I am the alpha. I have always been the alpha.

Ezra || he/him || 33

[mirunalives]

tom wambsgans line deliveries that are always rotating in my head

[lyraeon]

remembering again the time I had one friend whose OCD included "interior doors can't be closed because what if there's a fire??" living with another friend whose triggers included "my door MUST be closed and locked or I'm Not Safe" and how many problems that caused

sometimes people just have competing needs. there's no one size fits all solution for anything.

[seriouslyamerica]

tumblr users: i hate tiktok it's the worst

every post of a tiktok video: 12,746 reblogs, 45,094 likes

[solitarelee]

yes but the experience of occassionally seeing a curated-by-my-homies tiktok vid on my dash is so violently different from the endless stream of scrolling through algorithmic video content. i crave variety. what is my social media experience without walls of text interrupted randomly by videos of ducks and pictures of weird vegan brownies.

[cosmictuesdays]

#every tiktok that appears on my dash has gone through at minimum 2 layers of human peer review

[baddywronglegs]

Most fungi will do your innards a mischief but people still put mushroom on pizza

[baddywronglegs]

Some people are just out there foraging in the wilds of the internet because they're the ones who know the difference between chicken-of-the-webs and unalivecap without trying it

[importantanimalstories]

This is Gilbert. He’s been around a while. Attributes his long life to many, many years of always getting what he wants

[serozvero]

Well, now I'm a Gilbert fan. That sly villainous grin and squint…

[dajo42]

using "what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament" to mean "yeah i made an embarrassing reference but you understood it which is also embarrassing" is very funny to me

[funny-tik-toks]

[skittenninja]

"i need you to tell me that you love me."

so house doesn't tell him. instead he gives up his entire life just to be with him for five more months.

the king of burning bridges burned every single one except the one that led to wilson.

[wizardarchetypes]

The production value here is off the charts but this is also literally just what it feels like to play Uno.

legendaryjay_ on TikTok

[marlowe-art]

pink pomegranates & a plum! in a scribbly mood tonight :]

[theweirdwideweb]

[marlinspirkhall]

Scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot scoot scoot scoot

edit: this post is a severely different experience with the sound on

[Video shows a snake crawling across the sofa cushions while music plays in the background: "you said: ain't nothing gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down, oh no, I got to keep on moving, ain't nothing gonna break my stride- [end video]

[russell-crowe]

wilson in every episode: 3x17 fetal position

[kermitlesbian]

*in a rap battle* i wonder who your mother could have been if she never had you

[kermitlesbian]

[nadjasnandor]

but was he wrong

[what-we-watch-in-the-shadows]

As someone who's worked service, retail, IT, and corporate.. he's right, it's a lot easier than Panera.

[harboretum]

Like clockwork

[harboretum]

For reference

[crow821]

Oh lord you weren’t exaggerating… 😬

[sonicsez]

kids get me outta here im stuck in a fake png

[sonicsez]

"that should be easy enough you just have to open ms paint and turn on transparent selection!"

"WAIT MABEL- the transparent background isnt real you cant just-"

"Dipper. The pain hurts."

[such-a-daydreamer]

"Worry not, for I have the perfect solution for this! Thankfully, I always keep my IbisPaint Background Remover handy."

"........Uh......"

"Hey, there's still chunks of fake transparent background on me!"

"Yes, well-... Unfortunately for you, Stanley, your current file size causes some issues that impede my ability to effectively address your situation. I have yet to find a cure for your........... lack of resolution. Consequently, you must remain at your diminutive dimensions of 192 by 152 until a suitable remedy is found."

"What is that, an insult? Are you insulting me?"

[rnismatch]

Haha cant lie but Ive been snacking on cookies all day

[thefleetingflashofa-sword623]

This is why i fuck with you you always keep it real

[seravph]

genuine question: where do people get pears??? i literally have never seen one in person. as a kid i thought they were made up for animal crossing, like persimmons

i dont know how to tell you this but persimmons are also real