Stormtrooper previously holding Han, henceforth known as ‘Stormtrooper A’: “Oh kriff. Oh gods. Oh fuck.”
Leia: “Maybe…hear me out—maybe it’s a cloning thing?”
Luke: “You think I’m some kind of…hybrid clone of Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker, and, uh—”
Stormtrooper A: “Ohdeargods.”
Leia: “Padmé Amidala Naberrie. She’s a legend. If you really do share some of her DNA—though I’m still not completely convinced Vader wasn’t lying about all or some of what he said—
Stormtrooper previously holding Leia, henceforth known as ‘Stormtrooper B’ or ‘Carl’: “Vader doesn’t really lie. He’s actually really blunt about things. Usually. I think he was pretty off today…what with the whole long lost son thing.”
Luke: “He was telling the truth, whatever the truth is. I could feel his anger…so much anger. I think—I think I might really be his son. Maybe…could Vader be Padme? Would that work?”
Stormtrooper A: “Oh gods. I—What did I DO?”
Han: (awkwardly patting Stormtrooper A on the back) “Relax kid, you done good.”
Carl: “Man, I even bet on him being human—half the guys thought he was some kindof droid. Guess they’re all dead now. So. Doesn’t really…matter.”
Leia: “I’d say I’m sorry but considering I lost my entire planet earlier today it would be a bit insincere. And Senator Amidala would never become a fascist. I still can’t believe she was willingly involved with one.”
Trooper A: “Darth Vader—he was just—and I—”
Carl: “…Let’s talk about Luke’s corellian holodrama parantage again, huh? I feel like that was a safer topic. What if Vader used to be Anakin Skywalker? ‘Killed a weaker version of myself’ sounds like the sort of thing a guy like that would say.”
Trooper A: “I’m going to die. We’re all going to—”
Han: “ENOUGH ALREADY! You hit Darth Vader in the back of the head! We get it! You wanted to live! We all wanted to live! Rebels will probably give you a medal! But news flash—this ship is too small for four people and if you don’t shut up, I will space you.”
Leia: “Can you not yell in my ear?”
Han: “Oh, excuse me your highness, I’ll just move to the other side of this one-seater tie-fighter. Oh—wait!”
Luke: “No, my father was a Jedi. Ben would have said if Anakin fell to the darkside—if he became Darth Vader. Hells, Vader would have said that!”
Carl: “If you say so. Neither of them seem like very clear communicators when it comes to this, if I’m being brutally honest.”
Leia: “Maybe we can talk with Mothma, figure it out logically. The movements of clone wars generals and Senators were both matters of public record. What’s your exact birthday?”
Luke: “Empire Day. The actual day it started, 19 years ago.”
Leia: “Huh. That’s…an interesting coincidence.”
Leia: “No I mean—that’s my birthday.”
Han: (sarcastically) “Maybe you’re long lost twins!”
Leia: “I—I am actually adopted.”
Han: “…And I am going to stop saying words now.”