i heard weâre talking about shane crying during sex? đ
ok so i think heâs almost cried plenty of times, yâknow that thing he does where his eyes fill with tears but they never actually fall? ilya fucks him so good i can see that happening on a regular basis, but itâs not like he likes him or anything, itâs completely involuntary, ilyaâs hitting so deep and thatâs just how his body reacts, couldnât possibly mean anything elseâŚ.
iâm gonna be boring and say the first time he actually cries during sex is at the cottage, probably after the thing with his parents. there was a really good tumblr fic i read a while ago (iâm annoyed i canât remember who wrote it) where after they get back to the cottage but before his parents come back over for dinner, all the stress of the day hits shane all at once and he kneels for a while with ilyaâs cock in his mouth to settle his nerves. i think that helps get him through dinner, but heâs still feeling shaky after they leave
they fuck nice and slow that night, itâs been an emotional day for both of them, and ilya recognizes how off-kilter shane feels, but shane insists he still wants it, begs for ilyaâs cock like itâs the only thing keeping him tethered to reality. shane feels so full itâs like heâs going to burst, so full of love for his boyfriend and relief that his parents still love him and they even like ilya too, itâs too much and heâs breathing faster and faster until his face scrunches and the tears come pouring out. ilya panics, asks shane whatâs wrong, is he hurting him, tried to pull out but shane sobs and wraps his arms and legs so tight around him and begs him not to go, heâs fine, itâs so good everythingâs just too much and he needs ilya to keep fucking him or else heâll die and the tears just wonât stop. he pulls ilya down on top of him and buries his face in his neck, itâs safe there, he can let everything go and ilya will take care of him. after everything thatâs happened over the last decade ilya is still here and they finally have each other and shane is never letting him go again
ilyaâs losing his goddamn mind because this shouldnât be hot, why is this hot? the man he loves is breaking down in tears and is so desperate for him and itâs the hottest thing ilyaâs ever seen, and heâll definitely have a little crisis about it later but for now shane needs him and he has to keep going, has to keep fucking shane until thereâs nothing left in him. he wraps his arms around shaneâs back and behind his neck and pulls him impossibly closer, âiâve got you, lyubimyy, shhh itâs ok, let it out for me, good boyâŚâ
âŚand on that note i have to clock in for work âď¸
Hiii cutie bug! Again sorry to be late to get to his glorious glorious ask omg.
But YES I think this is how it went down if Shane was never to cry during casual era sex. Like Shane had always held held held in the tears when he felt overwhelmed during their hookup era, let them shimmer in his eyes but he was always so unsure how much he could share of himself with Ilya. He never cries- ever- itâs so rare, he has gotten so good at making sure they never fall and who is he to put his tears on his casual fuck Ilya Rozanov.
Adore the idea the Shane knees for a while with Ilya after getting back to the cottage, just using Ilya as his grounding his cock filling his mouth as he tries to re centre. Tries to find his way in the haze of his dad knowing of boyfriends I think so yes probably and his mum knowing and his mum apologising and itâs too much. Too much.
But YESSS yes Shane on his back, Ilyaâs cock deep stretching him open, up over him and Shane is gazing up at this man, his man that is fucking him. The hulk of muscle and skin and Shane loves it, loves him. He loves being fucked and he loves men and he loves Ilya- heâs not sure be could live without this. And itâs. Itâs alright. His parents know and itâs ok- itâs good even they like Ilya ans itâs so much itâs still still so much in the whole world and whole hockey of it all but his mum and his dad shook Ilyaâs hand and had dinner with him and shared vodka with him and his dad had laughed at one of Ilyaâs jokes and his mum had insisted Ilya have a second helping and Shane is so horrible in love.
And Shane just shatters, shatters, he takes in a long breath through his nose and thereâs a soft keening sound and then heâs sobbing, sobbing and fuck it feels good it feels so good after being so scared today, so scared and happy and nervous and terrified and in love love love. Itâs all been so fucking big and new and scary and worse of all, unpredictable. But now, now he feels held, taken care off, owned in the valley of has body, the thick press of his cock.
