Till Death We Do Art.

Cry for me on a full moon’s night 🌙

[burnednbloomed]

you’re safe.

it’s just your thoughts trying to scare you again.

you’ll be fine.

[burnednbloomed]

you’re safe.

because you know you’re a good person

[burnednbloomed]

you’re safe.

you’re growing from it.

[burnednbloomed]

you’re safe.

the day is over, tomorrow is a new chance

[burnednbloomed]

you’re safe.

it’s all in your head.

[burnednbloomed]

Dear world, i can no longer hide my sadness and wear a pretty smile. I can not leave the house, hangout with friends and nod my head and say ‘everything’s great’ when someone asks how I’m doing.

Starving my self although the concept of skin and bones never sounded right to me

I’m becoming a version of myself my mother would despise because it portrays her in more than ten ways.

Listening to the same songs on repeat, reading the same poetry over and over again that I’ve by hearted the punctuations itself. Whispering that one name till it sounds familiar than my own.

And for the first time in my life i wish i would drown again like i did when i was nine, only this time it wouldn’t be a mistake and i wouldn’t cry for help.

Excerpts of a letter that i wrote after a cup of coffee

[guloona]

نام تو تنها

بر زخم دلم مرهم

your name alone,

is the medicine to my heart wounds

[burnednbloomed]

I’ve been sad for a long long time that I would fail to recognize happiness if it ever comes by.

[burnednbloomed]

A kinder letter i wrote to myself

I cannot say this to myself, so i wrote me a letter.

It’s ok to be in love. It’s ok to be chaotic and calm at the same time. You’re not a curse to your parents, instead you’re the broken mirrored version of your mom and the delusional perfection of your dad. They love you regardless, at least you’d feel better if you think so. People don’t hate you. The boys don’t think you’re a slut. Even if they do, you better not. Your act of love doesn’t have to make you feel ashamed. You are not a bad friend, you’re just tired and it’s ok. Your best friend who is no longer your best friend did not mean what he said when he last spoke to you. Even if he did, it does not matter. His truth is not yours. Your boyfriend who is not your boyfriend but is your boyfriend does not say i love you, but loves you. Or so i would like you to believe, even if it’s only a delusion. It’s ok that you have to cry yourself to sleep, it’s ok that you have to drink two of those green pills instead of one because that’s the only thing that calms you down.

And no, your God still loves you regardless, even if you’re stuck in the vicious cycle of repenting and repeating.

It’s okay my love its ok. You’re only human and it’s ok. You’re more than skin bones, you’re soul and heart and if that causes you to suffer, it’s all well. Because it only makes you’re more human than the rest.

Excerpts for Letters that i wrote after a cup of coffee

[burnednbloomed]

You’re everything

You assume you’re doing me favor by not loving me, but honey do you not understand the agony you’re putting me through?

You think you’re saving me from drowning. My darling, do you not understand that I breathe better underwater ?

If loving you is equivalent to playing with fire, then let me be the ashes

If you’re a storm that destroys, then let me be the wreck you made.

But you’re not any of those, although you believe you are, you’re not.

To me you’re the sunshine on a rainy day.

The cure to my ache.

The sigh to my sore eyes.

The bane of my existence

The object of my desires.

The love of my life.

And the answer to all my prayers.

I love love love you and never wish to be parted from you.

Excerpts from a letter i wrote after a cup of coffee

[burnednbloomed]

4 letters x 2

I understand when you tell me you cannot love me. But i do not understand whether it is me you cannot love, or anyone at all.

If you think you incapable of love, then you’re wrong.

My heart refuses to accept what my head already knows. There still is hope, even if it looks like flickers of a dying candle. There still is hope.

But baby, please tell me to stay, even if it takes a lifetime for you to finally love me, if there is hope that you one day would, then tell me to stay my love.

If it is “i” whom you cannot love, then please tell me to go. Bidding farewell to you would be the most painful goodbye. I’m so in love with you that myself, my thoughts, my actions and words have all started revolving around you. But i cannot, and will not force you to love me if, according to you we’d be incompatible.

So my dear, please don’t leave me in the blue, enlighten me, be kind enough to set me free with either the 4 lettered blessing or the 2 lettered curse.

Stay or go.

Excerpts from letters that I wrote after coffee

[burnednbloomed]

Let me love you

And I’m sorry that they made you feel like you’re not enough, I’m sorry that they made you think that you don’t deserve love. I’m sorry that you had to go through all of it, and I’m mad that the universe didn’t bring us together when you needed someone the most.

But now that I’m here, I promise, I promise that you’re enough. I cannot promise you that I’ll give you all the love in the world, but this I can promise, to give you all the love I have in me, for I have not met another soul who is more deserving of love than you are.

Now that I’m here, all I’m asking for you is to let me hold you. Lay your head on my shoulder and speak of your sorrows. Cry my dear, I’ll wipe away your tears and make sure you never feel that type of hurt again.

I’m begging you my love. Please please please don’t sabotage yourself. Please don’t ruin yourself by living in the past. Let your self free. Allow yourself to feel. Don’t be afraid of feeling again, for what is to be human if not to feel ?

Please, just please let me love you.

Excerpts from, letters I wrote after a cup of coffee.

[burnednbloomed]

Broken home

Staying there does me no good. I run. but always end up running in circles, always coming back home, a place that would do me more harm than good.

This home has burnt me far too many times. But a burnt child loves the fire they say, and I’m the remnants of the embers and ashes that proves the saying real.

I am yet again homesick for a place that denies to call me it’s own. Grieving, I’d do anything, become anything, to be accepted by this home that broke me one too many times.

Tell me, tell me why the walls of this home have started looking like shattered hopes, crushed dreams and broken promises.

Tell me, tell me why do I call this chaos, comfort ?

Because of the end of the day, when the weight of my desires and sorrows becomes too heavy to carry it is home that I want to go to.

This wretched and flawed home gives me solace.

You are my home.

excerpt from letters that I wrote after a cup of coffee .

[burnednbloomed]

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is like being home sick and knowing you’re never going home again .

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is like standing on a dessert and praying for rain.

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is like drowning in the ocean and hoping that it won’t drench you.

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is like playing with fire believing that it wouldn’t burn you.

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is like drinking poison and expecting it to not kill you.

[burnednbloomed]

Your silence, although sounds delicate, creates the biggest wreck in my heart.

[hermoonlit-world]

“The shoulders of men are created to carry the head of a woman who has lost in pain” they said.

And how I wondered, was the heart of a woman created to love despite not being loved back, to give even when there’s nothing to receive and to carry the weight of the world and yet, be called delicate.

[hermoonlit-world]

“You deserve love the most” you told me.

How despite you not being here, I still find strength in the words you once told me.