Five By Five

[knifefightscene]

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[babyanimalgifs]

Helicopter tail 

(via)

[thoradvice]

you are so much more than that failed test. that interview gone wrong, your relapse, the missed opportunities, the words you wish you could take back. you are not your mistakes. you're a person who's trying. there are so many opportunities to make things right. you'll get there, even if it takes a few more tries.

[imposterogers]

it is actually SO twisted that peter parker comes from a poor working class family, spent his entire life fighting for the little guy for no financial gain, whose major film villains are dirty capitalists who don’t care about who they hurt, who takes his power as a responsibility…. and marvel took one look at him and said “yah he’s besties with a billionaire whose family had generational wealth from war profiteering and all the villains will be working class”

[ask-a-vetblr]

funniest false alarm story? i'm thinking along the lines of that post about someone's hamster who put a fridge magnet in his cheek pouch, then got stuck to the cage and couldn't move

Sueanoi here,

Signalment: Shitzu dog, young.

Chief complaint: dog cannot close eyes

History: happened today after home grooming

Physical exam: rubber hair band pulling the forehead skin too tightly, others within normal limit

Treatment: hair band removed

Prognosis: good

[avoiding-claws]

Signalment: Springer spaniel, young adult

Chief complaint: Choking on a ball, clawing at mouth, struggling to breathe

Physical exam/triage: Tongue stuck right through the middle of a Kong ball. Will not come off. Not obstructing airway but confusing the dog +++. Will try to drop the ball for you if you tell him to. This only adds to the confusion.

Treatment: A lotta lube, patience, and a very good boy.

Prognosis: Good! As long as no more hollow balls are within the household.

[yokozumi]

Signalment: Young male labrador

Chief complaint: suddenly non weight bearing lame on front leg

Physical exam: gummy bear stuck to pawpad

Treatment: removal of gummy bear. placed in bin

Prognosis: for the dog, good. sadly gummy bear could not be saved

[elkiwifuckedyourmom]

Signalment: Young female German shepherd

Chief complain: Sudden loud whining and didn't want me to get inside the house, she seems worried.

Physical exam: Negative

Treatment: Check if anything is out of normal with surroundings. Dirty piece of chicken on patio.

Prognosis: Grab the chicken and dust it off. Dog proceeded to eat it.

[theproblematicblogger]

Despite every moment of life being indescribably precious and a wondrous mystery, I will spend it caring about dividends and how many rental properties I have.

[brownfeministaa]

Rich people are truly dead inside. 

[the-big-milk]

I can't imagine caring this much about numbers that absolutely will never impact my life. This person is making more in passive income than I've ever made in my life and he's just like "but but I need more :(".

[msfbgraves]

I mean, fuck that guy, but psychologically it's interesting.

Some desperate remnant of his soul knows what he needs. As soon as his debt is cleared, he goes on to live what many would call an utterly charmed life: working no more than 20 hours a week, travelling and spending time with friends (which he, at $150,000 a year and no mortgage, has ample money to do). He has a loving relationship also.

But his brain is so rotten that he cannot understand happiness anymore. He is incapable of conceptualising it other than in money.

A man who has everything except the ability to feel it.

How poetic.

But fuck that guy.

[spider-hands-mannos-deactivated]

I want to hit this man.

[theoutcastrogue]

I want to rob this man.

[wearesorcerer]

Meow appears beside Rogue, holding a sign: "Heist? Heist."

[fairy-anon-godmother]

This man is so so so close to realizing a fundamental truth to how humans operate, but I genuinely don’t think he’s going to get there. Although I’m not sure he realizes it this man views the money he earns as a direct translation of his sense of personal achievement and engagement. 

Which means that when he says he regrets the months he didn’t pick up more hours to earn more money, what he’s describing here is boredom. He’s doing it in the crassest, shallowest, most income-obsessed and unattainable for most of us way possible, yes. But this man is expressing that once he achieved a certain financial goal he relaxed, enjoyed himself, got bored, realized on some level he was understimulated, and then started working more hours to meet whatever stimulated activity threshold he personally needs. 

