Full Of Startch & Spite 🥔

28 years old. Personal blog. Enjoy the chaos ✌️

[d6b-onion]

this video has been going around for a while but the English subtitles didn't match the energy of the spoken French at all. i had to fix it.

reblog to spread this version

[niceinchnails]

[menelaiad]

just cried so hard at this that i actually nearly threw up

[writing-prompt-s]

You’re a regular office worker born with the ability to “see” how dangerous a person is with a number scale of 1-10 above their heads. A toddler would be a 1, while a skilled soldier with a firearm may score a 7. Today, you notice the reserved new guy at the office measures a 10.

[captain-acab]

You decide it’s best to find out what you can about this person. Cautiously, you approach his desk. He’s a handsome man, tall, but with a disarming smile. How could such a friendly guy with such cute, dorky glasses be dangerous?

You extend your hand. “I noticed you’re new here. What’s your name?”

He shakes your hand warmly. His gaze is piercing, as if he’s looking right through you. “The name’s Clark,” he says. “So, how long have you worked for the Daily Planet?”

[misscrazyfangirl321]

This one wins.

[janothar]

It’s been a few weeks, and one of Clark’s friends shows up.  She’s pretty and all, enough muscle that she must work out.  First thought would be that she should be maybe a 6.

Clark’s introducing her around.  “This is my good friend, Diana, she’s in from out of town.”

You blink, and take a step back in fear.  You’ve never seen an 11 before.

[aniseandspearmint]

The day Bruce Wayne shows up for his long promised interview with Lois Lane, you can’t help it, the mug your holding drops from your fingers and sends a shock of hot coffee and ceramic shards across the floor.

Clark stops a few feet away and squints at you worriedly from behind those ridiculous glasses you’re 99% sure he doesn’t actually need, and asks tentatively, “Everything all right?”

You ignore him in favor of staring at the inky dark numerals hovering over the beaming fool gesticulating some fantastic yacht story for a gaggle of secretaries and minor columnists.

That’s it. Your gift has officially gone haywire. There is no other explanation. Because there is absolutely no way that Brucie Wayne is a 10.

[petitstar]

At this point, you’ve seen it all. Miled manner reporters and billionaires at a 10 and a model-like woman at 11. You were really starting to doubt your power. The day you really stopped believeing in it was when Bruce Wayne came for another visit, and this time with a kid. The kid couldn’t be more than 10 years old, a bit on the short side.

He was an 8.

[lainathewitch]

The day you started believing in it again was when you saw on tv the formation of something called the justice league.

There were those same numbers over superman, batman, wonder woman and robin. That’s when you put two and two together. You wonder how nobody at the daily planet noticed that Clarke was Superman with glasses. You wonder why you didn’t notice. You wonder why nobody put two and two together that Diana Prince and Wonder Woman looked exactly the same. You look in the mirror as the realization hit you and you see your own number change from a 3 to a 9.

[neganobu]

I don’t know how he does it Ryuk

[my-dailydreams]

[goth-queen]

Goddess of Depression by Victor Nazarenko

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[drtanner]

Didn't like it

[spiritualistapologist]

[parkchanwoohoo]

This whole series is so goddamn funny

[burins]

thinking fondly of this meme I made for a coworker years and years ago

[burins]

this is going around again and the tags are full of people talking about printing it out to put in their breakroom or cubicle or sending it to their coworkers, which fills me with great joy. vast diversity of professions represented also. zoos. labs. summer camps. restaurants. garden centers. libraries. schools. many reports from the brave warriors of assorted retail. a truth universally acknowledged: if there is a sign a customer will not read it <3 and they don't read emails either <3

[goth-queen]

[datadegroove-deactivated2026042]

fuck 4chan

fuck twitter

fuck reddit

fuck tumblr

and fuck you

[dontcallmebymyusername]

Does this count as finding a walrus at your door?

[baddywronglegs]

Absolutely, and definitely less surprising than a fairy

[existencebringsonlypain]

I will concede, in this specific circumstance, it makes more sense

[thesingingporch]

🔮 Listen now wherever you get your podcasts!

🏕️ If this is your first time, Tales From the Singing Porch is a folktale-fiction anthology podcast. The Singing Porch is a magical place where stories creak and whisper under the floorboards, with each episode lovingly brought to life with award-winning sound and music.

🦋 Maya and I believe in making great fiction, and we know the oral tradition is the best way to tell a story. So, we created Tales From the Singing Porch to bring the magic of campfire folktales to life and directly to your ears!

🌼 Well… aren’t you just a teensy bit interested? Make sure to give us a follow and listen to the Singing Porch—you’re welcome here with us anytime. 😉

[spacepsychologist]

New Cybertruck hate article just dropped!

Lmao not “Incel Camino”

[seatrench]

This variant of the Goldentail / Bastard Moray is known as the Banana Eel due to its colouration and markings resembling a ripe banana.

(source)

[cetitanhasmoved]

sorry the what? the what moray

[cromerholt]

scientist: let’s call you the… goldentail

banana eel: [bites scientist]

scientist: Okay motherfucker, new idea:

[fair-itself]

Every time this post comes around I’m too busy to tell this story so I’m gonna do it now: when I learned to scuba dive, there was a dude in my dive group named Dumbass Dave who was always being relentlessly roasted by his buddies because when they went to the Great Barrier Reef he brought a baggie of hard boiled egg down with him because he wanted to find a moray eel and feed it and pet it

Well he found a moray and attempted to hand feed it, and it snapped up the egg and bit the shit out of his right hand in the process and the dive had to be halted so the blood wouldn’t attract sharks. But was this enough punishment for Dumbass Dave? No it was not, because he had a Plan

Dumbass Dave’s plan turned out to be a chainmail glove. Where he obtained it has been lost to time, but he put it on his right, injured hand and down they went, whereupon Dave found himself another moray and tried to feed it some hardboiled egg

With his left hand

And yes it did bite the shit out of him and they did have to cancel the dive, again

So I guess the moral of that story is maybe eels aren’t bastards, maybe they just meet a lot of people like Dave

[fair-itself]

I reminded my scuba instructor of this story and he wanted me to amend the post to let everyone know that it was the same eel who bit Dumbass Dave both times

[tatangadragon]

water sports should be for adults too.me and the blokes at university should be allowed to shoot eachother with water guns

[tatangadragon]

post cancelled I've been told the term i used already exists in english and that it means something Very Much Different. english is a wicked language that i regret learning

[joshpeck]

still being active on tumblr is camp

[fucignwimdy]

this post is gonna blow up even more when op deactivates

[joshpeck]

i'll outlive everything you love