Rain - late 20s - he/him/it/its - I've made another sideblog focusing on health stuff. It's easier for me to be candid about things when I have a separate space :-)
This is a temporary draft of my pinned post. When I have the energy I will edit it and add more information about this blog.
This is a side blog I have made to post about my chronic health stuff, and connect to other people and talk.
My main is @strangegreen where I reblog nature related images and videos, and my main side I use for the usual tumblr fare is @parakeetpark
If you follow from one of my other blogs and stumbled across this blog: you are welcome to interact and follow here too if you'd like! I meant in my description that I want a separate space in terms of my own posting, not separate from people from my other blogs :-)
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Visual input can be difficult. So, I'm going to tag any pictures on this blog with #image in case anyone wants to filter them out. But, this blog will be almost entirely text posts.
This got very long so I put it under a readmore! Vent about my difficulties messaging below. Adhd stuff interacting with poor chronic health, and the result has made me despondent.
Not the end of the world, not a big deal compared to other things in life. And with time and breathing room all emotional pains will lessen and heal. But, this is fresh, and sometimes talking about such difficulties is helpful. I feel better for even typing it up in all honesty. Feels less catastrophically bad now.
Gosh sometimes it is so embarassing, disheartening and upsetting how much I struggle with things considered easy.
I've never been good at messaging, I forget the messages exist and get 'time blindness' with my adhd where I'm so sure I only got the message recently. Or I get stuck in a constant loop of forgetting, remembering when I cannot message back, forgetting the message exists again. And I struggle so much to direct my focus with messaging, whereas in real life I could talk with ease, typing takes a lot of energy. So I have to dedicate time to focus hard on reading and typing. It can take a while.
And I've developed several techniques to deal with this because it has been such a huge issue in my life. You can't go through modern life without being able to communicate via screens without difficulty. I have talked to other adhd people who have the same experiences, and learnt about my adhd and why this is so difficult. Learnt and practiced methods to help. Slowly felt I had a handle on this, felt some confidence!
But recently, I had a massive flareup / crash of my chronic health stuff. I posted about it here earlier so I won't repeat myself, but it was with the lightheadedness, weakness, exhaustion, just flat in bed trying to breathe slowly. You just lose days! Days where you're meant to be doing stuff! And that bad week got me so out of sync with my to-do lists and plans. I'm still not through the increased symptoms yet. So I can't even say it's over... But I'm able to think clearer, and I've been scrambling to pick up the pieces...
Only to discover I have not replied to someone's message for 3 weeks and 3 days...
Absolutely horrendously mortifying. I don't have the words how my heart sank. I have had difficulties in friendships because of this so many times before. I was dearly hoping I was past this issue. I was certain it had been a week and a few days somehow, which wasn't great but better than the reality! There's a chance this person I had been really enjoying talking to might not want to talk to me again.
I hate the fact life is a constant balancing act of all the issues we all face at once. The advice for one thing you experience is always told to you as if it exists in a vacuum, ignoring everything else in one's life. My adhd techniques did not account for the chronic health issues in this case.
I once again feel like a juggler who has dropped balls without even noticing until the audience is booing all at once. But, I guess at least this time, I am aware that adhd is a mental disability, I was doing my best, and chronic health circumstances got in the way of my management techniques. Just the same, I feel guilty and upset, unreasonably having thoughts that I didn't try hard enough and this is all my fault despite evidence to the contrary. This has happened too many times in my life, and that pattern has not been good for my spirit. It also gives the impression I don't care to talk to that person or am careless. It is just not good altogether.
Brain fog is not an adequate descriptor, actually. Fog can be kinda nice and beautiful and ethereal and refreshing. The thing we’re describing is more like a brain BOG; everything moves slow like you’re wading through water, it’s clunky and heavy and you keep getting stuck in the mud. It’s uncomfortable and inconvenient and everything takes so much effort. You lost a shoe, probably.