Ilya is all âShane? Okay, okay hang onâ and heâs starting to pull back and heâs like you said Shane grips him to him, his thighs and arms pinned tight tight around him, pulling him in and gasping âplease fuck please no Ilya closerâ and Ilya is nodding and petting his hand down the back of Shaneâs head, kissing all over his face and crooning soft words, mixes of Russian he doesnât know and sweet English that makes his heart ache.
Shane is nodding and nails in Ilyaâs back and heâs gasping âplease Ilya fuck me, fuck me, I need it. Need youâ and Ilya nods and kisses him all tongue and open mouthed and then tucking Shane into him, wrapped up to his chest and heâs fucking him deep and aching.
Shane is shaking and sobbing into Ilyaâs neck and moaning and Ilya is just cooing âitâs okay, youâre ok, I have you, Iâve got you, my Shane, itâs alright, you can let it go, itâs alright I love you. Iâm right hereâ and it destroys Shane, heâs rubbing his face into Ilyaâs neck and nails are digging into his back.
âGood boy, good boy, take it so fucking good, take my cock so good- so good Shaneâ and he canât stop telling him how perfect he is, crying on his cock, needing him, loving him, so desperately sweet so fucking open, a mess for Ilya, trusting Ilya with his tears messy and gorgeous. Shane is safe with him, always, even when itâs scary.
Forever thinking about âBoston is nice too?â and wanting to throw up about it. Just sitting on the floor of a gym across from the stranger who would be the Shane of his existence like.
I am so far away from home. I am so afraid but I cannot show it. Iâm going to be all on my own out there and people are not kind to me. Iâve always been alone, but never this kind of alone before. I donât really know you, but you seemed kind. And earnest. You would not lie to me. Is it safe? Will I be happy there and safe? Boston is nice too?
Ougghhhhgg. My brave little bug Iâmgping to be sick
yuna was born and raised in montreal. david went to college there. they definitely took shane to metros games at the bell center growing up. he KNOWS montreal, at least a little bit. but ilya? he doesnât know shit about boston. never been there in his fucking life. he speaks english, sure, but speaking a language and knowing literally anything else about a city, about a country, are such vastly different things.
and hereâs this boy, who came to find him and introduce himself to ilya when he had absolutely no obligation to. and he tells him yeah, bostonâs great too, and he believes him, because heâll believe in anything if shane hollander says it.
since i was asked to cross post more on here: more of the doodle requests :] someone asked for older hollanov, with or without their tween or young adult hollanovlings
jacob is sitting in front of a huge canvas right now with a charcoal pencil in his fist trying to figure out how to make the ottawa centaurs logo look like it's performing autofellatio
i really think a lot of the long game conflict boils down to shane saying âhey iâm really scaredâ and ilya thinking âwell i took a meat cleaver to MY life in order to have a chance at happiness and i survived it so why the fuck canât you do the same for me??â while he grows paler and paler from blood loss and pointedly does NOT look at the ghost of his mother who appears in the rearview mirror of his porsche cayman gt4 and whispers for him to take his pregame cens v raiders nap in the garage with the engine running
I just had the most vivid vision come to me like the oracle of Delphi and itâs Shane and Hayden going to do that little head bonk except theyâre saying goodbye after a dinner and theyâre decidedly not at the rink or wearing helmets and both of them are a second too late curbing their natural reflexes and just straight up bonk each other really hard on the noggin and both go âow fuck owâ. Ilya is watching from the car lovingly wondering if Haydenâs idiocy is infectious.
On the one hand, it's one of the days he can most keenly feel the loss of his mom. He misses the way she would wake him up by pulling his ears â one tug for every year of his age â and then hand him his gift. He misses the way that she would always sneak him a second gift right before bed so that he wouldn't be sad about this birthday ending.
On the other hand, they're also a good reminder that life is better than it has been for a long time. Instead of the cold, perfunctory, "Happy Birthday, Ilya," he'd get from his father (if he was lucky), his team have always celebrated him. He's always had a pile of gifts left outside his locker to surprise him, he's always been taken out clubbing, never once having to buy a drink for himself.
