[bpd-death]

years ago my therapist asked me to take the enneagram test and i got one number and i retook it today and its a different number. i’ve read that it doesn’t change…

whats the big idea here? is it a bpd thing? was it a fluke? wtf?

[cilantrhoes]

[bpd-death]

I was at war with myself and you took it as indifference towards you when it never was about my feelings towards you. I always loved you.

but it is what it is, we aren’t together anymore, and i gave so much of myself away to try to keep you around while fighting with myself, i don’t have more to say about this now.

for now, i rest and focus on me, not even about writing this in easy to understand digestible words. making new limbs to walk on this earth as me again.

[homunculus-argument]

Uncomfortable facts of life:

Nobody's going to magically swoop in to rescue you. You can't just sit there and expect someone else to come save you. You have to get your shit together and do it yourself.

About 90% of the time, the "it" you have to do on your own is pushing yourself to walk up to someone else and use your words to say "hey I need help."

[gunmetallic]

⸺ on soulmates and suffering.

Fyodor Dostoevsky // via tullipsink // Faiz Ahmed Faiz // Margaret Atwood // sam sax // Mary Shelley. also see: soulmate (horror)

[shopkeeper]

[suigintou]

doing an apology video with genuine tears sobbing and wailing ripping my hair out and clawing at my face until i draw blood but i simply cannot describe what i did without laughing

[phantomrose96]

The come-down from doing a good deed is crazy. Like I think I could rescue a baby from a burning building and 30 minutes later I’d be like, “Idk was it cringe of me to run into that building like that? The baby didn’t even seem that happy to get rescued. Honestly maybe the baby started the house fire and I interrupted an important life lesson.”

[bpd-death]

ah yes, for me it doesn't stop at good deed. it also applies to happy moments in my life. i had a nice time at a really cool store, i start overthinking it. it wasn't even fun, why did i spend time doing that? and it can be five minutes after genuinely admitting it was worth it and really nice for me.

i gotta remember good things can happen. to me. to others. it doesn't have to be questioned and thought over again. why do i wanna fixate on it? i don't know.. its rough feeling like even my happy moments need to prove themselves worthy to exist.

[grendel-menz]

Holy houses, haunted houses

[homunculus-argument]

The inconvenient thing about life is that half of it is all about listening to your body and letting yourself rest, and the other half is accepting that life will be uncomfortable and inconvenient sometimes and you've just go to make yourself push through your brain going Do Not Want and get the discomfort out of the way, and you never know which one it is.

[sacred-portal]

[hel7l7]

I wish I were different

[honeypleasejustkillme]

[honeypleasejustkillme]

[stay-close]

I am unable to describe exactly what is the matter with me; now and then there are horrible fits of anxiety, apparently without cause, or otherwise a feeling of emptiness and fatigue in the head.

— Vincent van Gogh, in a letter to his sister

[chrollo-tw]

I’m special but i’m no one. I’m the best but i’m also the worst person in the world. I’m obsessed with myself and i can’t stand myself. I deserve everything and i deserve to die. Everyone should be in love with me but i can’t imagine how someone could actually love me.  

[auntytimblr-deactivated20181216]

tired of your boring old regular depression? try DOUBLE DEPRESSION

[shleemies]

Thanks! I hate it