Thinking through molasses today. I've never seen molasses in real life, but I remember it in the show 'Over the garden wall'. It was goopy and they had a song about it. But yes my thoughts are waving in and out.
disabled people who do not directly "contribute" to society and need large amounts of care and resources to survive deserve not only to survive but to have comfort, stability, and fun within their lives while they do. no compromises.
Something frustrating I always seem to encounter is people thinking they are being helpful by telling me that they cannot tell I have a certain condition.
"I didn't realize you were autistic, you seem normal."
"You don't look intersex to me, though."
"You can't have rheumatoid arthritis, you're too young for that."
I think people are trying to be comforting?
I'm not the best at reading subtext, but I think what they're trying to say is "you don't meet my preconceived notions of what ___ is, so I do not believe you."
i do think we need to detach hygiene from value as a person. as someone who has dealt with not being able to shower or brush my teeth due to depression and executive dysfunction, it usually is not a choice. sometimes there are situations in which you CANNOT care for yourself properly and that shouldn’t mean you can now be stripped of your worth. physically disabled people who have trouble with hygiene i love you, mentally ill people who have trouble with hygiene i love you, neurodivergent people who struggle with hygiene i love you, people without access to adequate hygiene products i love you. it’s going to be ok
Woke up in the middle of the night and my knee was in agony. Today there are still shooting pains if I move or rest it in some ways, the other knee is hurting somewhat too... Got a pillow underneath my knees now and that is helping!
My only guess is I must have been sleeping in an odd position because, although I have a long history of knee problems, this time it is so out of nowhere 🤔
Took Rinomfor a late walk as soon as i saw that the elevator had been fixed and i cannot tell you how beautiful the clouds were
There was this massive darkness right in front of me; clouds bunched up like soft cotton layers, and mixed in where all sorts of other clouds
I tried to record it, but it wasn't visible on screen because it was too slow, but the clouds on top moved to my left while the lower (dark) clouds were trailing off to the right...
I was almost expecting a huge storm or at least downpour, but so far all that happened was that the darkness has slowly been covering the entire sky and now raining starts with a few drops as i type. Big drops, but just rain.
It is as if someone pulled a blanket of darkness across our local sky.
There is something I've noticed when I'm using hot water bottles for pain.
It sometimes raises my heart rate. There have been times my bpm has gone too fast that correspond to times I feel overheated while using it. Something to be careful about!
The weather has been more usual for here in the last few weeks. Makes me happy that the local wildlife is getting conditions they are adapted for and need to survive.
Today it's rainy, sudden showers, as is expected this time of year here. It started heavily raining with wind direction towards my window. So I stuck my arm outside, rested it on the windowsill and felt the rain envelop my hand for a while.
Cold heavy droplets made my lower arm tingle. Moved my fingers about and felt individual drops land on them. Strong breeze blowing in meant some rain made it inside. Arm back inside now, but smiling at this experience. Thankful that I am next to the window so could do this!
the smartest most intelligent guy in the world with the most hugest dick ever like so big, like the biggest dick ever, man and also soooo intelligent and thoughtful and just so so intelligent: have you tried pushing yourself?
from my own experience and also from what i hear from others, the issue seems to stem from a fundamental misunderstanding of how i know my limits. i know because i have discovered and tested them. i push them sometimes, carefully. and occasionally i get ok results or at least nothing bad happens. but sometimes something does happen, so i MUST respect my limits.
but when i talk about disability to abled people, they assume its just a bad attitude. like ive defaulted to a "i cant" attitude. and that stems from a fundamental mistrust of disabled people, and the cultural grift of acting like bad things can only exist in the mind. yes i know this is old news. anyways.
Had so many nice interactions with people today. Idk it's so easy to make someone's life a little better or softer, just help or chat or share sillies. And it bounces back to me when others do the same, I feel so much joy, there are just endless opportunities to share love
If by being genuine that is enough to help others, how fucking wonderful is that? not an effort, not a burden, not difficult, just me living authentically. how fucking blessed?
