The Kira case was taking its toll on everyone, and you were trying your best not to fall into despair, but as the days passed, you couldn't take it anymore.
Good thing there was always someone awake this late.
I wrote this out of spite. There needs to be more male reader insert fics 😭
My first reader insert fic so please be kind 💕
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Raindrops hit the glass and raced to the bottom of the building freely, completely unaware of the suffocating pressure pressing down on all of the task force members.
Almost everyone was asleep by now.
Everyone except for him, of course.
It wasn't any different than any other day or night where L stayed glued to his work, dark eyes shifting from his laptop to the files and notes surrounding him then back at the bright screen that definitely wasn't doing his tired eyes any favour.
You were supposed to be in bed. It was rare for you to leave your room at a time like this, even if you couldn't sleep, being someone who took L's comfort into consideration. The man was doing his best to catch a serial killer that was somehow committing impossible crimes, the least you could do is make sure he's in his preferred environment with as little distraction as possible.
Something was different this time though. It was obvious from the start, really, to everyone and even to you. This case, kira, the lack of progress, it was all getting to you. Slowly but surely, you were losing your drive, feeling like all your efforts were going down the drain, your energy no longer what it was at the start of this case…and worst of all? You lost hope.
In all the previous cases you've worked on, nothing ever managed to do this to you, though you supposed there was a first time for everything.
One of those things was this night. You weren’t sure what compelled you to seek the detective out, yet here you were,getting in the way of his work no doubt.
“ It's almost 4 am you know…. you should really try to get some sleep, Ryuzaki.”
L paused for a moment, glancing at you with a slightly raised eyebrow, a hint of surprise at the sudden and very uncharacteristic interruption this late at night. It doesn't take long for him to go back to his work though.
“Hm…yet here you are, awake. Troubled thoughts keeping you up?”
You shrug, moving to stand in front of the window, looking out at the quiet city. “ Are you just that perceptive or am I just obvious?”
You let out a breath at that, finding it funny how you can't even bother with hiding your worries. A few moments of silence passed, the only sounds filling the room were the occasional click clacks from the laptop followed by the occasional sip of coffee.
“How do you do this?” The question caught you both off guard. You weren't even sure if you were the one who spoke until L responded carefully, eyebrows furrowed, not liking where this conversation might be headed. As much as L had a feeling you were about to crack, he found himself hoping you wouldn't.
“.....Do what? Staying awake late into the night? Or-”
“How are you still going after Kira when it feels more and more like we aren't getting anywhere? How can you still go through the details of this case without feeling like you're losing your goddamn mind? I'm surprised that the task force still has people in it. This entire situation is hope….less?...”
A hand on your shoulder startled you enough to snap you out of your thoughts, tensing for a moment as you never even heard L get up, let alone get this close. As you looked up at him, you found yourself going even more tense from the frowning, dark eyes, intense as ever, aimed at you. You didn't know if you should expect a lecture or a warning, but you'd welcome anything that'll break this suffocating silence.
L stared at you for a good minute before he moved his hand off your shoulder, surprising you as he wiped a few tears off your face.
When did you even start crying?
The gesture was enough to make you feel too open, too vulnerable, heart racing in a panic at being seen like this, especially by him. The last thing the detective needed was to see you this way, weak, lost.
You need to go back to your room, you need to get away-
A firm hand on your arm held you still, halting your attempt at running away from whatever this is.
“ Don't run. You've clearly been bottling this up for far too long. I’d rather you let it out now than for this to happen again with the others around.”
L led you to a seat before going back to his own spot on the couch, sliding a small piece of his brownie to you. Hesitating for a few moments, you took the brownie, letting the chocolatey, gooeyness take your mind off of everything for a few seconds.
“You want to know how I’m able to go after Kira even though so much time has passed with not much to show for, correct?”
Staying quiet, you nod at him, hoping that whatever answer he gives will bring back even a shred of your hope.
L went to speak but the moment he parted his mouth, nothing came out. A moment of silence passed as he stared at you, eyebrows furrowed as he seemed to be deep in thought, debating something.
“I said it before, I hate losing…..but if I told you that was the only reason, I’d be lying.”
He began, eyes unfocused, never really being someone who took the time to think deeply about why he does things, preferring to just move from a case to the next.
“If I don’t catch Kira, I simply wouldn’t know what to do with myself…this is my job, this is what I am meant to do, and if I don’t do it….well, I’d rather not discuss that. ”
You didn’t even realise you were holding your breath until you exhaled sharply, never once hearing L say anything this personal before.
“But there are always other cases…” You mumbled quietly.
“Solving those won’t avenge Kira’s victims, it won’t bring them back, won’t put them to rest…wherever they may be….”
