please ignore me as I self destruct

bpd, ptsd, delusions and hallucinations. thats right folks I'm be whole package

[yaasper]

hey, histrionic csa/cocsa survivors?

We didn’t deserve it.

if you view yourself as nothing but a sex doll, 

if you cannot view yourself as a sexual being, 

if your view of yourself with sex is more complicated than can be summed up with a few vague sentences,

we’re valid.

We did what we had to. We did our best. 

And we are allowed to love our histrionic personality disorders.

And we are allowed to hate our histrionic personality disorders.

And whatever mixed up complicated version of both love and hate we experience

is valid.

And i can’t express what it feels like for all of us,

but i can express how real it is.

And how it tears us apart.

And how it deserves to be talked about.

So here’s a post for all histrionic survivors of csa or cocsa. 

Because it changed us. Or it broke us. Or it made us. Or it didn’t.

Because whatever verb you put there - it matter. and it’s real. 

And we’re real.

And sometimes that’s ugly. But it’s always real.

[bob-belcher]

[timepunkspg-deactivated20180516]

the chemical mentioned in the article… like only if you ate 100kg of mac and cheese in one sitting… that’s how much it’d take to be toxic.

[thyrell]

well i know what the fuck and how the fuck much im doing for dinner today

[mental-ch-illness]

you: venting on tumblr

me, a borderline: splitposting

[lil-bean-named-lil]

You don’t have to be underweight to have an eating disorder 

You don’t have to be underweight to have an eating disorder 

You don’t have to be underweight to have an eating disorder 

You don’t have to be underweight to have an eating disorder 

You don’t have to be underweight to have an eating disorder 

[daintydear]

so yeah what are you supposed to do when you’re at the age where everything you do actually counts for your future but you have 0% of your shit together and are 150% depressed

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

can I just tell y’all that a thing that pisses me off is when people say “I don’t have time to be depressed”

like shut up you dense motherfucker nobody “has time” to be depressed, depression doesn’t just happen to the lazy or unmotivated or people with a schedule opening. 

depression grabs you by the guts and doesn’t let go, no matter who or how busy you are. it’s a brain illness not a failure to keep occupied.

[errantcurls]

I 100 million % do not have time to be depressed but here I am, fuckin doin it anyway

[voidvalker-blog]

i think one of the reasons us bpd people overshare with new people we’re excited about and want to know better is because we want to skip straight to the deep and intense parts of friendship because casual modes of relating are confusing and hard to navigate but bonding over trauma is something we understand very intimately

[parksandrecovery]

When there’s drama in group therapy

[letssaltouroozycuts]

are you a “I’m never gonna have kids because I don’t trust myself not to fuck them up” child abuse survivor or a “I want kids so I can give them the childhood I never got to have” child abuse survivor

[bohrderline]

You’ve heard of oversharing now get ready for being physically unable to make any kinds of words describing your feelings come out of your mouth even though you desperately want to talk about it

[shoppingstars]

things i hate about bpd

- your mood is not the only thing that will change in one sec, your decisions will too.

- the pain you feel in your chest whenever you are thinking or feeling something too much.

- the ability to show physical symptoms to every thing you feel too intensely.

- you hate to be alone, but at the same time you’re isolating from all of your friends.

- suddenly you just get tired of someone you love a lot.

- but now you’re not tired of them anymore and you need them to live and how can you stay away from them for just one second? impossible.

- you just don’t understand how there’s so much anger in you.

- headaches.

- stomach ache.

- the world is not real sometimes.

- feeling like you will lose control and getting suffocated by it.

- seeing a knife and thinking about cutting, seeing a bridge and thinking about jumping, seeing a car and thinking about being run over.

- feeling intensely two things at the same time.

[beautyofourbones]

[caretoolittletoomuch-moved]

bpd is weird cuz i’m so sensitive that small things are a big deal to me and i get overstimulated fast, especially as the socially withdrawing type who prefers aloneness, so you’d think i’d never want anything to happen to me which is sometimes very true

yet i also have a deep existential boredom, emptiness, need to be tragic, craving for drama, craving for self-punishment, so i in fact actively wish for big bad things to happen to me as well

[bpd-is-killing-me]

Anyone in the Manchester/ Liverpool area? Lets talk and maybe meet up and shoot up together. Need some nodsquad pals

[dxdhvdghjknlsmss]

alternate version : should i let this person who i'm texting atm know that i'm going to sleep or should i just suddenly disappear and let them dumbly wait around for a reply LIKE THEY ALWAYS DO TO ME

anon…………. i feel u

[neurodivergentaf]

PTSD Gothic

You walk along a food aisle in a supermarket. You are suddenly six years old and helpless. You continue walking. No one looks at you. When you get into your car you cry and cry and cry.

Your friend introduces you to someone. They smile and offer their hand. You think that their face looks a little familiar. You don’t take their hand. You feel like screaming.

You watch TV, you clean your room, you listen to music, you read, and you count the dots on the ceiling. Sometimes you do all of this at the same time. It’s still not enough.

A friend is retelling a joke and playfully smacks you. They continue with the story, but you won’t be able to move or speak for the next six hours.

Someone is talking to you, and you politely nod along. There is a child with them. They proudly state that the child is theirs. You look at the child and resist the urge to take them with you. Their eyes haunt you for the rest of the day.

You are alone in a room. Someone is here with you. Someone is always here with you.

[infernalbpd]

me: isnt showing every symptom, severely, all day, every day

brain: