Does Anybody Hear Her?

Hey, I'm Rivka. I am 31 years old. Modern Orthodox Jew and proud of it. Graduated with my Master's Degree in Childhood Education. 1st Grade Teacher and loving it. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in March of 2010 and this blog has been up and running since May 2011. I'm currently on a wild journey with my overall health and wellness, both physically and emotionally. Come along for the ride.

[borderlineteacher]

Zepbound was finally approved by my insurance after literally an over 6 month battle with my doctor writing multiple letters on how it’s medically necessary.

Finally.

[borderlineteacher]

Okay okay appetite reduction on day one is wild.

[borderlineteacher]

I love being told I suck at something I thought I was good at.

[borderlineteacher]

I have had my fair share of work drama, but I have never been told that I am a bad teacher until today.

[borderlineteacher]

I love being told I suck at something I thought I was good at.

[borderlineteacher]

Zepbound was finally approved by my insurance after literally an over 6 month battle with my doctor writing multiple letters on how it’s medically necessary.

Finally.

[borderlineteacher]

My self harm urges have been through the roof. My anxiety has been at such a high level it’s insane. Things are crazy. I feel like I can’t contain myself any longer.

[borderlineteacher]

Tentative stability is scary because then when one thing throws you off and you feel so many things all at once, you get scared that it’s all over and overall you become so fearful of any strong emotion you may feel.

[borderlineteacher]

Okay so the week and a half between leaving your old therapist and meeting your new therapist is so unsettling because it’s like what do you mean I’m on my own for 7+ days?

[borderlineteacher]

“When we started working together all you wanted to do was hide and sit curled up in a ball and do therapy on the floor. Now you’re able to walk in here, face the hard stuff…and sit on the chair. And that’s huge.”

-my therapist

[borderlineteacher]

Ugh I only have two sessions left with my therapist and one of them is tomorrow and I hate this so much.

I’m meeting the new therapist tomorrow though. I hope that goes okay.

[borderlineteacher]

lol when they don’t reach out

take the hint

[borderlineteacher]

Ugh I had to coach call for the first time in months. I’m so ashamed.

[borderlineteacher]

If you google what the most painful mental illness is, it’s borderline personality disorder.

Which is wild.

Because I’m doing okay right now AND I’m in a lot of pain.

Now someone explain THAT dialectic to me.

[borderlineteacher]

God I’m just so ready for a new start.

[borderlineteacher]

I hate when I think I’m okay and I’ve moved past certain things and then I realize haha jk you were never okay to begin with.

[borderlineteacher]

So I haven’t self harmed in 3 months.

[borderlineteacher]

lol and now I wanna fall apart.

[borderlineteacher]

That moment when you’ve been meeting with your psych np like twice a week for a month due to safety risk and during your last appointment you are crying hysterically with relief that you pulled yourself out of such a dark hole and she’s like guuuurl I’ll see you in 4 weeks.

THATS progress.