not a loser anymore, like last time and before

i guess this is where i tell you guys about myself? eh, whatever. names alex, 20 years old, vegan. got on this show for the money and the fame. if you ask nicely maybe ill post some nudes.

[allbaconhero]

Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. Get it? Mountain Dew? ;D

Hehe… As shameless as always, huh, dude? Well, I gotta admit, you get points for creativity…! By the way… Where’s my Valentine’s date? A gift? Something…? I mean this doesn’t count! Pick up lines are for the show~! Do I at least get some chocolate, dude?

[allbaconhero]

I didn’t ask you to fucking apologize, I asked you to make it better! What, you think I want you to feel sorry for me? Dude, I did what you should’ve done ages ago! If something’s keeping you from being with me, you need to tell me! I know I’m not an easy person to deal with… I just told you why. I never talked about this because… Shit, I didn’t want any fucking cameras telling the world my damn secret! But I wanted you to know… And you just… Fuck, Alex, why do you want me to hate you…? What, you think I’m manipulative enough to “see who has the better sob story”? You think I don’t care about putting myself down to keep you? Dude, you don’t know shit about me, if you really think I would be capable of that…

Let me make things clear and easy for you. Stop trying to protect me! Stop trying to take care of me! Just stop, seriously. I don’t need anyone to take care of me, I’m not that damn weak. I’m tough! I can take anything life throws at me! I can take it! … So long as I still have hope things can turn out for the better, I’ll keep fighting. I’ll keep moving forward. I want to help you move forward, too. I don’t believe in destiny, or fate, or anything like that. I believe in fighting for what you want, in working your ass off. I believe I make my future, I can make it better if I keep fighting. You may not always get to be an astronaut, but you be a fireman, a cop. Even if one thing doesn’t work out, you just keep moving forward and try something else, and keep trying until you have something to be proud of. 

Yes, I have Chiara, I have Arthur, so what? And, yeah, I could definitely find someone with bigger balls than you have… But you won’t find someone as stupid as I am. Most people will be fine with leaving you alone. I don’t want you to be alone… *wraps his arms tight around him* Dude, just… stop chasing people away… Just… get off your lazy ass and actually try for a change. In the end, if you don’t like me like that, I’ll understand. It’s not like I’ll hold it against you. I’ll still try to get close, I’ll still try to be your friend. I just feel you need to start fighting for what you want, or you’ll keep losing it. I’m trying to take care of you, you idiot. I care for you, ok? I do… I want you to be happy. So, what will it be? No more excuses. I want an answer. I guess you could choose to hurt me, if you want to. You could choose to hurt yourself. Or… you could switch it around and actually take a chance. Whatever you want, dude… Just… just know that I’m here for you. I want to be here for you. 

[bitemescratchmeharder]

I don't...understand. I don't understand you at all.

What is it that you see in me? Because I sure as hell don't see anything myself. Why are you trying to fight so hard for this, fuck, Alfred...

I don't work hard for anything. I can't work hard for anything to save my life. If I did, I'd just screw it up, like I do with everything. Fuck's sake, I didn't even finish high school. Every job I get, I get fired from within a week. I lived with my dad for god knows how long, but he was struggling to make ends meet as it was already so I just...left. Mooched off other people whenever I could. One night stands just for a nice place to sleep for once...it's kinda funny how much people are willing to spend if you convince them you're a prostitute. [Laughs bitterly, shaking his head and trying to pull away from Alfred]

...I'm used to pain. Disappointment. Depression. That's all I've ever known, that's what normal is to me. Sleeping around is the only thing I know to do to get rid of those feelings even for just a couple minutes. And then I try out for this stupid show on a whim and suddenly everything is...not normal. You and your goddamned smile that every time I see makes my heart do some fucking awful jumpy, skip-a-beat shit and it makes me feel sick like I need to see a doctor ASAP or else it's gonna explode straight outta my chest. And it hurts like a bitch and I hate it, and I can't fucking make it stop. 

Damnit, Alfred, I...I-I don't understand. Literally. I don't understand any of this and it frustrates the hell outta me because god fucking damnit, I want you to be happy but I can't see how you'd ever be happy with me. I didn't wanna get so attached, I didn't want you to get so attached to someone as fucking awful as me. Why won't you just leave me already...?

I...I can't...

F-Fuck...why the hell does it have to be you...?

[allbaconhero]

Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. Get it? Mountain Dew? ;D

Hehe… As shameless as always, huh, dude? Well, I gotta admit, you get points for creativity…! By the way… Where’s my Valentine’s date? A gift? Something…? I mean this doesn’t count! Pick up lines are for the show~! Do I at least get some chocolate, dude?

