wrong turn @bubbleboytyler - Tumblr Blog

I'm at a party for my best friend. The guest list is her boyfriend, my ex-girlfriend, and 4 people I don't know.

My ex and I broke up 2 days ago and my best friend (of 15 years) is mostly hanging out with her boyfriend (understandably) and I'm just feeling out of place and unneeded and unnecessary and welcome-by-social-obligation and it highkey sucks

#I'm home from college for Thanksgiving #i havent been able to be apart of these people's lives #and i feel like theyve outgrown me #i feel like they miss me in that they miss my presence on their lives #but they get on fine without me #and dont need me

olpy

#Claire @Martin

life is weird. gender is weird. sexuality is weird. feelings are weird. fuck everything. fuck preconceived notions. fuck identity. fuck names and pronouns.

#im #reconsidering my relationship with my girlfriend #i love her #but i dont think either one of us are sure enough of ourselves to be with someone right now #im trying to work through a childhood of trauma and emotional abuse and current identity crises #and shes dealing with anxiety and self-image and her parents' divorce #and we live in separate states now #with separate timezones #i feel like there's a countdown leading to our inevitable break up #and its not that i want to break up #but i feel like its going to happen eventually #whether i want it to or not #on top of that im trying to navigate my new community and my life away from everything and everyone i've known for the past 18 years #(as is she)#and its difficult and hard in and of itself #AND i think i might like this dude on campus????#which is super weird #i've never liked a guy before #i call myself ''gay'' because its easy. it tells you im not straight #cuz im nonbinary and lowkey flipflop between masculine and feminine and im mostly attracted to femininity #and since i mostly present femininely since its safe and familiar #''gay'' just feels safest #and i kinda have like a warped sense of my sexuality where im only allowed to be attracted to femininity and feminine-aligned people #when thats not true #and what id been trying to avoid in the first place #idk #rant

elmstreetirregular

Im writing an original story about a history professor who "goes insane" after his husband goes missing and I haven't even written a cohesive chapter for it yet but I'm already making a cecilos au send tweet

#dont worry #i might post the story on ao3 as a cecilos au #and use feedback as a beta #idk yet tho #cecilos #wtnv #wtnv carlos #wtnv cecil #welcome to night vale #original story #my writing

Ok, so like... Yeah I'm freaking out about my Science Dad, obviously

But what the fuck?? City council has kids???

#did they have kids with station management?#are they an asexual being and can sprout new heads at will?#the world may never know #welcome to night vale #wtnv #wtnv spoilers #wtnv city council

mino2aur

a town similar to night vale and desert bluffs where John Mulaney is the radio host and is very afraid of all the supernatural bullshit

the station management is the ghost of a small child in a Victorian nightgown

bubbleboytyler

john mulaney’s carlos: imma go up… i’m push him. i will start with the fact that i am a scientist, as that is a given. for backstory, i will pepper in the fact that i am gay…

bubbleboytyler

also

john mulaney’s sheriff sam: *sees some fucked up shit* *leans into walkie talkie* get the paddy wagon

mino2aur

a town similar to night vale and desert bluffs where John Mulaney is the radio host and is very afraid of all the supernatural bullshit

the station management is the ghost of a small child in a Victorian nightgown

bubbleboytyler

john mulaney’s carlos: imma go up... i’m push him. i will start with the fact that i am a scientist, as that is a given. for backstory, i will pepper in the fact that i am gay...

#the weather is always what's new pussycat #except for sometimes #petunia is khoshekh #lucia terenshenko is played by the ghost of princess diana

The True ADHD Mood™ is for once having energy and motivation to do things, but not being able to decide which thing you've been putting off you should do while you're motivated to do it, so you end up basically doing nothing because trying to decide what to do is too stressful and you don't wanna ruin your Energy by Stressing but your indecision is in and of itself Stressful and by the time you are able to make a decision, you've lost your motivation

#amirite fellas?#adhd #actually adhd #adhd problems #executive dysfunction

Why is relapsing so hard?

All the progress I've made has disappeared

And in it's place is how I used to be.

