Silly

This is basically a stranger things/harringrove fan blog. Billy, he/him. NSFW. Timetravelersunited on ao3

[bottombillyapologist]

The world is my oyster and tumblr is my outlet so w/e, long ass post that I’d appreciate is people read but you don’t have to.

I grew up autistic and weird in a really isolated environment. But at the same time, I had no privacy and no separate sense of identity. When lockdown happened, everyone needed more space and I got a room to myself. I started reaching out to more people online and a lot of that was the stranger things community. I started T in 2019 and lived the ‘Stranger Things S3 Summer’ where it was the biggest thing for a few months.

I met my partner through a stranger things account I had. We’re both trans and both changed our names (take a wild guess) and for the first part of our relationship I ended up. Idk. So entrenched in this idea and this fandom? We were both our own people, but I ended up caught between this like. Masculine ideal I could filter my own experiences through because I was stuck, in the middle of nowhere with people I couldn’t cope with. I started writing for fun ofc, but to get out thoughts I had nowhere to express and a lot of the sad shit was me trying to go ‘what would’ve made someone like this?’ and having enough pieces that I’d actually felt, I could make a character that you understand and then kind of. Cathartically heal them.

Idk. My most recent fic started when I was trying to cope with the idea of ‘my life will suck evil for a while but the other side will be better’. I was finally gonna leave, and three days after I moved out all my pipes exploded and I had to go back. I ended up in that exact kind of. No money first year university hell, but I was driving there from nowhere every day. It wasn’t really fun or cathartic to write a character living something I couldn’t. I ended up doing a year of going to class, working, then going to my own place and doing construction until I couldn’t anymore.

But yeah. I don’t know if I’ll ever finish that fic. But I had planned out a plot for it. I knew how I was going to heal Billy and make it better, and that kind of lingered in the back of my head. And I kind of just decided to do it. I had the explosive fight where I was living and my partner looked at me and we just picked our stuff up and moved out. Our place wasn’t done but we got it there. We had a buddy who was getting kicked out at the same time so he stayed on our couch.

I wrote the setup for this tropey loving healing storing and spent a year in hell not able to write it, and now I don’t have to. My partner and I have always been poly and after like. Six months of this guy living with us he asked us both out after nervously restringing a guitar for an hour. I more mean like. This person came into my life and I had this ‘we’ll heal each other’ mindset on. And now I have him and my partner. Life is still tough and sucks but I really did snap out of it this past year of living on my own and making him get back up on his feet. It really feels like all three of us were made for each other. It was weird when I found out a lot of poly people (or at least some odd majority) don’t really do triads bc that was always my ideal. Like ofc I know not everyone who likes my partner likes me or vice versa, but *if* they did, that was a bonus to me.

He’s filled a role in my life I didn’t know was missing. My partner feels the same way. I kinda always wrote just to feel and see the way I could fix these pieces of myself or as a way to just get comfortable holding thoughts in my head, and I may spit out the odd erotica every so often, but I’ve kinda. Done that. I can just do things in real life now.

I’m still living the like. Working and school and Everything (and by god. It’s been everything). But I just kind of. Spotted this guy one day my eyes slid right over until he started talking and I went. Wow. Everyone finds you incredibly attractive and charming (me included. By god) but there is just this… blank spot. Everyone knows him but no one *knows* anything. It stuck out to me and for the first time in my socially deprived life I tried to make him my friend on purpose. And every offer I made (to hangout, to drive him somewhere, whatever) got cancelled or shut down for a while for unexplained reasons. And basically immediately, when I didn’t give up, we just. Attached at the hip. He realized I meant what I was offering genuinely and honestly and that’s right when he got kicked out. I went with him to take his stuff in the middle of the night. My partner doesn’t trust easily and has a ‘no guests longer than three days’ policy in general, and they easily let him stay. They fell asleep on him on the couch. I wouldn’t be the one to ask him out even if at a point, he knew (I was later informed one of my friends told him after we’d known each other like. A month), because I knew he had to figure himself out. Even if at a point I was so sure he liked me and my partner too. And he did.

He got his own apartment. And I was never certain, that entire time. Until he invited us over for Valentine’s Day, I wasn’t sure I understood but I brought roses and my partner brought his favorite alcohol. And then he answered the door wearing new sneakers and I was like oh yeah. I know what this’ll be. Then he was too nervous, he put an arm around each of us and we silently watched two movies. And he came over to our place the next day to ask us out.

