I’m not a person good with words, thankfully tumblr is pretty dead so no one will take the time to read this, even if it was on a piece of media that I used frequently I’m sure the responses would be heartfelt and short lived. Maybe writing will help me in some way. But assuming like any thing I’ve ever taken up , it won’t do much.
I don’t have hope left. I wake up everyday, with only “what task do I have to do” and how I don’t want to do it. I don’t look forward to anything. I have nothing to look forward to. Most of the times I have a heavy feeling in my chest. It feels like something there, but I call it my void.
I feel like I’ve spent my entire life having limited choices. Like something always held me back. I have this option or this option. And regardless of what I chose. I’ll never ever get ahead.
I feel like the most important thing in my life was to find deep connections. I did at some points. I have a lot of them tattooed on my arm. Those deep connections, filled in with time. Once again back to being shallow. A mere “hey how are you” and nothing more. I don’t have a single person in my life I can talk to. Who I want to listen to me and open up to. I’m not sure I know a person who would even want to do that. Everyone is battling something and it’s selfish of me to lay my problems on to them.
I’ve killed myself recently. By that I mean, I stopped contacting people. A few people have reached out. I appreciate that a lot. A few seem worried. I feel so guilty not reaching back but, a part of me feels like I’m doing them a favor. I guess there’s nothing worse than a hopeless person.
I often think of my brother and how miserable his life is. How I don’t want anything to do with him because of how he makes me feel when I talk to him. I felt like, I don’t want to be dragged down with him. Well, I don’t want to do that to anyone as well.
kianamaiart
vaporwave
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prguitarman
theartofmadeline
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