The goblin looked at the orc. The orc looked at the goblin. They both looked down at the crumpled shape of the Overlord, His Unholy Majesty, in his obsidian armor.
His final spasms had been mesmerizingly acrobatic. The fall down the steps leading up to his iron throne had pretzelled his body quite impressively, both arms folded behind his back and one leg bent at a jaunty angle.
The goblin looked at the orc. The orc looked at the goblin.
"Shit," said the goblin.
"Shit," said the orc.
"We're likely to get blamed for this," the goblin said. She walked over to the head of the glittering mangled heap and started pulling the helmet off.
"It's not our fault," the orc said. "It's hard to help someone choking when they wear two-hundred pounds of spiked armor at all times."
"Yeah, well," the goblin grunted. The helmet came free, and the bald head of the Overlord bounced on the stone with a hollow, coconut noise. "You know how it is in this bloody country - thieves get their heads cut off so they can't think about thieving, and all that." She fished in the Overlord's mouth with a finger and pulled out the obstructing olive on the end of her claw.
She popped it into her mouth and chewed. "What do you reckon they do for a regicide?" she said.
"We should run," the orc said. She had started bouncing her leg. "I hear that there's some places in the Alliance where they just kill you and let you stay dead. That's got to be nicer than what'll happen if we stay here."
The goblin started to nod - and then her gaze fell on the helmet.
It looked like a pineapple designed by a deranged blacksmith. It was all thorns and spikes and hard edges, as though the maker had been very determined to not let pigeons roost on it. The only bits that weren't solid iron were eyeholes. Nobody had ever seen the Overlord's face.
She held up the helmet and squinted from it to the orc. One of the thorns had been bent badly in the fall.
Nobody had ever seen the Overlord's face...
"Right," she muttered. "Right. Could work - or."
The orc had a sudden vision of the immediate future. "No," she said.
"I mean you're about his height-"
"No."
"It would just be for a-"
"Absolutely not."
"Just hear me out," the goblin said. "Outside of this room are two-thousand men and orcs and goblins who are absolutely gonzo about this man, and there's a whole country of them outside of the castle, and at any moment someone's going to walk in that door and see one dead tit in black armor and two unbelievably dead idiots next to him.
"Or." She tossed the helmet up like a basketball to the orc, who fumbled and tried to find somewhere to hold it that wasn't a knife's edge. "We chuck him out the window now, walk out the door in the armor, and ditch the armor as soon as nobody sees us."
The orc had started bouncing her leg again. "They'll know something's up the second I walk out of the room."
"No worries," said the goblin. "Leave that to me."
---
It had been a very strange year for the Empire.
Change had rolled across the land as slow and inevitable as a glacier. Roads and bridges carved the gray, blasted wildlands, and a number of social reforms had made the country a place where you could be miserable, yes, but miserable in comfort and safety, and that was an improvement.
Barely anyone got boiled alive in molten metal, and even if the disgusted sun never rose to light the Empire, at least you had a roof over your head to protect yourself from the acid rain.
"Your empire flourishes, Your Unholy Majesty," the magician said over her wine glass. She looked down from the tower's balcony over the gleaming stone battlements. Some work had been done to line the castle and surrounding city with sizzling, crackling alchemical lights at night. The whole thing glowed like something dangerously radioactive.
The suit of armor waved a languid, glittering gauntlet over to the goblin, who bowed.
"His Abominable Gloriousness Thanks You," the goblin recited. "The Prosperity Of His Empire Can Only Be Achieved Through The Prosperity Of His People."
"If I may be so bold, I am quite pleased that you had chosen to take my counsel under consideration," said the magician. "We have accomplished many things together."
Another wave. Another bow. "The Overlord, May His Presence Swallow The Sun And Stars, Thanks You As Well."
"It was quite gratifying to see you change your mind, after so many centuries of denial." The wine was swirled. "Tell me, what was it that finally gave you cause to listen to me?"
There was the slightest hesitation. The goblin's eyes flicked to the armor, then to the magician. She puffed out her chest. "Do you question the wisdom of His Austere Lugubriousness?" she asked.
The magician looked at the goblin. She looked at the armor. She tipped her head back and drank the wine too quickly.
She looked back at the armor. "I know you're the orc, you moron," she said.
The room went deathly still. An alchemical light fizzled.
The orc pulled off the helmet, sending long, untied hair down tangling, and said: "How could you possibly-"
"Because you're both idiots!" the magician said. The goblin jumped. The orc jumped with a noise like a dropped stove. "What kind of a plan was this?! If it wasn't for me, you would have been turned into fertilizer months ago."
