BlurredYearning

A Twisting Tale of Competing Desires

[blurredyearning]

18 Feb 2026

I am physically the same as I have always been. Maybe a little more grey, a little more wrinkled or soft in places. But I am still me.

But my interior is nigh unrecognizable. Motherhood has transformed me in ways I could never have imagined. My son showed me what it means to know unconditional love. A lifetime of agnostic atheism has been replaced by devout Eastern Orthodox Christianity. ☦️ I'm functionally vegan half the year. I dress modestly, but that transition was happening years before motherhood and my conversion.

Still working for the state. Set to be consumer debt free by summer 2028. Student loans should go with PSLF in 2030. Then, it'll just be the mortgage left.

Deleted my Meta and Reddit accounts as a 41st birthday gift to myself. I have no social media. (I don't count Tumblr, because I only come to make these posts every couple years now.) I am blissfully unaware of current events.

Marriage is going well. It's real nice to still actively enjoy the person I'm with after all these years. We've been together since Oct 2019, married since Nov 2022. We are well suited ❤️

[blurredyearning]

08 Dec 2024

Oh the times, they are a'changin!

Recap

Got married on 11/11/22 in Vegas, officiated by Elvis.

Bought a house in 02/2024.

Finished my Master's in 05/2024.

Had a baby boy in 07/2024.

Maybe you'll see this one day. Maybe you won't. I hope you're happy in your life. I am living a life i never could have imagined for myself a handful of years ago. I left Don 7 years ago this weekend. So, so much has changed, and I'm grateful every single day.

[blurredyearning]

12 Jun 2023

It's been about a year and a half since the last post. The TL;DR version of that time:

Boyfriend transitioned to being girlfriend. I came out to my friends & family. Dad didn't take it well.

Confessed attraction for a friend, who reciprocated. We made out once and functionally that was the end of our friendship, which sucks.

Got a job with the state & moved an hour north

Girlfriend detransitioned back to boyfriend.

Started grad school

Flew out to Vegas and got married to the aforementioned boyfriend. The ceremony was officiated by Elvis.

Got quite involved in the local kink community. Currently serving on the board of directors.

Got off antidepressants. Had my diagnosis changed. Started Adderall for ADHD, which is working very well.

I'm doing well, feeling content. Still in therapy. Been trying to get pregnant for the last couple years, but no luck, which is disheartening. Being a stepmom is pretty okay tho.

Maybe you'll see this. Maybe you won't. You've crossed my mind now and again. And I got what I assume is a Snap friend request from you. I don't think I can accept it in good faith, though. I fear this time will be like all the others, where we quickly fall back into our flirty, tension-filled dynamic. We'll chat and likely end up sexting, then you'll fell guilty and ghost me again for an indeterminate amount of time. Only this time, we're both married. I'm happy in my relationship and marriage. I would like to have a friendship with you again, but it would need to be above ground, and I doubt that's an option for you.

[blurredyearning]

06 Nov 2021

Day One of Prozac has been ... not super great. Got overwhelmed at 2nd And Charles this morning, which is easy for me. Never really recovered. Have been running on fumes all day. I have fewer things bouncing around in my head, I think, but I'm just drained.

Watered my plants. Fed the birds. Painted 2/3 of my 3d printed Kali statue for my altar. Kinda just zoned out on the couch, petted the cat.

Tired, but not sleepy. Just weird.

[blurredyearning]

28 April 2021

Breathless, she pulled back and whispered “I’m so sorry,” but I knew it wasn’t me she was talking to. Desire drove him from her thoughts again as she pushed her lips against mine once more. 

She is the softest thing I’ve ever tasted. 

[love-diaries]

“I have a habit of falling in love with souls who have yet to be at peace with their bodies, their minds, their weaknesses. I try to build them, to find the parts of them that are missing in me. I end up with holes in my chest.” - Farah Gabdon

[blurredyearning]

01 Jun 2020

I am happy, content, and in love. My life doesn't look like how I imagined, but that's just fine.

[bnmxfld]

“How wonderful it is to be silent with someone.”

— Kurt Tucholsky (via bnmxfld)

[flamingmirrorbookish]

“It’s on my TBR-list” doesn’t mean anything since there are over 200 books on it.

