tell them stories

Using fandoms to survive the existential horrors. Mostly Bioware, heavy on the Dragon Age. Occassional Mass Effect with a little sprinkling of Star Wars (Andor and Rebels my beloveds). She/Her, freshly minted 4-0 elder millennial, would rather be making potions in the woods but forced to do Teams calls like a Corporate Grownup. You can find my fic nonsense on AO3.

[chainofclovers]

Put in the tags the completely finished (whether cancelled or wrapped up on its own terms) TV series that has YOUR perfect ending, however you define that

Please don’t include huge spoilers for the specifics of the endings, and it would also make me happy if people don’t use this to talk about the shows whose endings they hated

[ampervadasz]

[masterkfox]

my two brain cells

[vigilantsycamore]

This is what executive dysfunction looks like

[a-book-of-creatures]

Inside you there are two hamsters…

[boarred]

Happy pridemonth

[wavelette]

like, the most compelling ships for me always stem out of one thing: the characters have a profound, ongoing effect on each other’s senses of selves. when they are apart, the characters’ actions are still affected by each other. the way they approach the world changes because of the other. 

which is this deeply Austenian view of ideal romantic relationships as mechanisms by which we come to know ourselves better and become better versions of ourselves. good romance, for me, is always tied in with a sense of self-actualization, and the way in which a beloved partner allows a person to know themselves better.

[luubyart]

thank to my sister for this idea

[thedas-finest]

Potential References for the Horses in Thedas

If you're anything like me, you made it your mission to collect every single horse breed in Dragon Age: Inquisition. However. If you're anything like me, it annoyed the hell out of you to not have good parallels to real-world breeds for art references. This post aims to help with that, using some tomfoolery and shenanigans to give some vague approximation of region, build and color in order to find horse breeds that exist in real life and would make sense in Thedas.

This will be put under a cut after the first pony because this post got LOOONG. Enjoy!

The Ferelden Forder, or the Cleveland Bay

The Ferelden Forder is described as a "proud animal ... [that] ranges well beyond its namesake, at home in stables and armies across Thedas." In the game, the Forder is a beautiful rich dappled bay, with darkened legs, mane and tail. Given that Ferelden itself seems to be vaguely inspired by the regions present in the UK, the stout appearance, tallness and shapely body of the Cleveland Bay lends itself near-perfectly to the Forders, in my humble opinion. The only thing about the Cleveland Bay that isn't truly represented by the Forders is their white markings--Forders have a big white blaze on their face in Inquisition, whereas real life Cleveland Bays are considered inadmissable in the studbook with markings any larger than a small white star.

Despite that, I think the Cleveland Bay is an excellent point of reference to use when drawing Forders, and the color variations are perfect for learning how to shade all sorts of variations of bay ponies.

The Amaranthine Charger, or the English Thoroughbred

The Amaranthine Charger is described as "spirited but not unruly" and an "uncommon mount, sure to impress." Amaranthine is still within the borders of Ferelden--or at least neighboring it--but its proximity to the Free Marches had me stumped. It's my opinion that the Amaranthine Charger could go two ways: a lighter, faster breed, or a thicker one that's been crossed with that fineness. So, there are two good options I feel are representative of the Amaranthine Charger.

The English Thoroughbred or the Irish Sport Horse (otherwise known as the Irish Hunter). Both breeds are brave, both have some speed, both are generally seen as being handle-able, and they both come in an array of colors that could be fun for any artist wanting to try their hand at some funky markings and patterns. I only chose a black coat since that's what we see in the game.

The Orlesian Courser, or the Selle Francais

The Orlesian Courser is breed that is spirited, with a "lineage longer than most noble names." While technically the Selle Francais is a newer breed, it is made of a bunch of older French breeds being merged into one studbook. The range of height (155-180cm at the withers), more elegant conformation and refinement lends itself perfectly to a faster, more 'respectable' horse that still may be capable of carrying a knight or mounted combatant.

The Selle Francais typically comes in shades of bay, grey and chestnut, but other coat colors are possible, especially when crossed with other breeds.

