Figuring It Out

Kuro Neko heart Shiro Inu

[bluepandaears]

It occurred to me today that the only real reason I check my email is to see if any of the stories/authors I subscribe to on Ao3 have updated. If not for Ao3 and my perhaps unhealthy obsession with certain fandoms my email would probably never get cleaned out.

So, for the cleanliness of my inbox, Long Live Fanfic!

📖❤️

🩰👻💗

[bluepandaears]

So every time I rewatch I obsess just a little over the window with the dark pink/orange drapes that can be seen out the office window. This story's been rattling around my head for a few months now and I finally got it down on paper (so to speak).

So. Yeah. A little story about that window and who might live there and what they might see below the break.

The old building across the street has a light on in one of the upper windows. She could have sworn the building was abandoned. Scheduled to be demolished. But maybe not. Maybe someone finally bought it.

The light is always on. Day and night. Well, at least she assumes it is. It's always on whenever she looks over there at least. What with school and work she can't be 100% sure, but it's always on when she wakes up, and when she leaves for the day, and on the rare occasions she has a day off and is home during the day. It's always on when she returns home after school or work, and it's always on at night when she goes to bed. All of the windows in her shitty flat face that building so she always sees. She never sees anyone in the office though. Their electrical bill must be off the charts.

It used to be an old factory building that was later converted into flats. Her grandmother told her the top floor used to belong to an entrepreneur decades ago. Some sort of PI or Barrister maybe.

She knows someone must be going in an out because she'll occasionally notice new items sitting on the window sill or items that have been moved. Odd things really. Not something she'd have thought part of an office building but who is she to judge.

The rest of the building appears to be just as abandoned as before so whoever bought the place is either not concerned with making money from it or moves excruciatingly slowly on their renovations. Bit of a mystery that.

Over the years it becomes a game for her. The first thing she does when she wakes up is to look over to see if she can spot someone. It's also the last thing she does before she leaves for school; and the first thing she does when she returns home, and before bed. Years later she still peers past her dark orange-pink drapes to see if she can spot someone before she heads to work, or when she return home at the end of the day while she makes her dinner. The light is always on in that top office window when she goes to bed.

She never sees anyone in the office. Though she swears she saw something move on its own once as she rushed around one day late for work.

Then, one evening, she spots a someone. A man, or a boy, through the window. She so shocked she almost sets her dinner on fire. She quickly rushes over to her bedroom window, which has the closest view. Looking past the orange-pink drapes she sees him again. Or rather them. There are two. Two boys. She can see them better from this window, and they are definitely younger than her. One's dressed in some kind of suite or uniform, the other in a red polo and black trousers. Her window is slightly higher than theirs and she can see that they are going through a bunch of items being pulled from a rucksack. They are an odd pair to be occupying the old office building, and are nothing like what her imagination had supplied over the years. They finish going through their items and walk towards a hidden corner of the room. And never come back. Maybe there's a door there she cannot see because the corner looks entirely too small to hold anything that could occupy them for long. She can see the wall adjacent to the window with it's old fashioned chaise lounge so she know where the office room ends, she cranes her neck, pressing her face to the window glass trying to get a better angle and see where they went but her window just doesn't have the vantage point to see. She stays standing at her window waiting for far longer than she'd care to admit waiting for them to return. Eventually she gives up and returns to her now cold half cooked dinner. The light is still on when she wakes up the next morning.

It's not until three weeks later that she sees them again. The one in the uniform is sitting at the desk by the window so she sees him first. He's reading a book while the other wanders about the rest of the room. From her slightly higher vantage point she can't quite see what he's doing, though it's clear that they are talking to each other. She sits in the chair that she'd set by her bedroom window years ago and watches them move about, her imagination running wild on what they must be talking about. They appear to be far too young to be occupying the office on their own but she never sees anyone else of authority in the office. Though, again, who is she to judge their situation.

