after a couple hours chopping dried sea urchins into tiny pieces with a razor blade you start referring to the razor blade as yourself in your thoughts. a little while afterwards you'll inevitably think something along the lines of "i'm getting a bit dull, i'm going to have to throw myself out & get myself a new self" at which point your internal monologue has pretty much returned to baseline
This happens with mobility aids too. I bump into shit with my forearm crutches and say "ow" before I realize those are not, in fact, More Legs. Then when I get up and try to walk without them for a second there's a moment of feeling like a dog walking upright
in hindsight, growing up as an aromantic person who didn't know aromanticism was a thing...it woulda been really easy for me to assume that something was wrong with me, that I was "broken" or "missing" some piece of humanity.
luckily I was autistic, oblivious, and had a huge ego. it literally never occurred to me to frame it as a "me" problem. i just thought every single person i knew was a dumbass
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Episode would've been perfect if Morph didn't have to transform into Jean to keep Logan from stabbing them
You're telling me that Wolverine values Jean... more than Morph? The guy who took Morph's death the hardest? The guy who kept pining (platonically) for Morph for a lot of the series? The guy who, after learning Morph, was alive, dropped everything to go track them across the world? The guy who was basically attached to Morph by the hip when they came back on the team, and who still acts like that in Xmen 97? Stabbing Jean... a woman who he likes and who he KNOWS who doesn't like him back and I'd MARRIED and who he TOLD it wouldn't work out with... was more horrifying than stabbing his best friend????
What in the holy erasure of the importance of platonic love is this????
✩ how you became könig’s penpal and how he fell in love with you
✩ please like and reblog if you enjoyed! if this gets enough support, i’ll make it into a series!
✩ it all started when your therapist suggested ways to overcome your social anxiety
✩ you've always been terrified of social situations, constantly afraid of being judged and humiliated by others.
✩ you'd dread events for weeks, going through every scenario in your head where things could go wrong, turning every social event into a disaster before it had even begun.
✩ and when you're actually there? the disaster becomes true.
✩ you tremble and stutter through conversations while avoiding eye contact at all costs
✩ eventually, your nausea and your racing heartbeat becomes too much, and you escape to either run home or have a panic attack, whichever one comes first.
✩ even then, there's no salvation: you reflect on every moment, noting every single cringeworthy detail, creating your own punishment that was personally designed to render your self-esteem non-existent.
✩ it's so embarrassing…
✩ after months of isolating yourself, staying home instead of going outside and humiliating yourself again, you get online therapy sessions.
✩ the therapist suggests a way to start talking to people again: a penpal program organised by the army where you send a soldier a letter.
✩ she said the letters would be less stressful than in-person or online conversations since there was no pressure to respond immediately
✩ a soldier? seriously?!
✩ telling a soldier, who risks their life every day, that you get a panic attack talking to strangers?
✩ your dignity would crumble to dust!
✩ what you didn't know was that that there was an awkward austrian soldier who perfectly understood your struggles.
‘Hi,’
✩ no - too casual…
'Hello,’
✩ better. to whom it may concern? far too formal. just a simple 'hello' will do.
✩ you introduce yourself and write how you hope they're ok. actually, that's too friendly.
‘I hope this letter finds you well’
✩ that's good... what next? should you talk about yourself? what do you say? should you mention the social anxiety? no way - that's too personal for the first letter. you’re strangers, so just keep it surface level.
✩ you write about how you saw an advert for the penpal program and decided to join. a lie, but there's no need to tell the truth yet.
✩ you write that you appreciate the work that they do even though you don't fully know what it entails. that's true, at least.
✩ you think about what you could say about yourself.
✩ your life isn't exciting - you've spent months at home doomscrolling and watching tv.
✩ that's it! you could talk about what television shows and movies you like! wait, would they even have time to watch stuff?
✩ maybe on their time off! yes! plus, even if they don't, it gives you more to talk about! you’re a genius!
✩ you write about your viewing habits and get into a flow, giving your opinions and personal recommendations. you ask if they get to watch much, or if they prefer other hobbies, which smoothly transitions into a short paragraph about your own hobbies.
✩ it’s short since you can only do so much from your own home, but again, there's no need to mention that yet.
✩ alright, this is going great! now, how to sign it off?
‘I hope to hear from you soon,’
✩ sounds too eager... puts pressure on them to write back as well...
'There's no pressure to respond. I can imagine how busy your work can get, so it's ok if you don't have time to write back.
All the best,'
✩ you write your name and triumphantly slam your pen down on your desk with a grin big enough to be seen from space
✩ you read through your letter before carefully folding it and delicately sliding it into an envelope. you write the envelope, stick a postage stamp in the corner and send that bad boy!
✩ you’re on cloud nine for a while after that. however, after a month goes by with no reply, your anxiety rears its annoying, ugly head.
✩ what if your handwriting was too messy? what if they found you embarrassing? what if they laughed at your letter and threw it in the bin? what if they showed the letter to their army comrades and laughed at it together?
✩ why did your therapist suggest doing this? this is TORTURE!
✩ on the other side of the world, however, a supremely tall soldier curls himself onto his cramped army bed and reads your letter over and over with a smile that grows every time he reads it.
✩ he promptly opens up his notebook and flips to a blank page to start writing his reply:
'Hello,
My name is König...’
✩ i had to type all this out again bc tumblr ate the original post! :)
✩ i tried to give the reader more personality, i hope that comes through in the writing!
✩ again please like and reblog if you enjoyed! i really appreciate your support <3
vaporwave
blakekathryn
2087
dailybridgerton
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