L let out a slow breath as he moved his thumb away from his mouth, looking truly exhausted in the dimly lit room. “I’m…not certain why I’m telling you this, but you seem to be on edge and, well, I’d rather not lose the one member of my team that makes me feel slightly more grounded. Of course, if you feel the need to quit I won’t force you to stay, but it would be a shame to see you go, considering my….unusual trust in you.”
He raised an eyebrow at you then, and you knew that what you asked was a stupid question. It wasn’t really that surprising, considering that L does treat you like his right hand man after Watari, but hearing it spoken out loud made it feel like a shock. “I’d feel offended if I didn’t know you yourself realised that your question is unnecessary.”
“Right- It’s not that, I was just surprised that it was said out loud… you know? ”
He nodded, his words pulling you back from the edge if only for just a moment, though you were able to see that he had more to say, as he kept fidgeting with a sugar cube, glancing at you for a long time as he thought. “There is one other thing. A reason that I refuse to abandon this case.”
If words were able to give people heart attacks, you might have just accused Ryuzaki of being Kira himself at the moment.
You turned to face him fully, the words he whispered into your ear not fully setting in, heart racing as you whispered out of fear of being heard even by the walls.
He didn’t pull back as he spoke quietly, his warm breath against your face making you shiver as you listened to him, trying not to chalk all this up as a dream of some kind.
“I know who it is, I’ve known for a while. The first kira, not Misa. It’s been a matter of how to prove it and discovering how he kills, really.”
Swallowing, you try to keep your words clear, a sudden tension replacing the numbness that overtook your body moments earlier.“But…why tell only me? Shouldn’t the others know?”
L’s gaze somehow got more intense as he leaned closer, deadly serious as he spoke.
“No. Not now, not when they are biased. If I tell them and I can’t prove it with physical evidence, they will trust me even less. Some might even turn on me. I need you to keep this between us. Everyone is already on edge as is.”
You nodded, even if didn't fully like the secrecy, your first instincts were to trust L no matter what. You’ve watched him work long enough to know he doesn’t mess around, that everything he does serves a purpose. You were not about to risk being the reason Kira might go free.
But knowing who Kira is and not saying anything…?
“....Are you not telling anyone because you still think it’s Light? Even after putting him under surveillance from the start?”
L studied you before he chose his words carefully, letting you in on his thoughts even though his instincts told him not to.
“I believe you already know the answer to that. What I want to know is what you think of him. You have seen the same footage we all have, you've met him, what are your thoughts?”
“My thoughts? I-...I think there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, really…he just-...we can’t-” You frowned down at your hands, huffing as you weren’t sure what to say. There wasn’t anything in the footage or anywhere else pointing to Light being a serial killer….but then again, this is just between you and L, right?
“...This…this is just a gut feeling, okay? I think he is very good at pretending to be normal. I think he was aware of the cameras and managed to find a way to trick us and kill. There were many moments in the footage and in real life that felt...performative......but I could be biased, I don't really like the guy.” Letting out a sigh, you looked back up at L, slightly startled as you saw him looking at you with a smile.
“ I did not need the reassurance, but I must admit, it feels quite good to know someone else sees what I do. Keep this to yourself for now, though. I doubt the others would appreciate hearing that about their golden boy, especially when there is so little evidence.”
You let out a quiet chuckle, nodding as you leaned back into the chair, sighing with exhaustion. Everything about this night felt like an illusion, the stress from earlier melting away but not disappearing, the sensation of being overwhelmed still in the background of your mind, but like it was paused for a moment. You glanced at L, studying the detective in a way you haven't consciously done before.
‘Since when did I start feeling comforted by his presence?’
“Thank you for talking to me, Ryuzaki. I appreciate it.”
You moved to get up, feeling like you've taken enough time from his work and hoping that maybe by trying to sleep, the persistent ache in your chest might go away. But that plan didn't last long as you heard L’s next words, spoken quietly into the space between you two like a bridge.
“There is no need to thank me, I was simply assisting you as an important part of this team.” He hesitated for a second before speaking in a rare, softer tone, not looking at you, the air around him growing warmer, safer. “…You know, if you'd like to elevate your current emotional state, you could always rest on the couch here.....I believe it'll help, as having company would be more beneficial to you than being alone in your room.....there is also cake....that certainly should help as well.”
There were no words that would've been able to express the effect the man had on you at that moment, heart fluttering from the sheer kindness L showed towards you.
Who were you to decline an invitation like that?
“I'd actually really like that.”
He shifted, scooting to the side to make room for you next to him.
You sat by his side in comfortable silence, watching him work, taking a few bites of the strawberry cake he offered you, and as you laid down next to him when you felt your eyes grow heavy, barely able to keep them open, you felt a hand slowly make it's way through your hair, helping you drift off into a peaceful sleep, barely catching L’s words, if at all.
“Rest....tomorrow can wait a few hours for you, and when you do wake up, be prepared to be the man who'll catch Kira with me. You're too valuable for me to let you give up.”
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