How would the Karasuno boys act when they have to buy condoms from Ukai's shop, having to look their coach in the eye as they pay for them?
i laughed for like 10 minutes after reading this request i love it. i’ve been having some health issues lately and needed a good pick-me-up
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The only way I could rationalize them willingly buying condoms from Sakanoshita–as opposed to any place else–knowing that their coach is minding the shop is that the team has some crazy bet going on and these are in the event that they are the loser of said bet. Whether or not they’re doing the do and actually need them is entirely irrelevant.
He’s one of the few who don’t make it weird somehow. It’s just another transaction, right? Not to mention that Ukai’s made it clear to them that whatever they do outside of volleyball is none of his business.
It’s not embarrassing until he gets to the counter to pay and has a moment of internal panic that this is very awkward. But Daichi’s a master of keeping his composure while screaming internally all the while, so you’d never know.
It doesn’t hurt that he buys a few things he actually needs along with them. But still.
He tries to play dumb when they’re rung up: “Whoops, how did those get in there? Well, I guess I’ll take them anyway. Doesn’t hurt to have some, right?” Cue the forced bashful laughter.
It’s clear to everyone within a 5 mile radius that Suga is playing this up too much. Like it’s painful to watch.
Once out of the shop, Suga will show no mercy and pelt either the first person who laughs or the person who suggested the bet in the first place with the box.
He has to buy at least four or five other things along with them in hopes that Ukai doesn’t give the condoms a second thought.
Except he kind of just grabs whatever is within arm’s reach in a tizzy without paying attention, so it’s an interesting mix of things.
He forgets how to breathe when Ukai rings his things up. You’d think that having his coach be unfazed by all of this would make it less embarrassing, but the contrast in their demeanors makes it worse.
You can bet his s/o will be the one to buy them from now on because he’s scarred for life.
Slams the box down on the counter and looks Ukai straight in the eyes. It’s the only thing he’s buying.
Noya’s got a dead serious look on his face the whole time. Coupled with the fact that he’s standing in a power pose, it makes the transaction feel more like a battle of wills than a simple interaction between a shopkeeper/coach and his customer/pupil.
Seriously, Ukai is unnerved by this until Noya shouts out a thanks and bows deeply before leaving the shop, and hearing Tanaka’s cry of “Noya-san is so cool!!!” from outside.
Tries the nonchalant whistling thing, which makes the whole process more suspect and embarrassing.
“They’re for my sister’s…. boyfriend…”
He doesn’t know why he went with that excuse. Even if Saeko had a boyfriend, neither of them would bother having Tanaka buy a box for them.
Ukai’s, “Good for them, I guess?” does nothing to alleviate any of Tanaka’s embarrassment.
If it’s questioned, he has his excuse of “A prop for the new movie” all ready to go. Although, he’s also worried that unless he can make up a plot for this movie that doesn’t exist (yet), it might be considered a cause for concern that his movies are getting too adult for high school students to be in charge of.
Takes five minutes to come up with an elevator pitch just in case before he has to go in.
Ukai doesn’t even ask or indicate that he’s buying condoms and Ennoshita–red-faced and stuttering–goes on about some Seth Rogen-esque stoner comedy that he’s working on.
“Well, just don’t get in trouble filming something like that. You’re still a kid, after all.”
Can’t stop dropping his change, which is the perfect excuse to physically hide how ridiculous he feels.
The transaction from then on can be described as swift, as in the second Ukai hands him the bag Narita takes it and heads for the door with a, “Hm thanks coach see you tomorrow bye!” It’s all in one fluid motion and yes, that goodbye is punctuation-less .
Just…never bring this up again. He’d rather forget the whole thing.
He can’t go in alone. He has to do this with at least one other person going into the shop with him, and Noya is the only one who also isn’t embarrassed by this in any way. The other second-years are embarrassed by proximity, so-to-speak.
Except Noya gets distracted trying to find his usual ice cream flavor, so Kinoshita has to ride solo at the counter.
It’s clear he’s nervous about the whole thing; his whole body is stiff and he reacts to anything Ukai says as if the man is correcting his technique during practice.
He does have to keep his eyes on his wallet and money most of the transaction because there’s no one he can look his coach in the eye while buying them.
He knows he’s not smart and that everyone knows this as well, so he decides to tackle this issue by using this to advantage.
Except he anticipates Ukai will say anything in the first place, and blurts something out totally unprompted..
Kageyama: What do you mean those aren’t water balloons?
The following is the most tense five seconds of silence you’ll ever see between these two.
He’s so red that Ukai is worried that Kageyama’s head might explode. Or he passes out on the spot, especially because he stops breathing.
He thinks he can play it cool, but it’s like watching a trainwreck.
He suddenly can’t hear anything. There’s so much blood rushing to his head that he can only hear that in his ears. Ukai tells him how much he owes and Hinata keeps repeating, “What?” each time it happens.
“Just… take them, alright, Hinata?”
Once he leaves the store, his face seems to be stuck in a smile and he doesn’t react to anything anyone says or does to him. His soul has left his body. He’s straight-up astral projecting in front of the vending machines outside the shop. Never make him do that again.
Like Daichi, he also is does not make it weird. The glare from his glasses absolutely helps to hide anything his eyes might give away about feeling like an idiot the whole time.
But you could replace the condoms with any other item in the store and everything would be exactly the same about this interaction.
The rest of the team is mad because there was no point of having the loser of their bet do that if the loser wasn’t affected by it.
But this eventually backfires on Tsukki because guess who Noya and Tanaka have now playfully dubbed, “The Condom King.” He hates it.
He’s a blend of Suga and Kageyama in this situation: “I thought they were rubber gloves! What? T-those aren’t mine!” (Which one is it, Yams?)
Things get worse because the barcode scanner just won’t scan this box and every second feels ten times longer than it actually is during this.
At this point he’s just praying that no one else–sans the rest of the boys–has to bear witness to this. If Yachi walked in and saw, he’d probably die.
