Thank You For Staying

i have too many emotions for one body to handle so i post everything so i don’t explode

[lovestruck-devotion]

I could never claim to be an expert on love;

But I'll tell you what I do know.

I know that when the end comes,

I want you there,

I know that sounds kinda morbid but neither of us are particularly happy people,

Too much darkness in our pasts,

But Maybe I can learn what happiness n it's meaning is in ur arms,

Maybe I can let in the light for u,

I know that I want it to be me n u all thru this life of ours,

Life we never asked for but got

and baby i found u in this life,

I'm never letting u go

I know that hope is hard n it hurts but I think my stomach could stomach it w a little of ur light to help me swallow it,

I know that when I think abt u I feel my chest warm,

I know that I want you forever.

I know that I want you to stay.

So stay,

And I know we can build something beautiful together.

[flowerais-deactivated20211031]

everything will work out. maybe you won’t get what you currently want, but it will work out. there are a million possible futures for you, and they are all promising.

[qvotable]

“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.”

— Najwa Zebian

[neurodivergentaf]

therapist: you shouldn’t distract yourself from emotions and problems

me, frantically doing 5 things at once to stop myself from thinking about my trauma: thanks for the info doc 

[herwickedlittlesins]

What is it about me that deems me unworthy of protection???? What did I do for people to say they care about me, but refuse to protect me from harm, like, all I ever wanted is for someone to look out for me. Yes, I can look out for myself. Yes, I can take care of myself. But not once in my life has someone stood up for me against anyone else. NEVER. I’m the fucking kicking bag. I’m the wad of gum beneath their shoe. Over and over again people prove to me that the stories my BPD tell me are true. Not a single word of a fucking lie.

[phoebe-does]

the world gets a little better every time you actualise kindness and act with love. We are all human, you never know what others are going through. Smile at a stranger, wave thanks to people in traffic, appreciate customer service. It’s the small acts that add up. 

[pop-punk-anakinz-deactivated202]

Yo if you’re a boy with mental illness, a boy with disabilities, a boy who is/was an abuse victim, a boy who has an ED, a boy with trauma, I need you to know that you are not a burden, that you don’t need to “harden up”, that you are very brave, and that you shouldn’t just have to “get over it”.

[ulibeanzz]

if fat bodies disgust u quite frankly that is UR problem to deal with, UR emotional baggage, UR issue. fat people dont have to give a shit about ur fucked up feelings deal with them on ur own

[ohevoyev]

my mother: why do you act like that

me: why’d you emotionally abuse me my whole life? we all have questions …good night

[4am-reflections]

that’s the thing about being happy when you’re a poet you lose the ability to write anything worth reading. so much poetry comes from a place of pain, loss, heartbreak. when you’re happy and in love and things are finally going right for the first fucking time in your life that you don’t know what’s going on let alone how to write about it. it’s ironic you’re so happy that you can’t write and that hurts you to the point where you’re in pain again.

4am

[untitledorb]

i read the sentence “abusers groom their character witnesses as carefully as they groom their victims” (in a comment thread in response to a “but i know [the accused] and hes such a nice man!!”) and it’s blowing my mind a weird amount even though i guess i already knew that

[should-be-sleeping]

It’s true and everyone should say it.

[heavyweightheart]

“Most adult children of toxic parents grow up feeling tremendous confusion about what love means and how it’s supposed to feel. Their parents did extremely unloving things to them in the name of love. They came to understand love as something chaotic, dramatic, confusing, and often painful—something they had to give up their own dreams and desires for. Obviously, that’s not what love is all about. Loving behaviour doesn’t grind you down, keep you off balance, or create feelings of self-hatred. Love doesn’t hurt, it feels good. Loving behaviour nourishes your emotional well-being. When someone is being loving to you, you feel accepted, cared for, valued, and respected. Genuine love creates feelings of warmth, pleasure, safety, stability, and inner peace.”