They become an obsession. Her hours are reduced at work due to economics and during lock down all she seems to do is sit by her bedroom window and watch their office waiting to see them. When everyone is shut in they seem to not notice. Disappearing for hours or days at a time. By now she's convinced there is a door in that hidden corner. Occasionally she'll see someone else, but it always appears to be some kind of interview. She wonders what kind of interview a couple of boys could be conducting but without sound she only has her own imagination to fill her curiosity.

She's at work when she collapses for the first time. Sudden case of vertigo and is it weird that the last thought she has before she passes out is to wonder if the boys are in their office?

She wakes up in hospital. Brain tumor they say. Very advanced, been there for years they say. Months left they say. She chooses to go home.

The office is empty when she return home for the first time after her hospital stay. The light still on. She's numb to the facts of her own mortality. What is she to do with that information? She's no dependents. No close family. Living in the same shitty flat her mum left her years ago. The same shitty flat she grew up in because she'd been so obsessed with an empty, occupied office building across the way that she couldn't bring herself to move. So instead of dealing with it she sits in the chair by the window and watches the office window.

There's a girl now, beautiful, with modern eclectic fashion and an abundance of curly black hair. She occasionally catches glimpses of the girl through the window. The girl doesn't go near the desk by the window nearly as much as the boys so she's not visible as much.

Two months month later she's busy stopping up a nose bleed, walking past her window, when she spots the two boys behind the desk. These days it's not a wholly unusual site, she's been seeing them more and more recently. What is unusual is their position. They are not sitting facing the rest of the room, one in the chair and one perched on the desk, or looking over a book on the desk in discussion about something apparently very important. No, instead they are facing each other and standing close. Very close. Clearly talking about something intimate. The one with skin the color of milk tea, his braces draped around his hips, reaches up and caresses the face of the other boy. They lean close and press their foreheads together before embracing. The scene is so tender and intimate that she feels intrusive just watching it through two windows and across a street. They kiss and she nearly blushes and looks away, it's so sweet. She closes her drapes and doesn't look again until two days later.

Four months after her initial diagnosis and her weekly check up goes badly. Nothing for it really.

She returns home and watches the office window.

Three days later she falls asleep at the window and wakes to the most beautiful, calming blue light she'd ever seen. A kind woman greets her by name and takes her hand. She spares one last glance through her window and spots the boys slow dancing in their office before she follows Death to whatever happens next.

~ fin

[bluepandaears]

I love how Edwin calls "Valley of the Dolls" a modern masterpiece when it was published in 1966.

Really adds to everything else that shows his slight disconnect with the passage of time.

[bluepandaears]

Ignorance truely is bliss when you are half way through a season and haven't been able to bring yourself to finish it because you know that the second half is going to totally let you down on your completely unrealistic but desperately hoped for expectations.

Damn it.

[bluepandaears]

It seems to me horribly unfair that the victims of Angie were classified as having commit suicide and doomed to wonder the earth forever. Is it really suicide if you were lured to jump off a lighthouse?

[ouchmyghostskin]

Threw this together fast as I could for payneland week: “fake dating”.

[bluepandaears]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[stormybraindraws]

There's also this that I drew in that sketchbook last year and completely forgotten about until now.

Monty: Are you high?

Cat King: Am I wha...?

Monty: High.

Cat King: Hi ^^

[bluepandaears]

HA!

[bluepandaears]

As much as I believe Niko was all for the cute happy anime and pop music, I also believe she totally rocked out to Hellfire from the Arcane season 2 soundtrack.

I love you Niko.

[sam-art21321]

Introducing…

Dead Boy Detectives: A Cluedo-Inspired Board Game

Over the past month or so, I’ve been working on illustrating and designing a Dead Boy Detectives Cluedo-Inspired game fully from scratch! I was going to wait till everything was finished to share, but I’m impatient😂

Here’s a sneak preview at some of the cards👀It’s definitely been a commitment and will be a big project, but I am so looking forward to sharing the full thing hopefully in the next couple months!

