I have always wondered if there was a subsection of OCD that had a focus on The Self and Identity and How People See Me etc. but now im getting… very curious about schizotypal experiences…
I have to ask, and i hope im not overstepping boundaries by giving detail, can schizo-perceptions of reality fluctuate? Like based on… episodes? Moments in time where the veil is thinner? Emotions are high-strung therefore paranoia is through the roof?
Waking up Not Here but at some indistinguishable point being more chill? The feelings/beliefs/understanding of reality is still there but as a background character and not As Loud?
Yes, definitely. For me personally, my symptoms intensify during stressful or destabilizing events. This section from The Center Cannot Hold describes the cause and effect of schizospectrum symptoms very well
And this paper provides a great explanation for the general experience and underlying function of schizospectrum symptoms
With schizotypal, the percieved parallel realities/trains of thought (the shared world and the personal, fantasy world) are more constant but never quite spill over into full psychosis without another disorder or cause for said psychosis. So I will often find myself simultaneously thinking "this is not real" and "this is my unshakable truth", often with constant narration of both beliefs in my head making me feel frozen or numb. It's a constant cycle of emotion and punishment for said emotion, encouraging me to isolate myself more and more to the private reality where I can express emotion without judgement. Even as I know this belief is "unreal" such that it shouldn't be spoken of to others, the things that play out in my fantasy/personal world end up dictating my actions. I hold grudges or become terrified of people because of my fantasies. This becomes worse in conflicts, stressful situations, isolation, etc. The more intense it becomes, the worse thought disorder, dissociation, derealization, sensory illusions, ipseity disturbance, etc, become. It improves when I speak my schizotypal reality out loud to others and check if it lines up to shared reality, and when I'm under less stress. A constant running personal reality in the background of life which becomes louder and more disruptive with stress is very schizotypal and schizospectrum in general
jacobvanloon
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