[allbaconhero]

Oh, so you don’t mind physical pain, do you? That’s pretty good. Cause then you won’t mind the ass kicking you’re about to get! *pulls on his shoulder to make him turn around, punching him across the face* Where do you get off being so fucking cowardly?! What? You think you’re the only one who’s gotten hurt, the only one who’s been abandoned? Let me tell you about my life! My dad? Dead! My mom? Apparently she decided she didn’t need me anymore after my dad died! So she just took me on a walk one day and disappeared. Never saw her again. The one man I ever trusted? The one I wanted to become my new dad? Knocked up some dumb bimbo and they suddenly decided they didn’t need a problem kid anymore! And don’t even get me started on the foster parents. That’s right! I’m a foster kid! Now everybody knows! Happy now?! You want to stick to your method? Fine by me! Go ahead! It seems to be working pretty well for you, dude! Just look at you! You’re perfectly happy, all alone! You’re not hurt at all, just watching everyone be happy while you wallow in your misery! You can keep self destructing for all I care! I… I just… I just don’t think you deserve that. You’re an ass. You’re cowardly and you’re weak. And… I don’t want to break… I can’t be with someone who’ll break me, dude… I’m already shattered here… 

Look, dude… you say you care for me? Then fucking do something. Cause if you keep distancing yourself from me? Then how can I help? How can I prove to you I won’t abandon you if you abandon me first? Cause, you know what? I don’t do romance either. I’ve never dated. Ever. Not because I didn’t want to… I just couldn’t. I was so damn scared that they’d just leave me too, I just… ran away from it all. But I’m trying to change all that… I’m trying to move forward. I’ve got Arthur now. And Chiara… Sure, people keep leaving… Every day, they leave. Lovi left. What can I do but just… keep trying? I don’t want to give up on you, dude. I don’t. I just… can’t do anything about it if you won’t let me. We have similar issues, that’s… that’s complicated. We’ll have to try hard if we want it to work. If you’re not willing to do that, I can’t force you. Just know that I didn’t walk away from you. You’re the one abandoning me.

[bitemescratchmeharder]

[He doesn't move on his own, doesn't even flinch when Alfred's fist connects with his face, head snapping to the side and staying there, keeping his eyes on the ground even as he tastes blood in his mouth and feels his cheek starting to swell. Shit, he hates confrontation.]

...So what do you want me to say? I'm sorry? Fine then. I'm sorry you had a shitty life, Alfred. I'm sorry I'm such a shitty person. But this isn't a fucking competition to see who has the better sob story. This is about me trying to stop you from hurting yourself even more. There's someone out there who can take better care of you than I ever will be able to, so why do you want to stay with me in something that was doomed from the start to crash and burn exactly like this? You've got Arthur, you've got Chiara, you're already headed down the path to a great life. Surely you can find someone else a million fucking times better than me.

I know that I'm a coward. I'm weak. I know. You don't have to tell me that because I've known that from the very beginning. I run from things to cope with them.

[Oh damn, his voice is starting to crack now. This is getting bad.]

And I know...I know that I'm going to break you. I...I don't want you broken. I'm already beating myself up every day over this, like hell I'd be able to handle watching you eventually shatter into fucking pieces because of me. Alfred...please.

Please.

Forget about me and don't look back. I'm...just another regular bump in the road, nothing special. Get past me and move on. You deserve more than me.

[allbaconhero]

Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. Get it? Mountain Dew? ;D

Hehe… As shameless as always, huh, dude? Well, I gotta admit, you get points for creativity…! By the way… Where’s my Valentine’s date? A gift? Something…? I mean this doesn’t count! Pick up lines are for the show~! Do I at least get some chocolate, dude?

[allbaconhero]

I coerced you…? You were the one flirting! What did I do to coerce you, dude?! I really wanna know, cause I’ve never even dated anyone else before, maybe I should know what I did right for a change! And if you’ve been trying, then I haven’t seen it! Dude, just… just make up your mind… You can’t say it doesn’t matter and then say people get hurt! Don’t make me into the villain…! 

Just… just tell me. Honestly. Do you like me or not? Dude, I… I’m not trying to change you… But you can’t change me, either. And if we can’t compromise, then… I wanna be special. I want to feel… like I matter to someone. Like I’ll have someone who won’t just… say they’ll come back and then… disappear. I’m scared, dude. You’re right. I want a lot of things, but I’m scared of getting what I want so much I’ve spent a life time running away from it. Every time I don’t, things just… they don’t work out. So, let’s just be honest here… If I can hurt you, it means I matter. Do I…? Do I matter enough to try harder? Do I matter enough to be special, someday…? Even if… even if not now… I just… If you say no, this will be the last of it. No more tantrums, no complications. 

[bitemescratchmeharder]

...God fucking damnit, why the fuck does everything around here have to be so goddamned stressful?! [Mutters angrily to himself for a moment, balling his hands up into fists and turning to kick the nearest wall hard enough to dent it.]