Only a few more illustrations to go, then I need to work on the instructions manual and box design.

My goal is to actually physically create this, not sure if it’s something I’d try to sell—for many reasons, one being copyright, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there😂

Feel free to reblog, but please do not share on any other platform, thank you!

[bluepandaears]

It has occurred to me to wonder if Death would really have take Edwin back to Hell if she ever did catch ip to them.

We see Hell claim souls (other than Edwin) twice. Brandon Devlin, and then Brad and Hunter, and each of those times it was not Death that came for them. It was some red light bringing demon. In fact in the Devlin house you see Death's blue light for the mother and daughters separate from the red light for the father. Yes, granted you don't actually see that the red light was not brought by Death. But given that this is my pondering I am going to go with the argument that she has only ever been seen with a blue light and that Mr. Devlin's red light was that of a demon's. Reinforced by the fact that you do see that Brand and Hunter's red light was brought by a demon and not Death. On top of that, Death later shows up and takes Simon away from Hell.

So I'm starting to wonder, if she ever did encounter the boys, if she would fix the error with Edwin's afterlife assignment and send him instead to whatever else he was originally meant for?

All this does not really change the fact that the boys would probably still end up being separated so they still need to avoid her. Just not for the reason I think they assume.

[many-gay-magpies]

4 am thought because i just saw a post about edwin niko and monty baking together. but fucking hell edwin would EXCEL at baking, particularly at being a pastry chef. the intricate ratios, specific time intervals and temperature measurements, temperamental recipes that have to be executed in these exact steps or else they'll fail horribly, the patience, the DEDICATION. that is such an edwin activity. him in his little goggles whipping together his little potions, he would be the baking maestro. food chemist extraordinaire.

meanwhile idk how well charles would do with baking/pastry-making, but HE'D be great at that throw-some-shit-in-a-pot, measure-ingredients-with-your-heart type cooking. able to tell by sight that nah that needs more oregano. he tells you "nahh i just tossed a bunch of tosh in a pot, could totally suck" and then its the most beautiful succulent complex delicious soup/stew youve ever had in your life. and now my thoughts have run out because it is as previously mentioned 4 in the morning, but enjoy :D

[bluepandaears]

Charles' form of cooking would probably drive Edwin up the wall at first but he'd end up being so charmed and envious of his carefree ability.

Meanwhile Charles would gain 5 lbs and have to take up running again from eating all of Edwin's pastries. Euphemism intended.

[bluepandaears]

I've decided one of the reasons I love DBD so much is because each character is almost an embodiment of my various mood driven personalities. Often times you can watch a show and feel like you really identify with one maybe two characters. This one I feel like I really identify with all of the characters depending on my mood. It's the reason I could never definitively say I am a "Charles" type of "Edwin" type. Because I am all of them. Sometimes several throughout the day and sometimes more than one at a time.

Sometimes I'm the rock listening tattooed punk that doesn't want to give a shit about anybody but secretly cares about everybody.

Sometimes I'm the sweet bubbly romantic that just wants to care and like everyone.

Sometimes I'm the antisocial uptight emo that really couldn't care less about most people and just wants to read.

Sometimes I'm the friendly extrovert with anger issues that when pushed can become quite forceful.

Sometimes I'm a bitch without meaning to be and will feel bad about it but not until much later when it's kind of too late.

Sometimes I'm a bitch and I actually mean to be so fuck you. I'll do what I need to, to get what I want.

Sometimes I'm a shy friendly innocent that is really lying to you.

Sometimes I'm a flirt that just likes to play with their food.

Sometimes I just really need things to be neat and orderly and in their proper place. Damn it.

Sometimes I'm carefree and go with the flow. Woosah.

Sometimes I long to get back to somewhere else but in the mean time I'll do my bit to help out those around me.

Sometimes I'm small and angry and just really want to make you explode.

I am them and they are me and I think about them daily.