Maybe I’m waxing on but. Yeah. I don’t think I need to write the story. I love you all. I’ll keep the blog up as an archive but, idk how much I’ll post.

[premaritalgaysex]

Not to sound like a pretentious film bro but it kills me a little inside when I see the same “arguing about which action to take” scene in which the Extreme Character suggests once course of action and the Rational Character suggests an opposite course of action and the main character is like “hey guys, what if we do the medium course of action that sounds rational between those two options”.

And that’s not a Bad way to tell a story (a little ham-fisted but what can you do) what I hate is that people seem to not realize that subconsciously, they are being presented with those three options and they’re supposed to agree with the main character on the Medium Option as it sounds the most rational given the choices. They set it up so you have to pick between A, B and C without realizing there could be A Hundred Other Options for the way the story goes. That is the rhetoric used to make you like the main character (or whatever character in that scene happens to present the Medium Option).

Because then when the medium option ISN’T the best option, and you’re supposed to evaluate and realize that, no one seems to evaluate anymore. We are used to being verbatim fed a story that there’s no analysis of who’s Actually Right or Rational given the situation because the narrative isn’t Telling you that. So later when you say “oh yeah well I think despite being narratively Wrong that that response/course of action/reaction was rational” people act like you’re nuts because that’s not what the Medium Option Narrative told them.

[bottombillyapologist]

Update on my cringe-fail gay life. He was def flirting with me but due to Life we’ve been doing this awkward tango of getting closer but neither of us doing anything but today. Is Valentine’s Day. And he invited me and my partner over for dinner for ‘something he needs to talk to us about’. I said we didn’t have plans but my partner had a Valentine’s Day outfit that was BANGING and he said ‘can’t wait, my roommate won’t be home until 8’ so maybe there is hope for us yet.

[bottombillyapologist]

I’m gonna be so honest I have gotten into watching The Pitt and my semester is starting would some Pitt one shots feed us or

[theoneofwhomisblue]

196 rule

[totally-cis-offical]

“God uses neopronouns because the capitalization is different” is a top-tier take to be honest

[premaritalgaysex]

I mean I guess I’ll just become that guy on main but like. Never believe that twink death is bad. You must get harrier, chubbier and more muscular now.

[bottombillyapologist]

How’s your best gay life going? Spill

You’re so real I actually just finished finals for this semester and I’m HOPING to write something but like. No promises. I’m still unfortunately experiencing three person roommate gay tension scenarios in real life so like. Pros: much inspo material, cons: gritting my teeth while gay things happen to me and going ‘no, save it for your art’. But!! I am fairly content and I’m getting enough brain about me to actually think of legible scenarios.

[starqueensterlexa]

If you have ever known anyone with a kink for being hit, or beat up, or raped and you're okay with them, you also gotta be okay with the people who's kink it is to do the hitting, the beating, or the raping. At the end of the day, we're adults playing pretend, and that's it.

[starqueensterlexa]

With every single sub i have the first thing we ever do is establish the safe word (stoplight system), and the non-verbal safe word in case they can't talk for any reason. If I can't tell where the sub is at, I will ask them point blank what is their color, and if they can't give a response, we stop. The goal is to make the other person feel good, including pain, and the most important part us knowing your subs limits and LISTENING to them. I will *never* hurt a sub in a way that they have not explicitly expresssed interest in.

[steve-likes-robots]

Makes sense to me. The “getting hit” kink requires a “hitting” kink. It’s like Transformers. Megatron can’t exist without Optimus Prime.

[starqueensterlexa]

yes Steve, its exactly like Megatron and Optimus Prime from Transformers

[bottombillyapologist]

Gang do I sneak a hit. He’s been trying to find an unreleased song for like an hour.

[sobac]

[bottombillyapologist]

Forgot Reddit was a cesspool for a second and posted my new tattoo on a subreddit that explicitly has in the rules to not comment on the body of the person, just the tattoo, and every comment is about my body hair.

[premaritalgaysex]

Photo of me that made my friend recoil and audibly say ‘damn’

[bottombillyapologist]

My manager gave me a ziplock bag of cookies yesterday specifically for my roommate (who is also my coworker)

Evidence to my innocence

- There were cookies in the break room and my roommate had called off the day before

- I mentioned another coworker making cookies and my manager said ‘I should bring something in soon’

- He specifically said COOKIES when he handed them to me and said he ‘didn’t want him to miss out’.

But:

- He mentioned trying to make edibles and asked if I knew anyone who would want some. I said my roommate might and he said ‘nah they’re weak he wouldn’t want them’.

- I did not ask specifically if they were edibles

I did warn my roommate there was like a 75/25 chance they were edibles and he did still eat two so maybe really this is his fault.

[bottombillyapologist]

Did not specify. Boy was high out of his mind. He was trying to play a skate simulator and couldn’t figure it out when he’s skated for like 10 years.

[bottombillyapologist]

My manager gave me a ziplock bag of cookies yesterday specifically for my roommate (who is also my coworker)

Evidence to my innocence

- There were cookies in the break room and my roommate had called off the day before

- I mentioned another coworker making cookies and my manager said ‘I should bring something in soon’

- He specifically said COOKIES when he handed them to me and said he ‘didn’t want him to miss out’.

But:

- He mentioned trying to make edibles and asked if I knew anyone who would want some. I said my roommate might and he said ‘nah they’re weak he wouldn’t want them’.

- I did not ask specifically if they were edibles

I did warn my roommate there was like a 75/25 chance they were edibles and he did still eat two so maybe really this is his fault.

[bottombillyapologist]

Ok genuinely how the FUCK do you tell between straight man teasing and masc bi man flirting bc this dude offered me his vape and I don’t vape but I do for hot men and when I tried to ghost it I swallowed some and was like ah fuck I think I swallowed vape and he said ‘so it spits and you swallow, huh?’ Like what are we TALKING about

[transsexual-experiences]

we should hype up bottom surgery more i think. both twitter transphobes and chronically online trans people really like to be disgusted at phalloplasty, vaginoplasty, ext. and i really think we should treat them as cool and sexy and neutral like top surgery scars or whatever

[failure-to-adult]

As of tomorrow I will be 49 weeks post bottom surgery. And lemme tell you...it's pretty great.

There was a level of constant dysphoria from having a dick that I didn't even know I had until it was gone.

Vaginoplasty is pretty amazing. I'm very, VERY happy about having gotten it.

Some things to keep in mind:

The first year can be rough at times, because it takes approximately 48-52 weeks to fully heal, but the further you get into that year, the easier it gets.

Healing time also depends on if you get the surgery with or without cavity. Be realistic going in and make sure to read all the literature your clinic sends you.

I say this because a lot of the negative shit around bottom surgery hinges on people NOT knowing about the healing time and using the shock value of not-yet-healed surgical wounds. Bottom surgery is FUCKING AMAZING, but yeah, it can be gross and painful at first.

I had my surgery done at GRS Montreal. The staff there are AMAZING. They were kind, patient, and helpful.

Here's some bottom surgery facts:

Yeah, it'll be gross at first. The first 90 days is when all the surface-level healing happens. As with any major surgery, healing is gross. It gets a lot less gross once the surgical wounds heal, the swelling goes down, and the packed gauze in your clitoris comes out (it's there to maintain the shape while healing).

There is scarring, but it fades. Rub silicon gel into it 3-4 times a day for several months once the wounds close. After a year the scarring is minimal, and it will keep fading. I don't even notice it anymore.

Everything WORKS. Stuff feels good. Orgasms are AMAZING.

It has absolutely made me feel more confident as a woman. It is INCREDIBLY gender affirming.

Dilation is a pain in the ass for the first 4-5 months. Not because it hurts, but because you have to do it so often. After that it becomes more like "here is an hour a day that I set aside for me time". At the end of the first year you will only have to do it once or twice a week, at which point it definitely becomes more like just setting aside a bit of time to get in touch with your womanhood, just to relax.

Dilation doesn't hurt (though it can be uncomfortable in the first month or so while the swelling comes down). Your new vagina is a part of your body and your body takes care of it. It is honestly pretty neat!

Bottom surgery is legitimately AMAZING. It has been practiced for almost 100 years. It is established medical practice. Do not let transphobes dissuade you from it!

[boyscoundrel]

Bottom surgeries are statistically a huge success.

Virtually all people who have had bottom surgery report being significantly more happy with their sex lives.

Virtually all people who have had bottom surgery report physically + emotionally better orgasms.

Bottom surgeries are not mutilation. They are not façades created purely to appear more cis or to please cishet partners. They are as valid an expression of transness as any other form of transition, medical or not. The motives for bottom surgery are often not purely sexual AND there’s nothing wrong about post-op, pre-op, or non-op sexuality.

I’m not interested in having bottom surgery at all. However, it is so important to unpack ALL of your internalized transphobia and be the best ally you can be to other trans people.

[gaytanic-panic]

why is this framed all cutesy??

[gaytanic-panic]

ohhhhhhhhh