She closed her eyes. She took a long, dramatic breath. She set the wine glass down on the balcony rail.
"How did the Overlord die?" she asked when she seemed like she had gotten a hold over herself.
"Choked on an olive," said the goblin.
"Threw his body out the window," said the orc.
"You don't have to mention the window," said the goblin.
"Right," said the orc. "Sorry."
The magician looked out over the city, hand curled thoughtfully under her nose. "Who knows about this?"
"Just us. And, uh. You. Apparently."
"And why did you accept my counsel?"
The orc blinked. "Sorry?"
"Why did you accept my counsel?" the magician repeated.
"Well," the orc said. "Well - you seemed like you had good ideas-"
"Great ideas!" the goblin said with an edge of desperation. "Don't know why the old bastard didn't listen to you!"
"Right - right," said the orc. "And when we figured we were stuck doing this - well, it just made sense, really."
The magician seemed to absorb this. She nodded. "All right," she said, striding between the two and grabbing the crystal decanter.
"Um," said the orc. "Sorry. What happens now?"
"What happens is that you two will continue to serve as Overlord," said the magician. "You will continue to take my counsel. We will continue to reform this bloody country, and gods willing, we will turn it into the crown jewel of the world by next Midwinter."
The orc looked at the goblin. The goblin looked at the orc.
"Really?" the goblin asked.
"Oh yes," said the magician. "I've worked hard to be counsel to the Overlord, and I have no reason to stop now. And besides-"
She looked the orc up and down with a deliberate slowness, poring over every microscopic detail, eyes tracing over every jagged line, and grinned like a panther.
"You look much better in the armor than he ever did," she said. Dark robes swirled like a becleavaged thundercloud, and she strode out through the high iron doors, decanter in hand.
The goblin looked at the orc. The orc looked at the goblin.
Ukazu says, a rising tide lifts all boats, including the S.S. Check, Please! She’s hopeful that the success of Heated Rivalry, as well as another queer romance graphic novel-turned-TV show Heartstopper, will make the dream of seeing her work onscreen into a reality: The book has been optioned for adaptation. — Vanity Fair
Check, Please! has been optioned for a film/television adaptation. A while ago, actually—and that’s lovely. Nevertheless, the vast majority of options do not become television because it takes a million things going right to get projects off the ground.
That being said.
Ahem.
Speaking of getting projects off the ground...
From when Bitty first stepped out into the rink at Faber, to when he kissed the ice at graduation, we've all been part of this fun, weird, magical world of Samwell hockey. But when I left the world of Samwell hockey, I left knowing Jack and Bitty's story was done. Bitty's journey as the first openly gay NCAA Division I hockey captain was done. We baked the last pie; we shut off the lights at the kegster; the story was complete.
…But as I looked around I realized, I had one more story to tell.
Which is why I'm thrilled to announce that a brand new volume of Check, Please! will be serialized in 2026. Dozens of new comics, exciting update drops, your favorite characters with brand new storylines, and characters you've yet to meet.
Hello, Internet Land—SMH is coming home.
This fifth year of Check, Please! will be filled with shenanigans, drama, hockey, pies, Haus parties, and a new message of acceptance that is near and dear to me. And it's been brewing over the last year and half! But with the latest boom in queer hockey stories, I figured, hey! ¯\(ツ)/¯ Here's another one to look forward to. :)
Marginalized athletes still face harmful bigotry, and for this reason, queer sports stories are more important than ever. I love Samwell hockey and how each of you has embraced this roster of athletes.
There's so much more to come.
Ngozi
🏒🥧❤️
=
MORE NEWS? SURE:
I’ll be at Emerald City Comic Con 2026, and yes, I will be dropping exclusive details about Check, Please! Year Fived during my spotlight panel: Ngozi Ukazu - From Check, Please! to DC and Back! (Be there!)
Follow me on Patreon for behind-the-scenes on the making of Check, Please!: Year Five. I'm gonna livestream...a lot.
If only there were an original mm romance that you could read right now while you wait for more Year Five updates! Good news—John Rich & The Big Picture is very cute and laugh-out-loud funny and you can read it now, for free.
My latest graphic novel FLIP has made the best-of lists for the New York Public Library, the A.V. Club, Kirkus Books, School & Library Journal—and more. Get it here.
I'd like to remind everybody that this isn't just about A03 or civil rights organizations. This could be applied to any 501 organization. That includes churches, schools, museums and library support organizations. All sorts of support organizations like soup kitchens or places like goodwill. Those are all non-profit organizations and they all have a 501 status. This is a threat to every civil organization we have that is meant to help the public.