[quotemadness]

“What’s the worst thing I’ve stolen? Probably little pieces of other people’s lives. Where I’ve either wasted their time or hurt them in some way. That’s the worst thing you can steal, the time of other people. You just can’t get that back.”

— Chester Bennington

[love-diaries]

“I’m trying to forget you but I’m also waiting for you to come back.”

—

[quotemadness]

“I want you to know that it is not always easy to love me. That sometimes my chest is a field full of landmines, and where you went last night, you can’t go tomorrow. There is no manual, there is no road map, no help line you can call; my body does not come with instructions, and sometimes even I don’t know what to do with it. This cannot be easy. But still, you touch me anyway.”

— Ivan E. Coyote

[just-shower-thoughts]

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

[savvygunner]

[violetnpurple]

LISTEN-

[bl6ckwoman]

Not all of them. 30 and 50 aren’t spelled with the letter e in it …

[antiandrogen]

[teamnowalls-deactivated20180918]

father god 

[abrown16]

…if you can split a number in half evenly, it’s even. 30 and 50 are odd.

[antiandrogen]

[ethereal-sketches]

-_-’

(15+15=30

25+25=30)

[britteryikes]

25+25 = 30? You sure about that??

[laurdlannister-kingslayer]

Lord have mercy….

[kumasenpai]

Bye

[mf-johnson-deactivated20190605]

3 days into 2018 smh

[kwantsu]

LMAOOOOOOO

[effigyofubiquity-deactivated202]

[lizzysarai-deactivated20190109]

One

Three

Five

Nine

And since everything else after that is a variant of these numbers, then all odds have the letter ‘E’.

[britteryikes]

🗣YOU FORGOT SEVEN!!

[thxrsdxy]

It keeps getting worse.

[e-wifey-deactivated20201128]

LMAOOO WHAT IS GOING ON

[ellsworthej]

[goldensweetcheeks-deactivated20]

My head hurts…

[skullprincess]

This is why that Tumblr University shit was the dumbest idea ever just look at this

[drankinwatahmelin]

who failed yall?

[microtear-deactivated20181213]

IM SCREAMING

[lukestarkillerisgay]

[hey-hey-shutthefuckup-deactivat]

You whole ass forgot about eight - a number with an e and is pretty fucking even

[shaolinbynature]

why would 8 be brought up if it’s EVEN in a post about ODDS??????? the post said “every single ODD number has an ‘e’ in it” not “every single number with an ‘e’ is odd” what the fuck

[emma-d-klutz]

3 days until 2019 and we’re still here

[legowerewolf]

happy New year’s eve

[prguitarman]

I’m going to bring this flaming dumpster into 2019 so future generations can see what a mistake Tumblr was

[majitowfoxlover]

Er, guys two is odd and doesn’t have an e. Just saying…

[hurleyquinnzel]

did you deadass just try to tell me two is odd? i’m fucking crying throw the whole website away

[untitled42717]

Reblogging for the last one😂

[kitsumekat]

The one thing I notice is that no matter how much you want to throw this site away, you just can’t.

[alternative-memo-deactivated202]

TWO IS ODD?!?! PFFFTT I’M SCREAMING

[binkeljuice]

Wait what about zero that’s an odd number ,no?

[hurleyquinnzel]

[mysticalpoodle]

ok but hear me out fifty and thirty make up for the fact they have no e by the way they are pronounces third-E fifth-E

[im-an-aesthetic-mess]

bro why do 30 and 50 matter THEY’RE FUCKING EVEN

[fish-food-s]

what the actual fuck is happening

[dickplinko]

1 is an even number

[link-the-feral-anon]

I’m gonna smack you

[insert-gay-pun-queer]

-30 and -50 have an e in them

[kurlyfryz]

Wait why are we so quick to throw away the Zero idea

[anachronistic-cat]

Zero isn’t a number

[kurlyfryz]

It can’t be divided by two though, can it

[toaster-120]

It can??? 0/2=0??

[kurlyfryz]

[baconaxolotl101]

OD NUMBERS

onE

thrEE

fivE

sEvEn

ninE

[batsdotjpg]

OD numbers huh?

[the-kleptomancer]

Anything that ends with a 0,2,4,6,8 is even and the rest is odd (1,3,7,9) stop freaking out y’all

[batsdotjpg]

YOU FORGOT 5

[ozzypawsbone-princeofbarkness]

DUDE WHAT ABOUT FOUR

[batsdotjpg]

What about it?????