Alfred. Look. I...

[Takes a deep, slightly shaky breath to try and calm himself down, shoulders slumping as he leans his head against the same wall he'd just kicked.]

...I do care about you. A fuckton more than I should, probably. And it fucking sucks. Because you know what I'm gonna do? The closer you try to get to me the more I'm gonna distance myself from you. I sure as hell don't do romance, and I sure as hell ain't gonna start now. I've seen more heartbroken people in my life than I can count on both hands, and that's exactly the shit that I don't wanna deal with. I don't get close to people so it doesn't hurt when they leave. It always happens, so why would you be any different?

See, I'm good at dealing with physical pain. I can take that shit with a fucking smile on my face any day.

...Mental pain, not so much.

Damnit, this doesn't have anything to do with you, Alfred, I swear. This is my own fucked-up way of dealing with life, and it's worked so far so I'm going to keep doing it whether I consciously think of it or not. If you think you can handle that, great. If you can't, then just...leave. Before it gets really bad. Please.

[allbaconhero]

Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. Get it? Mountain Dew? ;D

Hehe… As shameless as always, huh, dude? Well, I gotta admit, you get points for creativity…! By the way… Where’s my Valentine’s date? A gift? Something…? I mean this doesn’t count! Pick up lines are for the show~! Do I at least get some chocolate, dude?

[allbaconhero]

Then you shouldn’t have called it something it wasn’t. Whatever, dude, it’s not even… I don’t even know what I expected. For the record, I didn’t ask for anything world crushing. I asked for what I was promised. Not once did I try to ‘fix you’ and not once did I ask for anything stupid like ‘love’. I just wanted to be more than a hole you wanted to stick it into. There’s no bubble to burst. Besides the fact that people claim they’ll ‘try’ and that’s just a pretty way of saying hell no. Next time, just say no. Even if it doesn’t sound that way, it’s a hell of a lot nicer. Forget a relationship, Alex. You didn’t even try to be my friend. That’s what really gets to me, for the record. See ya around.

[bitemescratchmeharder]

I told you what to expect. Guess you didn't listen.

Don't act so innocent yourself. You coerced me into this just as much. And, "for the record", I haven't tried as hard for anyone in years as I did for you.

See, this is the exact reason I keep to myself. Because shit like this always ends up happening and people get hurt.

I'm gonna go sleep for a couple hours. Later.

[bitemescratchmeharder]

So wait, I have to be Berwald?

......Sweet. So who wants me to sex 'em up first~?

[allbaconhero]

Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. Get it? Mountain Dew? ;D

Hehe… As shameless as always, huh, dude? Well, I gotta admit, you get points for creativity…! By the way… Where’s my Valentine’s date? A gift? Something…? I mean this doesn’t count! Pick up lines are for the show~! Do I at least get some chocolate, dude?

[allbaconhero]

Dude, that’s… That’s not even the issue here, ok? I don’t want to have sex with someone I barely know! Have we even had a decent conversation since we started ‘dating’? Do you even listen to me? I just told you I was feeling insecure, and you just talk about sex? I mean… I know that’s the only reason you even agreed to date me in the first place… I just… I guess I just hoped that if we did the whole dating deal and all that crap… we could actually care for each other beyond that.

I wanted you to comfort me, jackass! Even idiots need comforting every once in a while! … If that’s too much to ask, maybe we shouldn’t keep up this thing, whatever it is… Hell, Chiara and Arthur know way more about me than you do, and they’re not any closer to getting laid with me. If you want me that badly, at least work your ass off to get it. If I’m not even worth that much, just leave me the hell alone.  

[bitemescratchmeharder]

…I told you from the beginning I'm not a relationship kinda guy. And you still expected differently? It doesn't work that way. You can't just magically change the way I've been living my entire life. The stupid mentality that people have that you can fix a person with a relationship is utter bullshit.

Sorry to burst your little bubble you've got going there, but you expected something that I said I wouldn't and couldn't deliver, and now you're getting pissy when I'm doing exactly what I said I would. You want me to leave you alone? Fine. It's no skin off my back. You're a cool guy, and yeah, I like you, but not in the way you want. Difficult people aren't my forte, and if you want to be difficult, then I'm backing off. You don't want sex? Great. Someone else out there can give you what you want, but that someone isn't me.

[allbaconhero]

Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. Get it? Mountain Dew? ;D

Hehe… As shameless as always, huh, dude? Well, I gotta admit, you get points for creativity…! By the way… Where’s my Valentine’s date? A gift? Something…? I mean this doesn’t count! Pick up lines are for the show~! Do I at least get some chocolate, dude?

[allbaconhero]

Serious about having sex… or about me? 

I don’t know, dude, I’m just feeling reaaaaally insecure about this. 

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Come on, I gave you those presents for a reason. What better time to use them than now? I'll even let you top if you want. Since I'm way more experienced, 'n all.