The Dalish All-Bred, or the 'Some Sort of UK Pony Breed'

Dalish All-Breds are described in-game as being hardy and sure-footed, as well as a breed of "humble origins." New Forest Ponies are generally well-temptered and loyal, often used as family mounts or for children. Being a breed that often roams New Forest, these ponies are also rather brave and perhaps exceptionally well-suited to navigating challenging terrain, making them great parallels for the Dalish All-Bred. Ironically, while piebalds and skewbalds (the pattern presented in-game) disqualify New Forests from being added to the studbook, it isn't entirely uncommon to find such patterning within the breed. Other options for Dalish All-Breds might be Exmoor and Dales Ponies.

Green Dales Feral, or the American Mustang

The Green Dales Feral is said to have descended from stock that escaped the Qunari invasions in the North, which sounds an awful lot like the Spanish horses that worked their way over to America and became feral. Mustangs aren't often used by your average Joe, and the Green Dales Feral is also "rarely seen on the field." The horses are hardy, sure-footed and brave, and come in a variety of fun and interesting colors and patterns that are sure to dazzle and make for fun art studies. Mustangs also come in a lot of different shapes, so you can really customize your pony however you'd like them to look.

The Free Marches Ranger, or the Oldenburg

The Free Marches Ranger is a palomino in-game, so I did want to make sure the breed I referenced had horses in this particular coat color. The Oldenburg is a German breed; it's sporty, athletic and also rather even-tempered. Other options might be Holsteiners or Hanoverians, depending on how stocky you want your reference to be. With the Free Marches being such a loosely connected place, it's difficult to really pin down each city-state as being of a certain region, so I used the idea that often gets circulated that the Marches resemble German city-states and worked backwards from there.

The Asaarash, or the Iberian Horses

The Asaarash was another one difficult to pin down, as the model in the game seems to just be an armored version of the Green Dales Feral. However, the actual information blurb tells us that the breed is Rivaini in origin, resilient, and is used to carry messages across Seheron. There's a couple different directions here, but I chose to focus on the Rivaini origins of the breed and chose the Lusitanos and Pura Raza Espanolas to represent the Asaarash. They're powerful breeds that are tall and stocky, capable of carrying heavier loads as well as being used to work cattle. They're brave and particularly adapted to war, having been used as cavalry horses. Both also come in the chestnut coat.

If looking for a horse that would more closely match the 'speed' and desert adaptability of Seheron, I would recommend Egyptian Arabians as your starting point.

The Frostback Mountain Horse, or the Trotters and Saddlers

The Frostback Mountain Horse is used by the Avaar in the Frostbacks, making the horse hardy and adapted to cold by nature. I chose to look to Scandinavian horse breeds for this and discovered the Swedish Coldblood Trotter, a horse with some feathering (hair) around the legs that matches the in-game equivalent and comes in varying shades of brown and black. The game codex describes the Frostback Mountain Horses as being "fierce, loyal and not quite tame" which doesn't exactly match the psychological profile of these Trotters, but I felt the region and build apt enough regardless to overlook it.

Other options for mountain horses would be the American Rocky Mountain Horse or the Kentucky Mountain Horse (sometimes referred to as the Kentucky Saddler/Saddle Horse).

The Taslin Strider, or the Italian Saddle Horse

The Taslin Strider is described as a refined breed and is most common in Antiva's warmer areas. It's also described as being suited to long distances and spirited charges. I thought the Italian Saddle Horse, or Sella Italiano, would best fit this particular description. The Sella Italiano is a breed with a great degree of refinement, as evidenced by the beautiful floaty trot above and pricked ears. The Sella Italiano is also bred for show-jumping, giving it a degree of power and force. The breed also competes in three-day eventing and endurance, meaning it checks off the boxes for long distance riding as well.

The Imperial Warmblood, or the Lipizzan

You may be familiar with the elegant Lipizzan from the Spanish Riding School of Vienna, with their elegant caprioles and levades. The Imperial Warmblood, being this beautiful grey and described as imposing, made perfect sense to be represented by the Lipizzan. The horses have all the refinement of a dressage horse with all the warlike structure of a good cavalry horse (the two are actually more entwined than you'd think). Additionally, the Lipizzan has near world-wide fame, lending itself further to the Imperial Warmblood's omnipresence when the Tevinter Imperium was at its height. Nowadays, the breed seems to feature more often in the Imperium's homeland, mirroring the current concentration of Lipizzan horses today.