[ozzypawsbone-princeofbarkness]

THAT DOESN’T HAVE E IN IT

[batsdotjpg]

THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S EVEN?????

[frogseyy]

A R E Y O U G U Y S O K A Y

[getinthehandbasket]

21 days away from 2020, folks.

[m-pennanti]

Please tell me I can start the new freaking decade with a post arguing about something as stupid as this. Please. 🙏

[nerdy-as-heck]

This is art at its finest

[hey-there-princey-deactivated20]

one week to 2020 dudes

[gingerlovesio]

I’m so done

[theartistformerlyknownasmma]

Im so upset that even with all the “zero is odd” “no it’s not” stuff no one bothered to point out… It doesn’t matter. Zero, 0, zEro

[thegreenpea]

But zero isn’t odd. It’s fucking the lack of a number. It’s neutral. It’s empty. There’s nothing there

[kayas-wife]

Zero is a number.

A definition of an even number is that it can be divided by 2 and the result is a whole number. Since you cannot divide zero, you cant divide it by 2 and that means that zero is an odd number.

zEro, onE, thrEE, fivE, sEvEn, ninE, ElEven, and then the suffix -teen and every other odd number in english contains the names of the numbers 1 to 9.

[endertrender]

zero is not a goddamn odd number what. even i know that and i’m not good at math. also you can divide 0 by 2, it’s 0, you literally just divide it  and you just get 0 out oh my gosh. you can’t divide by zero but you can divide zero. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parity_of_zero

https://www.britannica.com/story/is-zero-an-even-or-an-odd-number

https://www.scienceabc.com/nature/zero-odd-even.html Quote from this one “ So, technically, [zero] is even. In fact, it is the most even number there is.”

also does anybody on here ever look anything up or? this is making my brain physically hurt. christ.

[mynameismichealwithab-deactivat]

NO. NO FUCK YOU ALL WE ARE NOT BRINGING THIS SHIT INTO 2020. WHOEVER BROUGHT THIS BACK DID IT ON PURPOSE AND I WILL FUCKING HUNT YOU DOWN FOR SPORT FUCK YOU. FUCK THIS.

[natelove]

This post was an absolute train wreck and I’m cursing my followers with it

[the-hope-that-sleeps-inside-you]

Damn you

[sword-and-nightingale]

“Anyone can do math, even gay people”

Bitch, are you sure???

[naught-but-a-delusion-deactivat]

This post is amazing. The Chaos is pleased.

[guiltiest-gear]

Is this fucking number discourse

[naught-but-a-delusion-deactivat]

Do you have an issue with that?

[guiltiest-gear]

No but just out of all the things it’s about numbers

Just that it’s weird is all

[naught-but-a-delusion-deactivat]

The internet is weird, you should be used to that by now.

[guiltiest-gear]

Yeah that’s true

At least the cum soup post was less weird than this

[gecko-lizzard]

Uhh I’m sorry the what

[guiltiest-gear]

Oh boy here we go again

How many times have I done this so far

I’ve done this like… three, maybe four times so far

Do you really want to know

You can turn back now

[a-bisexual-teenager]

Please why did I have to see this post I had midterms today and my brain is already dead I don’t have enough brain cells for this

[coffeeandcrown]

I had never seen this before today and I told my grandma about it and she’s shaking her head in both humor and disappointment. Good job everyone!

[cy-n0-suree-deactivated20210707]

This is the longest post but yall forgot 6

[lem-hhn]

And 1,3,5,7, and 9 are odd numbers. 5 is an honorary even number, but it is still odd.

[dissociationdemon]

What the fuck is an honorary even number

[blurredyearning]

When setting the TV volume, you leave it on an even number or on 0 or 5, because both 0 and 5 are Good Solid Round Numbers. They're honorary even numbers.

Basically, just never leave the TV volume on 1, 3, 7, or 9.

[love-diaries]

“We don’t talk anymore, and the saddest part is, we used to talk everyday.”

—

[quotemadness]

“The truth is, I pretend to be a cynic, but I am really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something [they] may never get.”

— Joanna Hoffman

[olearypoetry]

O. Leary

[philosophybits]

“I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of roses under my cypresses.”

— Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra