You know those moments you have where after having a conversation you think back on it and know exactly what you should have said and wish you did, well I’ve just had one of those. I’m not very good at putting things into words and most of the time when I do I unintentionally make things worse.
It’s obvious to anyone who has met me how much I love you and unfortunately some people use this against me and play on my fears and although you tell me how crazy I’m being and that it’ll never happen, the bad stuff always seems to sick around in the back of me head always there to make me feel awful with everyday events. Take today for instance instead of hearing what you said and thinking ‘oh, that’s ok he has family to see and he’ll come back soon to visit’ what I hear from that voice in the back of my head put there buy others playing on my fears is: 'yeah he has to see family (and that’s ok) but he won’t be back for a while. Why would he want to visit you?! He can do anything and you think he’s going to visit you? There’s a reason everyone’s left you. You’re nothing.
What I should have said was:
I’m sorry that sometimes I come off as intense I don’t mean too and I wasn’t angry or upset I
thinking you where choosing seeing your family over spending time with me I just can’t help but have insecurities.
Given my situation as you may understand I’ve been made to feel like I deserve all the pain I feel and I’m not worth anything.
I’m trying to work on it but as anyone who’s felt like this will know the bad stuff is hard to get rid of once it’s found a way into your mind.
________________________________________ Another draft. get out the drafts! It's dangerous!