This was a digital sketch reward for one of my Patreons, who requested I draw Karou from the fantasy novel Daughter of Smoke and Bone
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Xuebing Du
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Three Goblin Art

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YOU ARE THE REASON

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$LAYYYTER
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@brieflyquantumlore
This was a digital sketch reward for one of my Patreons, who requested I draw Karou from the fantasy novel Daughter of Smoke and Bone
when I’m a baron OR a count OR a marquis I’m going to insist that my castle is only accessible via one long, narrow, twisting path that drops off into an abyss on either side
Hand rails?
NO. fuck you
Like this one?
No. That’s a rope bridge. They have their place, but not here.
This is what I’m talking about:
You're gonna regret that when you buy furniture
Fun fact, most castles like this actually had a special pulley system for Pulling Furniture up into the castle. Furniture did not come up that disability inaccessible ramp, it came from the bottom of the cliff and was ascended into the heavens by a human powered crane.
what about wheelchairs and wheelchair users
the crane option doesn’t sound all that safe if I’m honest, and the path obviously isn’t
It’s not supposed to be safe—it’s supposed to be accessible, technically, but dangerous. I don’t want any sensible guests visiting my castle at all.
...actually, if I install a very low, 2-inch barrier on either side of the path to keep wheelchairs from sliding off, it would become safer to traverse in a wheelchair than on foot. Very tempting.
I support these shenanigans. But consider. How do YOU get to your estate?
When I am hungry, I fly.
When I have recently fed, I am perfectly round, and I simply roll my wondrously spherical body up and down my horrible castle path.
Wait but what if you have a guest coming who can also fly?
Wait, but if it's wide enough to fit a wheelchair, that means you can just crawl the entire way and be in virtually no danger
I forgot to mention that the path is covered in scorpions
Then you wouldn't be able to roll along the path
I am a Scorpio and all arachnids recognize me as their god. When the perfect sphere of my body rolls over them they just toss me like a beach ball further down the path. I crowdsurf on my scorpion vassals and they love it.
Me, an absolute bafoon skipping up to your castle kissing the scorpions as I go: I’ve come for an audience with the baron
Me, speaking in an unconvincing falsetto through a crack in the door: “THEY’RE NOT HERE RIGHT NOW. SO SORRY. GO AWAY. IT’S JUST US SCORPIONS HERE... SCORPIONS WITH GUNS. ALSO I GOT A PROMOTION AND I’M A COUNT NOW.”
toss a coin to donate to jaskier’s willpower
Explaining what's up with this hoe's name
With tons of new people joining the fandom through the netflix series, there's bound to be some confusion. Let me enlighten you.
First of all, Jaskier and Dandelion are the same person.
Jaskier is his name in the polish novels, Dandelion was introduced in some translation and used in the Witcher games.
Kinda random, right? Normal fantasy name and then suddenly - flower?
Well, hold fast to your seats, friends.
Jaskier is polish for
Buttercup
(Also, please take a moment to consider that Jaskier is blond in the novels. ...Yeah.)
So, as the translators came to the conclusion that this ray of sunshine can't very well be called Buttercup, a grave mistake if you ask me, they decided to use the significantly more serious and not at all equally adorbs name Dandelion.
And don't get me started on how Jaskier actually is a nickname or stage name, that Jaskier probably picked himself. Jaskier's real name is
Julian Alfred Pankratz viscount de Lettenhove
But he travels the continent fucking calling himself Buttercup instead. He introduced himself to kings, queens and a hulking, scary, badass witcher with Buttercup.
The obvious conclusion is that Jaskier is a tiny yellow flower that must be protected at all costs.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
this is like the opposite of ASMR
wow, look at the tiger!
Six years working with child protective services should have taught him to keep a straight face even when confronted with the weirdest situations, but the social worker has to admit that he’s struggling right now. He looks down at his papers for a moment and then back up at his visitors.
No, the pointed ears are still there. So are the just slightly sharper teeth in their hopeful smiles. In fact, they look exactly the way they do in the stories. Right down to the emerald green eyes.
“Excuse me,” he says, nervously clearing his throat. “Could you go over that for me one more time?”
“Certainly! We would like to apply to be foster parents.”
“Right…” The social worker looks anxiously from one of the couple to the other. “But…but you’re fae.” He really doesn’t know a way to be delicate about this fact.
“Oh you noticed!” the one on the right says. (The couple introduced themselves as Mr. and Mrs. Peters, but he doesn’t remember who was who and as far as he is concerned their appearance gives him no clue whatsoever.)
“Well, yes,” he says uncomfortably. “And this being the case, I did wonder…”
The Mx. Peters (surely that can’t be their real name) on the left nods understandingly. “Of course, it’s quite alright, we do understand. But you see, the whole changeling thing doesn’t really appeal to us at all.”
“Taking care of a human child sounds wonderful!” their partner smiles brightly. “And we have plenty of room to love one or two more! But we simply refuse to give ours away, and that is regrettably a big part of the changeling business.”
“Your children?” the social worker blinks.
“Yes,” the parents beam proudly. “Two of them,” one of them adds. “A wee one of barely four summers and our eldest, who is nearly eight.”
The other smiles enthusiastically. “It is preferred for foster parents, is it not, to already have children of one’s own?”
The social worker pulls himself together. “Yes,” he says. “Yes it is.” Parents are parents, aren’t they? And if he forgets about the teeth, and the ears, and the intangible feeling that his carpet might start sprouting daisies, these two are giving off practically nothing but parent vibes.