His favourite thing has always been the happy birthday text he gets from Shane every year, going back to long before he was his boyfriend. He's never missed a single one, and they're a good encapsulation of how much their relationship had changed over the years:
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday Rozanov.
Happy birthday Rozanov.
Happy birthday Rozanov. đ
God knows if you'll actually get this, it's been literal fucking months, but for what it's worth, happy birthday. Hope you're okay.
Happy birthday Rozanov. đđ
Happy birthday Rozanov. Remind me to give you your 'gift' next time we're together. đ
Happy birthday Ilya. I'll see you soon. Counting down the days. â¤ď¸
On his first birthday as Shane Hollander's boyfriend, he finds that he's looking forward to waking up to this year's birthday text almost more than anything, and is disappointed when there isn't one. He figures Shane must just be busy and he'll text when he's finished with whatever he's got going on. Ilya carries on with his day, finishes his workout, showers, but still there's no text from Shane.
Now he's starting to panic. He's always gotten Shane's birthday messages first thing in the morning. Has something happened to him? He doesn't want to message in case it's nothing and he makes it sound like he's desperate for Shane's birthday message (as much as he kind of is), so he ends up scouring the news sites for any sign that something might have happened to him. There's nothing.
Feeling a little pit in his stomach at the idea that Shane might have forgotten his birthday in the first year of being his boyfriend, he makes his way to the living room, deciding that he'll watch the rest of the cup final that he and Shane were too busy sexting during to finish watching the night before. He's just sat down on the couch when he hears the knock on his door.
No way. Surely not?
But it is. There, right there, close enough to reach out for, is Shane, carrying an overnight bag, holding an enormous gift box, and wearing a slightly nervous smile.
"Surprise," he says. "This is for you. Happy birthday, Ilya."
Ilya takes the box from him, and leads Shane inside where he places it on the kitchen island and immediately turns, intending to crowd his boyfriend against the nearest window and kiss him to within an inch of his life.
Shane, however, puts his hands on his shoulders to stop him.
"Mom and Dad are here too," said Shane. "They're waiting in the car. They aren't staying the whole day, and I can tell them to leave now if you're not comfortable with them being here, but they wanted to celebrate with you. If you'd like. You said you didn't really have plans so I figuredâ"
And Ilya immediately changes tactics and hoists Shane up onto the island, pushing the gift further back on the counter as he kisses him to within an inch of his life.
"I thought you forgot," he says, feeling embarrassingly teary all of a sudden. "I thought you forgot or that you died or something. I was checking all the news sites."
"Oh, baby," says Shane, giving a small laugh and swooping in for another kiss, finally breaking apart to rest his forehead on Ilya's. "I would never forget something this important. And for what it's worth, I seem to be alive too."
A few minutes later, David and Yuna hand him a gift box that's just as big as the one Shane did, and another box that turns out to be a beautifully decorated birthday cake, that they share after lighting candles and singing to him. They tell him to make a wish as he blows the candles out and the only thing he can wish for is more of this forever. They spend the day talking, rewatching the finals, and making Ilya feel more loved than he can remember feeling for a long time.
Later, long after David and Yuna have left to catch their flight home, long after Shane and Ilya have spent several enjoyable hours completely wrecking Ilya's bed, while they're lying cuddled together just basking in the glow of how magical the day has been, Shane turns to Ilya, chews on his bottom lip, and then reaches out to tug Ilya's ear 27 times.
"Shane..." he says, voice choked, not sure what he wants to say, not sure if he can describe the scope of what today has meant to him. Shane's cheeks flush.
"Sorry, I read somewhere that was a tradition or something, but if it isn't and that was just the weirdest thing I've ever done to you, please, just for my sake, pretend it never happened?"
And Ilya kisses him. He kisses him long and slow and so full of all the gratitude he can't put into words. He's crying by the time they pull apart, unable to keep it together after the enormity of what the day has meant to him.
"I love you so much, Shane."
Shane presses a kiss to his chest, right over his heart, then another to his lips.
"I love you too, Ilya." He settles his head back down on Ilya's chest and they lie there in comfortable silence for a few moments before Shane speaks up again. "So that's a yes on the ear tugging?"
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