vousmevoyez

learning as I go.

[blueberryspears]

Yesterday, I listened to a TED talk episode. It talked about how our future selves don’t know what we really want. It’s true though. Before, I just want it to end. That if I’d be in pain again, I will just end it all. But I’ve been through different types of hardships last year. And yet, I keep pushing forward, forgetting what I used to say. Today, I’m grateful that I didn’t give up. I would have missed a lot of things if I did.

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

supportive shark

[blueberryspears]

It was a tough week for me. But I survived🥹 I wish that things will get better soon. For now, I’ll try my best.

[blueberryspears]

Today, I feel:

Insecure

Hurt

Powerless

[remanence-of-love]

[blueberryspears]

Ahh, it still hurts when I think about it. Of course, it’ll never go away that easily. When I look back that week, I want to admire myself on how I was able to hold it altogether. I can’t believe I bear through it. No one really knows the battle you’re fighting except yourself. I am still thinking about what he said if it would have been better to fix himself before he got into a relationship. I should have thought more about it instead of agreeing right away. I was too occupied. Maybe he was right. It could happen again. I guess when it happens, I know what to do now. I don’t want to experience that kind of feeling again. It scares me just thinking of having that kind of heaviness on my chest. 🥹

🤍

[chibird]

You can find happiness in a lot more places than you think! No matter what life paths you end up taking, happiness can be found wherever you are. 💛

Chibird store | Positive pin club | Webtoon  

[blueberryspears]

dear universe,

I feel overwhelm again. I don’t know what to feel or how to feel. I know I’ve been in this situation but I still get lost, scared, and helpless. Let me breathe~

[blueberryspears]

Some days are harder.

[blueberryspears]

Today, I cried.

I cried because I feel like I am holding my emotions for too long. I keep dodging the reality. I want to get better but at the same time, I don’t want to lose what I have now. I can’t do both. I need to let go one of them. 08 2232 SEP

[blueberryspears]

I am still wondering when this will end. I am feeling helpless again. It's been a long time since I felt like this. I'll take this as a reminder. Maybe this is to slow me down on my plans; to give me time to think it over again; to let me know that some things are not going to go my way. It's sad, but this is my life now. I need to decide which ones to hold on to and the rest has to go.

For now, ill finish this cup of coffee first.

[blueberryspears]

You’ve been working hard. Today is just a little harder.

[akindplace]

F. E. Marie

[blueberryspears]

Every time I see someone posting about their loved ones passing away, it frightens the life out of me. I know it's normal to feel this way, I am going through the same thing. But, I wish there would be days, that those moments will make me motivated to push through.

[blueberryspears]

I’m scared.

I keep thinking if I can hold on to this relationship. It makes me wonder if I can handle the disappointment. Am I expecting too much? But I think I knew it all along. With him, the future is unclear. I think he’s too hopeful about our situation. He is not fully aware of the weight of having a relationship with me. He believes this is just a normal phase. And I don’t see it that way. I want assurance. I don’t know if I even deserve to ask for that, but that’s what I want. I want someone who truly understands my illness. Someone who has a grasp of reality – that my condition is difficult. And it is going to be a lifelong battle but it’s going to be alright because he’ll stay. I don’t feel that with him. It’s been months. Every time I try to talk about my situation, he just keeps giving positive words. I want someone I can talk to about it.

Am I a bad person for thinking this way?

[blueberryspears]

Today, I've learned something new about kindness. I can't always be kind to others then act the opposite towards myself. It does not work that way. If I can do that to others, how come I am withholding myself the comfort of hearing kind words? It has to stop.

Today, I am choosing to be kind to myself.

[remanence-of-love]

[blueberryspears]

I've always wanted to go back to my old self. But now I know that I don't need to. My current self is the version that I needed to overcome disappointments today. Proud of you, self. You've made it this far. Moving forward, 🔼

[blueberryspears]

I woke up with a heavy heart this morning. I couldn't even remember what was my dream is all about. When I opened my eyes, my chest hurts so much like it was happening for real. How do you explain that feeling? I know it's not real but the emotion is too much. Anyway, I am now relieved it's over.