This is infuriating because this man experienced the counter-argument to that nonsensical talking point that if we meet people’s financial needs with a universal basic income they’ll grow lazy and won't do anything. 

Anyone trying to develop $200,000 in passive annual income is not working three minimum-wage jobs to live paycheck-to-paycheck. This man’s basic financial needs were met. Working more hours to make more money is just his own personal code for ‘I still needed to use my mind to do things’ (using what might be the only metric of personal achievement he might actually have). This man lived the argument for universal basic income and I genuinely don’t think he realizes that. Once his basic income needs were met he still needed to do things to keep himself stimulated and engaged with his own life.

You see a version of this play out with retirees who leave their jobs, go home, and very quickly find themselves in need of new activities or friends or engagements to keep them present and stimulated in their lives. Ensuring someone’s basic financial needs are met doesn’t make them stop doing things, humans don’t work that way.

[wojo4hitz]

Reblogging for the psychology lessons

[imgoingtogobacktheresomeday-dea]

There is, I believe, a line in an Agatha Christie story about a man so desperately unhappy he doesn’t know he’s unhappy. “Ah, a rich man,” responds the nun.

[badtusk]

My parents: do you purposefully take unflattering pictures of your cat? Why can’t you send a nice one?

The pictures:

[badtusk]

More pictures of the baby!

[amateur-artist]

Every single one of these pictures is excellent

[teathattast]

the hunger

[devenka]

why would he eat like that

[teathattast]

the hunger

[hayley566]

The cronch goblin

[thottielamottie]

me at the craquer barrél when they bring my mac and cheese out

[shaquayla-booty]

Dat boi is cromnchin!

[scoutsmoocrew]

Geese and pigs and turkeys and ducks and goats and cows are oh so gentle uwu I love to bully my cows and especially mature intact bulls owo

[mad-dyspunktional]

Never thought I’d see geese described as gentle.

[scoutsmoocrew]

Ladies and gentlegeese…

[bonefarm]

Husband has a scar 2mm from his jugular from a rabbit, every time I have to catch a turkey I come out looking like I lost a cage match, goats have SPEARS on their HEADS.

[creekfiend]

HASHHDHGDF PIGS

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Thinking about the time some of our cows, who are literally owned because they’ve always been there, and my friend’s mom likes having cows, who are free-range, who we don’t eat, who are born and live and die free in the pastures, saw me one day and decided to charge me,

But unlike the norm, they didn’t back down when I bluffed them, and they stampeded in earnest, and I had to actually for real run for my life through thickets, tearing up my legs to shreds, until I was close enough to the barn to call for the herding dog to come save me,

And when I posted about it, some vegan blog was like “cows only attack the humans who abuse them.”

[teaboot]

BOYY PIGS HAVE EATEN PEOPLE

[thedreadvampy]

all goats crave is chaos

geese are fucking terrifying

left alone chickens May Eat Each Other they have knife faces and hearts ready to hate as well as love

fucking is that a TURKEY those things are MURDER ON LEGS

my mum used to keep young pigs and when they became mardy teenagers they would literally try to crush her. I know multiple people who’ve had bones broken by pigs just being marginally sulky and if a pig actually wants to seriously harm you you will find your body is capable of a six foot standing jump to get out of a pen because they could kill you with barely a fucking thought.

we used to have a pet duck who mauled a fox. he was so vicious delivery men used to refuse to come by the house.

you might think female cows and sheep are chill but like if they think you might in some way be a threat you immediately learn the meaning of fear. one of my friend’s dogs was stamped to death by a cow. they’re also vindictive buggers they hold a grudge.

rabbits think only of murder 20 hours a day.

