clit liquor

22||queer||minor = 🚫 Blog to post horny thoughts and reblogs

[sellsw0rd]

[parkchanwoohoo]

I beg my kidnappers for a phone, swearing not to make any calls or texts, and they stare over my shoulder, holding a gun to my head as I use my newly-freed hand to post, "So do like, dudes just buy ropes and baklavas from the same store or what lmfao like a specialty Crime Store"

One of the kidnappers says "balaclavas" but it's muffled under the fabric. I ask them to repeat and they do, their voice raspy from disuse. "You wrote baklava, that's a pastry." The other kidnapper goes "stfu" and then after a pause goes "Why would you buy from a crime store"

[godisafujoshi]

Then they spit roast me

[parkchanwoohoo]

I didn't wanna say this but now that someone's left this kind of comment I have to be honest: Everyone else's tags are funny but this is the only person who understood my vision for this scenario

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

art by @niochemblyat

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

I always know its getting toasty out in the world because girls start reblogging this post like crazy

[kewpiekills]

shitty fairy doodle

[bumpin-ugliez]

Hang on your tags on the Mechabat gym post are making me giggle so hard. Robert knows exactly what’s going on with his team but until one of them gets their head out their ass and talks to him about it like an adult he’s just going to keep being accidentally-on-purpose hot around them (because let’s be clear, he only notices it half the time, the rest is him genuine being oblivious to how attractive he is to them, and possibly not fully believing that so many people he loves love him back). He walks into a room and knows from the atmosphere they were just talking about him. He has a slideshow of them making fools of themselves around him that he fully plans to show them, as soon as literally any of them confess to him.

“And here’s when I watched Coupe fail to be mysterious and fall off the edge of the balcony looking at my ass and that other time Visi Rand directly into Mals sword cause she was distracted looking at my ripped suit-”

“We get it we were down bad and losers about it”

“ARE down bad, anyways here’s a clip of Colm watching me eat a Twinkie and accidently looting hot coffee in his hand and the floor while not noticing.”

“You were going to town on that Twinkie, you can’t blame me.”

He really would bring up every time he caught them liek “yeah sure you were just being helpful here” and it’s like Flambae giving him a ride just to hit the breaks hard so he can stick his arm out to cop a feel on his chest, like omg just say you want to hit. I bet he would look stupid, Robert just looking at his hand like “he really thinks this is subtle?”

[bumpin-ugliez]

Prism using Robert in the Mecha-Man suit half undressed and messed up looking after a fight as a cover for an album about how much the Z-Team wanna fuck him where they all have their own song. Below I will list what I think the titles would be and what they would contain:

Flambae - Too Hot for You Bitch: Weird rant song that starts off as him just glazing himself before getting so mad he wants that white boy so bad, makes it run to like 10 minutes.

Waterboy - I’ll get you wet: Oddly sweet soft song despite the title of how special Robert made him feel followed by a screamo section about how if it wasn’t a hazard to the tech he’d want to fuck him in the suit (recorded this part half drunk for courage)

Phenomaman - Let us make love the person way: Direct, oddily good but simple lines about cheesy human things he wants to do with Robert that ends with like him directly being like “I will find a way to make love to your human penis”.

Malevola - Different type of Portal: Literally a song describing how good her pussy is like otherworldly good, Robert get in here. Does include the experimental music she was listening to.

Sonar - Freak Both Ways: Jazz mockery where he’s like “even if you don’t have boobs I’d bit” followed by ways to remedy this and that they can even do it in bat form. Was just gonna be called wing boner but he thought this had class.

Coupe and Punch Up - Rough You Up: A oddly nice mix of a threatening love ballad and a declaration. It’s like they are threatening to love him too hard. Has a riff that sounds like a drinking song Punch-Up had to fight to get in.

Invisigal - Look at You: It’s as raunchy as expected, talking about all the shit she wants to do to him in some faux scene/emo core genre but Prism kept an honest line about her just thinking he’s actually cool (keeps trying to get her to cut it from the track)

Golem - Rockhard ;) : Was congratulated on the title idea. Hard to describe how constructs would have sex with people but lot of upbeat rap lyrics about Robert climbing all over him and making him harder.

Prism - Make You Shine: Like Flambae a song about he compliments her and all the pop cultural illusions to scandals like Kim’s tape, Monica and Bill and other torrid affairs claiming they’d be like that. Only song that sounds completely good.

They can never let Robert hear these songs and the album was a drunk idea they for some reason they committed to sober(ish) and use each others songs as black mail in case. Separated Royd and Blazer as bonuses:

Blazer - Saving Me: Stereotypical and cheesy white girl song about loving him that is mostly talk singing and clarifying that the innuendos are not actually innuendos but it just makes it worse.

Royd - Repairah Man: Fun little song about how he handles his suit and could handle him. Literally like Robert wouldn’t have to even lift himself.

[bumpin-ugliez]

Robert, hovering his fat robertussy over Waterboys face: Are you sure I can sit all the way down, Hermy? I’ve gained a few-

Waterboy, clear as day: I know what I’m about, sir.

[bumpin-ugliez]

More fattening up Robert shit but him getting weird wins with the team during training cause they like him grappling and effectively crawling all over them.

He’s put on muscle too so while training with like Sonar this time and he’s actually is able to lift him a little, grappling lessons with Coupe and Punch. Shocks him enough that he’s able to pin him and press him down onto the mat and try to keep him there with his weight. Sonar about to try to flip it cause there’s no way the guy who couldn’t bench 70LB is gonna pin him (Flambae told everyone he could about being thanked) until he takes a moment to feel Robert on him.

