Love, BT.

P.S. I'm a ranter. 8/27/11 Hello hermitism. Filipino-American. Air Force. Medical School. Ultrasound & all things woman enthusiast. Big hopes, and big dreams: including a hopeless dream of being 5'8". Disproportionate in all aspects. Dramatic, open, poet. Typical. Taurus. I say what I mean, but I don't care to mean things I say. 10/4/12 I'm an angry human being. 2/7/13 What a wonderful world. 4/20/14 I'm in a sea of green and blue. 5/8/2017 It's been so long and I'm about to become an MS2.

[bullheadedness]

roasted bean water keeps me up and brings me down as i leak lukewarm tears into my drink without knowing why am I simply tired or desperate evening thoughts as i watch new ways to forget what i learn am I overwhelmed or understimulated my bed calls me but i long more for my time here than my dreams

[bullheadedness]

Trying to get up early in the morning to go for a swim today was incredibly difficult. I sat in my bed, walked around for a bit, and was debating when I should just go back to sleep at 5:10am in the morning. However I was reminded of my poor performance yesterday, and decided it was now or it’ll continue to be like this trail of false promises to myself.

Well I went for a swim this morning, and it was a good day.

No regrets.

[boringbengali]

yo what the hell happened to this kid

[babyanimalgifs]

Aw, this is cute.

[ask-ickle-mod]

Honestly I can’t believe that I’m watching this right now. This is This is the sweetest most gentle and loving and pure thing I’ve ever beheld and I feel so blessed to have seen this

[his-shining-tears]

“Sshh don’t cry, my baby.”

[catscatsholyshitcats]

oh

[bullheadedness]

Menstrual cup notes

Took the plunge and invested in a different menstrual cup this time. Don’t get me wrong- I love my Diva Cup and it has never steered me wrong (except for when I’m running and I leak while running). Meluna claimed to have a sporty cup version that was much stiffer, so I went for that one; tried a color and the ball end.

So far I have loved it. Went to my running group this morning. Did stairs, burpees, box jumps, squats, and running. No leak. SUCCESS!

[creature-a]

# Reblog if you agree

[bullheadedness]

Tried out for curiosity and never looked back.

[weavemama]

Imagine hating homeless people so much u find ways to make their lives shittier instead of providing them with the resources they need

[weavemama]

and unfortunately this isn’t the first time people have did things against poor people…

…THIS SHIT NEEDS TO END NOW 

[skeletonphonic-deactivated20191]

“hostile architecture” is one of those things that sounds like it should be awesome from the name

and then you find out what it actually means and are filled with violent nausea

[airyairyquitecontrary-deactivat]

Here’s a nice recent story from Manchester where the anti-homeless spikes were removed from outside an office building after some kind people covered them with cushions and a basket of sandwiches and snacks.

Here’s another article about the same event which I love because the woman who organised the kindness, one Jennie Platt, says, “I woke up on Sunday morning with a right bee in my bonnet and had to do something.”

The world needs more Jennie Platts and a damn sight fewer people like the freelance tormenter of the homeless from OP.

[bullheadedness]

Med school is tiring, hard, and sometimes I wonder if they made a mistake in accepting me. But today was one of those great reminders that I am where I need to be, and I love it.

[bullheadedness]

The thing that bothers me most about anti-vaccination movements is not the lack of scientific backing (though I know it annoys most scientists), or people thinking it’s okay to not vaccinate their kids when they go to school (people have their own morals/beliefs), but the core of the movement is that there is a lack of trust between the medical community and their patients.

When you read people’s responses as to why they don’t believe in vaccinations, they constantly refer themselves as sheep before they were enlightened, that big pharma was out to get them, and at the core that medical professionals are not their advocate.

I think that’s the most heartbreaking thing to hear, because above all things I went into medical school because I think the human body is beautiful, and that human lives are worth it. It is a “sacrifice” of years upon years because I think this is such a noble and worthy profession (and I say sacrifice because I truly could not imagine doing anything else as fulfilling). I would say that feeling is representative about most everyone who works in the healthcare field.

However I recognize that the history of medicine is not always as noble, with a past that tested, manipulated, and hurt their people. It’s a past that over time we’ve tried to correct: more regulations, more reviews, more communication, more truth. And yet, at this point in time it doesn’t seem enough.

And it leaves me wondering, what will it take and when will it be enough?

[thursday]

[bullheadedness]

MS1 Doodle Pad // Diagnosis

Displaced in the spaces where it is quiet and all they want is to sleep and all I want is to glean their thoughts following loose strings their cocoons left behind.

Caught in the gaps where knowledge left- am I unwanted company and they amusement- their discomfort my muse as they recite their script at times with flair, at times with weariness. Strange how our holes and voids fill each other and somehow we make something from nothing, as they courteously wish me off and I sincerely wish them well.

