Origami Around
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@bouncymanatee
Yayyy my account is old enough to start primary school 🥳
Fun fact: when I created it I was pretty sure I'd never reach this point in my life, I was sure I'd never go to therapy, I believed I wasn't gonna graduate high-school and many other horrible things that LUCKILY(!!!) didn't happen :)
Started my account in 2020, 17 years old, incarcerated by my own thoughts, obsessed about su!cide and death. Next month I turn 23 ❤
Kinda missing tumblr at the moment. Like I know perfectly why I stopped posting (no need to vent and scream on a screen bc 💫therapy is working💫), but I miss the free flowing nature of this app, pouring thought after thought on the keyboard, the bad feelings and the good ones, also practicing my English
Sooo I go this quite big crush on a girl from uni but I don't really like her, like I cannot stand her for more than a couple hours, so I would never date her, but I cannot get her out of my mind and she's always kinda flirty when we are together and I just don't know what to feel
Maybe it's my gigantic imposter syndrome, but a few hours ago I was questioning whether my bisexuality was real or not, maybe I'm just straight, I felt I'm not "gay enough", maybe I've been faking it this whole time. Reader, no more than 10 minutes later I was literally thinking about asking my (girl) crush out.
Fucking finally life feels worth living, I'm euphoric and the sun shines more brightly and night feels big and welcoming and rain is silly and clouds are cozy.
I feel like it's Spring all around 🌸🌤⛈🌌
Anyway, since I'm here again
I'm no longer s*icidal (most of the time)
Still bi as hell
Somehow dragging myself through engineering (but it's getting better and better)
Got diagnosed with OCD and now many parts of my life make sense
Honestly just vibing
And what's going on with your life, random tumblr user reading this? ☕🍪
Just taking a stroll through my semi abandoned blog. It's incredible how strong is the connection between me not posting and therapy working
I honestly don't know what's going on in my life, but here I am, asking my crush out. It still feels unreal (also bc he's waaaay hotter than me)
Today I felt extremely bad, nearly suicidal, and I kept spiralling back into self-destructive thoughts, but I couldn't cry bc I was in class. So after the lecture I bought myself a nice chocolate pudding and ate it at the park while watching cute turtles in the pond. It was so nice 🐢🍮
So yesterday I went to the hospital to donate blood and I was really looking forward to it bc the nurses are always so kind and they tell me that I'm a good girl and many other kind things. When I went last time in December I literally started crying on the hospital bed bc I felt so safe and cared for.
I really need a hug.
I'm re-watching the LOTR trilogy and even tho I love the movies, I can't relax because I keep thinking of him (he really likes Tolkien). What makes it worse is that he lives across the street from me and knowing that we're so close but I can't hang out with him is extremely frustrating
I'm so, so in love
I can't get out of bed, it's already 1 p.m. and I have left my bed just to have breakfast, I haven't started studying, I'm feeling broken and scared, I feel like I'm suffocating.
Davvero non ce la faccio più, fa sempre male e mi sta erodendo dentro, sto soffocando
A few days ago I spent my lunch break with the Hot Friend from the previous post and I was so worried that I was wasting his time but he was like "no no I'm glad to see you, it's been a while since we last saw each other" and ofc I died a bit but then he invited me to his birthday party (actually just drinking somewhere) and since we're basically neighbours we'll probably have to walk home together and I'm not sure if my little heart can handle it
I'm a simp. A complete simp. And by that I mean that I wore The Ring from LOTR just bc we're both big fans. Also he's insanely hot (like, he's pretty, but he's also kind and a big nerd) and he could definitely use me as a carpet :)
I'm super afraid of suicide, it feels like a sword of Damocles, pending over my head ready to kill me, I don't want to die but I fear that I could commit suicide any moment, even if I don't want to. It's scary and it's painful, it is like a stone crushing my heart
A few days ago I spent my lunch break with the Hot Friend from the previous post and I was so worried that I was wasting his time but he was like "no no I'm glad to see you, it's been a while since we last saw each other" and ofc I died a bit but then he invited me to his birthday party (actually just drinking somewhere) and since we're basically neighbours we'll probably have to walk home together and I'm not sure if my little heart can handle it
Ok so today I took the train with a (very hot) friend of mine and I was using my hands to describe a place (very Italian of me) and he touched my fingers to explain something and I just completely melted