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Hello. Would you be interested in joining everyone at a party in the dining room? I wasn't sure if Alfred had invited you or not.

Party? Alfred didn’t say anything about a party, the little shit. Sure, why not? There’s gonna be booze, right? maybe I can get Alfred super drunk in revenge heh

[granddukehenri]

Yes, of course! Alcohol, food, and music.  Alfred and I have been quite busy preparing it.

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Well hey, good thing I love all of those. Count me in. 

[allbaconhero]

Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. Get it? Mountain Dew? ;D

Hehe… As shameless as always, huh, dude? Well, I gotta admit, you get points for creativity…! By the way… Where’s my Valentine’s date? A gift? Something…? I mean this doesn’t count! Pick up lines are for the show~! Do I at least get some chocolate, dude?

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Who says I’m teasing? I am being completely serious here. ;)

[allbaconhero]

You’re… serious…? 

Like, seriously serious…? 

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Totally serious.

[allbaconhero]

Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. Get it? Mountain Dew? ;D

Hehe… As shameless as always, huh, dude? Well, I gotta admit, you get points for creativity…! By the way… Where’s my Valentine’s date? A gift? Something…? I mean this doesn’t count! Pick up lines are for the show~! Do I at least get some chocolate, dude?

[allbaconhero]

Dude, you are seriously such a tease…! Thanks to you I have this eternal blush on my face… 

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Who says I'm teasing? I am being completely serious here. ;)

[allbaconhero]

So you like it…? Happy Valentine’s, dude~! *gives him a quick, soft kiss* 

I do have a roommate you know? So I’m not really… alone…? Oh, boy, what have I gotten myself into?”

[bitemescratchmeharder]

And a very happy Valentine's Day to you too, sweet cheeks. [Grabs him by the waist, pulling him in close to kiss him again for a few more seconds.]

You're so cute and innocent <3

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Hello. Would you be interested in joining everyone at a party in the dining room? I wasn't sure if Alfred had invited you or not.

Party? Alfred didn't say anything about a party, the little shit. Sure, why not? There's gonna be booze, right? maybe I can get Alfred super drunk in revenge heh

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Easy Bottom?

Ooh, sorry bro. The name's actually Alex. Looks like I'll just have to fuck you now <3

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Hey, dude~ You know... I tried to find you some vegan chocolates, but it was just impossible... So! I went ahead and baked you a vegan chocolate cake all on my own~! I'm gonna be honest and say I didn't really try it, but I do hope it's good! Here you go, man... Happy Valentines~!

...........

FUCK THAT CAKE LOOKS DELICIOUS...and so does a certain person I see. 

Damn. 

Hope you didn't plan on sleeping alone tonight, babe. <3

[allbaconhero]

Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. Get it? Mountain Dew? ;D

Hehe… As shameless as always, huh, dude? Well, I gotta admit, you get points for creativity…! By the way… Where’s my Valentine’s date? A gift? Something…? I mean this doesn’t count! Pick up lines are for the show~! Do I at least get some chocolate, dude?

[allbaconhero]

Whoah, chocolate~! Thanks, dude~! <3 <3 This is… wait…

Body paint…? This is… t-this is… I think I already know the answer to this, but… Uhh… w-what exactly… will I be using this for, dude…? Bedroom bucks…? Seriously…?

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Why don't you use your imagination to figure that out? <3 What better way to celebrate late Valentine's Day than with sex and chocolate~!

[allbaconhero]

Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. Get it? Mountain Dew? ;D

Hehe… As shameless as always, huh, dude? Well, I gotta admit, you get points for creativity…! By the way… Where’s my Valentine’s date? A gift? Something…? I mean this doesn’t count! Pick up lines are for the show~! Do I at least get some chocolate, dude?

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Fine, fine, here's your real present~

[allbaconhero]

Seriously?

[allbaconhero]

*blushes as he calls him his boyfriend, stuttering slightly but relaxing a bit, still trying to keep him from looking too much*

D-Dude, no… come on…! It’ embarrassing… It came with the outfit! I just… I can’t do anything about it… Damn Gilbert stole the best outfit, his didn’t even come with underwear! He could keep his boxers, how’s that for unfair? *jolts up, turning bright red as he feels him groping him all over, letting out a nervous laugh, just now noticing what Alex was wearing*

You got the bikini?! Oh, my— You got the biking…!! *speechless, about to die* //////

[bitemescratchmeharder]

Just because it came with the outfit didn’t mean you had to put it oooonn~ You totally wanted me someone to see you, didn’t you? I didn’t know you were such an exhibitionist, Alfie~

[Is totally grinning like a maniac now while simultaneously feeling Alfred up totally in view of anyone passing by]

You like it? It was the one with the least material I could find in the pile~ Quite flattering, if I do say so myself.