG HER

[armorabs]

we know plankton and krabs have been playing poker together for 15 years

we also know this episode aired before the episode where pearl turned 16

while the non-continuity & non-chronological order of the series means that assuming that pearl was 15 in welcome to the chum bucket is a fool’s gamble - it’s reasonable enough that if there is an episode about her turning 16, her character was likely conceptualized as being 15 years old prior to that point. but either she was 15 or she was 16 in welcome to the chum bucket … and either way, that’s about as long as pearl’s been alive.

we also know that pearl is krabs’ biological daughter … through a combination of facts … and were given reason to believe that something happened to the mother of his child shortly after pearl’s birth that made him depressed. she’s not around anymore and no longer apart of their lives in any way shape or form.

we also know plankton and krabs were childhood best friends, going on to have an on-again-off-again friendship for years prior to spongebob getting a job at the krusty krab … and the two are shown to occasionally have moments where they truly, genuinely care about each other deep down, despite the rivalry …

conclusion: plankton might have started playing poker with krabs to cheer him up after the death of his wife

[getetteroo]

oh thank god i thought you were going to say plankton was pearls mom

[caroldanversenthusiast]

JAMEELA JAMIL WILL NOT STOP UNTIL ALL GIRLS ARE SAFE

yes i would trust her with my life

[lemonskittlesofficial]

me, watching my mutuals post ceaselessly about a fandom i’m not in:

[benepla-deactivated20180521]

marvel is disney’s forever cash cow! it appeals to children, teens, and sweaty adults! it’s all quite loud and colorful, with the same safe formula every time, but with different directors and tweaks to make it whatever the fuck memorable each time. plus the reliance on violence to push the plot will give them those dank US military checks until explosions go extinct. truly we live in horrific times but i don’t really care 

[benepla-deactivated20180521]

thank u all for letting me know the military quit cutting checks for the MCU after Avengers because they got offended bc the fictional magic men are an alternative to the american military. i’m sorry i was misinformed but more importantly that’s really, really, really, really, really fucking funny

[piscesintherain]

Just to clarify - the Pentagon pulled out of the Avengers (and thus the MCU) because it wasn’t clear whether SHIELD was a branch of the US government, and, if so, where it fell in relation to the military in terms of hierarchy. (Source)

So, it wasn’t just “magic men are unrealistic”, it was “magic men are unrealistic and we don’t know if we outrank them.”

[ftftftftftftftftf-deactivated20]

[eelpatrickharris-deactivated202]

Clarence, stop being a weird opalescent bastard that loves hands and let me start planting things in peace

[lazyscientificalien]

I love Clarence with all my being

[eelpatrickharris-deactivated202]

stop enabling him

[lazyscientificalien]

Look at that little face! He deserves all the hands *puts washed hands in the tank*

[eelpatrickharris-deactivated202]

don’t! give! him! hands! he doesn’t need those!

[pointnclickadventuregame]

It’s with great pain that I must announce you were devoured by clowns.

[pointnclickadventuregame]

Turn to page 14 to climb into the clowns jaws.

Turn to page 6 to turn around and walk away.

[pointnclickadventuregame]

It’s with great pain that I must announce you were devoured by clowns.

[pointnclickadventuregame]

It’s with great pain that I must announce you were devoured by clowns.

[pointnclickadventuregame]

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

best life advice is to not fuck with people named after a month

[thegreedygoblin-deactivated42069]

who hurt you

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

april from teenage mutant ninja turtel

[darkwhiteisacolor]

turtel

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

oh sorry didnt realise this was a spelling bee

[transgambit]

what is the truth

[comedyke-deactivated20171209]

they’re married you asshole

[transgambit]

u right, my bad

[h0odierich-deactivated20170708]

[what-ever-what-ever-what-ever]

thats their lesbian daughter

[otherwindow]

The Shape of Water needs to be part of a series on monster romance.

The Shape of Water - Merman Boyfriend ✅

The Shape of Fire - Hell Demon Fiance

The Shape of Earth - Bog Creature Wife

The Shape of Air - Thirst Trap Mothman

[otherwindow]

The Shape of Shadow - Venom ✅

[strawbebbynya]

This is Hellboy erasure

[yiffmaster]

kinda fucked up how my parents’ generation’s high school musical classic was about kids driving around in cars and owning leather jackets whereas my generation’s is about a class of kids working food service jobs for a bunch of rich golfers to survive 

[your-naked-magic-oh-dear-lord]

I never actually watched High School Musical, but I don’t think it’s anything like that. O_o

[yiffmaster]

do you think i would lie about high school musical for notes

[kitschycritter]

never stop collecting little things that make you happy! rocks! buttons! feathers! flowers! sticks! bugs! bones! never stop!

[yeahthatsdeepshitman]

how did a crow get a tumblr