[ibakesouffles]

stop everything, this is bitty doing research for his thesis

there’s more lmao, unhinged bitty energy

[kirain]

I showed this tiktok to my grandma to make her laugh, but now she’s all excited and actually wants to make a chocolate potato cake. We’re gonna do it.

I’ll keep everyone posted.

[kirain]

It’s happening, folks!

[kirain]

Looks good, but we’re not done yet!

Our sweet, sweet child needs to cool before we add the finishing touches!

[kirain]

My creation is complete!

After dinner, we’ll give it a taste test!

I wonder how it’ll taste.

[kirain]

Oh…

My…

God.

It’s incredible!

This stupid cake, made with potatoes … is delicious! It’s so sweet, moist, and decadent, just like a brownie! And I don’t even like chocolate or potatoes!

The recipe from the tiktok was pretty much impossible to find. I looked high and low, but everyone posted recipes that I KNOW he didn’t use because the ingredients and methods were different. After some searching, my grandma and I came up with our own recipe.

For the Cake:

1 cup mashed potato

2 cups sour cream

1 ¾ cup flour

1 ¾ cup sugar

¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder

½ cup softened butter

2 eggs

1 ½ tsp baking soda

1 tsp vanilla

Pinch of salt

For the Drizzle:

4 oz semi-sweet chocolate

½ cup sugar

3 tbsp corn syrup

2 tbsp water

A lot of recipes called for a mixer or a processor, but my grandma and I wanted to make an every-man kind of recipe, since we know not everyone has those things. Plus they’re heavy and a pain to clean anyway, so bowls it is!

Instructions:

1. Peel and boil the potato, then mash it. Set aside to cool. Go to the bathroom, do your homework, then come back. That should be enough time.

2. Set oven to 350°F.

3. Cream butter. This means putting the sugar and butter into a bowl and mashing it together with a fork until it’s thoroughly mixed.

3. Put everything else in the same bowl, including the mashed potato. Mix and stir well. Work those muscles!

4. Grease a pan (doesn’t matter what kind you use) and spatula batter into pan. Even out if necessary.

5. Bake in oven for 40 minutes.

6. Test cake with pick. If nothing sticks, it’s finished. If batter does stick to pick, let it bake a bit longer but make sure it doesn’t burn. Remove and set aside to cool.

For the Drizzle:

1. Cut chocolate into tiny squares.

2. In a small pot, mix sugar, corn syrup, and water.

3. On medium heat, wait for mixture to sizzle and stir it. Do NOT let it boil.

4. Remove from element and add chocolate.

5. Wait for squares to melt, then mix.

6. Drizzle or pour over cake.

Enjoy!

[ironwoman359]

I’m so glad there’s a recipe now, I really want to try this!

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Hey here is a thing that happened. We went for a simple ganache for the glaze. Heated 1 cup of cream till hot then poured over 1 cup of semisweet and 1 cup of milk chocolate chips. Whisk untill melted and pour over your chocolate mash potato cake

[thefringeperson]

Found the original recipe!  (Apparently it was listed as a caramel potato cake in the original recipe book???  Anyway, now there’s two CPC recipes!)

Chocolate Potato Cake

½ cup butter 1 cup sugar 2 eggs ½ cup milk ½ cup hot riced potatoes [just pure potato, mashed, no milk or butter or pepper or salt or whatever, just pure mashed potato] 1 cup flour 2 tsp baking powder ½ tsp cinnamon ½ tsp clove ½ tsp nutmeg ½ cup grated chocolate ½ cup chopped nut meats [optional, never ever feel pressured to add nuts to your chocolate cake, our guy here didn’t!]

Just… put everything into the mixing bowl in that order, with lots of mixing in between each addition.

Into a greased and/or lined tin, and then into a moderate oven for 55 minutes (or until cooked).

Frosting

2 Tbs butter 1 cup sugar ¼ cup milk 1 square unsweetened chocolate ½ tsp vanilla [also optional, since again, not mentioned by our maker here!]

