I’ve had friends in situations like this who told me they trusted me more by me not calling the cops or cps. Because they knew they could go to me and I would protect them and the abuser didn’t need to know about me. So, I was a legitimately safe place for them. It’s hard because you want them to just get up and leave right away but, it takes time. If they up and left asap, they may get out safely but, their siblings and other parent probably won’t be so lucky. It can take months or years before it’s safe for anyone to leave. If they can escape to your house for a few hours or even just talk with you at school/work, that could be the thing that keeps them strong enough to pull though. CPS is usually just bullshit anyways. And if they did take them away, more than half the homes they will be housed in will be abusive (if not more than their own home was). Keep in mind, they pay people to foster children. A LOT of people take advantage of that and get very good at looking the part of a perfect family.
Also, “small” and simple gestures help a ton!! Some things you probably already naturally do with friends and other things that take minimum effort, with lastly affects. Also, for some, their home is not only abusive but, low income.
-Give them half your lunch or bring a second one for them. Maybe some snacks to bring home if they are purposely starved or can’t afford food.
-Let them borrow clothes when they get to school/work.
-Bring some travel bathroom supplies so they can discreetly shower/wash up in the lockeroom or bathroom. Or a little hygiene kit with bathroom supplies and hair ties, body spray, hair gel, shaving supplies, etc.
-Keep a journal together where you can vent to each other and later on go over the bad days you’ve made it through.
-Compliment them on little things and on how amazing they are. Not just at being strong enough to wake up everyday but also being good at their job, being a good artist, having a good singing voice, etc.
-Help them practice defensive moves like dodging, chokeholds, throat punches, dead legs, etc (in case they have to do serious defending for themselves or their family).
-Practice “safe place” techniques with them like controlled breathing, focusing on a happy place, repeating positive thoughts over and over (in case they have a real bad day/night and might think of suicide), etc.
-Make as many positive memories as possible!! If you work with them or go to school with them, you see them literally half their day. You can outweigh the bad with the good, to an extent. Tell lots of jokes, watch funny videos, read books to each other, draw together, do crafts, cuddle and watch movies or tv (the cuddles helps them remember too that not all touch is bad/dangerous but, obviously make sure they’re comfy with it). Sing and dance, go on walks, hold hands, hug often, braid each other’s hair, talk about your favorite things, play board games, play sports (helps with getting out their stress and anger too), etc.
I don’t usually make long posts but, it’s super important to know there are so many ways you can help someone in an abusive situation (of any kind). Honest to goodness, even the smallest of kind acts can have a huge impact. You may not see the results of your efforts but, I promise you, they are there. Even if the person doesn’t make it, you can bet your ass that their life was 100x better with you there as their friend and your kindness wasn’t for nothing. 🖤
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