The Anderfel Courser, or the Altai

The Anderfel Courser was a tough one, and I'm torn between two options. The Altai is a breed that is suitable for mountainous terrain as well as cold climates, which I think makes it perfect for the areas of the Anderfels that are freezing and rocky (think Hossberg in Veilguard). However, the Anderfels also has areas of arid, rocky and cavernous deserts, which left me stumped. I think a combination of the Altai and the loose 'Afghan horse' category (Qatgani would be an excellent keyword to start on those horses, or the sport of buzkashi for action-packed poses) would be best suited to this strange combination of climates. It also fits the Anderfel Courser's description of being highly uncommon across Thedas. Being bred for the Grey Wardens, I think the Altai and Afghan horses would likely be the best suited for their particular brand of excitement.

Some Quick Diagrams

I realize not everyone is as into horses as I am, and may be stumped on how to search for certain colors and patterns when looking up references. As a final little send off, I've compiled here a group of diagrams designed to help beginners look for color, markings and patterns without drowning in resources on [insert your search engine of choice].

As always, feel free to play with keywords and markings, and really, just go buckwild. These are fantasy horses, after all. But I know sometimes finding references that fit the image in your mind's eye can be tough, so I hope this post helps out, either with finding drawing references or just showing off some cool kinds of horses you may have never heard about before!

If you're interested in learning about medieval horses and their general uses and care, I would highly recommend watching Modern History TV's Everything You Need to Know About Medieval Horses for more information.

[laurelsofhighever]

A list of potential cures for the Calling, that we know about, that BioWare has apparently forgotten

Andraste's grace: it's not specified whether the flower the kennelmaster has you pick in the Korcari Wilds is Andraste's grace or if the game just needed a one-off asset and decided to reuse one they already had. However, in the dark future in DAI, Leliana is found to have unusual tolerance for the taint, and in DAO she talks about her mother pressing her laundry with dried Andraste's grace flowers, so it makes you wonder. Anyway, the flower stops Barkspawn becoming a ghoul and seems to make them immune to the taint from that point on.

Maric's longsword: he finds it in the Deep Roads and is suprised it isn't covered in the same Blight-rot as everything else - until, that is, he touches the sword to a patch of it and sees it wither away. Whether it's the dragonbone the sword is made of or the runes on the blade is difficult to say, though if it was just the dragonbone then it would make sense for that to be a more well-known property of the material (and would have been an interesting reason for why dragons were hunted to extinction). If Alistair carries it with him, doesit slow the progession of the taint through his body? Does he know its effects, and give it to the HoF to help keep them safer on their journey to find a permanent cure?

That obsidian dagger Duncan finds in The Calling: the dagger belonged to First Enchanter Remille - who also gave the expedition members brooches that accelerated the spread of the taint. iirc the both the dagger and the brooches are made by the Architect with Blight magic, which means the darkspawn magisters have more knowledge of how the Blight works than the Chantry attributes to them.

Whatever the fuck is going on with Avernus: he hasn't managed to cure himself yet, but he's managed to make it to 200 and the Warden can let him continue his experiments if they don't kill him - and he'd be a really useful resource if the Warden later wanted to send him other potential cures for testing.

Dragons: they have an ability to isolate the Blight in their bodies by forming crystaline cysts around the initial infection to stop it spreading. Useful if it can be more widely applied. Also, it's implied that Maric's reaver blood, which Calenhad gained by mixing his blood with a dragon's, is what somehow cured Fiona of the taint, kinda like a reverse STI, BUT in the Deep Roads they went through an area where the walls were coated in a pale, chalky substance suspiciously devoid of Blight-rot and she touched it, so I'm a bit suspicious of that.

Blood magic: makes sense since the taint is a problem that starts with infected blood. There are two major instances in DA canon where blood magic has been used to purge the taint from an object or being (both by elves btw). The first is Isseya using it to draw the taint out of a clutch of unhatched griffon eggs, which she says is only possible because the taint hasn't yet taken over the hatchlings' bodies to the same extent that it had with the adult griffons. The second instance is Merrill purging the Blighted eluvian in DA2. It's insane that Anders - who is a reluctant Warden and who possibly knows the HoF seeks a cure - isn't more excited about this. She literally removed the Blight from a fully tainted object. Since Isseya proved the same can be done with living tissue, it's probably the closest we've come to an actual cure, but since it also took years there's no telling if it could be a practicaly solution for all Wardens

[starlightarchery]

I'm pretty sure this is an unpopular opinion, but the "lack" of content in Lucanis's romance makes complete sense to me. Honestly I never saw it as lacking at all. I can understand why some people do and of course it would've been great to have more content, but to me, there is narrative sense to the way his romance is written.