So please contact your representatives. Please look this up on Twitter and click the link so you can call your representatives and voice against this. Because there's a hell of a lot more at stake with a bill like this than just ao3. People's lives could be at risk.
The House will vote THIS WEEK to determine whether the incoming Trump administration will have the power to shut down non-profit organizations with no due process.
Congress has already tried to fast-track this legislation once and failed because of the onslaught of calls to their offices. We can’t let them do this quietly. Congress giving Trump the power to crush dissent and target organizations fighting for justice is a betrayal. Tell your representatives to vote NO on this dangerous bill!
[ID: Artwork for Palestine. A woman in a white hijab is crying. In her hands hovers a slice of watermelon that's glowing. Underneath her hands are Palestinian buildings and an olive tree. From one of the buildings waves a Palestinian flag. Above her head is a moon, olives, stars, a dove, key, and the Palestinian flag. End ID]
You were the caretaker for the mythical beasts of the royal family. Yesterday they decided to replace you with some incompetent noble, before kicking you out of the castle. You then spent the night in a nearby forest. However today you were awakened by the beasts who chose to follow you.
I never have been. I’ve tried, but I’ve never been good with people. I’m always saying the wrong thing, and usually I don’t know what the wrong thing was until a lot later, until I’m thinking about what I said. In the town I grew up in, I was known for being simple.
I don’t think I am, but I understand why they think that- I’m not good at making the words in my head match the words I say.
But I am good with animals. Always have been. Lots of people are, I’m not special, or anything. Mam taught me.
Animals speak their own language, and it’s a lot simpler to figure out. They’re not people, they don’t understand us. A lot of people who are bad at animals expect that. They think an animal should understand them perfectly. They think animals have human impulses, human urges, a human understanding of the world.
we were meant to live slowly!!!! we were meant to savor moments and feel unabashedly lazy and frolic and smell the flowers and laugh with our entire hearts and love with our entire souls!!!!! don’t ever feel guilty for resting!!!!!! don’t ever feel guilty for slowing down!!!!!! enjoying life shouldn’t be something you’re ashamed of
this is a leg off of Argentinosaurusof them and its already the size of a two story house
like LOOK at the size of these fuckers
the fact that any land animal ever got to be as large as this is insane. this shit is only beat by fucking whales, creatures that dont have to support their weight on legs
Actually they were a lot lighter than you'd think for their size, they were FULL of air sacs specifically to make them lighter. They moved by having really, really straight legs so the weight was transferred straight down into the ground, and they walked on cushioned pads just like an elephant. Their lungs were sort of constantly cycling air around because otherwise it wouldn't be much good, and the whole point of having a really really long neck was specifically that they didn't need to move much!!!!
Like, they're incredibly unspecialised herbivores who just ate everything and let the gut handle it (hence why they had to get so big, just because they had to fit A LOT of gut in there) like their mouths were basically just Rakes.
This thing was built to sweep its head from high to low to near to far and rake in everything it could eat. By evolving a long neck it basically meant it was giving itself a huge range of motion to eat with but also being VERY energy-efficient because moving your legs takes a LOT more energy than just. Tilting your neck up and down, especially at that size. So this thing was basically built to be incredibly, INCREDIBLY energy efficient, light and weight-spreading for its size.
Blue whales sort of practice a similar feeding style, where because they're so Big and need so Much food, they just sort of went "ok im just going to take in AS MUCH food as possible as efficiently as possible" and the thing is. Using baleen takes 0 effort really other than opening and closing your mouth. Which is why whales can grow to be really big. See in the ocean weight matters less, so you can afford to just have a big mouth, but land animals have to do it differently.
Being Big isn't just a case of having lots of food available. It's about being as Efficiently able to eat it as possible. Hell, i mean elephants basically evolved the same thing, except they've just given themselves really long noses rather than necks. It means the elephant can stay in one spot while still reaching huge amounts.
Idk if you actually wanted answers, but, well, here they are.
this is a way better model... you'll still get transphobic & intersexist drs of course but i prefer this to male / female or even having separate questions for gender & sex.
[we can't see the full form, but i'd suggest having a "something else" option and dominant hormone question too.]
as a cis woman who's had a hysterectomy and partial oophorectomy, this would be helpful for me, too! it'd be pointless to try to diagnose me for disorders that affect organs I don't have anymore, after all.