[queerazon]

We are heartbroken to share the tragic news of the death of Jonathan Joss—beloved actor, artist, and gay icon—who was fatally shot on June 1, 2025, in San Antonio, Texas. He was 59 years old. Authorities are investigating the possibility of a hate crime.

Jonathan, of Comanche and White Mountain Apache heritage, rose to fame as the voice of John Redcorn on King of the Hill and appeared in acclaimed films such as The Magnificent Seven and True Grit. Beyond his screen work, he was a tireless advocate for Native sovereignty, queer visibility, and authentic representation.

In recent years, Jonathan came out publicly as a gay man and remained fiercely proud of both his Indigenous and queer identities. He is survived by his husband, Tristan Kern de Gonzales, with whom he shared a life rooted in love, art, and community.

Jonathan’s legacy is one of courage, truth, and unapologetic presence. His impact on two-spirit and LGBTQ+ Indigenous youth—and on all of us who saw ourselves in his work—cannot be overstated.

We mourn his loss. We honor his voice. We demand justice. Rest in power, Jonathan Joss. You are remembered. You are loved.

[bluepandaears]

Was rewatching and just noticed that the back cover of the comic Edwin was reading to Charles as he died says "twink" in big letters across the top. I mean seriously. Talk about a neon sign hidden in plain sight.

[twodeadboysonealivegirl]

Thinking about Edwin telling Charles “you have to experience Hell to really see what’s here”.

Because— at what point has Charles officially “experienced Hell”? I think the consensus is that seeing the horror that was Edwin’s existence for so long was what allowed Charles to see the damned souls on his way out of Hell, but like… well, Edwin is technically a damned soul, too. So why could he see him immediately? Why could he see Edwin curled up and bleeding, see the Demon Spider Made of Babydoll Heads grab him and pull him down the hallways, see the pile of dead Edwins?

There are a couple different reasons I can think of off the top of my head. The first is that Edwin is only technically a damned soul— Charles can see him for the same reason he could see Maxine on the stairs. They’re both condemned to Hell, but not in the same way the souls in Limbo or Lust or Gluttony or, presumably, any of the other layers are. They’re not completely lost to it.

Another is that… well, it’s Edwin. It’s Charles and Edwin. He’s known him for decades— weird Hell rules aren’t going to make Edwin invisible to him (something something Charles saw Edwin as a ghost while he was still alive, even if only barely alive. Something something Charles has always been able to figuratively see Edwin, been able to understand him)

My last theory is that just seeing the Dollhouse in all its horrific glory, knowing it’s the end/beginning of Edwin’s map, and thus the place where Edwin was tortured for decades, could have easily been enough to count as experiencing Hell. On top of that, he’s looking at Edwin’s map of the Dollhouse. Kate Whyte Studio did an amazing job of creating the map for Edwin’s notebook, complete with little notes all over it— “not safe” “danger” “tired” “lost” “bad” “fuck” “no” “don’t go here” “trapped” “dead end” and the two that I think would fuck with Charles the most, “so lonely” and “no help”.

Yeah. I think that would do it.

Also edited image under the cut where I’ve circled the notes mentioned so you don’t have to go note hunting like I did

[coraline-piange]

text messages payneland edition

happy dbda anniversary ❤💙

[bluepandaears]

I really really need someone to insert some of these into fic.

[bluepandaears]

Yesterday a high court indicated it was going to side with parents that wanted to force my local public schools to pull five LGBTQ+ kids picture books from their libraries claiming "religious discrimination". I immediately went on line and ordered those very same books (as well as a couple sequels) because f that shit. I paid extra to buy them from a legit brick and mortar book store instead of Amazon so that they knew people in my area still wanted access to those books.

The books just shipped and I've never been more excited to receive books in my life.

[bluepandaears]

My new books! ❤️

Support something enough and it becomes the norm and stops getting as much push back. It was not all that long ago that interracial marriage was illegal. Now nearly no-one bats an eye at an interracial couple. If we persist we can prevail.