Just looking at the last year or so of his life, Lucanis has been imprisoned, tortured, and to top it all off, possessed. He is sharing his body with a demon and constantly fighting to make sure he keeps control. And when he finally comes back home? Immediately finds out his grandmother is supposedly dead, and for all intents & purposes, it's in retaliation for HIS jailbreak. Already he is picking up broken pieces of his old life and cutting himself on them. It's no state to be jumping into a relationship from.

I've said before - and there's plenty of dialogue from him supporting it - that Lucanis spends most of the game trying to pretend he can go back to his old life; that he can be the person he used to be.

"I thought I still had this."

"Whatever else I am, I'm supposed to be a professional."

"I don't fail my contracts."

All of these things add and add to his turmoil until it's set to topple right at the start of the "Inner Demons" quest. He finds out his grandmother is alive! He should be happy! Instead he's caught in emotional upheaval, overwhelmed by everything he's been pushing off, and he has to make a decision, he has to keep going, he has to has to has to. And he can't. To the point that Spite has to intervene and say the one thing Lucanis won't.

"Help us."

And then, after getting to Lucanis, Rook literally tells us the man's struggle outright.

"As bad as the Ossuary was for you, it was better than the alternative. [...] You could solve those problems with a blade, but healing again? [...] There's no simple answer there. And if you fail, you could hurt the ones you love."

Lucanis was raised in violence. He still has a good heart in many ways, but that doesn't change the fact that he was more than likely never taught the emotional skills needed to navigate his problems any other way than with a knife. Which means that for 90% of the game, he is not ready to open his heart to someone. Even the 'almost kiss' scene is Lucanis attempting to replicate some of who he was, until something in him realizes that kissing Rook wouldn't be a one and done situation. No no, he wants them. And the minute that hits, he pulls away again, until the time comes in the endgame that he realizes losing Rook forever is scarier than never making the attempt to be together.

TLDR; Lucanis is a traumatized slow burn with one hell of a payoff in the end, you just gotta be patient with him.

P.S. - Once again, this is just my opinion, you are free to agree or disagree as you'd like; this is just based on my own experience with his romance.

[abbelephanty]

I'll die on this hill... The Lucanis romance is more focused on Rook being able to make him feel safe again and less about Lucanis being responsible for making Rook feel happy/special.

He's traumatized. And Rook is there for him over and over again until he can't help but realize that he loves them.

There's something so exquisitely healing about the dessert scene when Lucanis says, "It's nothing, or not enough..." And Rook, ever calm and patient, responds, "It is. And you are."

I love a good kiss, don't get me wrong. But my heart aches (in a good way) to witness Lucanis being seen and held so softly like that.

I overshared so much when I first met my husband... I laid everything out there on our third date and I told him it was okay if he wanted to stop seeing me. All he said was, "Nothing you've said makes me want to walk away."

Give me a love that says they're more than willing to struggle through the dirt and muck with you. A love that cradles all of your broken little bits as if they're the most precious things in the world. I'll take that any day over physical intimacy.

[blightwashed]

My 6-year old telling a story to her stuffies at bedtime: "The lightning struggled and struggled..."

Me: Same, girl. Same.

[magekrove]

may the dread wolf never hear your steps

[thedinanshiral]

The silent resistance.

Ever since Inquisition, and specially the Temple of Mythal scenes, I've entertained the possibility that some Evanuris were let's say just a wee bit nicer than the others, and on this I do take Solas' word like it's set in stone because he's a primary source, their last contemporary. Yes, he lies and manipulates, but he never does that without a reason and when he speaks from emotion is when there's a higher chance he slips up. So when he speaks of the Evanuris' evil, sadistic ways I believe him. When he says Andruil was also a goddess of sacrifice and Falon'din was so vain he instigated wars so more people would worship him as Guide of the Dead, I believe him. Mostly, I believe these people did things that angered him considerably, that he condemns their ways so badly that even thousands of years later and with them already dead and gone Solas can't keep his opinion of their character to himself.

So considering how Solas doesn't hold back talking the awful truth about the Evanuris I think there must be a reason why he has zero to say about three of them: Sylaise, June and Dirthamen.