This is such a great idea! It needs to be coupled with better education about gender affirming surgery, and ensuring patients know exactly what tissues are inside them. Removing the prostate isn't a typical part of genital reconstruction surgery for trans women, as far as I'm aware. A gender-affirming double masectomy can still absolutely leave you with breast tissue, that you have to continue to monitor for potential malignanty growths. I've spoken to post-op trans people of various genders who were not aware of this, but who later did get in contact and say '....oh you're right, I do still have [x] in my body'. This isn't to yuk the original post at all - I think it's brilliant! It's just that in order for this to work, the patient has to thoroughly understand exactly what tissue they have in their body, which really should happen anyway as part of a surgeon's due diligence. So we need better trans healthcare & education all around.
it's so fucking frustrating to be in college and know everyone uses chatgpt and to be tempted by it constantly while also knowing intellectually that it doesn't work and it's a bad idea. like, i hang out in the library a lot, and i see people using chatgpt on assignments almost every day. and i know it isn't a good way to learn, because it's not really "artificial intelligence" so much as it is an auto text generator. and it gives you wrong information or badly worded sentences all the time. but every week i stare down assignments i don't want to do and i think man. if only i could type this prompt into a text generator and have it done in 10 minutes flat. and i know it wouldn't work. it wouldn't synthesize information from the text the way professors want, it wouldn't know how to answer questions, it just spits out vaguely related words for a couple paragraphs. but knowing my classmates get their work done in 10 minutes flat with it while i fight every ounce of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in my body is infuriating.
i think one thing that's been really helpful in keeping myself from using it is thinking about Why i have to do the specific assignments i have. like what is the actual goal. like some assignments the goal isn't "share a story about parenting styles in ur personal life" so much as it is "show you understand the concept of parenting styles thru a story". or it's not "how do hormones impact teenagers' decision making abilities" it's "can you understand, reword, synthesize, and explain the information in the text and videos to explain how hormones impact teenagers' decision making abilities". and looking at it as "this assignment is asking me to read some words and then understand and explain them, which is a skill i want to have" rather than "i have to answer these stupid questions that seem really obvious because all my professors want me to die forever" has helped. especially in a world where everyone uses chatgpt i want to know how to read with my own brain
I'm probably gonna get yelled at for saying this but sometimes something isn't a real problem in fandom, you just learned a Japanese word describing a general fandom practice and got scared and decided it meant "The Bad Ones" of that practice
Whenever you see someone being like "we don't mind when women enjoy or even create m/m content, we just hate fujoshis" you are being racist. If you mean "I hate the way some female fans treat gay men like fetish objects" then say that, and we can have a conversation based on that, but "fujoshi" is, I cannot stress this enough, just a word for any woman who likes M/M content, for better or worse. It may have started out as a reclaimed insult (by the way, the insult was based on "liking gay shit makes you perverted and sinful," not "please respect the humanity of gay men") but it does not make a distinction between The Good Ones and The Bad Ones. You just decided to No True Scotsman it and that the English word for that should describe The Good Ones and the Japanese word for it should describe The Bad Ones
Same goes for the people I saw just the other day whose discord server explicitly disallowed "Yaoi" but said that M/M content was allowed. What they meant was "M/M content is allowed as long as it isn't pornographic and fetishistic." What they actually said was "M/M content is allowed, but M/M content is strictly forbidden," and expected you to understand that the Japan-Adjacent term has porn/fetish connotations while the English-language term for THE SAME THING refers to the "normal, non-perverted" version.
It'd be like if you used the word "cartoons" to refer to all Family-Friendly animation, regardless of style or country of origin, whether it's Japanese or American or French or whatever, and used the term "anime" to refer to all animated pornography regardless of style or country of origin. There's plenty of animated pornography that isn't Japanese! There's plenty of anime that's not pornographic! But this is the sort of thing you do when you say shit like "obviously women can read stories about gay men, but NO FUJOSHIS"
OP is correct and smart for saying this. this is related to/a subset of how people are about non-fandom foreign words, too, like how people say "Christians worship God (good), Muslims worship Allah (bad and scary)" when gues swh. gu. guess what. gues s w hat Allah mea. guess what the word "Allah" means--!!
So, thanks to President Biden’s Infrastructure Bill, remote locations on the Navajo Nation Reservation will be receiving electricity for the first time — ever.
Also, water treatment devices are being developed to help the tribe access clean running water. After decades without.
#controversial opinion: the infrstructure bill was one of the most important bills passed in the past decade (or even... longer)#the fact that biden got it passed can never be understated. that bill sat in congress for YEARS.#we're fixing problems that have been problems for decades because of this bill
food, fandoms, feminism ... @bookittyboop - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
