idk man

aw hell I'm just a guy like really, I'm just a dude 😟

[bookish-honey]

what if we were buried in the same mass grave together? 😳😳 hahaha jk

unless...???🤭🤭😏

[chaotic-archaeologist]

WE WERE TOMBMATES

[velvet-gardens]

oh my god they were tombmates

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I love visiting people who have some kind of pet reptile because they're always like "would you like to hold the reptile" and I'm like "of course I would" and then the rest of the conversation happens with me just holding a random reptile and the reptile Has No Feelings about the situation. They always just sit there, probably vaguely wishing to return to their heat lamp but clearly exuding an energy of This Might As Well Happen. and then I put it back in its enclosure and go home and the reptile very clearly has no strong feelings about the situation.

[hymen-restoration-project]

Top surgery this, top surgery that. You boys never shut up about it. Completely ignorant of women's struggles. I got pop surgery and became a little corn kernel. I can't go outside ever again. I need to be so careful of my temperature now. And for what. You to make jokes about eating me out at the movie theater? Fuck off.

[hymen-restoration-project]

Top surgery this, top surgery that. You boys never shut up about it. Completely ignorant of women's struggles. I got pop surgery and became a little corn kernel. I can't go outside ever again. I need to be so careful of my temperature now. And for what. You to make jokes about eating me out at the movie theater? Fuck off.

[infectiouspiss]

little miss awful body temperature regulation is taking his hoodie off again

[infectiouspiss]

little miss awful body temperature regulation has put his hoodie back on

[alphabetizing-posts]

awful back body has his hoodie little miss on put regulation temperature

[infectiouspiss]

stop that put my words back normal style

[snailifier]

🐌✨ get snailed! 🐌✨

snop snat snut my snords back snormal snyle

[infectiouspiss]

i'll fucking do it you son of a bitch snop snat right now

[snailifier]

🐌 you cannot snill me in a way that snatters

[fatsexybitch]

🔪 knife stop 🔪

Take a knife or two to complete any tasks you need to finish soon. Reblog to give your mutuals a knife for any group projects you may be working on

[sadclowncentral]

weird how no one ever comments on the absence of smells unprompted. the nose just isn't a topic of conversation unless it's urgent huh

[sadclowncentral]

"it's dark in here" normal regular observation

"finally some quiet" relatable exclamation

"doesn't smell like anything in here" absolutely deranged sentence

[guerrillatech]

[sindri42]

A proper money laundering scheme should be a business which is in no way profitable, run by the brother or cousin of a mass murderer who’s really passionate about making a specific kind of food or something but has no idea how prices or advertising work, frequented by folks who you should absolutely never make eye contact with!

[whoa-its-dani]

[luulapants]

Fun fact, at various times, the IRS has tried to crack down on money laundering schemes only to be faced with massive public backlash over them shutting down people's favorite restaurants.

There's a cafe in my town that is 100% a front of some sort. No question in my mind. But if anyone tried to shut them down, I would riot in the streets because they make the best french toast I've ever had in my life and you can buy a whole meal for $6.

[lesbiankiliel]

I recently witnessed what very likely was attempted money laundering

mom and I were at the bank, mom was waiting for her turn, when this guy showed up with a stash of 500€ bills that he tried to deposit. the thing just is, banks won't just deposit 500€ bills unless you have indisputable proof of where you got them, and they also won't give you 500€ bills. the guy tried to argue his case and insist they were drawn out from that exact bank a year ago (not possible) and that the teller must look at his bank statements and to get the boss there he knows the boss

well the teller then went to the boss and the boss also said that they can't deposit those bills because the guy couldn't prove their origin. he was then promptly escorted out by a security guard

wild times in a finnish bank

[la-principessa-nuova]

i’m just imagining the guy turning around and some other person is standing there standing there and he’s like “hey, can you split this for me?” and hands them the bill and they give him the same amount in smaller bills

and then he turns around and is like “i’d like to deposit these bills”

and then the other person gets up to the front of the line and they’re like “I’d like to deposit these” and the teller is like, “we need proof of where you got these,” and they’re like, “Well i got them from him, you just saw it.”

[papayajuan2019]

april fools in a few weeks. who will ask me to be their fool

[serialkilerx]

tested positive for wanting to be drowned in kisses and affection

[helloitsbees]

crazy to me that I've been on tumblr long enough to see the vast majority of posts i see on a daily basis evolve from superwholock and fandom shit to this

[innerchildabortionclinic]

mind if I come over and behave somewhat like a scared animal before I adjust

[junk-thunder]

*offers you a cigarette except out of a crayon box and it's a crayon*

[junk-thunder]

*offers you a cigarette except out of a crayon box and it's a crayon*

[ozempicofficial]

[the-muppet-joker]

Ohio is the Mind Killer

[eebie]

i miss everyone

[eebie]