cobbling together a whole

Ashmita

[rohirric-hunter]

"You could get up early and do it before work" I could also wait for a magic beanstalk to start growing in my living room LMAO. Let's focus on things that happen in the real world

[homunculus-argument]

The people who go "well who's going to look after you when you're old?" when you say you're not having kids are breathtakingly naive. Our next-door neighbour, somewhere in her mid-80s, has a son, grandkids, and a grear-granddaughter, and who's the one she calls when she needs help, and checks that she's not spending christmas alone? Me and my boyfriend.

Having kids is irrelevant if the answer to that question is still going to be "the mentally ill faggots next door."

[r0zeclawz]

my name is detective sleeping and im about to get started on my toughest case yet. the pillow case

[gummybard]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a stressed adult male protagonist splashing water on his face in the bathroom

[kosmogrl]

"you need to let it go" that would be really cool, unfortunately I'll take it with me to the grave

[pansyfemme]

cd has a hole. record has a hole. casette has 2 holes. streaming? zero holes. i think i’ve made my point

[dragon-png]

we ask that the defense not say "me when i lie" while the witness testifies

[apricops]

the narrative: *starts the third act by repeating a scene from the first act but now it has a totally different context*

me: ohoHOhohoHOHOhoHO

[sanitymakesposts]

I’m getting way too comfortable at work. My boss asked me to do something and I replied ‘pay me’ and he looked like the saddest wettest little bug and said ‘we… we do?’

[daughter-of-sapph0]

you catch me in my room watching something kinky, but instead of masturbating I'm just watching intently and taking notes like it's a college lecture

[definitely-ellie]

You see me write down the word "sex" followed by a question mark and underlining it twice

[glowcowboy]

“what have you been up to lately?” i don’t leave the house

[website-com]

guys the consequences of inaction are noooootttt enough to motivate meeee

[ihopeucomehomesoon]

scared someone will see right through me and know one of my deepest desires is to be taken care of

[matchadolly]

stop playing it cool, just be passionate and intense and insane and whoever sticks around is meant for you

[potatoheadinwonderland-deactiva]

crossing my arms & going hmph about some things currently

[soppingwetratboy]

“You should be at the club” I should at a shitty punk show in someone’s basement

[halftoning-deactivated20240224]

"who said that" is my ult fav thing to say ever after saying something insane