Boil, but be careful it doesn’t burn. …Basically?  Stir constantly!  (also, apparently the vanilla only gets added after the mix is taken off the heat…)

[thefringeperson]

He did a long-form!  He explained the steps!

[gncfag-moved]

i know its been said b4 but growing up suicidal and then reaching an age you never planned to live to is extremely stressful and terrifying, and we deserve more credit for not killing ourselves and THEN having to make up for the time we spent not caring if we lived or died and not doing work to improve our lives.

[gncfag-moved]

i feel behind in life because i spent the last 7 ish years not giving a shit about my future because i assumed id be dead before id have to deal with that, and now i have to start making decisions that many people started considering years ago.

[gncfag-moved]

i just feel like. suicidal people dont get credit for firstly, how stressful life is while suicidal, how difficult it is just to do simple tasks, and secondly, how hard it is to recover from years spent not caring once a person is no longer actively suicidal or no longer having suicidal ideations.

[viejospellejos]

AUDIO POR DIOSSSSSS!!!!

[slr2198]

Beyond perfect 🤣👍

[5triderofthenorth]

Dude’s got pipes

[vodkassassin]

Damn he is BELTING it.

[prime89]

He can sing.

[arosebyan0thername]

Singer’s name is Adam Ezegelian, he was an American Idol finalist. They released their debut album, Adam and the Metal Hawks last year

[fire-is-her-water]

My doggo, Ezri, who rarely barks and mostly borks.

When I got her, she’d been abused and would cower and pee at almost everything, and had been mistreated when she’d barked, so she never would. One day months after I had her she got excited on a walk and borked at a bird, and then immediately cower-peed. I had to re-teach her to bark by gathering her whole human pack and having everyone bark and howl and feed her treats and pet her till she got excited enough to join in, and then got more treats. Took a while but I was able to teach her to bork on command (and she’s gotta be excited or she just stares at me like “Sorry, the bork system needs charging”) and she’ll do it happily when she’s excited to go for a walk or upon seeing a friend, and at birds. I love her croaky borking, especially when she started off terrified of making a joyful noise.

[merak-zoran]

[corvigae]

What kind of dog is Ezri? I love her!!

[fire-is-her-water]

I… did not expect this post to blow up this much but I am delighted at all the tags and replies and Ezri has been told the internet thinks she’s a Very Good Dog. :D

She’s a German spitz - in the same family as keeshonds and pomeranians. She might be crossed with something else as her freckled coat, non-pointy nose, and personality are not standard for her breed (they’re usually a lot more high energy and excitable - she’s super laid back and chill). She’s a bit less fluffy than breed-standard too, mostly because she’s grown out from her spring/summer trim (not usually necessary/good for her type of coat but she gets terribly itchy otherwise). It also makes her look like a puppy of a large breed:

Ezri’s best friend is Murder Cat, who is a gentle friend to humans and Ezri, but does things to mice that would make Hannibal Lecter go “Isn’t that a bit much?”

I got Murder Cat as a kitten, and she used to try to nurse on everything when she was small. Eventually, she settled on her favourite thing to nurse on, Ezri, who has never had puppies and a little confused at first but eventually went with it. She grew out of it, but they have stayed snuggly buddies ever since.

New Years here is full of fireworks outside and Ezri gets Vry Scared. I usually set her up somewhere with a snuggly spot right by me, and Murder Cat comes and does this all night: 

She goes everywhere with me in my bakfiets (cargo bike) and lets me warm my hands in her fur on cold days.

And her ears disappear if I say her name to get her attention.

ok so great thanks for coming to my TED talk about my dog, good night, drive safe

[nellygwyn]

To be fair, sometimes it seems that way, especially when the woman in question had multiple pregnancies or numerous miscarriages before dying

But that’s a symptom of societal expectations for married couples to have children, not a case of male violence against women (at least, not in most cases). For example, Emily Lennox, one of the famous Lennox sisters, had 22 children with her husband, Lord Kildare, and MOST of those children were conceived because Emily and Kildare had a very active sex life for most of their marriage and really, really loved each other. You also have to remember that contraception was not as good in the past as it is now, as well as medical care during pregnancy/labour. 

People often cite Charlotte Bronte for this kind of thing, as she died during her first pregnancy, and her husband is really unfairly characterised as her murderer when….1) they did like each other a lot (Charlotte might not have loved him passionately but she went into that marriage willingly) and 2) he was absolutely devastated by her death. 

Women’s history is not a perpetual cycle of misery and torment from men. It’s disingenuous NOT to talk about women’s suffering and the way they were often treated by men (I’m doing my dissertation on 18th century teenage rape victims, for example) but it’s also bad to present every historical woman’s dealings with a man as inherently violent and traumatic. 

[aethelfleds]

And to elaborate on Charlotte Bronte’s death:

It is now thought to have been hyperemesis gravidarum (an extremely severe version of what we call morning sickness) that ultimately killed her not very far into her pregnancy. For a start, it’s a rare illness and was not well understood in 1855. Charlotte was quite small and might not have had the best constitution, as she and her sisters had health problems since childhood, Emily and Anne having already died from consumption.

While Charlotte lingered, her health growing steadily worse, her husband Arthur Bell Nicholls was beside himself. Charlotte wrote to a friend that “No kinder better husband than mine it seems me can there be in the world…I do not want now for kind companionship in health and the tenderest nursing in sickness.” He cared immensely for her and when Charlotte died he was found on his knees by his bed “crying in agonized tones ‘My poor Charlotte! My poor dear Charlotte!’” 

The world in which these people lived did not have much in the way of effective family planning, and an understanding of gynecology and obstetrics was barely beginning. Pregnancy was the expected outcome of marriage, but that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t true love in it either. 

To go even further back to the 15th century, Duke Ludovico Sforza of Milan wrote “I would rather have died myself than lose the most precious thing that I had in this world.” when his wife Beatrice d’Este died in childbirth.

Sources: Claire Harman, Charlotte Bronte: A Life

Julia Cartwright Ady, Beatrice d’Este, Duchess of Milan. A Study of the Renaissance   

[captainlordauditor]

Controversial opinion, somehow: people should be allowed to have consensual sex with their spouses?

[ruinedchildhood]

[lluvia185]

For all of you who are confussed.

[demitherobosexual-deactivated20]

Oh

[breakaway71]

As an older millennial, I bless the people who created both the meme and the timeline because, YES, THIS

[dilfhershellayton]

jojo siwa is like. her style is not my taste at all but as soon as other people call it annoying im like actually you're wrong she's an icon and a legend

[saxophonechihuahua]

she looks like the concentrated essence of a claires store and i do not mean this negatively

[hummingirls]

it’s the “fuck you” to the current trend of encouraging teenagers to look 24 and embracing girly things that cis men hate

[universejunction]

American Kawaii

[sexycraisinthanos]

she looks like someone turned a Skittles commercial into a person and i love it

[super-mario-girl]

If you don’t mind me putting my two cents:

I feel like Jojo Siwa’s style is reminiscent of the colorful teen girl fashion of the late 2000s and early 10s. Back then it was considered fashionable to use lots of colors, accessories, etc. Take a look at Jojo Siwa:

Very colorful, generous with sparkles and accessories. It’s meant to be fun!

If you were a kid in 2007-2012 you saw something similar in the clothing the teens in your sitcoms wore, although not as exaggerated. The fashion in Shake It Up(which came out in 2010) is a really good example of this:

(You may laugh, but this was the height of fashion to 13 year old me.)

The point is, Jojo’s aesthetic is similar to being a young pre teen girl walking into Limited Too for the first time.

And the reason cishet men hate it is because they don’t find it attractive. That’s why she’s often made fun of and used as a joke so much. Because that style doesn’t cater to the male gaze. It’s not for them, so it must be bad.