While he insists they were all awful it's clear the ideals of those three may have been the most harmless -home, hearth and architecture, protection and preservation for Sylaise, arts and crafts, beauty for June, silence and secrets, privacy and confidentiality for Dirthamen...compared to vengeance, retribution, sacrifice and unethical science from the others..-

..and that reason for Solas to hold his tongue against those three may be that they contributed to his rebellion in secret, behind Elgar'nan's back.

Sylaise may have provided shelter -the Lighthouse- and medicine or other forms of protection, June may have provided his tech and filled the Dread Wolf's armories -as seen in Trespasser- and maybe Solas outsmarted him modifying the Vi'Revas as everyone thought or maybe June helped with the modifications himself, and Dirthamen may have aided with secrecy, for all we know maybe the reason the Lighthouse is hidden in the Fade is owed to a loan of Dirthamen's magic, concealing it from the enemy's eyes.

Why would some Evanuris join Solas' rebellion? For starters, Elgar'nan was a tyrant, and nobody really loves a tyrant, they get support from others for as long as it's convenient for them. Still, Elgar'nan was dangerous enough that maybe denying him publicly represented too great a risk to take, even for other accomplished Evanuris.

The murals in Veilguard interestingly enough hint at a sort of clique: Elgar'nan, Ghilan'nain and Andruil.

Mythal was the most decent among them and unaware of their breaking of the seals when these three released the Blight so she wasn't part of the gang, and Falon'din was probably too busy feeding his vanity with the blood of the innocent. So where does that leave the other three? Well, until BW comes out to say any different, I'm assuming they supported Solas in secret.

Particularly Dirthamen, perhaps he joined the rebellion out of love for his brother, seeing how his new ways fueled by Elgar'nan's ambition and the blight's power was turning him into a vain deathbringer rather than the friend and guide of the dead he used to be. As for the couple's reason to join Solas in secret i guess it would be all the senseless destruction of the war, and the corruption of their creations at the hand of the blight-addicted evanuris; all the war and infighting destroying their precious cities, turning their beatiful works of art and craftsmanship into empty tools for killing. For instance, June's artifact that we can see during one of Bellara's quests in Arlathan Forest, his "Tear", has the power to separate an object into its various components and it may have been originally meant to gather materials, but in the hands of Ghilan'nain it would have turned to a much darker purpose, used on living beings to get body parts for her own creations.

Veilguard also has way too many casual mentions of June as well peppered around, possibly more than in all three previous games combined. He’s responsible for the Eluvians -made from two fragments of lyrium which used to be one, so that’s how two eluvians connect to each other. June also designed the light beams we use in Arlathan and the Crossroads for some puzzle solving. And the crystals we use to energize some doors and bridges...basically June seems to have designed Elvhenan’s whole tech and aesthetic. I couldn’t believe how all of a sudden he was the most mentioned Evanuris after the two that got out of the prison.

I always theorized that, due to how little protagonism and mentions they had, June and Sylayse may have been somewhat decent Evanuris. Most of their contributions were directly to the People, and to making everyday life a bit easier (medicine, shelter, tools, hunting). The couple are the most domestic of the group so it wouldn' be so weird they maybe cared for the people a bit more than the others. Solas insist they were all corrupted, sadistic, and freaking evil in their ways, and i'm sure Sylaise and June had their darker side (there's just enough on Veilguard to imply June may have used spirits for those beams of light and that's a bit creepy to think about). I've been keeping this inside since 2015 and i frankly never imagined Veilguard would have so much to add to it. Also, June's dragon was Urthemiel, the archdemon from the Fifth Blight, and its soul can be saved through Morrigan's ritual and if so, later extracted from Kieran by Flemeth in Inquisition. We still don't know where that soul ended up. All of a sudden June's become even more mysterious so there's a chance, however slim, that he could return somehow.

And as for Sylaise again, there's this codex in Veilguard and i want to focus on this part:

She was linked to someone only known as "the Healer", but this high-ranked ancient had their name magically erased from the records, apparently by order of no other than Elgar'nan. Just imagine who could elicit such a reaction from the Firstborn of the Elvhen. Surely someone known as a Healer is doing nothing wrong? Why bother erasing them from history like that? Unless...that was one of Solas' many titles.