It’s self indulgent and embarrassing if he were to find out that’s what’s happening but he’s on his stomach, Roberts got one knee between his legs as he nearly lays on him, it feels more like mounting to the pervert, with his full weight to keep him there. Sonars not the strongest in his regular form but he’s squirrelly for a bat hybrid so it’s not completely unnecessary. Sonar pushes back and he thinks he’s so lucky cause Robert just presses him further and he can feel his forming stomach, the muscles underneath tensing on his lower back from exertion, Robert’s chest on his upper as he uses his new found weight advantage to effectively put them in the face down ass up position (in Sonars mind). Sonar has had dreams about the feelings of boobs pressing onto him and he’ll take this reality version. Truthfully all the move really did was succeed in getting him in a tighter hold and semi grinding his ass on Roberts dick which sadly did not lead to crazy gym sex like in some videos he’s seen.

Robert asks him if he’s tapping out when Sonar goes to quiet and Sonar just says the curtest yeah Robert’s ever got from him before Robert rolls off him and he watches his shirt ride up and show his pooch and trail. Watches as Robert lifts it more to wipe sweat and shows basically his entire upper body with what he should call pecks instead of tits but they look softer and the words gender neutral to him anyway. It’s so stupid and vulnerable to have him showing all his soft bits to an apex alpha predator like Sonar who certainly doesn’t chitter and practically run to take a cold shower when he thinks Roberts about to catch him looking.

He describes the entire like 2 minutes moment to the crew like it lasted 2 hours and it now leads to them all suddenly needing help with their forms especially with getting out of shit like chow hold or full Nelson’s or whatever has Robert grabbing a pressing onto them.

[bumpin-ugliez]

Poor Chase having to fight off Robert’s like 14 suitors who keep throwing him back and forth like monkey in the middle. Has to beat them off (not like that) with a stick everytime Robert walks in cause ain’t a single one of them getting his blessing.

[karonn05]

[bumpin-ugliez]

More on Robert weight gain but him putting on like the Mecha-Man spandex suit thing and it clearly straining. Just the fact the seams are putting in a lot more work, he struggled with the zipper.

It’s his first time back on the field and he’s the only one doing well cause even the villains are getting distracted cause they are sure even like years back Mecha-Man couldn’t choke them out with his thighs like this. People are flying into walls staring, a goon(er) literally missed knocking him out to stare at his Mecha-Mammories when the zipper fell down (pretend the armor plates off).

Robert is telling them off for their abnormally poor performance but they are just staring at the skin and meat that’s bulging out from the tears in his suit.

[bumpin-ugliez]

Robert gaining healthy weight, possibly a bit more back after actually getting settled into living after things clear up a bit more and no one being normal about it.

Flambae still calls his ass flat but is staring more as the growing wear in the ass of Roberts pants, he refuses to replace cause they are “Comfortably fitted”, noticing the little jump, more so bounce, he has to do now to get em up and over, just slightly. Phenomaman has learned not to comment in physiques but thinks about how Robert Robertson has become softer to “make love” to, nicer. Blazer notices more meet on his thighs when she carries him while flying, grips it tighter and makes an excuse it’s just cause she’s flying fast. Sonar notices the stretch of his button, ever so slight but a boob man knows there’s at least a handful each forming and he wants first dibs. Prism bringing him better clothes and styling hims, pinching and prodding just in the name of style. themJust them all noticing him filling out, getting touchy and grabby and explaining as the way they usually man handle him and he’s not dumb but he assumes it’s just cause they don’t think he’s so fragile anymore.

Robert only notices the change himself when hes petting beef and jokes about them matching when he feels his belt actually strain for the first time, jokes about working out to lose the weight or tone himself and nearly goes deaf from the team screaming “NO” over the mic, even Blazer scares the bullpin cause she yells too. He’s locked out of the gym for like two weeks.

[bumpin-ugliez]

I also think we are missing potential of Punch-Up x Robert cause he's at the very least like 12 years his senior and Robert has canon daddy issues I feel like Punch-Up could remedy.

[bumpin-ugliez]

Robert hitting on the Z-Team as a reverse of him being the one to initiate the team dating but they are all convinced he's fucking with them par their many sex jokes.

They just think he finally pulled the stick out his ass even if they notice the jokes are a bit more direct and leading and sometimes they have to pause cause he laughs into the comms a certain way or licks the twinkie cream off his fingers with too much eye contact

It's until one of them actually agrees to go on a date with him during a riff, it's not unusual now for them to hang out with him and each other one on one anymore, and comes back covered in hickies the next shift while Robert doesn't even bat an eye like, "You guys were joking I wasn't, anyway clock in, it's a rough day for Vanderstenk bullshit."

Cue the rest of the team arguing cause now that they know, it's unfair whoever got to hit only got to hit first cause they thought they were just agreeing to Robert paying for their biggie bag or some shit not a whole wine dine (still likely just Olive Garden), fuck and suck experience and who gets to go next and how to kill whoever accidentally got to go first.

[ka-mi006]

[bumpin-ugliez]

Honestly the lack of Monster fucker Robert fics is abysmal. I’m not talking about just liking Sonar but like seeing him bite a chunk out a bitch and going “God I wish that were me”. Example:

Sonar, in beast form carrying Robert: Sorry about the claws, hope they don’t like tear your shirt, I know you only own like two.

Robert: Don’t worry, you can tear my shirt off anytime.

Sonar: What?

Robert:…

Robert, doubling down: You have super hearing you heard me.

[bumpin-ugliez]

“Robert topping this” “Robert bottoming that” “He’s a sub vers dom” WHATEVER. Real idea is he’s not doing anything but telling the others exactly how to fuck each other and if they don’t listen none of them get to cum.