— Susan Forward, “Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life” (via heavyweightheart)

[britp0p-deactivated20210628]

real self care is:

knowing your limits

doing hard things that will pay off in the long run

saying no to things that will be bad for you

saying yes to things that will be good for you 

making good habits to replace the old bad ones

making an effort to change for the better

taking that shower when it seems like too much energy

celebrating the little things

actively trying to be better

talking about your feelings

getting help

knowing that you have people to reach out to

have a lovely day!

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

How to Overcome Emotional Numbness

Emotional numbness is where we experience mild to severe feelings of detachment – so it’s hard for us to access normal feelings any more. This includes both negative and positive emotions as you can’t decide to shut just one feeling off. Common causes of emotional numbness include different stresses or traumas … from receiving bad news … to being in an accident … to recovering from the death of someone close … to a relationship breakup … to feeling deeply humiliated or ashamed. So how do you overcome emotional numbness and live with emotional integrity again?

1. The first thing to do is to choose to respect and allow all emotions – no matter what they are. Also, try and grasp the fact that suppressing your emotions will likely lead to heartache and problems later on (as they’ll possibly resurface at inappropriate times.)

2. Try and understand that feelings and actions are two very different, and unrelated, things.  That is, you can still feel angry without becoming violent – so don’t assume your feelings will affect your actions, too.

3. Try to figure out the message behind intense emotions. Are you angry because you’ve been hurt, used or abused? Are you sad because deep down you feel that you’ll never find true love - as you can’t believe that anyone will love you for yourself?

4. Take that risk – and find the courage to ask someone for help. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know that there are those who genuinely love you like – like a true and caring friend. The important thing is not to try and isolate yourself, and to make the extra effort to prioritise self-care. You need other people to help you work through this.

5. Seek professional help if the symptoms persist. There are excellent counsellors and therapists out there who have the training and skills to help you to get free – so you can live a more fulfilling and normal, healthy life.

6. Be patient within yourself. It’s likely to take time – as you will need to learn to trust, and take some barriers down, so you can be yourself again (and that is often hard to do when you’ve experience hurt and pain).  

[weighted-hearts]

I feel myself getting worse. I'm scared because I havent been suicidal in so long. Now I keep visualizing myself ending my life. I even think about how people will respond to it. Life just keeps letting me down and I'm just not good enough for this world. I'm stupid, unlovable, annoying, and most of all worthless. I'm told and shown these things constantly and I 100% believe them.

[theadventureto-be]

Without color, you are mine.

I don’t see you

in color or black and white. You

are chaotic lines

of radio static and splattered ink. 

An early moon rose

and I remembered your mouth

so vividly. All the string you tied

to the different parts of our bodies,

tangling our days into nights into words into silence. 

I have flashbacks to driving in your car. 

Some PTSD that breaks my heart 

over and over again.

I must look so calm when I am 

thinking of you. Thinking of the lines, the static

the early evenings. I must look

so calm – 

so frozen

in time. 

[luckylluminati]

“When he breaks your heart let yourself be sad. Let the sadness consume your entire body until all that comes out of your mouth is broken sobs and quick breaths. Sit in the dark and watch every sad movie you can think of, and when he hurts the girl yell and scream at him as if the one you are really yelling at could hear you. Call your best friend and get her to hold you, let her be the one to put all your broken pieces together instead of some other guy that could easily tear them apart once again. Then let yourself be happy. Talk to new guys, they won’t smell like him or tell the same jokes but maybe you’ll be able to get past that or maybe it’s okay to just meet some new friends. Dress up, wear your favourite clothes and your best smile and feel good when you do it. You are beautiful even if he couldn’t see it. Take care of yourself, take lots of bubble baths and listen to good music, do little things that will make you smile. Try to move on, you will meet someone one day who will make your heart skip a beat when they walk in, they aren’t going to have his eyes and they will love you better than he ever could.”