[sock-ness-monster]

This probably isn’t actually that funny but it came to me in a dream and I had to make it

[abuffalomonster]

i love it

[sock-ness-monster]

@abuffalomonster that means so much to me coming from you,,,,😂

[abuffalomonster]

t literally shouldnt its really funny im ngl!

[bluerosesredviolets-blog1]

Bold tag game

rules: bold the ones that are true and tag people to do it.

I got tagged by @iwanttoliveovertherainbow

APPEARANCE:

I’m over 5’5” // I wear glasses/contacts // I have blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have blue eyes // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I havefreckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES AND TALENTS:

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during school or work breaks // I can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP:

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a (very big) crush // I have a best friend I have known for ten years // my parents are together // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

AESTHETICS:

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colours // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

MISCELLANEOUS:

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities// I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick-shift // I believe in true love// I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least three dogs

I tag: @verylowbloodsugar

[eurosong]

The most headscratching lyrics of 2019

“If you wanna see, just open your eyes” Solid advice for which I’m sure the blind community will be grateful, Jurij(us).

“I have a dream […] as beautiful as it is extreme / […] it’s not as crazy as it may seem.” “I have a really XTREME DREME. But… it’s not so crazy.” “I thought you said it was extreme?” “It is. But it’s not so crazy.” “So the dream isn’t so beautiful then?” “Nah, it’s REALLY beautiful!” “Then the dream is really extreme?” “Yes.” “So then it’s really crazy.” “No.”

Friend of a Friend in its entirety What kind of couple have a long conversation about neighbours having sex? (Who writes a song about it?) Who brings attention to it, then comments on the copulating couple by telling their girlfriend that they used to know one another?

“It doesn’t take too much – only just a miracle” First of all, what is “it”? Because if it’s referring back to the thing directly before this sentence, not judging others, then we hardly need miraculous intervention. And secondly, if it takes “only just” (pick one, not both) a miracle, how the hell does it not take too much, whatever it is? “Nobody gunna like this… yes ya gunna like it” A very abrupt volte-face in the matter of a few lines!

“A storm like this – can break a man like this” First of all, double A+ for rhyming this with this. Secondly, it has to be a pretty special intensity storm to be able to break a human being apart, especially when in the same song, the sky falling down is considered a trivial issue. I repeat - a single meteorological condition can break him but the sky falling down cannot. Logical.

“Ne me demandez pas qui je suis; moi, je suis…” Don’t ask me who I am. Let me sing a self-aggrandising song about who I am instead! “Quand je rêve, je suis un roi” It’s a great aspiration to have – to be a king in the country famous for beheading Louis XVI.

“Maybe they can’t be heard or seen, but tears aren’t quiet things, they screeammm” If they scream, they most definitely can be heard tho? “All your dreams have gone away […] I will always tell you life is beautiful and fine” Serhat’s friend: I’m desolate. All my hopes have died! Serhat: But life is BEAUTIFUL! Serhat’s friend: No it’s not. Serhat: … yes it is?

“It’s now or never; it’s forever” How can it be both when the two are mutually exclusive?

“No rhyme is a match for you” “I’m leaving your ass for this poetry book!”

[ilmae]

i was confused about the orange carpet at first but it’s just foreshadowing for next year isn’t it

[theeurocat]

THE DUMPSTER OF BEST MOMENTS FROM THE ORANGE CARPET

Sebastian’s song about his tight pants

 The dancers with their bra things (you know what i mean)

The Israeli artists from 1991 singing the absolute banger Kan!! (Together with a weird French(??) rapper)

TULIA’S LOBSTER DRESSES

Zala and Gasper are “just friends”

Lake Malawi’s matching suits and giant flag

“Let’s not compare flags”

Lake Malawi is apparently representing all African people now?

“I’m stupid boy”

Zena singing songs from Moana in Belarusian

Zena singing Moana- AGAIN

Eliot wearing a raincoat

The hosts loving J’aime la vie and singing it with Eliot

Oto getting out of his car while VARADA VARADA is playing super intensely

One of the hosts loving Australia and chanting “Aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi!!” when seeing Kate

“Children and vegans should look away because our next act is really into BDSM”, guess who

Klemens: “We love talking and looking and all the rest

Trying to talk to Einar to no prevail

The Belarusian dancers showing off and doing acrobatics

Conan: “Sometimes I become a Malefic Squid from the bottom of the ocean and put ink on your face :)”

Katherine looking like a literal goddess with real flowers in her hair

Serhat proposing to examine one of the hosts’ teeth

“Everyone has its own Na Na Na”

BILAL’S DRESS

(And almost not getting out of the car because of the floof)

EVERYONE is wearing dark blue suits

The hosts bringing up Barcelone losing to Liverpool in football, right in front of Miki (that’s low)

(in the background)PALI SIE 

Kobi lives literally one-minute walk away from the orange carpet

Eleni’s favorite song this year is Soldi

Verka shows up, runs away, comes back again

Verka just being a legend

Verka rubbing one of the hosts’ stomach…?

Carousel being described as a duo instead of a band

That one shot of the tiny little toy boat??

Sisters went to a pizzeria where they were throwing around the salad to music?

Jurgi Valenko

Roko’s white jacket with golden sequin wings on the back

The chameleon dance

Host when seeing Segey: I think this is a great time to SCREAM”

Philip Kirkorov ofc

Netta arriving in a giant black van, not doing anything that exciting

Jondita’s pride dress!!

“Keiino and their song Spirwell”

FRED’S TRADITIONAL SAMI CLOTHES!!

AND HIS REACTION TO THE GIRL WITH THE SAMI FLAG!

