Had a funny thought about Adam becoming a sinner and experiencing a glory hole for the first time in his long life.
He’s out with the Hazbin Gang on a field trip to Lulu World when he has to use the bathroom and a break to play on his phone since Princess Charlie has decreed there will only be friendship bonding and no screen bonding like he always does at the hotel. He just wants to check a few socials, zone out for two seconds, and maybe catch a tit or two on Verosika’s posts. That’s it. Nothing he can’t squeeze out in a few minutes to decompress from sunshine and rainbows.
Adam finds the bathrooms pretty easy and they’re surprisingly clean for Hell. He can actually sit on the toilet top without getting his jeans wet which is a huge win, so he’s quick to close himself inside the stall and start scrolling his neglected phone.
About a minute rolls by when he hears a knock from the stall wall next to him. He glances over and notices there’s a crude hole carved into it with the words “Glory Hole Here” in sharpie above it.
Finally, he thinks. Some glory to God in the highest in this motherfucking godless place. This must be a hidden confessional box that some actual repentant sinners have made in the hopes of getting into Heaven.
It nearly brings a tear to his eye when another knock breaks him out of his thoughts and he decides he’s probably the most qualified to lead a confession. He knows the words like the back of his hands— Err, claws now.
“You gonna help a guy out?” The sinner says from the other stall.
“Oh, shit. Yeah,” Adam stumbles, trying his best to remember the words. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, makes the sign of the cross over his chest before clasping his hands tightly together, and begins a welcoming prayer:
“Welcome, my son. May God, who has enlightened every heart, help you to know your sins and trust in his ultimate mercy.”
Adam waits for the sinner to begin his lines, but there’s awkward silence in its place. Maybe this idiot needs a little more help than Adam thought. They ARE in Hell, after all. He clears his throat, leans closer to the hole in the wall, and tries again, “speak your sins to me so that you can be forgiven, Child of God.”
He’s so close to the hole that he can hear shuffling on the other side. Maybe this sinner is nervous? Adam’s patience quickly drying up.
“Hey, Asshole!” Adam shouts, “Are you gonna confess or not?! I’ve got shit to fucking do today so if we’re gonna do this thing let’s get to fucking going!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” The reply quickly comes, “My dick’s been in the fucking hole this whole time! You’re the one stalling with your weird kink when you should be sucking already! I’ve also got a family to get back to!”
Adam opens his eyes and there’s a huge purple cock with veins popping out and a heat radiating off of it that makes him wonder how he didn’t feel it inches from his face in the first place. The air conditioning in this bathroom must be stellar.
“Oh, Adam!” Charlie beams when she finally sees Adam’s hulking figure through the small crowd of sinners and imps enjoying their time at LuLu World.
“There you are! We were just about to send Husk in there after you—“
Adam shoves past her, his face so glaringly red that Charlie momentarily thinks someone must’ve thrown hot water in his face or… something. Whatever happened, Adam is definitely pissed and done with this field trip.
“The car? But we’re having so much fun!” Charlie nearly sings, throwing her hands up to show off some sparkles that she thinks Adam will appreciate, but he’s already snatched his ducky-shaped cotton candy from Baxter and is heading towards the front gates. Adam must be overwhelmed, she decides. They must not have good theme parks in Heaven,
“Well.. Vaggie has the keys and she’s on a ride with Angel and Niffty. If you wait just a minute I’m sure—“
“Then I’ll lay on the fucking roof!” He shouts back at her, already several strides away, his hand waving to dismiss her as he stomps his way out of the park.
Which, in hindsight, was probably a good thing because not too long later that side of the park was shut down to pull someone out of the toilet system so they left early anyways. At least they had fun while it lasted.
