🪏 Beneath The Surface 🪏

A little bunny with abandonment issues. Diagnosed issues: BPD, cPTSD, social anxiety, depression, ADHD, bipolar 2, and a chronic illness. My main is Bluebell-Bunny.

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This blog is very very heavy and talks about MANY negative topics. It is my bad feelings vent blog. Please be cautious if you are sensitive. There are mentions of suicide, self harm, assault, etc etc.

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The emptiness is suffocating, the nausea is overwhelming.

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Man, I GOTTA douse myself with gasoline and light it on fire.

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I shouldn’t miss them, but I do. My heart hurts.

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The soil yearns to envelop my skin.

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Now I have to clean all this up :<

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:)

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Back here again, but not for long

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Father: *Telling me about five different things he wants done and why and etc etc*

Me: Father, you’re overwhelming me.

Father: I don’t care. I’m overwhelmed.

Father of the year, a round of applause.

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here's a flower to carry you through the darker days 🪻🫶

Omfg, how sweet, thank you so much 😭 My uncle just died last night and this brightened my day today 🥺😭

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It’s not even going to affect him, I was gonna keep the cat in my room. I don’t understand how someone can be so heartless.

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My dad said no to the cat. I told him how important it was and made a speech, and what was his response??? Literally just “no”. That’s it. He told me we used to have cats and dogs and we didn’t take care of them (we were 8 YEARS OLD BTW, I AM 23 NOW). And I am not responsible enough. That is what he told me. I am heartbroken, I can take a no but for that bs reason??? When I know I’m responsible??? I’m so pissed.

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I love that since I started dating my partners I’ve only been posting in this blog during major depressive episodes and such like that, never about them. It just proves to me that they are the right match for me, I hope they feel the same 💖

Our “arguments” consist of us both apologizing and saying what we each can do better and just ughhhh swooooon.

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One last thing I gotta add is I don’t have to use this blog as much either because they listen to me vent and they are so supportive 😭 So that’s another reason. I hope I provide the same for them, I wanna take care of them and be there for them always. Through sickness and health, my loves 💖

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I love that since I started dating my partners I’ve only been posting in this blog during major depressive episodes and such like that, never about them. It just proves to me that they are the right match for me, I hope they feel the same 💖

Our “arguments” consist of us both apologizing and saying what we each can do better and just ughhhh swooooon.

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I get extremely depressed and anxious when I look at how the economy is. If I didn’t have my dad, I would be living on the streets. I make $12 an hour at both of my jobs. Both part time. Because that’s all I can physically manage while doing all the chores at my house. There would be no way to live off that by myself. And I keep wanting to take more shifts, to work more and all this, but that would mean working and sleeping and that’s it, that’s my life. I would be fucking dead 24/7. People are literally debating whether or not $25 an hour is enough to live comfortably, so how the hell will I be able to live on $12? How fucked up is this country where nearly every job pays so low that no one can even fucking EXIST? It’s ridiculous, life is ridiculous. It’s so hard thinking about the future, I get so fucking anxious. Fuck life and fuck the economy and fuck money in general, what a fucking joke.

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This isn’t even including the $23,000 debt I’m in. Like, if I give all of my money that I make this whole year (literally impossible since I buy my own clothes and hygiene products as well as food and gas when my dad asks), I would still owe like $3,000. That’s fucking ridiculous. I just want to go into the woods and live in a tree or some shit so I don’t have to work or pay debt or worry about how much money I have and when I’ll have it, and not have to deal with this shit. But I bet the IRS would go hunt me the fuck down so 💀

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I get extremely depressed and anxious when I look at how the economy is. If I didn’t have my dad, I would be living on the streets. I make $12 an hour at both of my jobs. Both part time. Because that’s all I can physically manage while doing all the chores at my house. There would be no way to live off that by myself. And I keep wanting to take more shifts, to work more and all this, but that would mean working and sleeping and that’s it, that’s my life. I would be fucking dead 24/7. People are literally debating whether or not $25 an hour is enough to live comfortably, so how the hell will I be able to live on $12? How fucked up is this country where nearly every job pays so low that no one can even fucking EXIST? It’s ridiculous, life is ridiculous. It’s so hard thinking about the future, I get so fucking anxious. Fuck life and fuck the economy and fuck money in general, what a fucking joke.

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Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me