Later that night I’m piecing together the whispers their body lost in translation.

[bullheadedness]

I swoon as my heart once again leaps over the stars you put in my eyes. How long has it been? Forever, and yet, I still find my mind can continue to fall up into the clouds to the theme of your unpracticed guitar vocal heart chords.

[bullheadedness]

Back after a long hiatus

If anyone was wondering, the dream happened.

Med school happened. It’s been difficult and rough, but every time I take a step back and reflect on it, it has been amazing. I’ve met awesome people and have been learning really cool things.

And before that, I took a break from tumblr because I thought I spent too much time reposting and seeing all the amazing (and sadly some horrible) stuff from tumblr that I forgot how to live a little.

I may try to post more and post some poetry. Or to rant. Because I’m a ranter. Or maybe go back to the old posts that gush about my happiness because I have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon and I feel overwhelmed by things so easily.

[bob-belcher]

[jettestblack-deactivated2017080]

[teethvsteeth-deactivated2018061]

I can’t to tell my grandchildren that this is how we accomplished world peace

[schlorpblorpo]

mickeydraws

[chinkgf-deactivated20160106]

#IAmChinese

#MyCultureIsNotYourCostume

i used to participate in the ‘cultural costume day’ that would happen annually and i would wear a really nice red qi pao to school and i’d walk in thru the school doors beaming until someone would come up 2 me, look me up and down and say loudly, ‘is this how u dress at home. u look funny’

i would look around and get confused. why did this person, who i barely even knew, decide 2 come up to me and tell me that my cultural clothes were weird on me when there were so many white ppl and ppl who were not ethnically chinese wearing the same clothes ? the comments continued n escalated and i honestly lost count of the squinted eyes and ‘ching chongs’ that i saw n heard

it scared me and i was ashamed of my own culture. when the same day came again the next year, i went to school in uniform and ppl asked me ‘aren’t u chinese ? obv not. look at us. we’re so chinese right now’. i heard ppl go up to their friends and tell them that their ‘chinese dress’ looked great on them. ‘where did u get it ?’ ‘chinatown, duh’. these white ppl were being celebrated 4 wearing MY cultural clothing. i realised then that it was ok when they were wearing it, bcus it was quirky n fun; but when i wore it i was being excessively enthusiastic abt my own culture n should ‘tone it down’ a little bit. and when i didn’t participate i was shamed for ‘not being chinese enough’

i haven’t worn a qi pao since, tbh

#StopStereotyping

last yr, when a poc classmate of mine decided to make a video of him ‘imitating chinese ppl’, i was curious as to how he would present chinese ppl. so i watched the video! and i was not surprised to find that the entire video was 100% offensive

so i wrote to him, publicly, on his facebook wall, and the first msg he sent me (within 10 seconds of me posting it) was ‘are you trying to ruin my life :(’

racists are so afraid of being called out. racists are so weak. he reported my post, stopped replying to my personal messages of me demanding a public apology, and got my post removed by getting his friends to report it too

it was hard, tbh. having ppl message u and telling u that ‘he was just having some fun’ and that ‘it was just satire, can’t u take a joke?’ and that ‘he never meant any harm, ur just a confrontational bitch’. i can honestly say that i spent a few days crying. i was fighting a meaningless battle bcus none of these racists were going to back down. they were so convinced that they were right, that it was ok to portray chinese ppl as dull, studious, and rude ppl

after a few days he messaged me again and u know what he said ? he said he’s lived in china so he thought he knew how chinese ppl are like. he said that he’s sorry. but that was it. nothing abt it acknowledged anything i addressed about his content. he was just ‘sorry’

#IAmChinese

racists r just ‘sorry’ when they r called out. but they don’t care. they rly don’t give a single shit about whether they insult ur culture or not, bcus it’s not their own

they don’t give a shit about the toxic shit they do with ur heritage. bcus it’s become so normal. i know a lot of ppl say that ‘chinese ppl have it so easy as pocs’ but no one has it easy ? did anyone care when the met gala’s theme was ‘china: through the looking glass’ ? no. no one gave a shit. no one gave a shit when coldplay released that piece of shit song ‘princess of china’

stop appropriating our culture. stop stealing our culture. stop normalising the stereotypes that r attached with our culture. stop mixing us up w other east asians in media and popular culture. stop shaming us for being proud bcus no one else is proud of us. they want our clothes and our culture and our language but not us. that’s fucked up

@my fellow chinese ppl: call racists out. make ppl uncomfortable by using the word ‘chink’. wear ur traditional chinese clothes proudly. and most of all, don’t ever feel obligated to explain urself, bcus nothing will ever make u ‘not chinese enough’

[jesus-is-jewish-deactivated2017]

daily reblog

[im-not-the-tin-dog]