Incoherent ramblings @blue-bubble-gum-bi - Tumblr Blog

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fuckthewounded

i morphed all of mcr together and now i don’t know what to do with the product

fuckthewounded

*puts him in a cardboard box and ships him back to the original seller*

deactivated1053489

it’s him

michael romance

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

that one comment is the single fuckin funniest thing i’ve read in 6 months, screw this website

secretoctopus-deactivated201912

standupcomedyblog

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

danfuckedoffbutreturns

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

andlifeisgrand-deactivated20160

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

thesporkidentity

[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.

Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?

Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…

BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’

Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest.

And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’

They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]

justlookatthosesausages

reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg

madlori

If this is your first time seeing the Salt & Pepper Diner story, I envy you. Sometimes I wish I could hear it again for the first time.

cloudroid27

ITS SO BEAUTIFUL

princessesfanarts

Fairy Tales by Nayoung Wooh

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

Hey Gaud, you got any advice for someone who's terrified of the dentist but absolutely has to go have a tooth pulled? I'm freaking out cuz I gotta have it done and idk how Imma get through it... Thanks! <3

Pretend I’m the dentist

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

So apparently nobody thought this was a good idea

thebootydiaries

hooty hoo! well i’ll be darned

befuddledstan

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

please look up "frog stack" you won't be disappointed

my dear how could i possibly be anything but utterly charmed

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

even when the stacks fall down, they are still a vision of pure bliss

dct239394cvvd098dffgggp

criminal minds is unintentionally the funniest shit in the world like. the rabies episode where reid explains what happens to ppl with rabies for like a whole minute in medical terms and then rossi goes 'you know a fox bit me once. wild fucken thing had to shoot it three times to get rid of it' and reid says 'yikes' and they make no comment on it again. unparalleled

turing-tested

i want to fucking die i was at the dollar store and i carefully picked up an orange gatorade and went “sexy boy….” because i thought no one else was around but it turns out i was WRONG

i know because i heard a quiet “what the fuck bro” from the next aisle over

mollycolliex-deactivated2019041

my question is why were you calling an orange gatorade “sexy boy”

turing-tested

how i feel about orange gatorade is none of your buisness

eyrliss-camille-rogers

Educate yourself.

powerburial

most parents : afraid their child will find their gun and get hurt

me: afraid my son will find my protein powder and get too strong and then he has to be my dad

avatarnerdkiller

Ugly modern au outfits > actually fashionable modern au outfits. Sick of seeing my beloved characters looking like ig teen influencers. Sokka has dorky glasses and wears ugly athleisure and khaki shorts. Toph wears the same 3 sweatshirts everyday unwashed, big bermuda jean shorts, & tennis shoes with a quart of sand in em. Katara wears big long skirts, tennis shoes & crew socks…and has braces. Zuko wears either an ill-fitting suit and tie or a slightly too big & rumpled work polo. And Aang? The only difference in his fit is that he wears light up sketchers with his monk robes

fala-alfredo-pasta

OP why you gotta make fashion suggestion that I gotta see at 5:00 am and impulsively draw immediately after? Anyways heres ya go I tried ;-;

sandersstudies

Just saw four girls walking down the street in a group in this order:

1. Strappy black heels, little lacy black dress, looks like she could be going out for a night of clubbing

2. Black heeled booties, an off-the-shoulder maroon dress, looks like she could be going to a cousin’s wedding or a nice dinner date

3. Cute striped shorts, a white shirt under a flowy beige cardigan, looks like she could be going to a casual job interview or movie date

4. Black leggings, red sports tee, messy bun, looks like she could be going to the gym or just making a quick run to the grocery

I need to know where these girls are headed that they all have the same destination and then made such drastically different choices in what to wear.

sandersstudies

I can’t decide what’s funnier - these girls are going somewhere fancy and at least two of them are massively underdressed, or they are going somewhere casual and at least two of them are massively overdressed.

what-even-is-thiss

If memory serves this is what literally every group of girls in every context dressed like when I was in high school.

iguanamouth

??????????

downlowbroyouknow

Perfect

kaijuno

Watched a kid in line ahead of me at the store get rung up and the cashier said “your total is 18.41” and without missing a beat the kid said “ah, the year I was born” and the cashier stopped and was like “I’m... sorry???”

zfoxdraws-deactivated20250101

https://picrew.me/image_maker/137210

I found another cool picrew! 🥰

@anxiousbookenthusiast @silazz @fieryfantasybooklover @ineedadrinkorsleep @idontgetit-whydoihavetosaymyname @older-brother-kit @zzoyalantsov @sobachka @ghostlivvy @nolu @oscar-fairchild @bronwynrxjas @brotherhalal-ariahs @purplebass @themostawesomehuman and anyone else wants to do it!

the-astro-ambassadors

oooohhhhh

tagging @of-inkstains-and-stardust @anna-of-cleves @oh-shit-a-baby @thatmooseinarea51 @superalteza666 @lija-maks @thebeautifuldaisycarstairs

emymarch

Thank you for the tag!!!

I’m tagging: @skijumping-fht, @lucieeblackthorn, @thegrumpyjournalist and anyone else who wants to

thegrumpyjournalist

I’m tagging: @moonbowjelly, @pheasant-main, @godpis, @nostalgiaiscool, @sunflowertea23, @vinkaa and @bevxmarsh <3

endlesssky

I’m tagging: @winds-and-whispers @slavicafire @onceihadalove @anonymouslyunreal @biscuit-drivels @cinnabunsprincess

anonymouslyunreal

i’m tagging: @the-timewatcher @punkwearingweirdo @wyrahat @chickens-are-velociraptors and anyone else who wants to xoxo

the-timewatcher

Well, the eyes aren’t that one-to-one (why is there no bags-under-eyes option), but here it is, yours cursed truly in picrew form! I even tried sth with a portal behind me.

I’ll tag @mars-the-4th-planet, @tone-deaf-bard, @missjukebox8bit and @aradia-inator, since besides Arpel here who tagged me, you four are great buds/mutuals on here!

missjukebox8bit

i mean it looks pretty good, but its missing something…

PERFECT!

Tagging @musings-from-mars, @skye-vines-and-ivy, @standardkarma135, @happi-iris ^-^

princepeterwolf

The Original Meeting for The Prince and Snow White, from the original 1937 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs comic strip, released weekly, beginning December 14, a week before the film’s premiere.