Dear Tacos I remember the moment I met you. When Peterson introduced us, telling me you'd be my trainer and then my partner...I was so nervous. You were so tall...I felt like a child standing in front of you...but you never treated me like one. I got so used to that...being treated like a child. I've always looked young for my age. It's a curse. Everyone used to call me newbie or kiddo...but you didn't. You called me by my name. Bri. You know, you were the first person to ever call me that. Bri. I'd always only ever been called Brianna before, but I liked it. Agent Bri Valdivia. It had a ring to it. Of course, i couldn't typically go by that. Agent Chile....because of the city in Chile called Valdivia. Remember all the jokes everyone started after we'd both picked our names? Chilli Tacos. It makes me smile. Maybe I should have changed my codename to that. I don't know why I'm writing this...well, I mean...I do, but I can't send it to you. I don't know where exactly you are, and I don't want to endanger you by messing up your cover. It's so hard to sleep at night. What if something happened to you and I never found out? What if I end up waiting...for weeks. Months... Years. I keep trying to tell myself you're ok..That you're a good agent and your cover hasn't been blown, but all this not knowing...I don't like it. It hurts to be away from you. You've been a constant presence in my life for the past 5ish years, ever since I dropped out of college and joined the FBI. That night in the dumpster in Boston...I knew. I knew that I couldn't lose you. I loved you, even though I couldn't see it...I knew that if I ever lost you...I would break. Quitting the FBI back in January was one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make..but really, I didn't have much of a choice. Not after Bill found me again. i lived out of my car for a bit...I never told you that...I figured that if I was constantly moving and he'd never find me. I never stayed in the same city for more than 2 days. It was draining. So...I finally decided to make myself a home where I thought he wouldn't find me. Neverland. It's funny how everything turned out...almost for the best...but also for the worst. I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts to breathe. I miss everything about you. Your traditionalness and steadiness...The way you always know just exactly what to do. You always had such a strong black and white view of right and wrong...It gave me comfort. I miss how...special and beautiful you make me feel. I never felt that way before. Even back when we were still partners and i was oblivious to my feelings...You made me feel that way. You didn't treat me like I was...invisible. Before I met you, I even treated myself like I was invisible...like I was an odd little nobody. But somehow you saw past that. To this day, I have no idea how you did it. How did you see the girl inside me? The girl that would walk through fire for the people she cared about...I never knew I had any sort of strength, but somehow, the more time I spent with you, the more I realized that I wasn't just another nobody. You helped me find myself even when I didn't know there was anything to find. I don't know if you will ever read this. I have no idea of how to get it to you...but I just had to write... I am so tempted to go to New York right now and turn everything inside out looking for you. But I don't want to jeopardize your case....or you. And I promised you that I'd be careful. It's driving me insane. I still have that blue teddy bear. The one you won for me when we went undercover at that one carnival? In the moments where I feel like missing you will destroy me...I hold it really tight. Delilah misses you. She runs toward your bedroom door once she's woken me up...and sits there, waiting for it to open. I don't like going in there now. It's empty and it feels so...cold and lonely. I missed you so much even before you went off the grid...but this...This not knowing? This is a nightmare. I remember the way I'd turn to look at you on a stakeout and find you watching. Well, I was never sure if you were watching...you were subtle. But I felt like you were. Like I was a puzzle and you were just a few pieces short of finishing it. Remember that one agent? Sally Davidson? She was always trying to flirt with you. Always trying to get you to join her for lunch or dinner...but you never did pay her much attention. I used to wonder why. She was beautiful. But now I know and it makes me smile...but it also makes me want to cry. The two weeks you were here...I was so happy. I knew what was coming...but i couldn't help but feel happy. I've never felt that happy in my entire life. I mean, I've been happy before...but you make so happy that everything else seems to dim in comparison. NeverlandSmuglr hasn't tried anything yet...I don't know if they will, but I've still got my guard up. CashierLady doesn't give me as many dirty looks anymore. I guess it's because you're not here and there's no more PDA...Though she still glares at me from time to time. I'm tempted to glare back, but for now, I'm just ignoring her. I wish I could send this to you...Maybe you'll be able to read it eventually. Soon I hope. Love Bri http://letters.writing-fonts.com/reader.php?key=4a735a715e141569b4903c842cb1895 Dear Tacos I don't know why I keep writing these...It's been weeks, and I haven't heard anything. I wish you were able to give me some sort of sign that you're ok...even if it's sending me a dumpster sandwich. I spend most of the day wondering about where you are, what you're thinking about, and remembering. I remember when I was given time off to attend the funeral of an old friend...you surprised me and showed up. After the services, when it was just us...me bawling my eyes out, you held me in your arms and I felt as if you were the only thing that held me together. That, without you, I would have dissolved. I'd never cried so openly in front of someone before, but being with you...I felt safe. I felt like I didn't need to hide anything from you....and that I could just be me. I must have been completely brain dead to not see what we were to each other. You are the most important person in my life. Always have been, always will be. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that Peterson knocked on my door to tell me that your cover had been blown...and that you were...dead. I woke up right then...I’ve had that dream before...I have it a lot. It was kind of funny….or maybe not funny...probably just very pathetic, but I completely forgot my own birthday. I’d been 24 for a couple days without even realizing it… Yeah. That sounds pathetic more than funny. So, apparently Sherlock might be alive? I’m not sure...His car is back, and he tweeted...Well I think he he tweeted...It could have been a hacker… I’m tempted to make that last video I made a private one...I’d be embarrassed if he saw it. I don’t think he ever liked me much. I considered him a friend...but then again, I do that a lot. I always consider lots of people “friends”, but I have to remind myself that they probably don’t give me a second thought. I hope it really is him though...But if it is...I feel sorry for Jo. If it’s him...I can’t even begin to imagine how she’ll feel. Freddie got shot on an assignment...And Jo went to England to be with him. I think she got back sometime yesterday. He’ll be ok I think. It all just makes me worry even more. Every moment could be a moment where you’re in danger. I can’t stand it! The only the thing that makes me feel slightly better is remembering. Remembering all our years working together. Like that two week long case where we were undercover as a married couple in Orlando….Or when we were posing as a brother and sister in Sanditon...that one makes me laugh. Or when we celebrated the end of a month long case to go taco tasting at all the taco carts in New York (yours are better by far). All this waiting...I just want you with me right now. Every minute without you feels like an eternity. Wherever you are, please stay safe. Don’t forget me, and come home soon. Love, Bri http://letters.writing-fonts.com/reader.php?key=52903d077aea307896bef4fad3c9dab Dear Tacos, I miss you. I got so used to your presence in my life...It’s weird with you gone. It hurts...like there’s a part of me missing. I still haven't deleted that last text you sent me… “We’ll always have the dumpster. I love you so much. Be careful.” You have no idea how many times I’ve re read that text. Sometimes I feel like….If I stare at it for long enough...It’ll bring you back. I know, It’s completely ridiculous, but….I just miss you. I wish you were here, and we were safe. No more Bazhenov and Hydra...No more Gwen and Bill….Just you and me. I keep daydreaming about how wonderful that would be. You could meet my family….I could meet your mom. I wonder if she’d like me. I know my family would love you. My mom really likes “responsible and put-together people,” ….so she’d definitely be ecstatic over you. I miss my family. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them. Life in Neverland has been quiet lately. Jo and Freddie are expecting a baby any day now. Apparently fairy pregnancies only last 9 weeks, as opposed to the human 9 months. We had a celebration for them at Jolly Roger’s. You know how much I love Harry Potter, so of course I couldn’t resist getting a onesie that had a wand picture and said “Mischief Managed.” All the gifts were really great. Jo and Freddie are going to be such great parents. I’ve been keeping to myself a lot lately, but I’m making myself go out and do things. Maybe it’ll be a good distraction. I’ve gone on picnics with friends...I had the chance to catch up with Jim Kirk at one. His job in New York keeps him insanely busy. And we hosted a game night at Neverland Books. It was fun. We played Apples to apples (which you know I love) and a game called Marrying Mr. Darcy that I’ve never heard of before. It’s kind of fitting for a game that’s played in a bookstore, haha. I think Mia won...she married Captain Wentworth. Though Jim was really competing her for him. It was intense and hilarious. It was so nice to have fun with friends. I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. I guess I’ve been missing you so much that I’ve just been letting life pass me by. I’m trying to keep my chin up and live a little, but it would be so much nice with you by my side. I’ve been seeing a weird white van all around town. It’s everywhere I go….and it was across the street in the middle of the night….and the driver was staring at me. Gives me the creeps. I also keep finding doors unlocked that shouldn’t be. It’s strange. I’ve been a little….aprehensive. I keep triple checking all the locks everywhere I go. I hope nothing happens. Please be okay. Pleasepleaseplease by okay. I love you. Love, Bri http://letters.writing-fonts.com/reader.php?key=06d972dec78a15f82e28b19e5bd400e6 Dear Tacos You're unconscious right now. I thought I'd pass the time by writing you another letter. In a way...these letters have kinda been my therapy. Wow I sound really pathetic... Anyways...I just can't thank you enough for saving my family. When I heard Bazhenov on the phone I just about died. I thought...that you were dead...and that my brother Connor was dead...I was torn apart inside. I've never been so terrified in my entire life. Not even when I thought Gwen was going to kill me...or when I was undercover dressed as a guy in Hydra's ranks...or when I found out that Bill had found me in Neverland. That phone call was...awful. But now Bazhenov is dead. It's all over and you're here in a hospital bed. I can't believe what lengths you went to to protect my family...and me. Well, I can believe it...but it's just so...You're incredible you know that right? I just want you to wake up right now so badly so I can thank you. And of course kiss you like I've been wanting to do for months. I hope you're ok. The doctors said they won't know much until you wake. Please be ok. Love Bri