Duncan shaking hands with the dude opening the car door for him, and that guy looking so happy

Duncan loving the orange carpet because he is dutch

The guy from the North Macedonia delegation with the paper crown

Michael Rice being told to speak slower because his accent is too hard to understand

The orange carpet was just a little bit cringey but extremely entertaining at least

[johannesviii]

What you should know about the Eurovision Song Contest if you have never watched it

Eurovision is the dumbest and most wonderful thing on television. Nowadays you can watch it live on the official Eurovision Youtube channel, which is much better than tv because there’s no adds AND you can hear all the presenters’ wonderful accents instead of whoever is commenting in your own country. Double win.

A lot of non-European countries participate to this thing with “Euro” in its name. We know. Get over it. The whole thing doesn’t make any sense anyway so why would you draw the line at “this isn’t an European country so this isn’t logical”. Like. Guys. People are burning pianos and baking bread on stage. Come on.

The jury will almost never vote for the songs you actually liked. Sometimes they won’t even vote for the songs themselves but for the other countries they like. It’s okay. It’s part of the fun. The public’s points can change absolutely everything anyway.

The actual goal is to become a meme, really. Moldova in particular usually knows that (even though their 2019 entry looks rather serious), but you can never anticipate anything. Did anyone see Ukraine’s flaming coffin-piano coming last year? I didn’t.

You can’t vote for your own country. That’s also the point (although it’s not too bad in my case since my country, France, doesn’t understand the meme aspect and keeps sending serious stuff. Our real goal is actually to have more points than England and that’s basically it. My favorite French entry is actually our worst score ever. This is sad).

The songs have to be short and non-political, which kinda explains why a lot of them are about love and/or peace (see below).

At some point someone in the public will probably try to climb on stage and do something stupid.

It isn’t Eurovision until something is on fire.

It also isn’t Eurovision if there isn’t something truely incomprehensible happening on stage.

Like in these examples from last year.

Some notable entries

This parody has everything you need to know about eurovision. No, really. Watch it. I’ll wait here

This is Verka Serduchka from 2007. ALL HAIL VERKA SERDUCHKA.

This guy with the awesome saxophone solo is Sergey Stepanov from Sunstroke Project.

You might know him as The Epic Sax Guy.

Also he came back in 2017 to save our souls.

This is my favorite Russian entry ever and it has grandmas baking bread on stage.

Ireland once sent a muppet turkey which kept saying “Irlande douze points” (Ireland twelve points in French). No, it didn’t win

In 2006, Finland won with this entry. It is glorious and I will hear no argument otherwise

This was Ukraine’s entry last year and the first contestant to open the grand finale. Yes, the guy is in a piano that is also a coffin. Yes, the stairs and the piano are on fire. Yes, this is the kind of madness that usually happens at least once per year.

In 2015 Israël sent an extremely catchy song which rhymed “And before I leave” with “let me show you Tel Aviv” (10/10 everyone can go home) and ended with “ok, we’ve gotta go! Three minutes! Bye bye” because the timer ran out.

Also, last year in 2018, they won with this wonderful bit of chicken-like beatboxing.

The Grand Finale is next Saturday and we can’t be sure of anything yet but in the rehearsals we already have a song which chorus is “nanana” repeated over and over, a guy with green bird-like sleeves and random sneakers doing some sort of interpretative dance, and bondage s&m synth punk. No, really.

See you next Saturday!

[cappychino]

The holy trinity

[bluerosesredviolets-blog1]

ESC '19 acts, Jamala has more uncomfortable questions for you...

Just as a wee bit of jest, here are some awkward questions I imagine Jamala asking some of this year's lot.

Cyprus: Replay is literal replay?

Montenegro: You thought adding random instruments in background would make qualification chances stronger?

Hungary: Origo was better?

Belarus: And if we don't like it?

UK: Song is secretly about EU?

Belgium: You forgot chorus?

Germany: You couldn't find actual sisters?

Israel: Kan really don't want another win?

Ireland: Video was filmed on an old mobile phone?

Norway: You thought animal wig was good idea?

Georgia: Varada is varada?

Estonia: Avicii estate wants writing credits?

Sweden: It is?

Spain: Lo que ere de verdad e?

Iceland: Love is forever and everyone?

Lithuania: Running with large carnivores is bad advice?

[thatrandombystander]

the week leading up to eurovision is when i start getting hyped about it so i made a bingo card for it (i haven’t looked at any of the songs for this year)

[godtissumbrella]

One thing I really enjoy about eurovision is that these 2 bands that have represented Iceland have worn similar clothes behind the scenes

And it could almost make you wonder if their on stage look is also similar

It is not.

[nessunn]

[lexa-el-amin]

me, externally, when someone asks how often i watch eurovision videos on YouTube:

me, internally, while reciting the lyrics to love love peace peace:

[volevisolosoldi]

i love this meme format

[unibrowzz]

UK: (puts little to no effort into finding a singer) (Chooses bland, safe songs that wouldn’t have even done that well 30 years ago) (Actively discourages even remotely popular artists from competing because it’s “career suicide”) (Half asses its NF in a single night event on a secondary channel) (Only gives its audience 3 songs to pick from) (Accuses the other countries of cheating and gets particularly upset when Slavic nations receive points) (Basically doesn’t give a fuck) (Comes bottom 3)

UK:

[lasalegarce]

Sometimes I jolt awake because of the memory of the Spanish dude’s voice breaking while singing “do it for your lover” two years ago

[slightlyintimidating]

The Spirit In The Sky music video is like Norway said “well we still have some stuff left from the Ylvis What Does The Fox say vid from years back, let’s just use them”

[kaeiino]

i hope bdsm and anti-capitalism will win esc 2019