“So you’ll consider us for the programme?”
He nods. “Yes, certainly, I will. Just—” He clears his throat. “We will need to visit your home fist, to verify your circumstances.”
“Of course!” the parent on the left agrees.
“That should be quite alright as longs as we remember not to offer refreshments,” their partner nods.
The social worker nods along and silently scribbles a discrete little note on their file. He is going to have to have a talk with his supervisor about this. And another thing—
“I will need your full legal names for the forms,” he says, looking up.
The two fae meet his eyes with silent stares.
He swallows. “…a legal name for the forms?”
The radiant smiles return.
The path they turn down on the way to their house is strange. He could’ve sworn he knew this road forward and back but he’d never seen the little track they followed before.
It let out into a beautiful tree ringed meadow, and near the back was a charming little cottage.
As he stepped in one of the said, “Welcome into our home!”
This gave him some pause but he had admit it was very beautiful. “There’s certainly plenty of room to run around.”
He glanced down at his papers and reluctantly said, “Now, a major dilemma is that of feeding your foster children.”
They looked at him intently and waited for him to make a point.
Sweating slightly he said, “Anything they eat here, it will keep them here? Forever? That’s not ideal for this programme.”
“Oh!” Said one of the Peters, “They can’t eat inside the house. We plan to feed them outside, so that they can’t come to any harm by that.”
“You’ll feed the children outside? Every meal?”
“Of course!” Their smiles were huge and delighted.
“What do you plan to do if it’s raining?”
Their faces crinkled up in puzzlement, and finally the other said, “Well rain doesn’t fall outside, I shouldn’t think it would matter.”
“But we are outside…” he felt he was losing in some way to a tide of logic he didn’t understand.
“Ohhhh, I see the problem. Here, you are inside our home. Let’s show you the backyard.” And they turned at walked with purpose to the cottage.
They opened the door and gestured into a lovely living room, “This is our backyard. It’s outside, so our children will be comfortable and fed. We know keeping them in the backyard may seem inhumane to you, but we assure you we’ve made it very comfortable.”
His brain started to twist in a way he wasn’t used to, but as it stretched he could almost understand their logic. Their home was the meadow. This was their backyard, and it was outside the meadow. Even though it was obviously inside still.
“That’s. Very nice. It’s a very nice… back yard. And the food in the backyard is… safe?”
“Oh yes! We have a human ready to make deliveries for us.”
“It’s very…” he looked around, “clean.” And it was. There was omissions you wouldn’t have expected. In the corner was a copper wood stove, and he idly thought ah yes, no iron. He would have bet there wasn’t a single nail holding the place together.
The couch looked like it had grown up into a position and all the wood floors had an extra vibrant gleam to them. The furnishings and rugs all looked to be exceptionally fine and soft, made of materials he didn’t recognize.
In the corner was a collection of musical instruments. “We do hope,” said a Peters right by his ear making him jump, “that one of the children exhibits an interest in music.”
“We wouldn’t,” hastened the other to add, “force them. But it would be very lovely. We tend not to be very musically inclined you know.”
He nodded weakly and said, “This seems quite suitable. Let’s look upstairs shall we?”
did you know red snapper can live for over 100 years…. whatre they DOING down there
I hope this doesn’t work the same way for centaurs.
Thanks! I hate it
Going fishing:
Concept: Embroidered QR code jacket patch that leads to the YouTube video of Risk Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”
:3c
Hey, you are doing the MOST important work
matching icons for u and ur bf ;-)
You: “You look troubled. What’s on your mind?”
Me: “Do you think if a sarlacc ate enough Jedi and absorbed their memories and midichlorians, would it become Force-sensitive? Could it become a Jedi if it really wanted to? Would it use a little lightsaber and waggle it around with one of its tentacles?”
Would it be capable of lifting itself from the sand and fly around to eat others through force? Would it be the ultimate sith lord feeding from the knowladge of the sith and the jedi alike?
Yes. In fact, once it was able to fly around, it would grow larger and larger and larger until it was able to leave Tatooine, and then it would travel the galaxy gaining more power and consuming the whole of sentient knowledge, eventually able to eat entire worlds. Galaxies. The entire universe slowly being digested inside its... stomach? Until finally all matter would be condensed into a single point within the sarlacc and it would explode, giving birth to a new universe...
Stop. Writing. Sarlacc. Pregnancy. Fiction.
25 / 07 / 19
if any of you guys remember this lil’ illustration of mine, i finally put it on redbubble!
it’s available as t-shirts / phone cases / pillows / mugs / notebooks / stickers / etc… all sorts, to be honest.
hope y’all enjoy – it was very fun to draw
buy it here!
and if anyone is interested in more of these silly designs, please drop me an ask to let me know, and please consider supporting my art and illustration adventures for more products like this!
website __ patreon __ ko-fi
so basically aasimar are weird and their kids are weirder thanks for listening to my ted talk
(bonus rascal, gnome with outfit)
Some photos of my kenku costume at Anthrocon 2016, taken by @adammillerstudio! Oh boy did I ever have a lot of fun! The other raven in these photos is @qawstume and the snowy owl we are mobbing is @crystumes, who made both of the blanks that we used for our masks.
If you have any questions about this costume please check out my FAQ!
You forgot the best one though!
@kyleehenke shitblaster 9000 will be welcomed in valhalla
If Brand Names Were Anime Characters
Credit: @sillvi_illustrations