This rang a bell so loud in my memory I just have to add it here, from Solas' Inquisition dialogue lines with Blackwall:

Solas: I wish to apologize for what I said to you, Blackwall. Blackwall: You were right, though. I deserved it. Solas: My people had a saying long ago - "The healer has the bloodiest hands." You cannot treat a wound without knowing how deep it goes. You cannot heal pain by hiding it. You must accept. Accept the blood to make things better. You have taken the first step. That is the hardest part.

Oh yes, he was a healer alright. Remember Solas often speaks from personal experience and his own memories, but presenting it more objectively, he tells on himself a lot and i think that was one of such instances where he's actually talking about himself.

That Sylaise codex in Veilguard turned out to be more about this unknown healer than about Sylaise herself and i think that's also of note because Solas says it himself in the prologue, "The Veil is a wound inflicted upon this world. It must be healed"...and he's trying to heal it, he's the only one who can.

He is the Healer, and his hands are bloddied.

I hope in time we get more info on that period of Elvhenan and on the other Evanuris and we can answer all the questions, or most of them at least.

[tinygameralec]

Okay but if Solas was 'The Healer', that actually explains why his tool is a dagger sharp enough to cut through basically reality itself and why his solution to the Titans was to cut away their selves while they dreamed.

The dagger is a scalpel. Tiny, precise incisions that have massive, life-saving (or life-ending) effects. A tool he would never trust someone like Elgar'nan with, because it would be so easy to turn it into a device of torture instead. And what would be kinder for the Titans than to wait til they slept and finish them then? Yes, their detached selves would become something terrible, but it would happen instantly. No suffering, no pain.

Euthanasia.

I'm gonna be thinking about this for MONTHS. Suddenly my whole understanding of that obnoxious egg is turned on its head.

[selennes]

These tags are so on point.

[mirufiyu]

Por la sangre del Hacedor. 🚫 Please ask before reposting!

[luna-azzurra]

I genuinely cannot explain to a non-writer what it feels like when a chapter suddenly clicks. it's not satisfaction. it's not relief. it's this horrible specific feeling like you just remembered something you never knew. like the story was already there and you finally stopped being in the way of it. i don't know what to do with that feeling. i just close the laptop and stare at the wall for a bit.

[blightwashed]

I see this and I raise you (the plural you, the Interwebs) the equal but opposite feeling of chapter limbo, where you're waiting for it to click but it hasn't yet and you know it's RIGHT THERE and... Yeah. This hobby is fun, right?

[vigilskept]

crucial to alistair’s character that he is 20 years old and exactly as horny as u would expect. not at all immune to being down bad. down atrocious even. also crucial to his character however that he is mortified by this & views sexual desire and sexual advances (especially towards women) as being inherently predatory. on account of having grown up believing that his mother was preyed on by the king. and that he — the resultant bastard child — is the reason for her death. do you understand

[vigilskept]

all of which is to say he is not having a sexy shamewank thinking about nutting inside his female colleague. even in an established romantic relationship with a woman he is quietly having panic attacks in his tent every time he seriously thinks about penetrative sex

[vigilskept]

do you understand

[blightwashed]

THEN, on top of ALL of this: enter Morrigan and the dark ritual. Can you imagine the trauma that would bring up for him? Especially if the woman he loves convinces him to go through with it? Which is why my Amell ends up sacrificing herself every time.

(Also her own religious trauma around being a mage means she can't actually conceive of any real future for the two of them. And with the state of the Wardens she doesn't fully understand she would have a place there. She thinks Alistair will be king and she'll go back to the Tower and after all they've been through she thinks sacrificing herself so he's not further traumatized is a pretty good deal. Coincidentally, Leliana watches all this go down. And she's only of the only ones who understands why Amell did what she did. I like to think that feeling festers in her. Until many years later she suddenly has the seat of the Divine and the power to do something to honor her old friend.)

[mintmatcha]

cont.

Month seven and your husband arrives without warning. His letters had ceased for a short while and the loneliness of it all almost made you miss them. His writing had improved greatly in the short time, but his spelling is still shamefully horrendous. Or, as he wrote once, whoreandous. You do not appreciate that he knows how to spell whore and not his own name.

Men. All the same.

You meet him at the door, house cloak pulled over your shoulders. The best part of his absence is how you get to relax. Your gown is baggy and wrinkled, your hair is undone: you have no one to impress.

Until, of course, your husband and another man arrive.

"I was not aware of your return," you explain, nearly panicked as you wrap your cloak tighter. Your husband does not acknowledge your shame.

"This is my second," he says curtly. The man beside him is obviously highborn, handsome in the ways girls often whisper about. He bends at the waist in the proper manner, holding a palm out in your direction.

"My lady."

You grant him your hand and the second presses his lips to your knuckles.

"You flatter me," you say. "I am simply a merchant's daughter."

"Modesty. Your family name is well known in The Golden City and the Black Coast. The tales of your beauty were not exaggerated."

Your husband frowns, but that doesnt ruin your joy.

"Are you both staying the evening?"

"A fortnight, if the lady permits," the second says. Your husband looks at him, brow knitted with confusion, but he repeats.

"If you permit."

"I will have them prepare a hearty dinner," you say. "I apologize for my appearance. Allow me to get dressed."

"Are you not already dressed?"

The second laughs too hardily at your husband's question.

By the time the food is prepared, you have dressed yourself in your finest. Jewelry and gems, rich purple cloth your father had saved especially for you, hair twisted into a beautiful updo-

"What happened?" Your husband rises from his seat the moment you enter the hall, nearly knocking over his chair. Both he and his compatriot are freshly bathed, clothing clean and nicely pressed. You take a step back, unsure whether to brace yourself against the hulking form or not, but he does not reach to strike. Instead, your husband's hands find the space above your hips. "Have they not been feeding you? Has the crown not been sending gold?"

"My lord, I don't know what you mean." This is the first time he's ever touched you. His hands are calloused and catch the fibers on your gown. "If anything I have been fed too well, I'm afraid."

"Your waist!" He squeezes his hands towards each other as if to prove a point. "It's half the size!"

Both times he has come home have been by surprise; you hadn't been in a real gown for either.

"I-" you shift uncomfortably. "Forgive me, I... The maid helped properly..."

His second has a fox-like smile as he downs his ale.

"Have you been refusing to eat?"

"No, it's the fashion..."

"The fashion is to waste?"

"Have you never seen a lady undressed?" you ask, suddenly furious.

Your husband goes red.

Not out of anger, but out of a painful embarrassment. His back goes straight and his eyes go wide.

"I--" he stammers.

Luckily, his second puts him out of his misery. "Friend, she has a corset on. Have you never noticed how all highborn ladies are shaped so erotically?"

Your husband's head snaps towards him.

"Clearly you need to spend more time undressing your wife and less time--"

"You will not say such things in front of my poor lamb."

"You two are married! She knows of sex!"

You do.

In theory.

In vague terms.

[rowanisawriter]

write insane shit that’s way beyond your perceived ability and skill level even if you don’t finish it even if you think it sucks

[graymalkinrogue]

Went to a comic con with my family, including my dad. This man is an old-school Star Wars nerd, I'm talking one of those dads with the Chewbacca shirt and cargo pants combo, his favorite movie is Empire Strikes Back and he literally has never interacted with Tumblr fandom culture a day in his life, or any fandom culture unless you count talking in person with other 50s-60s aged dads about how cool they think Han Solo and Boba Fett are. The only reason he knows about things like shipping is because of me (his daughter) routinely purchasing fanart at comic cons since she was twelve years old.

I'm buying merch at Artist's Alley, and my dad is looking at some of the other booths, and when I'm done buying, he points to some art at the booth next door. "Isn't that from Rebels?". I expect to see Chopper, his favorite character, maybe Sabine, at most maybe some Kanera fanart. It's Zeb and Kallus. Specifically, it is Kalluzeb fanart.

Now, my father, despite looking pretty much like every former-punk-turned-middle-aged-dad, is a very leftist man. However, he also does not understand the concept of why shipping exists, especially for two characters who aren't "technically" together. So I am trying desperately to pretend like I don't know exactly why this ship exists, that I don't know it has an online following, and that I haven't liked posts and reblogged fanart. I vaguely respond that yes I have heard of people shipping them, and I've seen posts about them. He doesn't seem to care, and is only a little surprised, so I don't think much of it.

Until a few months later, and Zeb is in the Mandalorian and Grogu trailer, which after sending the trailer to my dad, I casually mention that it would be cool if Kallus was in the movie. To which he replied:

"Well, he has to be there. Because he's married to Zeb."

And that's how I found out my middle-aged nerdy dad legitimately ships Kalluzeb.