I'm afraid to go back to that dark place,

I almost lost my life last time I neared.

I haven't had time to heal -

Going back is a guarantee of my death,

But I can't resist going back.

I'm not there of my own choice.

Ive been taken there, dragged there,

Tied up and left there,

And I don't have the energy to escape.

The flood waters are beginning to enter this place,

And I'm too weary to free myself

From the ropes I've been restrained in

So instead I let the flood waters surround me.

I let them fill the space around me.

I do nothing as they rise, steadily,

Towards my head.

I see the waters approach my nose and -

I should feel afraid,

I know I should,

- and I welcome it.

I welcome the promise of death like an old friend.

I feel it's destructive kiss like an ex-lover,

Bitter and familiar and hurtful,

And it fills me with longing

Longing for something im unaware of.

Do I want this?

Do I want to be here?

Surely I would try to escape otherwise, but-

But no.

I don't want to be here.

But I find comfort in the familiarity,

Strength in the comfort.

The waters are beginning to drown me,

And I don't want this,

Truly, I don't,

But the familiar burn of my nostrils,

The familiar revolt of my throat,

Are familiar.

What's familiar is safe,

Even if it's the most dangerous place to be.

Even if I had the energy to escape

I wouldn't.

Not because I want to hurt,

But because the familiar pain is a better place to be

Than the place where I'm still tied up,

But masquerading as "free."

I'm not mad that I'm here

Because even if I wasn't,

I'd still be just as unsafe.

Instead, I'll stay here,

Where I at least know the danger I face.

bubbleboytyler

Hey!! I hate people telling me that my adhd “isn’t that bad” just bc I have decent grades in school!! Like!! That means nothing!! Do u know how hard I have to work for a B!! Let alone an A!!!

School is hell for me!! Just bc I’m not failing, doesn’t mean I’m not struggling!!!

adhd-community

I got really good grades in some of my classes at school.

My ADHD is so intense that my diagnosing psychologist had to ask another senior psychologist to double check her analysis of my iq scores because she was worried she had done something wrong.

ADHD doesn’t mean you’re not smart or using 800 coping techniques at any given time. People need to stop judging.

bubbleboytyler

Exactly. There are a lot of things that disabled people are able to do that seem easy to abled people, but that required over double the amount of effort from disabled people.

Disability doesn't always equal inability, just a lack of ease of achievement.

adhdemiman-deactivated20190618

It’s tiring being in the gray area of disability.

I’m not trying to disrespect people who are very obviously disabled (sorry if that phrasing is bad!). You all have your own struggles, and I don’t want to downplay that, but that’s not my experience, so it’s not my post to make.

My chronic pain is bad, but not so bad it’s disabling. My executive dysfunction is bad, but not so bad it’s disabling. Same with my motor skills issues, my sensory issues, my anxiety, and my speech/communication issues.

I’m not disabled. I can hold down a job, take care of myself, do chores, etc. and I can do so without accommodations (although I do modify things for myself quite often).

But it’s hard. It’s stressful. It’s tiring.

And it’s lonely. I don’t fit in to the disabled community, but I don’t have the same experience as healthy/abled people my age.

So shout out to you if you’re in this group. I know it seems lonely, but there are people who understand.

(just like all of my posts, anyone can reblog)

bubbleboytyler

hey pal! sorry to hear you are down! however, i’d like to point out that if your disability/disorder is causing you copious amounts of emotional turmoil, then it is, in fact, disabling! sure, you may be able to “function” despite your pain, but the presence of your pain is causing you emotional anguish. same with you executive dysfunction. maybe you can keep your living space clean / get projects done on time, but the effort is leaving you exhausted, and therefore emotionally drained.

be careful not to confuse “ability to do” with “ability to do easily / to the degree of an abled person.” for instance, i have a 3.98 GPA out of a 4.0 scale. so, yes, i get good grades. however, my achieving good grades does not take away from my disorder. Because of my ADHD, all projects/assignments take me twice as long (or longer!) than it does for someone without ADHD, so while i might be getting grades better than those of my NT classmates, it’s done through a lot more work and dedication that is required of them.

my B takes twice as much effort as their A.

as such, an assignment that to them is “low priority” or something that can be done in the break before next period, is to me a high-stress project that i have to dedicate a good part of my day to.

it’s important that u and i both realize that there is no “gray area” when it comes to disability. if you fit the criteria to have a disability, then it is, in fact, disabling. just because some people might “have it worse” than u, does not invalidate your pain, your suffering, or your experiences, so please don’t think that!

ability =/= ease

elsinore-snores

Crowdfunding a coping tool for everyone. Yes: Everyone.

Introducing Koax Cards, your new tool to avoid social interaction, awkward idleness, or to look busy while doing nothing at all. Designed by an autistic person who was tired of feeling like they had nothing to do while in public, these cards entertain and distract your eye while you’re waiting, bored, or simply doing nothing. There are a lot of lulls coming up this summer and this is a simple, easy, cheap way to fill the void.

They are based on the autistic behavior stimming – self-stimulation – and come in five engaging styles: follow the arrows, pareidolic circles, count the dots, pareidolic curves, and count the lines.

“Koax-Koax” is the verbal stim the creator uses to concentrate when they drew the designs, so the name in and of itself is a tool for relief. They’re helpful to autistic people, those with social anxiety or ADHD, or anyone who’s ever been in public and had nothing to do. They are business sized and blank on the back, allowing for discretion. You can trace the shapes with your eyes, connect the dots, find the faces, or do anything else you can imagine. They grab no attention but yours.

PREORDERS FROM ETSY ARE UP NOW TO CROWDFUND THE FIRST BATCH OF 200. Click this link to receive your pack of all five for just $5 including shipping. You probably already have an empty space in your wallet that’ll fit them perfectly.

@emostiims @luminolstims @rainbow-static @fidgeteen @stimtoybox @stimmingandsmiling @stim-trash @fuzzstim @asdpositivity @autiplants @neurowonderful @mbscully @bi-writer

Please reblog even if you can’t buy! I, the creator of Koax Cards, was evicted for being autistic, and this is a culmination of months of work for a coping tool for everyone, neurotypicals and divergents alike. For autistic people, this is a great way to stim discreetly in public, and for everyone else, this is a much-needed piece of equipment to fill idle moments.

TL;DR : LINK

elsinore-snores

Crowdfunding a coping tool for everyone. Yes: Everyone.

Introducing Koax Cards, your new tool to avoid social interaction, awkward idleness, or to look busy while doing nothing at all. Designed by an autistic person who was tired of feeling like they had nothing to do while in public, these cards entertain and distract your eye while you’re waiting, bored, or simply doing nothing. There are a lot of lulls coming up this summer and this is a simple, easy, cheap way to fill the void.

They are based on the autistic behavior stimming – self-stimulation – and come in five engaging styles: follow the arrows, pareidolic circles, count the dots, pareidolic curves, and count the lines.

“Koax-Koax” is the verbal stim the creator uses to concentrate when they drew the designs, so the name in and of itself is a tool for relief. They’re helpful to autistic people, those with social anxiety or ADHD, or anyone who’s ever been in public and had nothing to do. They are business sized and blank on the back, allowing for discretion. You can trace the shapes with your eyes, connect the dots, find the faces, or do anything else you can imagine. They grab no attention but yours.

PREORDERS FROM ETSY ARE UP NOW TO CROWDFUND THE FIRST BATCH OF 200. Click this link to receive your pack of all five for just $5 including shipping. You probably already have an empty space in your wallet that’ll fit them perfectly.

@emostiims @luminolstims @rainbow-static @fidgeteen @stimtoybox @stimmingandsmiling @stim-trash @fuzzstim @asdpositivity @autiplants @neurowonderful @mbscully @bi-writer

Please reblog even if you can’t buy! I, the creator of Koax Cards, was evicted for being autistic, and this is a culmination of months of work for a coping tool for everyone, neurotypicals and divergents alike. For autistic people, this is a great way to stim discreetly in public, and for everyone else, this is a much-needed piece of equipment to fill idle moments.

TL;DR : LINK